Let me see you through ('cause I've seen the dark side too)
by Jinxgirl
Summary: A drunken night of seeking comfort and affection cause Santana and Finn to sleep with each other (again) in the aftermath of Finn's handling of Brody. When Santana discovers her pregnancy, everything in their worlds is changed. Can two people, barely friends, manage to navigate the waters of parenthood together? Rated M for sexual content and language. Eventual Finntana.
1. Chapter 1

**Author notes: The last of my co-written stories based off a rp. Cowriter is finn-hudson-number5. This takes place in season four right after Finn beat Brody at Santana's request. Santana is currently living in hotel after being asked to leave loft. Canon up to this point except some details between Finn and Rachel's break up have been changed.**

**Texts**

**Santana: **Donkey face got his ASS kicked**… **haha made a pun…ass…got his ass kicked…hahahahahahaha

**Finn:** He really did, thanks for calling me. that felt really good.

**Santana:** was he bleeding?! was he making snotty faces? was he begging for sweet release and mercy?

**Santana:** omg tell me he was crying!

**Finn:** His mouth was yeah, I threw him over a table before I left so I don't know what more was injured or what

**Finn:** Haha I had to leave before he called the cops on me or something

**Santana:** and what would he say? the girl I thought was my prostitute client got some dude to beat me up?

**Santana:** hahahahahahaa

**Santana:** did you tell Berry?

**Santana:** cuz then you could get back together and suck face like always

**Santana:** but more importantly she might let me back into my own friggin apartment

**Finn:** No he'd probably keep lying and say some crap against me

**Finn:** It felt really good to just kick his ass

**Finn:** No, did you?

**Finn:** Oh well uh, I'm sort of just getting food and something to ice my hand with

**Finn:** Yeah that's so messed up, I'm sorry they did that to you. Where are you staying right now ?

**Santana:** nope. like she'd even listen to me

**Santana:** that's for me to know and you not to find out

**Finn**: Um...okay?

**Finn**: If you want you can come stay with me in my hotel room.

**Finn:** I mean you don't have to. Just, if you want.

**Santana**: Why the hell would I want that?

**Finn**: I'm just saying, Santana.

**Santana**: I don't need to stay with you anywhere. I'm fine.

**Finn**: That's fine...but just in case...let me send you directions and my room number, okay?

**Santana**: Whatever.

88

The truth was that Santana didn't want Finn to know where she was living because she basically wasn't living anywhere. She had camped on a few acquaintance's couches but she knew her luck was running out fast with that. It wouldn't be long before they wanted to kick her out, or before she herself couldn't take it anymore. When Finn invites her to his hotel room, she comes not with the intention of staying, but of seeing if he has more alcohol, or possibly details or pictures of beating on Brody, something she's more than happy to hear about.

Having spent the past couple of hours drinking at a nearby bar while waiting to hear back from him, she is more than a little intoxicated as she makes her way to the room he had indicated. In fact, she misses the room entirely and starts knocking on the door beside it.

"Helloooooo why aren't you answering, deaf man!"

Finn's knuckles were red and raw from the punches he laid on Brody's face and anywhere else in reach. He had flown out in the morning and booked a room at a hotel not too far from the airport before heading more into the city to where Santana had prearranged for Brody to meet his "client-" really her, of course. Today had been a crazy one, but through it all he can't help but be happy that Santana called him. She knew this was something he would want to take care of, and he was glad and somewhat flattered she had let him in on her big scheme to trap Brody and show Rachel the truth of who he really was and the farce that their relationship was. It felt good to put that loser in his place and he is still on a little bit of high from it all.

He knew Santana had been kicked out of Rachel and Kurt's, which, truthfully, didn't seem quite fair to him. Despite their differences, Finn was fond of Santana, and it didn't seem right at all that her roommates would ask her to leave without first making sure she had somewhere to go- especially over this particular situation, when Santana was actually in the right. He suspected that she was if not homeless borderline so, based off her evasive, defensive responses to him, so he hopes she will take him up when he offers her to crash here.

His eyebrow couldn't help but quirk has he heard some loud noises coming from the room next to him, but it didn't take long for him to hear a familiar, if somewhat slurred voice, and to understand that their source originated from Santana. Smiling to himself, relieved, he opened the door, walking up to her and tapping her on the shoulder with a chuckle. Even before he could see her, he could tell from her voice that Santana was intoxicated, and he regarded her now partly with amusement, partly with concern.

"The deaf man is in the next room over, drunk girl."

Santana turns around somewhat clumsily, fists up, ready to fight, and takes a wild swing at Finn. She had been expecting someone to attack her, but when she sees it's Finn, her glare only slips slightly.

"I'm not drunk!" She punctuates this by stumbling in her heels and grabbing the door handle for balance. "You told me the wrong room!"

Finn moved back with wide eyes and put his hands up.

"Whoa, watch it there. I have already been in one fight today," he said nervously, knowing Santana could probably kick his ass if she really wanted to. His nose scrunched as he became aware of the smell the liquor on her, and when she stumbled, he reached out to make sure she didn't fall.

"Did you read your texts? I said this one."

He pointed to the correct door before shaking his head and putting his arm around her. "Let's get you inside and some food. Lucky for you I ordered enough for both of us."

"You didn't..." Santana realized, although she had in fact read the number backwards.

"Whateverrrr!" she giggled, attempting without much force to shrug his arm off, and then twined her arm in his all the same, half tugging him forward. "Ooooh what's Berry gonna say...just you and me and a hotel AGAIN!"

A small blush formed on Finn's cheeks at her comment. Did she have to bring up their first time, awkward disaster that it had been, all these years later?

"I...I um, haven't really thought about it. Or care what she has to say. I'm just worried about you being okay," he rambled as she followed her inside his place and went right over to the pizza box. "You want a slice?"

"Of course I'm okay...it's not like I fucked a prostitute!" Santana snickered, meaning Rachel, as she flung herself onto his bed on her back, sprawling out.

Her eyes travel to the pizza and she reaches out a hand; she hasn't been eating well in the past few days, trying to save money she barely has.

Finn snickered but tried to hide how hard he was laughing at that. It really shouldn't be as funny as it is, but after today he thought he had the right to laugh about it. His eyes couldn't help but travel up her body slightly, taking in all of her as he handed over the slice with a half smile.

"I got wings too if you want some," he offered, taking a sat on the edge of the bed and eating a slice himself.

Santana sits partway up so she can eat, but she's still only halfway raised off from lying on her stomach on the bed. She kicks her feet idly, hair falling forward as she eats, and when she finishes one piece she reaches for another, kicking Finn's leg playfully.

"No drinks? Falling down on the job...pizza must have beer!"

Finn's hand ran through his hair as he faced her while eating his slice slowly. It worried him a little bit that she was so drunk, but at least the pizza would help sober her up some, right?

At the feel of her leg, he laughed and poked her knee before getting a little nervous. A few beers wouldn't hurt, right?

"Oh uh, yeah, there's some in the fridge here. Comes with the room."

Standing, he made his way to grab two and handed one over to her with a smile. "I haven't drank since highschool so don't laugh at me if I'm a lightweight."

But right now everything seems laughable to Santana. She laughs again, ticklish, when he pokes her, and swats at his hand. Rolling over onto her back, she sits up with some difficulty and takes the beer.

"Drinking game!"

Finn almost forgot about how cute Santana's laugh was. It caused his dimples to show before took a swig of his beer. He shook his head after a big gulp and licked over his lips, eyes going wide.

"This could be dangerous but yeah, okay. Which one do you have in mind?"

Santana starts to point to pizza slices still left in the box, taking a long pull on her own bottle and licking her lips. She flips her hair back and grins as she names each slice.

"This is strip poker...never have I ever...truth or dare...and body shots..." she starts to point to them again. "Eeny meeny miney moe, drink some beer, become a ho..." she bursts out laughing again at her own wit.

He didn't know if that was her telling him she wanted more, so he brought the box over for her to grab another slice. His eyes only grew wider at the idea of strip poker, that could get super crazy with Santana. His physique has become a lot more toned and fit in the past year, due to his efforts, and he wonders if she has taken notice.

"I'm good with never have I ever and truth or dare," he told her before laughing along with her. "You're so funny, like for real, I sort of forgot about how funny you were since I haven't seen you in a while or hung out with you on my own."

Giving her a grin, he moves to sit beside her on the bed.

"Shh, it's in the hand of the eeny meeny gods," Santana hushed him, then, scowling at him, kicked at his leg again. "You made me mess up!"

She starts over, redoing it until it lands on the pizza slice named never have I ever.

"Alright...I'm SO gonna win this one..." She takes both another piece and another beer, chasing down bites with gulps as she scoots closer to him, rolling her eyes at his compliment. "I'm totally awesome and everyone else sucks, it's an easy equation..."

Finn pressed his lips shut, trying not to laugh and letting her decide. That kick actually hurt and he showed it by rubbing over where her heel got him good. He knew better than to speak up and just focused on his beer and getting it down. By the time he finished off the first, he realized it wasn't too bad and his hand wasn't hurting that much anymore. There was vodka in the fridge too, but he was afraid to get Santana too drunk. The last thing they need is her passing out.

Cracking open another beer, he licked over his grinning lips and challenged her with his eyes.

"Are you? What game are we playing?" he asked, taking another long pull from his drink before grabbing a slice after her. "Do I get at least some cool points today? I hate to suck in your book."

"I saidddd...never have I ever...and clearly never have you ever listened to a word I said...except beat up Man-Ho," Santana smirks.

She finishes her second piece and second beer and scoots closer, her knee knocking into his, her hair messily half in her face.

"One cool point. Maybe two...'cause the beer and pizza too." She flicks her hand, starting them off, her eyes obviously dilated. "Never have I ever made out with Berry!"

"Sorry, sorry I was too focused on how funny you are," Finn bit back a smirk.

The feel of her knee sent a shiver up and down his spine that he tried to hide from showing, knowing she would have a field day with that. His hand moved in to brush her hair back instinctively before nodding.

"I'll take those two points proudly." His chest stuck out playfully before it deflated at her first never have I ever. "That is just mean."

He took a big swig before getting her back. "Never have I ever made out with Puckerman."

Santana unconsciously leans into Finn's hand when he brushes her hair back, enjoying the touch vaguely and smiling in response without realizing it. She giggles again at his response, but her happy expression quickly plummets when he mentions Noah, and she huffs, rolling her eyes.

"Fine, lame!" She drinks, then pokes his knee again. "Never have I ever broke someone's nose 'cause I can't control my Frankenteen body!"

Bringing up Puck was a low blow, but hey she went there with Rachel. Plus, it's been like years since her and Puck did anything. He always wondered what was wrong with the guy when he had a girl as sexy as Santana and still went gaga for others like they were more fascinating.

"Please, I heard you laughing your butt off when that happened."

He took another pull and let out a long breath after the liquid fell down his throat and man, he's really starting to feel it. "Never have I ever smoked a cigar."

Santana rolled her eyes again but drank.

"Which makes you lameeeee! Never have I ever been engaged!"

She knows it's becoming an even lower blow by bringing this up, but she's hardly sober enough to have a filter right now.

In a delayed reaction to the poke, she squeaks, her voice rising up somewhat shrilly in an overreaction, scowling at him in an injured fashion.

"Hey! Hitting me!"

She pokes back, forgetting her question in favor of retaliation as she pokes him several times in a row."

Finn's eye twitched a little at her playfully.

"You are just going for all the hard shots ,aren't you?" he asked with an exaggerated sigh before taking another drink of his beer, his eyes still darted at her through it.

His body scrunched up as he tried to defend himself with a laugh, all her pokes tickling him and causing a loud laugh.

"Okay, okay I'll stop...alright, uh okay never have I ever...made a sex tape."

She was going to kill him for this, but hey it's only fair with what she's pulled against him

Santana had been going for another drink, but she chokes at this dare, pulling her lips away from its top. She tries to glare at Finn, but her brow is scrunched, her lips trembling, and her chest hitches with obvious emotion as she shakes her head at him. Brittany is still a sore subject, much more so now that she has chosen Sam, and she doesn't want to think about her, let alone talk about her.

"Fuck you! Oh right...no one would... Rachel doesn't want to...because you suck, that's why..."

She can't even think of a decently cutting remark. Lips thinning, she turns partly away, taking another long swallow of her drink.

Watching her response, Finn felt terrible. It was obvious it hurt her, and as he sees her struggle to control her emotions, his throat becomes tight and dry. Her insults just caused him to sigh and his eyes to turn down. He should have let that one roll off his back, and he regrets jabbing back now. After taking a drink himself, the boy leaned in to her slightly, and his tone was low from the alcohol as much as his effort.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Santana doesn't reply for a while, nor does she turn her eyes towards him. The silliness the alcohol had caused in her has now entirely died, and the melancholy that she normally experiences is definitely coming over her. Sniffling, she tries to blink back tears, but they are obvious in her tone when she talks again.

"She doesn't want me...she's never going to want me again...she wants HIM, she wants that stupid guppy faced Macualey Culkin wannabe...she said she loved me more than ANYONE and she picked HIM...no one wants me, do you get that, no one has ever wanted me! Kick me down the Cheerio totem pole...no prom queen...no good jobs, nothing, no one, back to their stupid straight guys and don't even let me in their apartment..." and then she's outright sobbing, head bowed forward. "No one wants me..."

The silence made Finn nervous that he really struck a nerve. It was obvious to see how upset she was and it completely tore him up inside. He killed this whole night and ruined the fun they were having, but more importantly he hurt her. Santana was always a weepy drunk, but she had a reason to be with what he said. His hand moved around her as she began to snuffle and his hand gently brushed against her back, listening to all she was saying.

"She's an idiot. Everyone is, but you're going to get all you deserve soon. I promise you. You are Santana Lopez, you are destined for amazing things. Brittany is too...out there to realize how damn good she had it with you, your job and chance will come because with a voice like yours, your day will come soon and you'll be selling millions of records. I know it, I always have. You're going to get everything and then some, I know it and I always have, " the boy whispered, holding her closer and letting out a long breath. "I do."

Santana continued so weep, pressing her face into Finn's chest. Her arms wrapped around him in a rather needy fashion, and she squeezed him, soaking up his comfort. She isn't sure she totally believes him, but she wants him to keep talking, to keep holding her. It doesn't cross her mind right now how ironic it is that Finn of all people would be the one here for her now, but she also doesn't care.

Finn's arms stayed wrapped around her, holding her tight and close. He could feel her tears soaking through his shirt and began to rub his one hand up and down her back, kissing the top of her head and hoping he was helping somewhat. The way her arms were wrapped around him let him know he was and he finally found his voice again.

"After everything today, the only person I needed was you," Finn told her honestly as his thumb brushed against her lower back and his lips rubbed together. "I went looking right for you after I left that hotel room, but you already had left."

It takes Santana a while to really hear what he is saying, but then she starts to listen. Sniffling, she lifts her face, frowning up at him.

"What do you mean? Why did you need me?"

His shoulders shrugged gently as he looked into her eyes and brought his thumb over to wipe a few tears from her cheeks.

"Everyone needs someone sometimes. After that, I just I don't know, just found myself wanting to find you and tell you what happened. I wanted to show you my hand and make sure you were okay."

Normally Santana would growl and detach from Finn showing her such attention, but now she lets him touch her, continue to comfort her. She continues to frown up at him, confused.

"Why wouldn't I be okay... you're the bruisy one..."

Her question caused his tongue to move against his dry, slightly nervous lips slowly. With a long breath, he found his words.

"Yeah, but you've been through a lot. You had to be kicked out of your place because Rachel was being selfish. You're out in this big city and I know it's not easy for you."

Again, Santana would normally deny this; she would normally scoff and throw this back onto Finn and try to make his defenses go up as well. But she's drunk and tired and he's being so nice that this just brings tears to her eyes again, and she nods faintly, laying her head back against his chest.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing..."

With a breath of relief, he was happy Santana wasn't punching him or trying to pull away. His hands moved back around her, holding her in place. His nostrils filled with the scent of her hair as he closed his eyes for a few seconds.

"Where's your stuff? I can stay for a few more nights and you can stay here or whatever you need or want to do, I will. It's not easy, all I do is live with my parents and work at the shop. I don't know somedays if I'll ever make it out of Lima."

"I cant go back," Santana mumbled, eyes closed. Her arms loosen around him a little, but she doesn't pull back. "Ever. Never going back."

It's not just because Brittany is there, though that's a big part of it. Everything she had wanted to leave was there…and yet how great was New York turning out? She had gone with such hopes and already everything was falling apart.

"No, I get it. I would never tell you to. I was just offering to stay here with you…or keep the room rented out for you if you don't want me around. I know how hard it is out here and you should have a safe place to go to."

His voice was low, barely above a whisper as his hand brushed gently up and down her spine.

Santana thinks over the offer, relaxing against him as his hand continues to rub her back. She feels very warm, strangely protected in a way she normally would only have accepted from Brittany, and she lets herself sink closer against him. She doesn't respond to him verbally. Instead, with Brittany on her thoughts, reacting purely with instinct, she lifts her face, just enough to bury it in his neck. Eyes still closed, she kisses the skin of his throat.

The feel of Santana's lips caused goosebumps to start to rise on his skin. He wasn't sure how to react and he felt his Adam's apple fall down and back up slowly. His hand on here back gripped a little at her shirt, not sure what to do or how to respond to that. It felt really good, amazing, but what if she was only doing it because she was drunk? With a few beers in his system, his blood was rushing warm and his breathing was all over the place, trying to figure out what to do next.

Of course Santana's drunk, and emotional, and enjoying being held and comforted in a period of time where it had seemed to her like no one in the world cared about her at all. This would be the reason she even considered this. She's hardly about to share this with Finn, however, and has not even come to the conclusion herself. She continues to kiss his neck, her lips sucking lightly at his pulse point before she nips the skin at the base of his throat. Finn's neck was his weakest spot and Santana's lips were so soft, it was hard to even keep still right now. She had him completely hooked when she kissed over his pulse point, his heart racing for her which he was sure she could feel. His hands were gripping at her sides as his hips were slightly adjusting. A long whimper fell from his nose as his fingers slipped up her shirt slightly to hold onto her hips, his eyes fluttering closed as he moaned out her name.

Santana barely reacts to any of this. She just continues to kiss and suck her way down Finn's neck, somewhat sloppy now, her hands digging into the muscles of his back and then groping up his face. She pulls away just enough to start kissing up his jawline before pressing her lips into his.

His thick fingers held onto her skin, making sure not to squeeze too hard but enough to show her exactly what she is doing to him. There was a bit of scruff that stood up as her lips pressed against his jaw and he could feel a small twitch in his cock. As soon as her lips were against his, he returned her kiss gently at first before slowly turning it a bit more passionate and hot. His heart beat was practically echoing off the walls in here as his one hand moved to slip into her hair, holding her as close as possible as he met her tongue with his.

Santana kissed him back, her tongue battling his as though for dominance. Her breathing is heavy now, her chest heaving as she flattens herself against him, her body pressing hard into his as she nearly straddles him. She wraps her legs around his waist, nails slowly scraping down his back.

Finn knew Santana liked to be in charge, so he gave her it with her tongue against his. Deep breaths fell from his nose as he adjusted his hands on her hips again. The feel of her nails drew another noise from the back of his throat, falling into her mouth as he sucked a little on her bottom lip. As much as he wanted to give her control, he wanted to show her that she didn't have to do all the work. His hands moved to slide her shirt over her head and his lips moved in to return the neck kisses, sucking against her pulse point and using his tongue to sooth over the skin

Santana moaned low in her throat as she felt Finn sucking her skin, arching her head back to allow more access. She fumbles to help him lift her shirt, shrugging out of it, and tries to undo his zipper without breaking the seal of his mouth on hers. Finn picked up his hips as his lips traveled back up to hers. His cock was already growing hard as his lips crashed into hers and his hands started to run against her stomach and sides. Her body was so tight and her abs were killer, he couldn't help but run his finger tips over them as his body moved to continue to help her undress him.

Santana's fingers are slightly uncoordinated due to her arousal and her intoxication and she needs the help. She does manage to undress Finn and continues to breath rapidly as his hands run over her skin, giving brief shivers in response. Easing down her underwear and then struggling with her bra, she is now naked before him. She wastes little time in shoving at his chest, wanting him to lie down so she can straddle him. Finn helped Santana as best as he could. His hips moved to get off his jeans, his arms rose to peel off his shirt. He could feel his head spinning with thoughts, but pushed them all aside as his face moved in to her chest and he gently sucked against the skin of her breast. As she was struggling with her bra, his hands moved back around her to help her get it off. His eyes couldn't help but turn a bit darker as he took all of her in, falling back at her push and immediately starting to rub his hands against her thighs.

"So damn beautiful," he husked out as he looked at her with a small smile

Santana too is smiling loosely, her nails still digging into Finn's back. She slowly covers his body with hers, making full skin contact against him and rubbing herself against his leg as her mouth continues to attack his throat and collarbone. Groaning, she starts to make her way down his body with her mouth, stopping to nip and suck lightly at certain spots.

Santana's skin was super soft and warm. It had his breaking out in goosebumps all over again and craving more of her however he could. His hands ran over her ass, a bit nervously and hoping she'd be okay with it. As she started to move down his body, his hands moved up and her body and sank into her hair. A low groan escaped his lips as he felt hers against his chest and stomach, his eyes glued to hers and fighting off the first instinct to close them in pleasure.

As Santana's lips trail over Finn's lower abdomen, she abruptly loses interest in dragging this out any further. She groans in pleasure at his hands in her hair, briefly closing her eyes, but then starts to position herself in a manner over him where he can enter her, spreading her legs further apart and reaching in between his. Taking his penis into her hand, she starts to rub with her fingers, her mouth slightly slack, before she drops it abruptly, not used to the sensation of a penis anymore. For a moment she freezes, awkward, and then she repositions herself again, waiting for him to move

The breath completely left Finn's lungs as Santana was starting to line him up with her center. It brought back memories of their first time together. But this time around, he was not going to make her feel like she has to take all control. After removing his hand from her hair, he set both on her hips to help her take him all in. His jaw almost hit the ground as her slick, wet walls took him in and he couldn't help but see stars for a few seconds there. It took a few deep breaths for him to come it again and he immediately found her eyes.

"Do you wanna stay on top?" he asked breathlessly, wanting to know if she wanted to stay in control as his hips started to press up slightly, sending his cock deeper inside of her and easing them both into a steady motion.

It's like riding a bike- or a biker, in the case of this being a human being. Though Santana is pretty sure Finn's never rode any bike by a bicycle….and the fact that she's thinking of this must mean she's very drunk indeed. When Finn enters her she tilts her head all the way back, closing her eyes as a cry escapes her throat. She is breathing harder, her hands reaching out, grasping to take hold of his shoulders and digging her nails in hard as he pumps forward. She can feel herself tightening around him does not respond to his question; she would not mind him taking control, if he can.

Santana Lopez is someone that likes to have control, but right now, he thinks she wants to be shown she is wanted. That she is needed. It was obvious she hasn't been used to this kind of sex and honestly, it's been a while since he has been with anyone himself. After making sure she was okay, he set his arm around the small of her back and used his strength in his legs to move them and stay inside of her. His lips crashed immediately into hers as he started to thrust inside of her slowly, making sure not to be too much or too hard. He ran his hands against her body, admiring every inch of her as he slipped in even further and let out a moan of her name.

Finn's assessment of her was very accurate. Santana could remember exactly the last time she had had sex with someone; it had been two nights after it was clear that Brittany had chosen Sam, and she had burst into tears immediately after, hating herself for even trying to be with someone else. The last man she had had sex with had been Puck, way back when they were still only seventeen. The time with Finn had been so fast and so unsatisfying she could barely remember it at all…definitely different from now. Now Finn has obviously gotten experience somewhere, and confidence. the fact that it must have been from Rachel would normally have deterred her, but now she's focusing just on how she feels, on how he's trying, just like she dimly remembers he had before, to make sure she's okay and comfortable, that she feels good. She continues to kiss him, running her tongue against his as she rocks her pelvis into him.

Santana was making him feel amazing all over and the way she was responding to his motions and touches. It gave him even that much more confidence in himself and caused his cock to twitch deep inside of her. His body was a lot more toned and in shape then the first time they were together and he was proving just that with the way his muscles flexed against her. His tongue meshed with her own, kissing her with passionate and so much want to express the words he was too scared to say. He always ends up putting his foot in his mouth somehow with her, so he was going to stay quite besides a few moans of her name and a mixture of groans. His one hand settled on her chest, giving her breast a light squeeze and bringing what he hopes is pleasure when his thumbs brushed against her nipple and his hips began to buck.

She actually likes that he's not saying much, not saying stupid phrases or giving her instructions like most guys. She can almost pretend he's not there at all, that it really isn't him. Santana's breathing grows faster and faster, and she ends up actually forgetting where she is and how she came to be here, thinking only of the present moment and how every nerve in her body seems alit. When she comes, she still doesn't think for a time that this is the first time she didn't fake it with a man; she is only riding out the pleasure sparking through her skin, causing her inner thigh's muscles to twitch even as it subsides.

Finn didn't have to be told anything this time. His body met hers in every way possible and soon his finger was pressing to her clit, wanting to make her feel him all over. He moved his thick finger in tight circles, matching the speed and motion of his cock inside of her. With a few more thrusts, he was almost positive he was reaching the deepest nerve inside of her and feeling her gspot. Her muscles were fluttering around him, growing tighter which caused a thick layer of sweat to form on his body and melt more into her. As she started to come around her, his head spun and he spilled deep within her, her name rolling off his tongue as he kissed her harder. He made sure to ride her through both their orgasms and kept his legs moving until they gave out and he gently fell on top of her, shifting his weight to the side and his face into her neck.

Santana is panting beneath him, sweat beading at her forehead and throat, lightly coating her skin. She is flushed all over, eyes closed, a smile over her features, and her muscles still occasionally twitch as she comes down from her temporary high. Locking her arms around his neck, she keeps Finn close to her, not speaking.

His breathing was all over the place as he tried to calm his chest down and stop it from the huge rising and falling motion it was stuck in. He could feel every fiber of his body pinging with happiness, never experiencing something as hot and heavy as that. It had a smile forming from his lips against her skin as she held her tighter, happy to see this time she was holding her closer instead of trying to push him away.

It takes about two minutes for Santana's eyes to start to shut under him. Lulled to sleep by her intoxication combined with her relaxed state now, she starts to drift off, making no effort to adjust her hold of him.

Finn's eyes watch how she begins to fall asleep. A million thoughts were running through his mind, but it seemed like she was ready to just stay like this for the rest of the night. After he was sure she was asleep, he adjusted lightly, rolling them again and holding her on top of him. She was the one who deserved to be held throughout the night, to be comfortable and taken care and he was going to make sure of that.


	2. Chapter 2

When Santana awakened in the morning, she became aware before anything else of the warm weight of another body beneath hers. As she slowly dragged herself into a state of semi consciousness, dimly registering pulsing temples, a dry, nasty-tasting mouth, and a slight queasiness in her stomach, she forced her eyes open, squinting, vision faintly blurred. When she finally began to piece together that it was Finn's body beneath hers, that he was still asleep, breathing deeply, with one arm slung over her back, she tried to open her eyes a little more. Jabbing him in the side a few times with her thumb, until he started to stir awake, squinting up at her, she attempted a scowl, but it faltered into a look of groggy confusion.

"Finn…why am I on top of you…."

Finn yawned, but made no effort to pull apart from her. His eyes still only half open, arm loosely draped over her back, he said through a second stifled yawn, "I thought you'd get even more mad if you woke up with me on top of you, so..."

Santana struggled to process this, but her memory of the night before was a big foggy. She has registered, of course, that she is naked, and she knows that sex was had. But she can't quite feel disgust or horror right now. It had happened...oh well. No harm done, she guesses. She thought about moving off of Finn, but her limbs didn't seem to want to cooperate, and she mumbled grumpily a protest even as she didn't move.

"…I am so not cuddling you right now."

"Sorry, I'll uh.. let go of you," Finn mumbled, and his arm slowly slid off of her. But he couldn't extract himself from Santana without her moving first, without outright bucking her off him, and she still didn't move even as she continued to murmur grouchy protests.

"Yeah, you will because I don't do cuddling thing. With men. With you. This is…right. This is not cuddling. This is…drunk draping."

Although she wasn't looking at Finn straight on, she could see his blinking confusion out the corner of his eye before he nodded slowly, seeming to find it simpler to just agree with her.

"Uh. Yeah, I'm sorry. I just thought it would be more comfortable than how I was on top of you when you fell asleep..."

"Whatever," Santana mumbled, but her effort at shaking her head at him sent a sharp pain through her temples, causing her to winces and swear under her breath. Still too hungover to feel much awkwardness, she just let her body settle back over Finn's, making no effort, still, to move away.

"So…sex, huh. Us and the sex," she heard Finn start to ramble nervously, and she inwardly scoffed even as she closed her eyes.

"Yeah, that would explain why we're naked still right gonna get off me or are you hoping we'll start it up all over? 'Cause let me spare you the suspense...no way in hell."

She didn't open her eyes to look at Finn, but she could guess there was a lot of blinking and confused, semi constipated looks going on from his half of things.

"I um, what? No I can tell you are uh, not happy about any of this...?"

Santana started to snap back at him, but even as the words rose to her tongue, to her own surprise, she found herself reluctant to voice them. Instead she sighed, her breath hot against Finn's chest, as she mumbled her response. "I'm not unhappy. It's just weird. And my head hurts and my mouth tastes like shit and if I move I'll die. You don't think this is weird? Or is your penis still doing a happy dance so that's all you can consider?"

"Well," Finn's words were hesitant. "I mean, kind of,I guess. I wasn't as drunk as you last night, I don't know if that makes it weirder or not."

He paused again, and Santana realized that other than his body beneath hers, he wasn't touching her at all with his hands, as though he didn't dare to. Smart dude...not that she'd really mind if he did. Much.

"You can shower here or I can shower and you can sleep more if you want. Or I can order food, or..." Finn concluded, seeming uncomfortable with making any decisions.

For a few more moments Santana didn't respond. Then she started to roll off of Finn, slowly, painfully, and sat up. With a stretch, popping and cracking her back, she got to her feet with a slight stumble, trying to ignore the spinning of her head and sloshing in her stomach.

"Finn," she said directly, looking him in the eye. "You know I'm still a lesbian, right?"

She wasn't surprised when Finn blushed, mumbling his response. "That doesn't mean I treat you differently."

"Yeah, but it means the fact I had sex with you is just a little bit insane," Santana shot back, hands on her hips. She wasn't surprised when Finn's flush deepened and his voice dropped as he answered, sitting up on the bed.

"You can blame it on the drinking if you are like ashamed or whatever."

Santana just laughed, rolling her eyes. "Ashamed? Please."

She turned her head slowly, looking around for her clothes, and started to pick up her underwear and bra, slipping them on in fumbling motions. Finn too busied himself sliding on his boxers, then took a deep breath, walking over to her, but not standing too close.

"You don't have to go."

Santana raised an eyebrow as she buttoned her pants, half turning towards him.

"Yeah? Remind me why I'd stay."

Half smiling, Finn shrugged, running a self-conscious hand through his hair.

"Because you'd want to with me? Maybe? I don't know."

Santana was taken aback by the simple earnestness of his response. She tilted her head, considering this. In all truthfulness, she had nowhere better to go…so maybe he did have a point.

" You sure about that?"

Finn licked over his lips and swallowed thickly, scratching at his head before answering a little hesitantly.

"Yeah, I mean we can just hang out and order breakfast if you want. Or whatever."

Santana considered, frowning slightly, then gave a brief nod.

"If I ate you might see my breakfast twice. But you can buy me lunch later."

She said it as though she would be doing him a favor rather than the other way around, but Finn seemed to find this humorous rather than offensive. Chuckling, he moved to his suitcase, grabbing her an old McKinley shirt to wear if she chose, as she didn't have any clean clothes of her own.

" We can just watch some tv if you want?"

Santana shrugged one shoulder, still eyeing him with some lingering suspicion.

"You're not gonna be clingy and girly are you?"

His head shook lightly as he put his hands up in defense, still smiling.

" I'm not, I swear. I'm gonna put my clothes on and just hang out with you. That's it. You know, if you want."

Santana watched him for a few more seconds, then finished dressing, shrugging again.

"Okay, whatever. Just because I'm still tired."

Finn ran his lips together, trying not to smile too widely. Some part of him had known that this would be her eventual decision.

" Alright, awesome."

Slumping back against a pillow on the bed, Santana stuck her legs out in front of her, stretching them out. Finn sat next to her after a hesitation, not quite touching, and handed her the remote. Somehow he suspected she would end up with it one way or the other if he didn't.

"Your choice, San."

"Obviously," Santana quipped, her lips quirking at the corners.

She began to flip through channels without really caring what she was watching, but then paused, smirking, on a rerun of America's Next Top Model. Sliding her eyes sideways to check out Finn's reaction to this, she settled back

Finn just shook his head at her, giving her a small smirk in return. He had rather suspected she would test him in this way, and it doesn't seem to bother him.

"You know I'll just ask questions and probably drive you nuts about this show, right?"

Santana, still smirking, just raised an eyebrow at him, a challenge. "Try it."

She folded her arms over her chest, settling back even more comfortably against the pillows as Finn pursed his lips.

"Okay, okay." He was silent for perhaps ten seconds before, just as he had warned, he interrupted, nudging her arm with his.

"So tell me why they have a million versions of this one show again?"

Rolling her eyes, Santana exhaled loudly, barely deeming to turn her head to face him.

" Seriously? Hello, how many chicks you think want to be models in America?"

Finn laughed, nodding agreement with this, but persisted in his questions, as much to bother her as to actually obtain answers.

"But how fun is that, you have like one hundred girls becoming one hundred different models over one hundred different seasons…it's like, everyone can do it."

Mouth dropping open, Santana turned to face him indignantly, pointing an accusing finger his way as she exclaimed, "Hudson, are you COMPLAINING that there are 100 hot girls being made famous for your viewing pleasure?!"

"No, no I am not complaining!" Finn defended himself quickly, laughing and shaking his head. "But some of these girls are not hot, like come on. You gotta admit some of them are pretty weird looking."

Santana's eyebrows shot up even further at this comment, and she cackled, turning onto her side to face him more fully. Her eyes glinted with wicked amusement as she teased, "So if you know that, then you must have watched this before…YOU watched AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL."

Uncomfortable, his cheeks reddening, Finn scrunched up his nose, shifting his weight so he faced her too on the bed.

"No…not exactly…just, my mom watches every girly show known to mankind, and I sort of happen to be around sometimes…"

"Riiiight," Santana drawled, her grin growing in size. "Right, you sit around watching TV with your MOM. I know you're a dork, but surely even you don't go to that level of extremes."

"You can laugh but I do a lot," Finn insisted, nodding. "I watch the shows Burt doesn't watch with her cause I want her to feel like, I don't know…that we still have that bond and stuff even though she's married…or something."

Turning to look at him, Santana regarded him, her words not ungentle in tone.

"You're kind of a mama's boy, aren't you?"

Nodding slowly, Finn bit the inside of his cheeks, trying to stop the blush from spreading even further over his face.

"Uh…yeah. I guess I am."

He almost held his breath, waiting for Santana's biting comment in response. But she surprised him. She did roll her eyes, but she was smiling a little bit. Then, without speaking, she shifted closer to him, leaning her arm lightly against his as she turned her head back towards the TV.

Finn licked over his lips, trying to bite back his grin as he felt her warmth against him. He was careful not to call attention to it, lest she get self-conscious or defensive and move away; instead, he changed the subject.

"So what other girly shows are your favorite that I can ask you annoying questions about?"

"Something about clothes or shoes," Santana answered immediately, nodding, her eyes shifting back his way. "Buying stuff. The L Word. Orange is the New Black. Girls. Gossip Girls. Gilmore Girls. Anything with girls in the title."

She smirked lightly, but then, after a few seconds, scooted closer to the center of the bed, resting her head against Finn's shoulder without ceremony. She did this in such a way that the movement seemed thoughtless, unremarkable, and yet it was uncommon between them, so much so that Finn momentarily froze, having to swallow several times before he could think of something to say.

"Lame…boring. You trying to kill me or something here?"

Even as he spoke, he found himself strangely focused on the weight of Santana's head against his shoulder, the soft tickle of her hair brushing his cheek. He felt an odd urge to kiss the top of her head but restrained himself, knowing very well that this would likely not be eagerly received by her.

He tried to make himself focus on what she was saying- something about making him watch Joan Rivers reruns. Her head was still against his shoulder; in fact, if it wasn't just his imagination, she was burrowing in even more against him. And maybe that was what gave him the courage, or maybe foolishness, to voice his next words to her.

"I don't care…I can't promise to like it, but I'll like the part about spending time with you."

Finn knew as soon as he said it that it was too much. Santana cut her eyes at him, then pulled apart a little, not quite touching him any longer. Blinking, she stared at him, her voice coming out slow, almost restrained.

"Finn. Do you have a thing for me? Other than having sex, because obviously any guy has a thing for that. Do you ACTUALLY like me?"

Finn avoided her eyes the best that he could manage, given Santana's unrelenting stare focused on him. Swallowing hard, he shrugged his shoulders, finding it difficult to respond to her question. He was fairly sure that Santana could see this, and it made him even more nervous to answer her.

"I just…I care about you, Santana. I always have. It's nice to be around you or whatever. Is that bad?"

For another few seconds, Santana just stared at him, disbelieving. Seeming to find him sincere, she shook her head, laughing dryly.

"I'm too tired right now to even start to point out all the ways that's hilarious."

Exhaling, she nestled her cheek back into his shoulder, looping her arm through his.

" If I fall asleep don't even think of changing channels, I'll know."

Finn didn't push it or her; he just nodded before wrapping his arm around hers. Nevertheless, despite his efforts at casualness, he felt his heart flip as his lips upturned.

"I promise not to, I'm afraid of what would happen if I did."

"You'd lose a finger," Santana replied nonchalantly, even as she remained snuggled up to him, her voice soft.

"Yeah, I need all ten of those…no changing happening here," Finn replied.

His arm wrapped a little more tightly around her, his head tentatively coming to rest against hers. Reaching for remote, she changed the channel again, stopping with fascination on a rerun of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

" Faith!" she exclaimed with genuine excitement, jabbing a finger at the screen.

Following her finger, Finn asked, "What is this?"

He saw soon after speaking that he had again apparently spoken the wrong words. Santana's head lifted, and she goggled at him, her eyes almost bulging.

"You've never seen BUFFY?! Oh hell no. Sit up and tune in, you're getting schooled."

Even as Finn chuckled, giving her an innocent look, he was nodding, showing her that he was serious. "No, I haven't…is it scary? That might be why I haven't seen it. Or is it super girly, because then I probably fell asleep when my mom watched it or something."

"SUPER GIRLY?!" Santana almost choked, indignant. "You're so watching this."

Yanking on his arm for emphasis, she gestured almost violently at the screen.

"Buffy is the tiny blonde ex cheerleader who can kick ass and has supernatural powers so she can kill the vampires and demons but she also has a stick up her ass and a superiority complex."

Snickering, she added, "Kind of like Quinn. Then Faith is the other Slayer, the hot badass bitch one. Kinda like me."

Because she actually seemed to care that he pay attention, Finn sat up a little, trying to follow along. Vampires and supernatural things weren't something he was into, but he was going to try for her.

" Hot badass bitch definitely sounds like you. What's this one like Quinn again?"

Not paying much attention, Santana waved a hand, shushing him loudly. She was already leaning forward, grinning at the screen in anticipation.

"Shhhhh watch!"

"Okay, okay I'm watching! Just warn me when vampire stuff is coming up, it freaks me out."

Rolling her eyes again, Santana held up her hand, wanting him to stop talking.

"Wuss."

She gave no warning as a vampire lunged out, teeth bared, face morphed, and laughed out loud as Finn turned his head, closing his eyes. When Finn made a face at her playfully, she took hold of his chin, trying to forcefully turn his head towards the TV.

"Watch!"

But Finn didn't obey so easily this time. Fighting her hold playfully, shoving at her wrist, he settled his free hand on her hip- almost, but not quite, thoughtlessly.

"Don't you remember vampires give me nightmares? The one that judged us for the glee championship still gives me the heebie jeebies!"

"Are you freaking serious?!" Santana snorted with laughter, eyes glowing. Shoving at his shoulder, she continued to snicker even as she resumed her mocking.

"You are so sad. Do I need to get you a blindfold or will you just hide under the blankets like the over grown manchild you are?"

"Hey, people have fears, it's not sad!" Finn huffed, still playful.

"People should have fears of stuff that's actually real!"

"Isn't it better to be afraid of something you'll never deal with in real life?" Finn rejoined, starting to enjoy the banter back and forth. From the way that Santana was turned to fully face him again, her eyes alit, she seemed to be too.

"How do you figure that makes any sense? Why the hell would you be afraid of something that doesn't exist instead of something that does?" she retorted.

"Because…I'd rather be afraid of something like vampires, something with a far chance from actually happening, then, like, spiders, that can really get you," Finn tried to explain, which only provoked Santana's sarcastic laughter in response to him. She lay back more fully on the pillow, shaking her head as if she found him ridiculous beyond words.

"There's no POINT in being afraid of something not real! Then when your life is actually in danger from an actual real scary thing, you're walking around not afraid of it! Now are you gonna watch this or not, and the answer better be yes because that's the only one I'm taking."

"Fine I'll watch. You'll just have to put up with me later tonight," Finn teased, shaking his head at her.

He didn't expect her shoulders to stiffen, chin to lift slightly as all mocking traces left her expression.

"What makes you think I'll be around later tonight?"

"Uh…I don't know…I thought you would want to keep hanging out or something," Finn replied slowly, confused by the sudden guardedness in her expression. "Like we're hanging out now. Don't you want to?"

But if he had thought this would soothe Santana, he had been wrong. She continued to look at him suspiciously, and her voice was taut when she responded to him.

"What, did you want me to move in with you or something?"

"Santana…no. It's not like that. I just…I just thought you'd want to hang out while I'm here for the weekend," Finn tried to explain, almost holding his breath. Why was it that he couldn't seem to say anything right? Was it the sex, or simply Santana being Santana?

He was relieved to see her expression soften slightly after the comment, even as she rolled her eyes.

"If you really want me to, I guess it won't kill me. Probably."

He tried to keep his voice casual, quiet, as he answered, not wanting to further push her away.

"Yeah. Yeah, I want to."

He watched Santana bite her lip, pretty sure she didn't know she was doing it, before she nodded slowly, shifting to move closer to him. Her head tilted back to his shoulder as she nodded.

"Okay."

Finn fought back a smile as he wrapped his arm back around her, turning his attention back to the screen.

"So uh, is this girl's real name Buffy?"

"Yep."

Santana's eyes were glued to the screen, even as she settled back closer to Finn, yawning beneath his arm. Finn chuckled, adjusting his arm around her slightly to allow her additional support of both the pillows and his shoulder for her head.

"Sleep, San. I promise I'll wake you up later for food."

"No way," Santana protested, even as her eyes drifted shut. "You'll just sneakily switch the channel to wrestling or something and then switch it back before I wake up, then you won't know anything at all about this!"

"I'm not gonna risk losing a finger. I know better and I don't even like wrestling. I promise I won't do anything sneaky," Finn assured her. Taking her hand, he closed her fingers around the remote as though to further give her proof.

"Fishing then or football. Something mannish and lame," Santana mumbled. Eyes still closed, she nuzzled her face into his shoulder without thinking, yawning again. "You'll probably cop a feel or something. You already think you're so sneaky with the snuggling," she smirked against his shirt.

"I'm a man, so yeah I like those things. But I like my fingers more," Finn said lightly. At her second comment, he laughed, shaking his head at her. "What? No, I'm not trying to lose a whole hand or arm here…I'm not sneaky at all. You're super comfortable, can't blame me for it."

Santana had been yawning again, eyes about to shut, but with this last sentence they snap open again, and she pulls slightly away from him, once more wary. She stares at him for several seconds, then says slowly,"Finn. You're into Rachel. She's the love of your life, the stars in your sky, the fish in your sea or whatever lame sappy metaphor you want to pick and gush over. Sure, she's being a self-centered bitch like usual now, but you'll migrate back because you always do. You know that? And me? Gay, and so not into you. Last night, that was about being drunk and having a warm body holding me. You do know that…right."

Finn furrowed his eyebrows and let out a long, shaky, nervous breath. His voice was hard to find at first and his cheeks became a bit pink as he spoke.

" I came here because you invited me. I can't help that being around you makes me happy and…I can just be myself around you and that's really nice. I've been through a lot these past couple months and to not feel like I gotta hide who I am. I know you are in love with someone else too, I'm not asking you out on a date or trying to cling to you. I am just trying to be comfortable with my friend, show you that I need you because guess what… I do. I wasn't lying when I told you that last night. And if I was just a warm body, fine. But you were more than that, I meant it when I said you meant something to me last year and you still do."

Santana bit her lip, her cheeks coloring, and didn't initially respond. Her throat was slightly choked and she avoided his eyes, touched, but not wanting Finn to think that she's upset or emotional. She finally just lay back down against his shoulder, threading her hand through his arm, and squeezed it lightly without speaking, letting this be all she had to say.

Finn was slightly scared she was just going to get up and leave. His heart was racing and his palms were a little sweaty, but when he looked at her, he didn't even need a response. His arm held her a little closer and tighter, not saying anything either and keeping his promise with the television. Santana fell asleep after a few minutes, hair falling over face, relaxing into his side, and Finn looked down at her, smiling softly. His free hand brought the blanket up over them, his hand brushing her hair back, and he turned back to the TV, keeping his arm around her.

It was almost two hours before Santana stirred. Murmuring aloud, she lifted her face, blinking blurrily, and squinted up at him sleepily.

" You're guy-shaped."

Finn laughed through his nose softly, finding her sleepy face and voice almost disturbingly sexy, but not wanting her to see.

"That's a compliment coming from you."

Still not entirely awake, Santana turned her face so it was fully against the side of his arm, exhaling against him.

"Big lumpy guy shaped thing. Warm though. Mm."

If she was at all aware of what she was saying she'd be a little horrified, but she was still half asleep and hardly monitoring her words. Thankfully she wasn't able to see the dorky smile she brought to his face, at least in Finn's opinion.

"I'm glad you're still comfortable," he said quietly, not moving a muscle, lest he disturb her.

Santana nodded against him, then, shifting closer, wrapped her arms around his waist, tugging at him slightly in an effort to make him lay down so she could more easily wrap around him. Eyes closed again, one leg slightly overlapped his. This too was not an entirely conscious series of movements.

His tongue moved over his bottom lip, not quite sure what to do. He moved where she wanted to and cuddled into her. If she wanted to nap with him like this, who was he to deny her? He meant what he said; he would let her be in charge. So he closed his eyes and tangled his body with hers, quickly drifting off with her.

It was another 30 minutes before Santana became fully awake. Lifting her head, she squinted, taking in their conjoined figures with some faint bemusement. She lay there a few more moments, somewhat reluctant to pull away- not, she told herself, because she likes it so much as because it's just comfortable, which is two different things. Finally she called out to the dozing Finn.

"Thought you weren't gonna try to cop a feel, Hudson."

Finn was conked out, more than comfortable. The way she kept him against her and used her limbs to do so was the best kind of cuddling he has ever had. He was in the middle of his usual sporting dreams when he heard his name being called for real, and not from the stands. It took him a few seconds to come to it and let out a little grunt as he wasn't completely over with his nap.

"Wh-what…? You pulled me into this position."

"I did not!" Even as she says this though, Santana is having a reluctant memory that this is the case. "You totally orchestrated this."

"No I didn't!" Finn shook his head at her, eyes still half shut. "I don't know what orchestrated means, but I know better."

"Did too." Santana sat up, stretching. "Cuddler."

"Fine, but you're a cuddler too," Finn shot back, glaring at her playfully.

Santana remained close to him, but wasn't quite cuddling any longer, to his faint disappointment.

"Nope. Cuddle accuser."

He smiled, but didn't continue the exchange. Instead, he stretched his arms out too, telling her, "So I guess I go back to Lima today, then."

This was definitely not the response Santana had expected. She paused, turning back to look at him.

"Back to Lima? Why?"

"Because I only flew out here because you asked me to. I was only staying longer for you too. But since, you know…"

Not knowing how to word his thoughts, Finn shrugged. He was aware of Santana's slow nod, her careful tone as she responded to him.

"No, you came for Rachel. To protect her."

"Well, yeah, partly. Of course," Finn acknowledge, shrugging. "But…also because you want back with her. That just didn't work out yet…like…" he exhaled, admitting, "I haven't texted her or tried to get in contact with her in, like, months. There's…there's nothing left there, Santana, no shot. But I knew it had to be serious, what was going on, for you to reach out to me…and that's why I came."

He could almost feel Santana's stare, the insistence in her tone as she repeated herself.

"You came for Rachel, Finn. You want her back."

She expected him to acknowledge this, to admit that she was right. But instead, Finn averted his eyes, hesitating before answering her.

"I don't know what I want after some of the things she said to me, San."

Santana frowned, watching him intently, then, after a moment of hesitation, stepped forward towards him.

"What do you mean? What did she say?"

Finn let out his breath, sitting on the edge of the bed and gripping its side. Eyes to the floor, his words were reluctant in coming.

"Just that I'm not a man or whatever."

Still frowning, Santana came forward a few more steps and eased down beside him.

"The hell she say that for? You used to be the only man in her universe."

Finn shrugged, letting out another breath as he ran his hands over his thighs.

"I don't even know, I guess because I don't know what I want to do with my life. I tried the army thing and it didn't work, I thought about acting and then I sorta let go of that, the football thing didn't work and I thought some about teaching and I don't really think the singing thing, and now I just don't know. I needed some time after all that to sorta think about it and decide, and, I don't know, find myself. But, I don't know, she knows who she is and what she wants and she thinks I should too, or I should, like, want what she thinks I should want, and I didn't, and to her that wasn't okay. Or manly."

Before he had even finished Santana was scowling deeply, arms crossed over her chest and eyebrows slanted towards her nose.

"That's so Rachel. Not everyone is born with their lifetime ambition tattooed to their massive forehead. Figures. You know she actually told me I was throwing away my life?"

Finn shook his head, but he could believe it. He had loved Rachel; he would always care about and be concerned for her, and a part of him, however small, did still love her. But he had come to the conclusion that the two of them simply couldn't work. Their personalities, their ambitions, their values, they were all so different, and Rachel would never choose him or any of his over her own. Not if there was a choice to be made. And how could he really ask her to? And yet, he knew that every time, he himself would have chosen her.

"I still don't think it's right, her saying that to you, it isn't true. And kicking you out…she doesn't get that you and I aren't going to college, we're trying to find what we want on our own, and she just…she always knew."

Santana shook her head, still offended both for Finn and for herself, almost muttering her next remark.

"I could go to college if I wanted to. I just don't. Not right now, anyway."

Finn looked at her, smiling a closed mouth smile.

"You got in and didn't mess up your first audition for Louisville or anything. She really has no right to say anything about anyone. Don't even worry about it, San."

"I'm not worried! I got a friggin' full ride!" Santana's voice was indignant as she flung out one arm, practically hitting Finn in the chest. "She had to have her friends BEG them to give her another shot. In fact, she wouldn't be there now if it weren't for you!"

Finn chuckled, shrugging one shoulder, even as he edged slightly away from Santana's careless arm.

"Yeah, I know and she just…gets on people for no reason. To make herself feel better I guess. I came out here because I sort of wanted to hit Brody to spite her almost. I mean a few weeks ago she is telling me I'm not a man, but she's with this guy whose sleeping with other girls for money…so…I don't know. It wasn't entirely for her," he admitted, "or even you. Some of it was for me too."

Santana laughed bitterly, shaking her head, and almost without realizing it, she leaned towards him, pressing one shoulder lightly against his.

"Yeah. I totally get that. I wish she had been there to watch me do "Cold Hearted Snake" at his class."

She glanced at Finn slyly, grinning.

"She's going to piss herself if she finds out about last night, you know that? Even if she doesn't want you. She still has her whole "mine all mine" thing."

"Cold Hearted Snake? What's that?" Finn blinked. For a moment, his mind went to a rather interesting visual place as he pictured Santana, clad in a skin tight snake patterned leotard, writhing on the floor. Shaking his head quickly, trying to clear the image out, he cleared his throat, focusing on her second comment.

"She picked who she wanted. If she changes her mind now, well…I don't know. It's too late."

For the third time or so in the past hour, Santana's jaw drops. "You don't know Paula Abdul?! One of my idols, HELLO you are getting a Paula day circa now. You got a laptop? Get it…"

More seriously, in response to the rest of his words, she nodded, bumping her shoulder lightly against his. "She and Brittany should date or something. I think Rachel has a bicurious side, she's definitely looked at my boobs and she's so slobbered over Quinn. They're probably made for each other."

Finn nodded towards his suitcase. "Yeah, you want me to get it? What did you do, perform one of this Polly's songs? I don't know if I'll want to, I watched Buffy for like two hours yesterday. I need a girl TV break."

"Dude, you'll like this girl TV…and Buffy is NOT girl TV! Hello, ass kicking, monsters, sex, lame guy jokes, it's everyone TV! It's anyone who has any taste at all TV! And anyway yeah, I videoed myself so you can have a viewing pleasure."

Santana was kneeling at his suitcase, retrieving his laptop as Finn said, "I'd rather watch you than some fifty year old woman on American Idol, so cool. Brittany and Rachel though? That would be one dysfunctional relationship…Rachel would put her down and order her around and Brittany wouldn't get it."

Laptop in her hands, Santana looked up, frowning. "She isn't stupid. Brittany. She knows when she's being insulted."

Finn hadn't expected any sort of defense from her, given the direction of their conversation. Trying to explain himself, he told her, "I didn't mean she was stupid, just that Rachel sometimes takes advantage of people and they don't even know it. Like she makes them do things that she doesn't want to or puts them down and makes you feel as though she's being nice about it. You know?"

"Brittany…she wouldn't let Rachel take advantage of her…Rachel's kind of transparent anyway." Santana says this with some difficulty and doesn't look at Finn, not wanting to talk any further about her. Instead, she gravitates to Rachel, a much more comfortable topic for her. "You wanna put me on a "let's verbally and perhaps physically abuse Berry" Kick? I thought I got that all out in high school but I'm sure I've got a month's worth of venom newly stored after hearing her high pitched squeal every day for so long."

Finn shook his head, then on impulse, reached out his hand to touch her knee softly.

"I say we don't talk about her anymore today. We shouldn't waste our time when we could be watching your performance here."

"Sounds good. Smart dude." Setting up his laptop, Santana settled back against the pillows again. "Prepare for enjoyment. Now where's my food?"

As Finn got out his phone, asking her what she wanted, he was very aware of her arm lightly pressed against his, of her hair just slightly touching his shoulder. And as he settled back to watch her performance, it seemed to him that she either didn't notice, didn't mind, or secretly sort of liked it too.


	3. Chapter 3

Santana tried to keep the sensual, sexy-and-I-know-it smile locked in place on her face, to move with the same ease and practice that she always did as she went through her routine in her cage at the Fever Dreams strip club. She only had three hours left to her shift, and there was a decent crowd today, enough that she could be assured of decent tips. But she was tired, so damn tired already, that all she could think of was getting home to her bed and sleeping for the next twelve hours or so. Her body felt strangely heavy and achy, as though she had to drag herself through each movement, and the last thing she wanted then was some pervert guy wanting a piece of her later tonight when they let her out for the lapdances. She didn't care how much of a tip she might get, she was just not at all in the mood to be touched, anywhere. It was difficult enough just to force herself through the routine.

Lately she had been tired so much of the time, no matter how much she actually slept. Even Kurt and Rachel had commented on it, with Kurt teasing her about being a "sleeping beauty" and Rachel more pointedly commenting that she was being "lazy" and "attempting to avoid her responsibilities as a third of our trio of living cohabitants." Ever since they had accepted her back into the loft, things had been civil between them, if somewhat restrained between Rachel and Santana, but there were still sparks and flare ups on a regular occurrence. The weird thing though was that normally, Santana would be pissed off about Rachel's little comments here and there, and she usually still was…but sometimes she wasn't. Sometimes, they actually hurt her feelings in a way she would not have dreamed RACHEL BERRY capable of before.

The first time that Rachel made a throwaway comment, something to do with she and Kurt being in college while Santana had decided to throw that option out the window, Santana had been as shocked as Rachel when she burst into tears. Thinking back on it, she still wasn't sure exactly why it was she had gotten so completely upset over it so fast. She remembered how horrified, even terrified, that Kurt had looked, how she had overheard him tear into Rachel for it later when he thought she couldn't hear- something about Rachel watching her mouth if she could now make Santana cry when she was sober. Santana had tried to shrug it off as a fluke, maybe PMS. But the fact was that she had skipped her period, and she had several times more since cried with little provocation.

It was creepy is what it was, and Santana didn't like it at all.

On top of the weariness was the nausea, and that, as Santana struggled through her routine, was what she was experiencing now. Almost every day, usually in the morning, but sometimes practically all day long, she was feeling sick to her stomach lately, sometimes just uncomfortable cramping, sometimes something closer to gas pains. But way more often than she was okay with, Santana felt sick to the point of actually vomiting…and tonight, she was horrified to realize, she was pretty sure was about to be one of those nights.

She tried to power through the best she could, but in the end, she had to undo her cage, mid song, in front of everyone, jump down clad only in her g-string and heels, and sprint in the stage area to the backstage area and then out into the back rooms, to the closest bathroom she could find. Santana threw it open, paying no attention to the stripper standing at the mirror of the single-toilet bathroom, snorting a white powder that Santana didn't' even want to look at, let alone think about. As she knelt before the toilet, retching, and trying to keep her hair back behind her shoulders, the other woman's eyes cut to her lazily as she sniffled, one eyebrow cocking up.

"Too much to drink?"

Santana ignored her, gasping for breath, tears leaking out the corner of her eyes as she remained doubled over, not daring to straighten up until she was sure she was entirely done. She knew that it wasn't due to drinking that she was in her current predicament. She hadn't drank anything at all tonight, not even water, so it was neither intoxication nor being slipped something that was causing her to feel this way. She hadn't eaten much earlier today, certainly nothing that could have caused these effects. Trembling, she took in several gulps of air as the woman gestured slowly towards the sink, sniffling again and wiping her wrist beneath her nose.

"Get some water…you look like shit, you know that?"

She sounded cheerful about the prospect, and Santana couldn't really say she was surprised. The woman- Faydra, she thought she remembered her name as being- was ten years older than her, already getting crow's feet at her eyes, and her hair was dyed so often it had become dry and damaged, her body too thin and malnourished, contrasting strongly against her fake breasts. She was still making decent tips, but young, attractive, healthy girls like Santana coming in definitely took away from them, and she was probably thrilled at the prospect of Santana getting less tonight, or better yet, going home sick.

"Guess we're even," Santana shot back, but her words sounded weak even to her own ears, lacking their usual venom or confidence. She sat up slowly, reaching for a strip of toilet paper to wipe her mouth, as Faydra turned back to the mirror, slowly fixing some smeared eyeliner.

"This is the third time you did this, this week," the woman informed her, as though Santana herself could not keep track, and Santana's lip curled in spite of herself.

"Stunned you can remember that much or count that high. I'm impressed, Cokie, are those NA meetings working out for you then? I couldn't tell with the powder up your nose."

Faydra showed no anger or emotion about her words, instead, she just shrugged, still focusing on her own reflection rather than Santana.

"I thought you were a lesbian," she said casually, and Santana's eyebrows shot up as she made a noise of amusement.

"Uh, yeah, but that doesn't mean I go for any chick with a vagina. Believe me, you ain't my type even if you didn't have powder dribbling out your nose."

"Well then why are you doing it with men?" Faydra asked, sounding genuinely curious as she flitted her eyes in her direction. "Are they giving you that good of money?"

Santana choked at this, quickly getting to her feet and ignoring the spinning in her head as she blurted out, disbelieving and offended, "I'm not a fucking prostitute! What the fuck, just because YOU-"

"Oh…okay," Faydra held up one hand, still unbothered by her aggression. "I just figured since you're a lesbian and you're pregnant, that would make the most sense."

Santana froze at those words, blinking several times. For a few moments she was too stunned to respond at all, and then she shook her head, slowly at first, then more vehemently.

"What…I'm not PREGNANT. What the hell, Faydra, I'm not pregnant!"

Faydra didn't answer. Instead, she just raised an eyebrow in Santana's direction, looking pointedly down at the toilet, before heading towards the bathroom door, exiting out and shutting it behind her. As Santana sucked in her breath, she realized that she was shaking, almost to the point she couldn't walk.

It wasn't possible. She hadn't had sex, for one thing. Okay, well, she had, with Finn, but that was a month ago. A whole month, so…

Wasn't that about the perfect timing for this to be happening now?

As renewed horror closed itself over her heart, Santana could hear herself breathing more and more loudly, her trembling growing worse. She wasn't sure how she managed to leave the bathroom, then return to the backstage area, picking up her clothes and redressing herself. She didn't tell her boss she was leaving. She simply dressed herself and walked out the back door. By the time she got to her car, then drove to the nearest pharmacy for a pregnancy test, then took it into the bathroom without even waiting to drive home first, she felt as though she might vomit all over again.

It seemed an eternity before she received her answer. Positive.

It was another eternity before Santana could seem to form enough coherent thought to reach for her cellphone and dial Finn's number.

88 **  
><strong>Phone calls

Finn: Hey.

**Santana:**(iShrieks down the phone line, one hand raking through her hair almost violently from where she stands trembling in the CVS bathroom stall) YOU FUCKING BASTARD, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU ARE SO DEAD! **  
>Finn:<strong> Wh-what, why, why are you killing me? What did I do? (The bastard name always got to him, it was the worst word you could call a guy who didn't have a dad and it stung bad.)

**Santana:**(starts kicking the door of the stall, punctuating each word with a kick) YOU FUCKED ME, WHAT ELSE?! FUCKED ME AND FUCKED ME OVER, GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! **  
>Finn:<strong> I didn't...screw you over? I haven't done anything,I swear. What did I do? I didn't...I mean, I can't think of anything I could have done that you would get mad at me for.

**Santana:**(still screaming, now hits the stall wall with her fist) YOU GOT ME PREGNANT! I'm PREGNANT, fucking PREGNANT!

**Finn:** You're...you're pregnant? Are um, are you at the hospital? Are you by yourself?

**Santana:**Why the hell would I be at the hospital?! I'm in the damn bathroom! (hits the wall one more time, then, legs suddenly weak, sits on the toilet, lid down, burying her face in one hand)

**Finn:**(Swallowed hard and nodded) Sorry..I just wanted to make sure. Do you...want me to come out there? I don't want you to be alone right now.

**Santana:**Well I WON'T be. Ever. For the rest of my life!

**Finn:**I..I know.

**Santana:**(sniffling into receiver now, rubbing at eyes with one hand) I'm pregnant. I'm fucking PREGNANT.

**Finn:** I know...and I want to be there for you right now, for..for everything...for forever

**Santana:**(still trying not to cry, takes a deep breath) Forever? You're not marrying me.

·**  
>Finn:<strong>What? No, I meant...I meant you have me and my help and everything for forever with this. My mom had to do it all alone and the last thing I want you to feel right now is that you ever are

·**Santana:**(laughs bitterly) Right...right. I'm extremely fucking alone. **  
>Finn:<strong> You're not. I told you I will fly out there tonight.

**Santana:**Right, Finn, and you're gonna, what, camp out in the loft with us? How is Rachel gonna take our explanation of why, you ever thought of that? (as this strikes her) Oh shit, I'm totally homeless now. There's no way in hell she's going to let me keep staying if I'm pregnant with your kid! How am I supposed to keep dancing?! I'm not going to have a job. I don't have a job and I don't have a house. I'm going to have this kid in a cardboard box on the side of the street. No, I wont' even have that because I'll be TOO FAT TO FIT IN IT! (now edging towards hysteria)**  
>Finn:<strong> No,because I'm not worried about Rachel. I am worried about you. You're not...you're not any of those things, you have me and I wouldn't let that happen to you or our baby. You have me, okay? And I will make sure you're both okay. I have a job, I have money and...I will work extra hours. Just..let me book a room, you can check in and I'll fly and meet you there in a few hours.

**Santana:**(now crying unchecked, not even attempting to hide it even as she repeatedly wipes at her cheeks, clutching the cell phone to her ear) Everything in my entire life always gets so fucked up. Why do I fuck everything up?

·**  
>Finn:<strong> You...you don't, Santana. You can blame me, it's not your fault.

·**Santana:**You came because I called you! **  
>Finn:<strong>And stayed because I wanted to.

**Santana:** I have to go. I'll wait to kill you until you get here. **  
>Finn:<strong>I'll book a room at the same hotel if you wanna go there now or anything, I'll put it in both our names.

**Santana:** O...okay.

88

Finn stepped out of the cab and made his way to the hotel he booked with a few hours ago. This time he made sure to get a suite, a big place with lots of room; he didn't want Santana to feel pressured to share a bed, or confined, or something. They might need a bed and a couch because he has a feeling he'll be sleeping on it.

He hoped she was here, but was too afraid to ask at the front desk. They just gave him his key and he carried his bags himself, refusing the bell boy's help. When he booked it, he put it under both of their names so they could both check in with their own key and Santana didn't have to wait for him. After finally finding the room, he slid his key through the door sensor and stepped inside with his luggage.

"Santana?" he called out as he searched his pockets for his phone.

Santana was curled up on the bed, dozing off. She's been so tired lately, and she hadn't slept after her night shift at the strip club and running around for the pregnancy test. When she heard her name she jolted awake, sitting up rubbing at her eyes. Seeing Finn, she immediately glared in his direction.

"You're dead."

Her voice lacked as much conviction as she wanted it to though, mainly because she was still so tired.

Finn flinched a little, seeing how tired she was and how anger was still running through her veins. It was sort of really cute how she was rubbing her eyes, but her look behind them caused him to swallow hard.

"I..I know you hate me right now. But I'm glad you're here," he spoke lowly before setting down his bags. His hands reached into his carry on and he took out another bag. "I know you love Breadstix's so I got you some breadsticks just in case you wanted something to eat that was easy."

"Where else would I be. This is probably my new address," Santana rolled her eyes, but her gaze was fixed on the breadsticks as her stomach growled. She hadn't been keeping food down much, and this was very tempting. "Hand them over and if I puke them up, you're on hair holding duty."

As she took one of the breadsticks, taking a bite, she continued to glare at him. "The only reason I'm not beating you up is you have food."

"You…you're not going to have to live here. I'll pay for you to get your own apartment," Finn told her.

A small smile tugged on his lips as he stepped forward to give her the bag and silently prayed she's able to keep the food down.

"Deal...guess I should stack up on food for the next couple of months then, huh?"

"Yes," Santana said definitely in response to his last statement. She isn't joking at all. She expects him to feed her right now.

To his first answer, she doesn't respond. Instead she looks down, deeply bothered. She doesn't like the thought of Finn supporting her, of not being able to be independent and support her own self. That was exactly what she came to New York to do, and it's deeply humiliating that this is happening now.

"I don't need you," she snapped. "I can do my own shit."

Her words stung. Finn's eyes fell closed for a few moments before looking up at her.

"Look, I know you don't. I know you're the strongest girl in the world. But I need you and I want to be a dad to my kid. I never had one and that…it sucked so bad. And then I was lied to about it by my first girlfriend and made to believe I was one because she knew it's all I ever want to be," he explained with a long breath before finding her eyes with his. "You have the most important job out there; carrying our baby. All I can do is work and prove to you I'm a good guy and going to be a good dad. You hate me, I understand that but I'm not going to just walk away or give up on any of this. "

Santana lowered her eyes, biting her inner cheeks. She chewed on her breadstick as much to give herself something to do as to eat, then took a deep breath. She knew that Finn was sincere. She believed him…but to allow him to do this, to give up her pride like this, was so hard.

"I'm getting a job," she said finally. "I'm not going to mooch off you or be a lame stay at home mom. I never even said I wanted this kid, you know."

"It's not mooching, but I understand you want to work. I get it, it's hard to just sit back and yeah, I didn't say or would ever say you can't work. I just thought that if you told me about it, you wanted to keep it. You knew I would want to, didn't you?" Finn asked, looking down at his feet before back into her eyes sadly.

Santana hadn't even figured out what her dream was yet, and before she can even do that, let alone start working towards it, already it's being snatched away. Or that's what it feels like, anyway. She regarded Finn, still half glaring, and crossed her arms.

"How do you know I wasn't just gonna ask you for money for an abortion? Who says that's not what I'm doing? I don't want a baby. What the hell would I do with a baby?"

That's what she was pretty sure of, anyway. But even as she said it a small doubt is creeping in. She was raised Catholic; even if she's fairly lapsed now, she doesn't really believe in abortion. But actually having a baby, even keeping it? Her?

Finn felt his eyes well up a little before he looked to the side. The word abortion made him sick and now he might be the one to throw up. "Because you knew I wouldn't pay for that. And if you think I would have, you don't know me at all," he croaked with his head shaking in disbelief and his lips pressed together.

"You would take care of it, love it, be it's mom. How can you be so…this way about it. I get it, you hate me, I'm the bad guy but I'm here for you and the baby. I didn't even hesitate to fly right here, step up and okay it's not easy for you, but you are not killing our baby. If you don't want it, then I'll take care of him or her."

At this, Santana sat up straighter, her mouth dropping open. She stared at Finn, indignant, and lifted her chin. She was responding less out of personal conviction than of general outrage.

"You can't make me do anything! It's my body, I'm the one who has to carry the kid and I'm the one who has to get fat and feel like shit every day and lose my job and get kicked out of my own place and lose my friends and have people talk about me every damn day! I just barely got my family to accept I'm gay forever, what the hell do you think they'll say when I turn up pregnant?! How can you not pay when it's your fault it's here?! If I want do have an abortion I could, you can't tell me not to!"

"I'm not making you do anything. But I am _not_ going to pay for an abortion and I will fight it however way I can so you don't kill our baby. That's what pregnancy is, Santana. And when Quinn was pregnant, everyone was there for her. If people treat you like crap when you need them the most, how much of a friend are they? Your parents are good people and you know what, put the blame on me. I will tell them, I will do anything but pay for my baby to be killed." Finn shook his head, emotions evident in his voice as he tried not to lose it.

"All my life I had to deal with the fact that I didn't have a dad. I had to be that kid that people would feel bad for, the little boy that had to explain to my friends why I only had a mom. Even at five years old, all I wanted was to be a dad one day to a kid, do what mine couldn't and be what I never had. I'm not going to go on the rest of my life explaining now why I'm not a dad. I can't and I won't."

His hand moved to wipe at his cheek as he turned to look out the window so she didn't see him fully crying

Santana's mouth opened, then shut again, as multiple conflicting emotions flared through her simultaneously. She doesn't want a kid. Not now, maybe not ever. She knows that- and especially not with a guy, someone she's not married to (if not legally) or at least in love with. She didn't want to put off her dream forever (even if she wasn't sure what it was) and always struggle to get by and never be famous at all or admired. She didn't want to be looked down on or looked at as a Lima Loser or failure who couldn't make it in NYC. She didn't want to lose her friends or her figure or have to rely on Finn. What if she was a terrible mom? What if she hated the baby or it hated her?

And yet….she doesn't agree with abortion. She can't imagine having one, especially if Finn feels so strongly against it. And hearing Finn tell her this…she doesn't want to, but it makes her feel bad. He's actually crying…

Fuck she wants to kill him. But then why does she sort of want to pat him too a little?

Crossing her arms, she bit down again on the inside of her cheeks, her voice weaker. "Stop it…shut up."

Finn knew this wasn't all about him, he did,but he couldn't help but fight for his baby. Santana was in a vulnerable spot and so was he, so all he could do was pour his heart out to her and hope she understood where he was coming from.

This whole flight here, he thought about everything, but this was something he didn't prepare for. Abortion is never an option in his mind and he couldn't stand even the thought of it, so he tried to explain why and convince her having this baby is what she needs to do.

His hand ran over his face hard, trying to stop the tears with a sniffle before turning back to face her.

"Sorry," he said barely above a whisper, not knowing for what, but she obviously wasn't okay with what he had to say. Maybe he was too strong with his tone or what he was saying, but he just spoke from his emotions so she could understand him more.

Santana bit her lip, shaking her head. She didn't want to look at him. She couldn't take seeing him so upset and passionate over this, having to think about what he's shared. It's true, her parents are nice people, even if most of her life they've been busy with work, too busy to really be present with her. She had nevertheless always known they loved her. Sure, maybe she was insecure that they always would, at least in the case of her father, but she knew at least that her father was alive and she could always try to win his approval again, should she lose it.

Tears pricked at her own eyes before she could stop them, and she put her fingertips to her temple, shaking her head.

"I don't want a baby, Finn." Her voice was much less steady than she wants. "I don't want it. I don't want to do this. This isn't fucking fair."

"If there's anything I know for sure right now, it's that Santana Lopez can do anything." He looked to the ground and shifted on his feet before back up to her. 'And I know you can do this, pregnancy and motherhood. I know you can, I know it's hard and not going to be easy, you'll hate me most of these nine months and especially during birth. But if you decide that after all of this, you don't want the baby, then I will raise him or her. It might not be fair, but killing our baby isn't fair either and I can't let you do that."

Santana gnawed at her lip, still refusing to meet Finn's gaze. She twisted her hands absently in her lap, one arm wrapped unconsciously around her stomach.

"I hate you right now," she said, but it's still not with much venom. "You know I can't do that. If I had this kid, then just hand it over to you and tell it that I don't want it, to its face? All its life grow up knowing I'm its mom and I just didn't want to be? I can't do that. Not if it exists."

"Trust me, you would hate me more if I ever let you have an abortion. You would hate me forever if I ever agreed to one and even longer if I ever doubted you and what you could do. I believe in you, I am not saying you should ever just hang the baby over to me and be out of it's life. I am showing you how serious I am about being a dad and being there for bother of you," Finn told her with a heavy swallow. "So I'd rather you hate me for this right now, then for other things for the rest of our lives. I'd rather you hate me because the pain of labor sucks then the pain of what not having this kid would be."

"Shut up, Finn," Santana repeated, almost grinding out the words.

But she was really thinking over what he was saying. And when she realized she was having to try harder to blink back tears, she already knew she was wavering. Sighing loudly, she shoved the bag of food aside, no longer hungry, and curled up on the bed, her back turned away from him.

Finn pressed his lips together, doing just what she asked and keeping quiet. He watched her for a few seconds before moving to his bag again. Right now he just needed to get into some sweatpants and a tshirt and lay down. There was no way she'd let him near her, so he got changed in the bathroom and made sure she was okay.

"I'll put these in the fridge for you and setup on the couch. If you need anything or are getting sick, I'll be right here for you."


	4. Chapter 4

Santana ignored Finn, not wanting to even acknowledge he's still there. She got bored pretty fast of just lying still on the bed and between that and her tiredness, drifted off fast. She slept somewhat lightly for about an hour, then woke up with a sudden sharp nausea swirling in her stomach. Having forgotten Finn's presence, and disoriented upon awakening, she jerked up, hand over her mouth, and swiveled her head wildly, looking for the bathroom. Finding it just in time, she ran towards it and knelt over the toilet, barely making it in time. By the time she finished she was teary, her nose running, and cursing in Spanish aloud.

Finn stayed on the couch, watching tv and keeping quiet. He knew Santana needed space and time right now. She looked so tired when he got here, he's glad she was able to get some sleep. He made sure to keep the tv down low so it didn't bother her. An hour or so later, he saw her start to run to the bathroom and quickly got up to join her in there. Upset as he was with her, he had promised to help her if she needed.

His one hand immediately set to her back, rubbing against her gently while his other hand picked up her hair to keep out of the way. This was hard for her, he knew that, so he kept his head turn to the side so he didn't make her feel too uncomfortable as his body was crouched down next to hers.

Still sobbing raggedly, Santana remained over the toilet bowl for several more moments, trying to catch her breath and to ride out the nausea still churning in her stomach. Finn's hand on her back was soothing, but this entire situation is so exhausting already, so embarrassing, and makes her feel so weak. For the first time she had some shame and also appreciation for what Quinn must have gone through, mostly by herself- and at only fifteen years old. She didn't move yet, head hanging.

Finn's hand continued to work gently against her back, hoping to bring her some comfort. It was hard to see her getting so sick and feeling so bad. He wished there was something more he could do, but they always say this is part of the pregnancy process. This is probably why she is so down about the situation and worried about working and everything else, he thought to himself. When you get sick, it takes a lot out of you and she's been obviously dealing with it for a while.

"Does water help or maybe a gatorade?" he asked her, his fingers working through her hair to keep it back and out of her way.

Santana didn't know the answer to his question. She hadn't really tried anything. All she had done so far was try to deny that her sickness means anything, and sometimes she just tried not to eat. Not eating only made her feel worse, she had discovered. It's like she couldn't win.

Sniffling, ignoring his answer, she reached for the toilet paper roll and blew her nose, throwing it into the toilet and flushing it. She let herself lean back just slightly into Finn, still slumped.

"I'm gonna go order it from room service so that they'll send it right up," Finn said with a half smile, when she didn't answer him.

Getting up, detaching from her gently, he went to place the phone call, making sure to get a lot of crackers, soda, Gatorade and waters. After hanging up, he made his way back into the bathroom for her to lounge against, if she still wanted, lightly touching her back.

"You need anything else right now?"

Santana shook her head, lifting herself up off the tub wall to lean back into him. She didn't think she was going to vomit again, but she didn't feel like moving yet. She rested her head against his shoulder, her body heavy against his, and closed her eyes. She was grateful for him being here, helping her, but didn't say it.

Finn's hands moved against her back and sides softly, trying to soothe her some more. This was his first time helping with pregnancy sickness like this, so he hoped he could take some of the pain away from her through this.

"If you want me to carry you into the other room, just say the word and I'll bring you in there."

Santana shook her head, instead hesitantly turning her head towards him and resting her head against his shoulder. For now she just wanted to be held until she can bring herself to get up on her own. She was still very tired and now feeling much more vulnerable as well.

His head nodded as he held her closer. He kept his one hand brushing against her back as the other stayed settled around her. It felt nice to be this close to her, but he didn't take for granted for even how second how big of a deal he knows this is for her.

For several minutes Santana rested against Finn, letting herself fully recover. She has always hated being sick even with something minor like a cold; she hates the sense of weakness and powerlessness it gives her, having to let someone help her or care for her. This is so much worse to her.

Finally she started making movements as though to pull away and stand somewhat feebly, needing his help but not wanting to ask for it.

Finn stayed still, not even talking because he wanted her to be as comfortable as can be and not bother her. Letting him take care of her was definitely a step in the right direction and hoped she would let him do so for the rest of the night.

As he watched her struggle a little to get up, he used his strong arms to help her to her feet and immediately stood up to wrap his arm around her. He lead her out of the bathroom without a word and back to the bed. The knock on the door was just in time and he quickly moved to get everything from room service for her.

Santana let Finn lead her without comment, even wrapping her fingers slightly around his arm. Lying back down in the bed, she curled up, her stomach more settled now, but still feeling slightly sweaty, yet cold, and physically drained. She lifted her head as the room service comes and sat up a little, not really wanting what he got, but knowing he'll probably tell her to have some anyway. Finally she spoke.

"How many nights did you get this for?"

Finn set some of the extra drinks he got in the fridge before setting the tray by her.

"I got it for a week. I didn't know what you wanted to do, if you want me to leave before then or what." He handed her a Gatorade first. "I don't want you to get dehydrated, I know eating isn't easy, but this will give you at least some electrolytes." He sat on the bed, facing her.

Santana didn't know what she wanted to do either. The options and possibilities seem overwhelming. She concentrated for a few minutes on sipping the Gatorade, then finally looked up, voicing some of her thoughts.

"I have to work, and don't tell me I don't because I do. Babies are friggin' expensive- and so are abortions," she added hastily, just in case he thinks he won already. "I can't call in sick when I walked out yesterday. I'm probably already fired. I have to find a new job or explain to the old one and…shit, I have to tell Kurt and Rachel."

That was not a fun prospect. She pushed the drink aside, exhaling.

"I would never tell you that you can't work, Santana," Finn said, shaking his head and sighing. He turned to look at the wall, wanting to hide his expression. "You gotta stop thinking that you're alone. I'm here for you and our baby, okay? You don't have to tell them on your own, you don't have to find a job on your own. I'm here, in New York with you and am not going anywhere."

His voice was shaky and his jaw clenched before he finally released it to look at her. "I'm not saying stop being you or give up everything, but you have to understand I am here for you not to take over your life."

Santana noticed that he didn't tell her not to abort this time, but Finn did quite obviously show that he was distressed at the thought. She tried to not care about this, but it did bother her. She licked her lips, wanting to say something else about abortion just to try to prove something, but couldn't go through with it.

"I hear you, you've said that."

Finn ran his hands over his face and set his elbows on his thighs to lean down against. "You hear me, but do you believe me? Do you care about what I'm saying?" he asked in a voice barely above a whisper, choking on his emotions slightly. "I mean, I tell you all about what being a dad means to me and you still bring up abortion. I don't…I don't get it. I don't know what more I can do or say right now."

Santana reluctantly raised her eyes to his, inwardly flinching at the pain in his expression. She knew that Finn was right. She was hurting him and she knew it…but no, she couldn't believe him. Not quite. Not whole heartedly without fear.

She and Finn are good friends, maybe even best friends, weird as that is. But once she and Brittany had been, and look what had happened. She had thought she could trust Brittany more than anyone, that Brittany would always love her most and be there for her, that she would never, ever hurt her. And she had. Truthfully, no one in Santana's life, despite the bond she had made with the other Glee kids, had really, fully hung in there with her through everything and genuinely helped her without backing off at any point. Usually no one even noticed when she needed help.

There are tears in her own eyes when she answers him, fighting her desire to look away.

"I care, okay? I don't…no one really says that and means it. Or they might mean it, but no one can follow through."

"I know, Santana. I know so many people have let you down, I know people have lied to you and hurt you. I know, but you know how many times I have given my all to someone just for them to hurt me?" he asked, gulping as he kept his voice low and tried not to let himself get too emotional. His hand reached forward to wipe away some of her tears as he calmed down himself.

"This..this isn't something I am ever going to lie about. I have still talked to you, been there for you and opened up to you since we slept together because I care about you. I had no idea about the baby and neither did you, I'm not a guy that says things he doesn't mean and makes promises I can't keep."

Santana knew this was true. The only times Finn had ever hurt her- back in junior year, when he had refused to tell Rachel they had had sex, and in senior year, when he had outed her- this had not been due to a lie, or even a real understanding on his part of how it made her feel. He didn't lie to her or break his promises, and ever since senior year she had always known he did care. She closed her eyes at his touch, thinking through what he said. She still couldn't make herself promise, not yet. Not now. But she did lean forward hesitantly, letting one arm lightly wrap around his waist.

The feel of her arm wrapping around him calmed him down slightly, but she still wasn't saying anything. As much as he wanted to see this as hope and some sort of sign, he didn't want to assume and end up getting hurt. Everyone always finds a way to hurt him, use him or walk all over him….so he's a little nervous that this will be just another time he's taken for granted. He was so open with her, showing his feelings and showing what he was thinking and has gone through, he just hopes it's not all for nothing. His arm set around her as well with a few deep breaths and a heavy heart. He would take full blame for the cuddling right now because honestly? He needed it and her right now to keep him from breaking.

"Finn…can't I wait a while to answer?"she asked, and Finn swallowed, answering in a near whisper.

"Y-yeah. I know it's not easy, I get it, I do. But I just wanted you to hear me out and see how serious I am."

"I know," Santana replied softly, just as seriously. "I know."

She goes quiet, letting him hold her, molding in closely against him, and lets her thoughts drift. But always they come back to him, his request.

"Aside from the baby and the pregnancy, I care a lot about you. I always have and was just reminded that night we were together," he told her as he ran his hands up and down her back, mainly just his finger tips brushing against her ever so gently. "As a friend, as a person…you just..yeah,I don't even think you realize how amazing you are and that's why I would text you like every day since I was last in New York. "

Santana looked up at him, frowning slightly. She doesn't disbelieve him, but she still finds it difficult to accept the compliment. She squeezed his waist a little tighter, resting her head against him, and is slow to reply.

"You trying to make me stop wanting to kill you?"

Finn offered her the best smile he could form right now, showing how true he was to his words in his eyes. His eyes closed as she settled her head against him and his lips brushed against her hair ever so softly.

"Yeah, that would be nice. But no, I am just telling you what I think you deserve to hear."

She smiled slightly, exhaling, and nods very slightly, accepting this for now.

"You still suck."

Finn nodded his head with a small smile, keeping her cuddled in close against him. For some reason, he felt like this was Santana's way of still showing affection with her insult so he didn't take it to heart.

"I know."

For several minutes Santana just remained relaxed against him. Then she slowly pulled away, lying on her stomach on the bed and pillowing her head in her arms.

"You're allowed to rub my back."

This is more of a command than a statement, but it's also a test.

Finn smiled to himself, but didn't comment other than to tell her, "Alright, tell me if you want lotion or anything when I'm doing it."

Somewhat awkwardly positioning himself beside her, his hands started to massage and work up and down her back and neck, shoulders and arms, using light but firm pressure.

Santana snickered to herself, eyebrows raised. "And you just happen to carry lotion to hang out with me?" But she quickly quietened as he started to work on her tensed muscles. Her body relaxed quickly, and she groaned aloud, sighing.

"What? No, they have it in like…the bathroom. I just want you to be comfortable," he said with a nervous laugh through his nose as he started on every muscle in reach.

Everything seemed to be weighing heavily on her and her body, so he wasn't going to stop until he gets out every knot. The sounds she was making let him know she is enjoying it so he can't help but smile to himself proudly.

Santana shut her eyes, focusing thoroughly on how good it feels to experience Finn's touch, to have him working out the knots in her muscles. She hummed softly to herself under her breath, not even realizing she was doing it, until she started to feel sleepy…yet weirdly aroused as well.

Finn stayed concentrated on every inch of her back. He didn't over think it or question himself, just worked his hands against her and smiled a little to himself every time he could tell she enjoyed a certain muscle being touched or his hands against her neck.

Santana felt like her body was thrumming and vibrating with Finn's touch. She was almost relaxed enough to sleep but not quite…not when she was so aware of feeling so good, of every place he touched. It's weird…it's almost like she wanted to flip over, grab his hands, and pin him. Maybe more.

She shook her head slightly, trying to shove away that thought. Weird pregnancy weirdness.

Finn licked over his lips as he began to move lower down her back. His hands started to work against the small of her back and her hips. He could feel how warm and soft her skin was and slowly moved down to whisper into her ear.

"Can I um, push your shirt up just a little bit. I think it might feel even better if I get to massage against your skin and not just over you shirt. But if you're comfortable like this, I totally understand."

Santana's breath released in a soft sigh, and she found that she couldn't respond in words. She shivered a little at the feel of his breath against her ear, then slowly nodded her head, waiting with anticipation for his touch against her skin.

Finn pulled his head back slowly, waiting for her answer and saw the nod of her head. He swallowed silently to himself before starting to push her shirt up slightly. It was hard to decide how high to go with it, so he played it safe for now and stopped at her bra. His hands moved against her bare back and he worked his fingers into her skin and muscles.

"Your skin's so soft."

Eyes closed again, Santana smiled softly, her skin giving way easily under Finn's touch. She didn't have the capability she normally would of answering sarcastically. Instead she breathed with his touch, waiting for him to finish with no sense of how much time was passing.

Finn's fingers slipped up even higher. He worked against her bra line, under the straps and every single inch of her back, shoulders and neck. His hands were starting to go numb, but he didn't stop for another 20 or so minutes. With a deep breath, he rolled over to the side so his head was next to hers.

"I can massage you some more later, I just know my hands are tingling and don't want it to suck."

Santana could barely open her eyes. She was so completely relaxed she didn't think she could sit up or stand if she tried. Breathing in deep, even breaths, all defenses down, she reached out slowly, grasping for Finn, and attempted to pull him close to her.

"Mm. No."

His hands settled around her and his eyes fell closed. Now he was exhausted and ready to sleep for the rest of the night with her. Her words caused him to smile from ear to ear as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

"I hope you think that way when you wake up," he whispered to her lowly before drifting off with her to sleep.

88

She didn't realize that it was a dream, not at first. It seemed very real to her. The glint in the baby's eyes, so lively and vivid, showing personality Santana had not realized a baby could have. The lightly tanned skin, the wispy, wavy dark hair, the dimples in her cheeks, mirroring Santana's own. She was absolutely beautiful, her skin soft, her laugh one of the cutest noises Santana could remember hearing, and as Santana held her in her arms, she could feel the baby's weight against her.

When the darkened form began to chase her, snatching out shapeless hands in her direction, she knew immediately that it was a threat, that it would take the baby away from her forever, cause it irreversible harm. Santana began to run, heart hammering in her chest, clutching the baby tightly against herself, but the being was catching up with her, gaining more and more with every stride. And then it was coming over her, surrounding her in a cloud of black so she could not see, could feel a coldness come over her. No matter how she tried to shield the baby with her body, she couldn't protect it, and it wasn't until the blackness began to fade away and Santana could move again that she was able to look down at the child.

The child's face was still and grey, a small amount of blood coming out of her mouth and nose, and Santana could feel from the coldness in her skin that she was no longer breathing. Stricken, she rocked the baby, touching her face, trying to warm it with her own body, but the child did not stir. In her sleep Santana began to moan and pant, stirring against Finn as she struggled to escape his arms.

As Finn slept, he was still on alert. He wanted to make sure he could get up right away if Santana had to get sick or if something was wrong, he'd be able to take care of it. The last time they slept together, they were in a position similar to this, but this time it felt different. All he kept thinking about was how their baby was in between them. His hand would find reasons to brush against her stomach even in his sleep, trying to not focus on the fact that she still isn't sure if she even wants to keep their child. He just hoped he could continue to convince her that's not the answer and that they can both do this together.

As she started to move in his arms, he became a bit worried. His grip around her loosened and his eyes opened, concerned and trying not to freak out.

"San..San are you okay?" he asked in a thick whisper.

Santana didn't hear him, deep in her dream, convinced that she was holding a dead child- her dead child- in her arms. Her soft noises of shock and horror soon became higher pitched utterances of wordless grief, and she began to thrash against Finn, trying to break loose of his hold of her.

Finn's eyes blinked a few times over as he was confused for a few seconds, still trying to figure out what was going on. He realized she was still sleeping and he has been told you never wake someone up from a dream…or maybe it's from sleep walking? Crap, he can't remember. She was starting to scream, and that made his decision for him.

"Santana…Santana, you're having a nightmare. Santana." His tone stayed low, not wanting to scare her.

It took Santana another minute before she began to wake up, and even when she opened her eyes, she was disoriented, not understanding where she was. Eyes open wide, she clutched at Finn, her nails almost scratching his skin through his shirt. Tears started to stream down her cheeks, and she sobbed aloud, burying her face in his chest and trembling.

Finn wrapped his arms around her without a second thought. Her hands were clasping against his skin and his lips moved down to the top of her head.

"It's okay, I'm here. It's okay, San. It was just a dream."

Santana wrapped her arms around Finn tightly, soaking up his efforts at comfort. She sniffled against him, keeping her eyes open in an effort to keep herself from seeing the dead baby in her arms again. It still seemed very vivid and real to her, and she stammered, "It-it was dead…I felt it. I d-didn't keep it alive. It was looking at me…"

A sharp breath filled his lungs as he knew what she was talking about right away. Their baby. Thinking of it dead made his stomach turn and his hands were a little shaky against her back. His arms adjusted around her and it took him a few seconds to even find his voice.

"I'm so sorry, San that you had to dream about that. That…I can't even imagine. But I'm here right now to protect you and tell you that will never happen."

At his voiced comfort, Santana sobbed again, fingers digging even tighter into Finn's back. Tears seeped through his shirt as she tried to tell him about it.

"I was r-running and I c-couldn't go fast enough…it was b-bloody and…I was trying to keep it alive, I was t-trying…the black thing got it."

Normally she would be mortified to think of herself in a position like this, crying over a bad dream like a little kid. But she was tired, she was hungry and stressed out, and she couldn't get the images of the dream out of her head. It was upsetting her more than she would have thought possible.

"It was m-my fault it got it, wasn't it?"

Finn shook his head quickly, swallowing again as his hand stroked over her back.

"No, San. It was just a dream,that's not really ever going to happen. You're worried and you have so many thoughts about the baby, that's never going to happen. I promise."

"I d-don't want it to die," Santana blurted against his chest, not lifting her face. She tried to take a deep breath, a shudder running down her back. "It was so s-soft….I don't want it to die."

She didn't think now about the implications of what she's saying, or how Finn might take it, still caught in the aftermath of her dream. But Finn took it very seriously indeed. His eyes filled up with tears as he tightened his grasp around her.

"I don't…it's not going 're not doing that, we're having our baby, San. We're not letting it die."

She cried a little more softly for another minute before calming down, beginning to slowly pull herself back together. She didn't lift her face from Finn for another few minutes though, as her breathing began to normalize. When she finally pulled back a little, meeting his eyes, she bit her lip, again near tears, but trying to control. Now that she is more composed, she remembers exactly what she said to him.

"I…I guess…I think I have to have it. The baby."

Finn's thumb moved to brush some of the tear marks on her cheeks away and he sniffled away the ones that were forming in his. He could feel his throat tighten just before she spoke, but once she said she would have the baby, he completely relaxed and let out a long breath of relief.

"I promise, I'm going to be by your side through everything. I'm going to help you, do everything I can for you."

More tears leaked out her eyes. Just having voiced this commitment is somehow both more stressful and a little bit of a relief; at least the decision has been made. Santana hid her face against Finn again, shutting her eyes.

"I…I know."

A heavy swallow fell down his throat. He was so happy to not have to worry about even the idea of an abortion anymore and to know that they were having this baby together. His heart finally calmed down as his arms held her in place and his lips brushed against the top of her head once again.

"You always have me."

Santana nodded faintly, exhaling. She wasn't sure what she thought of this right now, but she didn't have the energy to snap back. Finn closed his eyes and swirled his fingers is soft circles against her back, hoping that would sooth her again so that she could sleep comfortably, and Santana gradually relaxed, enjoying the gentle touch. When she fell asleep again, it was more peacefully than before.


	5. Chapter 5

Tumblr posts

Santana: I'm sooooo tired god why is the day here

Finn: I think it's the baby that is making you so sleepy.

Santana: Baby is a jerk.

Finn: Haha it's just starting to grow and that's probably making your body tired from the changes

Santana: PM: HOLY FUCK WAS THAT CONVERSATION PUBLIC DELETE IT NOW NOW NOW HOLY FUCK! OMG I'M KILLING YOU YOU ARE DEAD!

Finn: PM: IM SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW. Deleting it right now!

Santana: PM: OMG PEOPLE SAW OMG YOU ARE DEAD PEOPLE SAW!

Santana: PM: oh my god oh my god RACHEL IS TEXTING ME OH MY GOD

Finn: PM: You want me to deal with her?

Santana: PM: I LIVE WITH HER FINN!

Finn: PM: We can go there and tell her or whatever you wanna do, I will with you

Santana: PM: I swear I'm about to throw up. I'm killing you. Throwing up and then killing you.

Santana: PM: Yes you damn well better go. You BETTER. NOW

88

Finn ran his hand through his hair nervously as he unlocked the door to their shared hotel room. Looking up to where Santana was seated on the bed, where Santana was sitting, repeatedly running her hand through her hair almost as a mirror to himself. He could barely stand to look at her, let alone think of what to say, either to her or to Rachel in the all too near future. He knew he messed up by announcing about the baby publicly, but he wasn't thinking that others knew. His knowledge of his and Santana's baby took up so much of his thoughts that it honestly had not occurred to him that everyone else in the world was in the dark.

It wasn't really Rachel's opinion or reaction that was bothering him currently. Right now, he truly didn't care what she was going to think. It was how her reaction might get to Santana that was concerning him. Santana's wrath was way scarier than anything Rachel could conjure up, and if she was upset with both him and Rachel, possibly Kurt too, there was no telling what could happen.

Clearing his throat again, daring to look vaguely in the direction of Santana's face, Finn took a hesitant step closer to her, shifting his weight awkwardly. He was prepared for any response from her, everything from a physical attack to a verbal lashing.

"You uh, ready to go?"

Santana was completely freaking out. Although she tried desperately not to show it, all she could think about was that everyone in the world had probably seen what Finn had written. How could he be so completely stupid, how could he put that when she hadn't even been to the freaking doctor yet? How could he put that when she hadn't told her parents or anyone? When she hadn't told her roommates, who were probably going to deafen her with their shrill shrieks in her ear? She was going to get kicked out today, she just knew it. Rachel and Kurt would probably never talk to her again and damn, it actually bothered her.

At Finn's all too uncomfortable question, she just glared at him, finally removing her hands from her hair, but her eyes were bright with feeling.

"No."

Sighing softly, Finn moved to sit down next to her, and after a long hesitation and several false starts, his hand brushed against her back.

"You have me to be by your side with it. If she freaks out, that's on her and just who she is," he spoke lowly , his fingers brushing against her spine as he took a few deep breaths himself. "Kurt's my brother, he's not going to be against or say anything bad about his own family and that includes you and the baby. That's just not who he is. The only one who is going to freak is Rachel, but she'll come around…and if she doesn't, then why do you want her in your life? I mean…it's gonna be okay, San. She might take a while, but it's gonna be okay. I know they mean a lot to you even though you would never say it, I get it, I do. So however you wanna say it to them, we will."

"I'm not Kurt's family," Santana spat, trying to shrug off Finn's hand. "I'm the only one that ever said that about them. They never said the same about me." She continues to try to glower at him, but the expression falters slightly within moments. "I'm not ready, Finn. I just decided this morning I'm even having the kid and now I have to have the whole world know?"

His hand pulled back with a thick swallow and he let them slowly drift back to his lap as he tried to think of his response to her, to word it in a way that wouldn't further upset her.

"You're my family now, with the baby, and I'm his, so yes you are. Even if he doesn't say it, you are… we don't have to talk to them today, if you're not ready. We can ignore the phones and you can stay here."

"I'm not yours. You don't own me," Santana snapped. "I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not your wife, I'm not anything but the incubator for the baby you're so damn thrilled to have."

But even as she said it she felt a small twinge of guilt for her words that she quickly shoved down.

"I meant you're my family, not…not mine like that. I'm not, I would never just say that…" Finn let his words trail off, deciding that not talking was a better option, and just waited to be told what it was Santana wanted to do.

Arms crossed tightly over her chest, she breathed out, trying to psyche herself up to stand, to start this. Eventually she got to her feet, exhaling again.

"Get it over with. I don't want to have her texting me all day and then figure out where I am and barge over when I finally got to a good sleep."

Nodding, Finn took his keys into his hand, moving to the door and opening it for her. Santana got up silently, still scowling, and followed behind him. But despite the angry expression on her face, her heart was beating fast, her stomach queasy with nerves and anxiety over what they were about to do. Whatever she might say otherwise, she cared quite a lot about what Rachel and Kurt will think, and she had no desire whatsoever to do this. As Finn flagged down a cab, again opening the door for her, she got in quietly. She could feel him looking over at her furtively several times, but she ignored him, staring out the window. She saw his hand twitch once, like he wanted to take hers in it, but she ignored it, and he kept it to himself. She was silent for the ride over, trying not to look at Finn.

The car ride seemed to take way too short of a time for Santana. In almost no time at all they were pulling into the front of her shared apartment with Kurt and Rachel, and she realized with brief panic she couldn't make her legs work for the first few seconds to get out of the car. Blinking back anxious tears that rose in her throat and eyes, she made herself take back control to move, stumbling out. She walked very slowly towards the building's front, moving just a little closer to Finn instinctively.

Sliding out of the car, Finn opened the door for Santana again and realized she was super nervous with one glance at the tension in her features. With a deep breath, he pushed away all he was feeling and thinking and just focused on what she must be going through. As they reached the front door of the apartment, he stopped her, not caring then whether she wanted it or not, and wrapped his arms around her.

"You're the strongest person I know, remember that. You're Santana Lopez," he whispered into her ear with his eyes closing, expecting a punch or to be pushed away, but hanging on regardless.

Santana stiffened at first, but then released her breath in a sigh, letting her body rest against his. She didn't hug him back, but she let him hold her for a minute before pulling back. She didn't take his hand, but she remained close as she took another breath, steeling herself. Then she lifted her chin, squared her shoulders, and stepped forward.

Santana didn't knock. She didn't know if she'd be greeted at the door with a slap to the face for her efforts. Instead she just opened the door, throwing it inside, and called out with more bravado than she felt, "Honeys, I'm home. I know you were probably up baking a cake and blowing up balloons in my honor all night, but really, I insist, there's no need to fuss."

Watching this, it was obvious to Finn that Santana was putting up walls to protect herself, should they hurt her. He understood what she was doing, but if she announced her pregnancy in this way…well, it could lead to disaster.

He swallowed thickly and waved as Kurt and Rachel both walked out of their curtained off areas to meet her at the door, looking between Santana and Finn, just behind her, with some confusion.

"Yo brother," Finn greeted Kurt with a hug before backing away, shoving his hands in his pockets. Even without Kurt having read a word, the raised eyebrows and suspicious, pinched look of his features told him that the other young man had definitely read the exchange on Tumblr before it was deleted.

Rachel for her part kept back, her eyes narrowed, shifting between Finn and Santana with deep suspicion. Santana stayed apart as well, as though wanting to stay close to the door, and fought to keep a carefree expression on her face as Rachel regarded her, finally speaking pointedly.

"I read some rather interesting comments on tumblr. I would think an April Fools Day prank except those are most commonly done in April. I realize it's the beginning of March but you're a bit early, or perhaps a lot late."

Finn shook his head at Rachel as he backed away from Kurt and stood back next to Santana. She was just so…Rachel about things and thinking his kid was a joke did not settle well with him.

"I don't know why you're uh, questioning what Santana and I talk about because it doesn't involve you. But don't try to comment or say things before you know what's going on or seem like on a high horse about it."

"No, she wants to know, I'll tell her," Santana said with a reckless tone, even as her stomach continued to twist itself in knots. Chin lifted, she gestured back towards Finn, her tone a challenge as she addressed her.

"No joke, Rachel. I got drunk, I slept with Finn, and boom, I'm pregnant. For real, not for fake, this ain't no repeat of sophomore year, just a sad irony. More irony, it's kinda your fault 'cause you're the one that kicked me out of my own place. Happy now?"

She watched as Kurt's mouth dropped, his eyes bulging, and Rachel's in contrast narrowed further, waiting for their response.

Finn licked over his dry lips as he looked downward first before back up to hear Santana telling them. It was a slight sting as she told them it was something they did drunkenly because the last thing he ever wanted was for anyone to call or refer to their baby as a mistake. You never call someone that no matter what the circumstances are. Santana blaming Rachel made him sigh silently to himself and he knew what Santana meant by it, but that wasn't the reason they slept together. Or…he doesn't even know right now, he just nodded and rubbed his lips together.

"Yeah, we're having a baby." Santana

For a few seconds Kurt sputtered, seeming to find it near impossible to find words. Finally he managed, "You're…the two of you…a baby?"

But Rachel had no difficulty speaking. Her face slowly flushing, her head swiveled from Finn to Santana, and she pointed a shaking finger in Santana's direction, her voice rising.

"How dare you, Santana Lopez…how dare you go and twist this around, how dare you blame me for your inability to keep out of other people's lives and your hands off their people. You really have the nerve to blame your own inability to keep your- to keep your legs together on me? You are so obsessed with having everything I ever have, so obsessed with trying to one up with me you couldn't stand it, you just couldn't stand the thought that Finn chose me over you! Is this what you're trying to do, to win him over to you, to force him to have ties with you all his life because you know he's too much of a gentleman to cut you off?"

"Rachel…Rachel, come on, not like this-" Kurt started, but Rachel cut him off, only starting to warm up. Taking a long stride forward, closer to Santana now, she continued heatedly.

"You are a lesbian, Santana, and you still can't let me have what's mine. He doesn't really want you and you don't want him, you're using him and he's just too nice not to let you know that it's not you he wants. You trapped him, Santana Lopez, and you can deny it all you want but you'll NEVER fool me."

Finn's cheeks rose with anger and his hands were starting to shake as each word Rachel spoke made his jaw grind and his breathing grow heavier. Where the hell does she think she gets the right to say these things? Unable to contain himself, he stepped forward, his voice intense, almost yelling.

"No, Rachel how dare you. How dare you talk to her like this, YOU twist it around to make it about you. This had nothing to do with you, nothing. No one wants to be you, when will you ever get that through your head?"

Finn looked up to the ceiling, rolling his eyes and trying to keep his tone down, but failing. His face twisted in anger before looking back at her harshly and pointing his finger towards her, noticing his hand shaking.

"And don't, don't talk about me. Don't you dare try and say what I'm like or what I am doing. I want this baby, I wanted her that night and you never even crossed my mind. I am not yours, when you said I wasn't a man, I realized what you weren't and aren't. So am I too nice now to speak up for what I want and what I feel? If I was trapped, would I have flown out her and stayed the week with her when I didn't have to?"

He knew Kurt was trying to calm him down, but he just shook his head at him without even looking at him, instead looking straight at Rachel.

"You're so obsessed with thinking everything in this world has to do or relate back to you but I will be damned if you EVER think my baby does. You need to stop thinking the world revolves around you because I know my world is a whole lot better without you in it."

Santana knew she should fight back, that she should refute Rachel, defend herself. She knew that she should yell back at Rachel, call her names or at the very least try to calm her down and talk this through. The last thing she wanted was to stand back, her cheeks red, as Finn Hudson defends her and even manages to out-bitch Rachel. But she can't seem to find words, and she can't stop herself from feeling the intense hurt Rachel's words have caused. So this is what Rachel thinks of her?

"It's not like that-" she starts, her voice weaker than she wants it to be, but Rachel speaks over her, barely acknowledging her as she turns to Finn.

"So now she has her claws in you deep, does she? Don't you see, Finn, she's using you. She never got a job on her own, not one that counts, and she wants someone who's going to let her have the easy life and provide for her while she does nothing. She doesn't have a dream so if she can't steal other people's, she just does nothing at all. Don't let her do this to you. This is our future you're throwing away."

"Right, and your boyfriend did what? Slept with girls for money?" Finn half shouted, shaking his head in disgust. "You know what this just proves, how selfish you are. She is your roommate, lives here and you obviously know nothing about her. Not a single thing. She doesn't want me to be the only one to provide, in fact she hates the thought and has dreams and has ideas of what she wants to do in life. And right now, she comes over here to tell you what's going on and all you do is make it about you. The only thing I am throwing away is you. She's supposed to be your friend, Rachel. She's going to need help whether she wants it or not, she's going to need support, and this is what you have to say?"

His head shakes in disbelief before taking a step back to stand next to Santana. "And speaking of someone who wants the easy life, that's you. Who's paying for this apartment…right, your parents. Who's totally supporting you since you don't have a job? Right, same people. You've never worked a day of your life, Rachel, and now you think you're entitled to things. You need to come down from the pedestal you put yourself on."

"Guys, stop it! Everyone, just…just take a deep breath, and stop talking, you're all being terrible!" Kurt cried, thrusting out his hands pleadingly, but no one listened to him. Rachel was now almost yelling, and Santana too was trying to insert in the midst of her words.

"Look what she's done to you, Finn Hudson, she's made you an entirely different person, you never would have spoken to me like this, ever-"

"I didn't do anything to him, what the hell are you talking about? I didn't want ANY of this-"

"This IS about me, she did this only because of me and her twisted competition, ever since day one, ever since middle school it's been all about trying to make my life hell-"

"I got rid of your fucking prostitute boyfriend, I took you to the pregnancy clinic, how can you say-"

"You've been faking and you finally let your colors show, he talks about pedastals, you were on one all through high school and now you think people will still worship you, after you're a stripper, after you're dropping out of school and getting dumped by your girlfriend and no one even wants you to live with them and you can't get a decent job? You really think you're on top, that you're higher than me? You'll never be more than me, Santana Lopez, no matter how desperately you try, and you were never my friend. We were pretending to be friends all along!"

The words hit Santana like a slap in the face, and she knew she couldn't hide how stricken she was, how deeply to her heart they struck. No words came to mind for retaliation. As Rachel's words replayed in her mind, particularly the last few sentences, she was aware of her face heating, and then before she even knew it was a threat, tears were streaming down her cheeks. Giving an involuntary sob, she almost ran towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Sitting on the closed toilet lid, Santana hugged her elbows to her sides, trying to swallow against her newly queasy stomach.

It had Finn's stomach turning the way Rachel was talking about him, Santana and the situation. He wanted to kick a chair- as he normally did when he became this angry- and if there were any within close range, he probably would have. His head was spinning, his blood boiling; he was livid, nothing sort of it.

None of this was about Rachel, not a single thing and he hasn't even thought about Rachel since the night he punched Brody. Not to mention, Santana's comment about Rachel taking a pregnancy test- no doubt from sleeping with Mr. Gigolo- how could she feel she had the right to say anything to Santana about being pregnant, especially if Santana had helped her with it?

And then Santana was running away, visibly upset, and Finn's anger rose to an even greater level. His entire face burning, his hands unconsciously forming fists, he gave Rachel the hardest, dirtiest look he could manage and just shook his head.

"You…you need serious help."

He shrugged Kurt's hand off as the other man tried to touch his shoulder in an effort to calm him. He didn't want to be calm. All he cared about right now was Santana, he knew how hurt she was by all of this and quite frankly didn't want to even look at Rachel anymore. Stalking towards the bathroom door she had disappeared behind, he took a deep breath, trying to settle for her, if not for anyone else, before he knocked softly.

"San..it's just me."

Santana jumped when Finn knocked on the door, expecting it to be Rachel about to burst in on her, accusing her ever more shrilly, despite the gentleness of the knock. When he identifies himself, she releases another sob, not moving to let him in. It would only be worse if Rachel saw him choosing her, leaving her to come to Santana, comforting her. And why the hell was she so upset anyway? She knew this would happen, she expected it. How could she give Rachel this satisfaction?

The knob was locked and he could tell Santana wasn't answering, so all he could do was sit down against the door and wait for her to want to see him again. Maybe she was mad at him for some of the things he said? Maybe she was regretting this and him and everything all over. As badly as he wanted to get out of here, he couldn't without making sure she was okay. His eyes closed as his head settled against the wall and he tried with a few deep breaths to calm himself down and not think how much Santana probably hates him.

Santana could faintly hear Rachel still going at Finn and Kurt trying to play peacemaker, and it only upset her more. Despite her words to Rachel, she did feel like this was her fault. She hated knowing that she's lost Rachel at least, almost definitely forever, and probably most of the other Glee kids too…all over one stupid drunken night, and not wanting to be alone. And wasn't that how most of her biggest mistakes started?

Hands over her face, she cried for another minute or two, her shoulders shaking as she tried to ignore the yelling outside the door. Then, when she couldn't take the sound of Rachel yelling anymore, Santana stood up in a jerky motion, opening the door for Finn. She barely waited for him to come into the room before slamming and locking it behind her.

Finn fell back a little as Santana suddenly opened up the door. It took him by surprise and he hopped up to his feet quickly, getting inside the bathroom and immediately wrapping his arms around her as soon as the door was closed. Seeing her so upset killed him, and all he wanted to do was hold her. He didn't even say anything, just held her against him, listening to her sniffling breaths and hoping to make her feel comforted and safe.

Santana buried her face in Finn's chest, her body shaking with adrenaline she hadn't yet entirely released as much as because she was still crying. She could hear Rachel's voice still from the other side of the door, Kurt trying to calm her still, and she clung to Finn, unable even to feel embarrassed. She was starting to feel sick and a little lightheaded, unsure if it was just the stress or the crying or if she was actually about to be sick, and she tried to ignore it, holding onto him.

All the tension in Finn's body relaxed and leaves through a long breath as he held onto her tightly. His eyes closed, and he tried to block out everything else around them. Santana was so hurt by what was said…he knew that probably some, maybe even most of it, was due to hormones, but some of it- maybe even most of it- undoubtedly wasn't. With another breath, he tried to just focus on Santana, rubbing her lower back with his hand. After a few minutes Santana calmed down a little, but didn't lift her face or loosen her hold. She could still hear voices faintly on the other side of the door.

"I don't want to leave," she whispered. "Fuck, I just don't want to go."

His tongue became heavy as that was not what he was expecting her to say. His head nodded a few times before finally finding his voice.

"Do you…want me to go and you talk to them without me here?"

What Santana had meant was she didn't want to leave the bathroom, to have to face them again as would be unavoidable. It was true she didn't want to leave the loft too, but it was inevitable. She couldn't possibly live with someone who felt towards her how Rachel did. At Finn's suggestion, she shook her head immediately. No way does she want him to leave her alone.

"Sorry, I thought you meant you didn't want to leave the apartment," Finn whispered, his hand continuing to brush gently against her as he held her as close. "I didn't want to leave you, just didn't know what you meant."

"You better not," Santana managed, still not lifting her head. "I swear I'm still kicking your ass."

A small laugh fell from his nose as he whispered, "I know."

He hoped soon they could just get out of here without a word, he could take her to get some food and then head back to the hotel room. Being around all this stress couldn't be good for her or the baby.

It was another few minutes before Santana had calmed down enough that she could pull back, partly unwinding from Finn, take a deep breath, and slowly open the bathroom door. She didn't let go of Finn's hand, even though it was hard to hold on knowing that Rachel was about to blow. When she walked straight for the door, not even bothering to get any of her belongings, and refusing to acknowledge Rachel, she stopped only when Kurt rested a hand on her arm, his gaze conflicted but sincere, and tried to give him a small smile that stuck on her lips.

Finn kept his hand in Santana's, his fingers interlacing with hers as they headed out of the apartment. When Kurt stopped them, Finn nodded his head towards his brother and thanked him with his eyes for at least attempting to reach out to Santana. He hoped Santana sees that it was just Rachel against her and that she wasn't being turned on by both her roommates.

She left out the door with her fingers tightly in Finn's. She was able to keep her head up high and stay composed all the way until they had hailed a cab before she started to cry again. It was hitting her hard, what has just happened. She and Rachel- and Finn and Rachel too- were almost definitely irreversibly not friends. Rachel genuinely seemed to think she was a terrible person who could never change. She was having a baby with no support from her at all, probably from no one but Finn and Kurt just partly. She was leaving her own home, and Rachel was at least partly right. She doesn't have a job, she isn't in school, she doesn't have very many friends left, she probably doesn't have a future with her dreams, and she can't stop thinking of that. Rachel will be on Broadway while she's changing diapers.

Finn gave Santana's hand a gentle squeeze as they walked out of the apartment complex and he let out a long breath. He could tell just looking at her how upset he was, and it bothered him how quiet she was too, not one sarcastic word spoken in the past twenty minutes. His thumb brushed against her skin and he started walking towards a pizza place he knew wasn't too far from them.

"I know what she said really sucked, you don't ever deserve to be talked to or put down like that. My mom had me at 21 and you know, my dad died…but she didn't let what anyone say get in the way of what she wanted to become. I was just her motivation and she had to do it on her own, but you don't. I will do whatever it takes to make sure no matter what, you don't feel stuck or like trapped or whatever. This baby doesn't stop life from happening for us, just makes it better."

Santana heard what he was saying, but it was so difficult to really believe right. She believed that Finn intended to try and genuinely cared, but what if he couldn't do it? What if they couldn't get past what they'd just done for their future? She nodded slightly nevertheless and squeezed his hand as they walked, wiping tears with her free hand.


	6. Chapter 6

Finn stood up from the couch and walked into the bedroom area of their suite. He had been going back and forth in his head on how to tell his mom about all of this, but he was hoping she'd be as caring, supportive and motherly as she was the first time this had happened, with Quinn. His mom was devastated when the truth of the baby came out and now that she knew her son was older and perfectly capable to take care of this baby, he hoped she didn't take the news too hard.

Santana was obviously upset and scared, so he was going to tell his mom on his own and just let Santana listen so that she didn't have to do any of the speaking. She had enough on her plate having to tell her parents and how terrible telling Rachel had been, so this was his turn to step up and be a man in telling his mother.

"I'm ready," Finn told her. He let out a breath with a nod of his head as he sat on the side of the bed, looking over to where she stood near him.

Santana nodded, taking a breath in of her own. Although she didn't say as much, she was very nervous about this call. She knew that Carole Hudson was kind and motherly, that it was highly unlikely she would be mean to her or to Finn about this. But there was still that tiny part of her that worried about judgment and condemnation, that the woman would think she in no way was good enough to be tied to her son. She sat beside him without touching, shaking her hair back over her shoulder, and touched her stomach unconsciously, waiting.

Finn looked to her for a few seconds, wondering how supportive she was going to be. He knew that she had a lot going on, a lot on her mind, and was all over the place with her emotions…but he wasn't sure if she would try to be there for him like he was for her. Maybe sitting next to him was her way of doing so, he didn't know, but his heart was beating really fast as he hit dial on his mom's name. His heart dropped into his stomach when he heard her voice and it took half a second to finally answer.

"Hi…Hi mom, are you um, by yourself right now?" Finn asked her with his voice shaking just slightly.

Carole excused herself and Finn could hear her walking up the steps to her bedroom before the worry came through her voice.

"Yeah, yeah..I just have something really important to tell you."

Santana took in a deep breath at the sound of Carole's voice. Glancing at Finn, seeing that his hand is shaking, she hesitated, then wrapped an arm around his waist, pressing her leg against his. She didn't know he could get nervous and scared too, not after he assured her that his mom would be cool.

Santana's touch caused Finn's Adam's apple to fall up and down his throat heavily, but he relaxed as well. No matter how great he thinks his mom will be with the news, it's still a little nerve-wracking to tell your mom that you're having a baby. The sound in her voice was what got him but slowly, he brought his arm around Santana as well and found the words.

"Santana and I are are having a baby. She's pregnant and I've been out here in New York with her, helping her however I can. We still have to tell her parents but I wanted to tell you first." He rambled a bit before remembering to breathe.

Carole seemed quite at first, letting it all sink in before using her soft, concerned first. "How's she doing? How's she feeling? Has she seen a doctor yet?"

Santana tightened her arm around Finn, resting her head against his side as she waited for his mother's reaction. She could hear in his tone how nervous he was and pressed closer, trying to comfort. She was waiting for Carole's shock, but when the woman started to ask questions right off the bat about her and her well being, she was completely blown away. Tears came to her eyes with her gratitude and near amazement, and she bit her inner cheeks, tightening her arm even more around Finn.

Finn felt so much safer and confident with Santana hugging him and in his arms. She probably had no idea, but her touch and her holding him like this is what he needed. He knew he was a strong guy and could take care of her, be there for her, but sometimes he needed to just feel protected too. His head turned softly to Santana at his mother's questions, and he could see how much it meant to Santana for her to show her concern. He smiled at her as he answered Carole.

"She's had a lot of that morning sickness stuff, so it hasn't been the easiest yet for her. But I'll make sure to take her to a doctor soon."

He heard his mother sigh before continuing.

"Of course…I'm not sure of the circumstances of this, Finn, or how you feel about it, or how she does. But…I'm here for you, son. For Santana too. It's very important that she take prenatal vitamins, you need to get some for her. Take care of her, make sure she rests and eats…son? I know you're young, the two of you aren't even twenty years old yet…but I also know how loving and caring you are. I don't doubt that you can do this, if you want to."

Santana is still somewhat in shock as she listens to Finn's mother talking to him. She is smiling, but she is also swallowing repeatedly, still blinking back tears as she keeps hold of him. She hadn't thought about vitamins or even a doctor, though it makes sense to do. She had until very recently not been sure she would even keep it so it had been pointless to think about it.

For the next several Finn listened to his mom's advice and answered her questions about where they were staying and about what Santana was able to eat that he was aware of. Carole let him know that she would tell Burt and if they needed anything, she could come out to New York to help. It was very reassuring to Finn, just knowing and hearing how his mother supported them. He hadn't really thought that she would be upset, but just hearing the confirmation was helpful to ease many anxieties he had harbored.

He and Santana would be okay. He and Santana would make it, even if it took others' help.

"It's going to be hard for her, Finn, even with our support, so try to be understanding of her and what she's going to be going through," Carole told him, and knowing that Santana was listening, hearing more than half of this through the receiver, Finn gave her an extra squeeze around the shoulders, just to try to show her, in his way, that he was listening and hearing his mother's words too. "I know how hard it is to be a young pregnant woman, and she is going to have some difficult days ahead of her. Tell her if she needs to hear from someone who's been there, if she has any questions or just wants to talk, please give me a call."

"I'll tell her, Mom," Finn promised. "Thank you…I'll talk to you soon, okay?" he swallowed, emotions thick in his voice. "I love you."

"I love you too, son. It's going to be okay."

As Finn hung up the phone, his arm stayed wrapped around Santana, and he looked down at her and smiled softly.

"Did you hear my mom? She's a nurse so you can call her if you ever need to or anything."

Santana nodded, momentarily wordless. She could still barely believing his mother's reaction, even knowing how nice she was. Swallowing again, she gave him a small smile, her voice stunned as she answered.

"She didn't even ask how or why…she didn't even say she thought I was a lesbian. She just…she asked how I'm DOING!"

Finn's shoulders shrugged a little. "I mean, I think she knows _how," _he joked before shaking his head. "My mom…she's really great, and I know she'll ask more questions and be concerned and worry about where we're going to keep staying and stuff like that, but she cares like a lot. She has gone through all of this on her own, so her first thought of course is about you and if we're okay and all that stuff," he explained.

Despite his explanation, this seemed incredible to her. Santana shook her head, breathing out as she replied softly.

"Just…she barely knows me and I was such a bitch in high school and she probably remembers that. And she didn't even say anything mean or lecturing at all…you're so lucky. You have such an amazing mom."

"She never thought that way about you," Finn let her know softly before letting out a long breath, shaking his head. "I know, I'm lucky but her and I were really close growing up. She was like, one of my best friends. So she's understanding and supportive, but I know she's still going to worry and take some time to let it all set in. How do you think your parents are going to react?"

Santana nodded, finally believing this. Thinking of her own parents was not something she wanted to do, and she was slow to answer.

"Mami will be sad and disappointed but probably want to help. Papi probably won't want to talk about it at all…he'll probably ignore it. Everyone else will just talk about me and disapprove and be asses."

Finn's head shook a little as his hand continued to stay rested against her back.

"They're your parents and no matter what anyone says, once the baby gets here, you know everyone is going to love him or her. How can you not? You have me and your parents will come around about it, the shock might get them and they might worry about you, but I know once we have our baby they won't be able to stay away. And if anyone talks badly about the situation, then forget them."

Santana nodded slowly. She knows this. It's been her motto her whole life, once she came out anyway, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt regardless.

"Yep. Besides, I can verbally skewer them any day, any time, Lopez genes or not. In my family only abuela out trash talks me."

"No one will trash talk you or our situation on my watch," he spoke honestly, his eyes looking into hers. Finn knew she could handle her own, but she shouldn't have to. "Heck, I'll even stand up to your abuela."

"Wouldn't take much, she's 4'10 and you're like ten feet," she said dryly, rolling her eyes. "Spare me the knight in shining armor routine, you probably can't even squeeze into any suit of armor."

But even as she said it, she was secretly pleased for his support. Between him and his mother, it was so much more than she could have really hoped for.

His head nodded a few times over, and Finn chose to shut up and hope he didn't annoy her too much. Sometimes he just felt like whenever he tried to open up to her, she was so quick to shut him down that he didn't know what he could do right.

"You wanna call now or later?" he asked finally. "Your parents, I mean."

Santana didn't want to call at all. But she knew it had to get done, and it might as well be now while she was in a decent mood. Exhaling, she reached for the phone.

"Let's do this."

Finn handed her the phone before setting his arm around her. He knows how much it meant to him to be comforted with his phone call, so he was hoping she would let him do the same during hers.

Santana's hands were shaking as she took the phone. She took several breaths, not wanting Finn to see how anxious she was the second the phone was in her hand. She wants to climb into his lap and feel his arms around her, just forget this stupid idea. But she dialed her mother's number, knowing that her father would not be home, at this time of day, so she would at least be spared hearing his response.

"Mami?" she said a little shakily when her mother answered the phone. "I need to tell you something. No, I'm not sick or hurt or in prison, damn, really? What would I be in prison for…no," she rolled her eyes, laughing a little. "No, I'm…Mami, do you remember the hugely tall guy that Rachel was all over in Glee? He sang duets with her? Finn?"

Finn's eyes looked down at her hands, noticing the shaking and frowning slightly to himself. All he wanted to do was comfort her more, but he never knew when Santana would allow it or be comfortable with it. He moved his arm more around her and ran his hand up and down her back and side softly, hoping to make her feel like she wasn't alone right now. His other hand reached out for her to take as well as he listened to the conversation.

Santana's mother was answering in the affirmative, and Santana breathed out again, pressing closer again Finn. She could feel his hand rubbing her back and takes comfort in this, squeezing his hand with her free one before she continued to talk.

"Mami…I'm, I'm gonna have a baby. Finn's baby."

There was a silence as her mother digested the news, and Santana's stomach twisted in knots to the point she felt nauseated. She bit her lip, feeling herself shiver at her mother's next questions.

"Because…because you're pregnant? Right now? But…are you not still a lesbian?" Maribel Lopez's voice held confusion as she questioned her daughter. Santana took another breath, trying to explain.

"Yes, 'cause I'm pregnant…yes, right now…no, Mami, I am still a lesbian, I am."

Maribel paused, her next question worded carefully, but Santana could hear the exasperation all the same.

"Santana…were you drinking? What about Brittany? I thought she was…were you not…?"

Santana swallowed, her hand squeezing in Finn's.

"I just…yeah, exactly, I was drinking. Britt- Mami, I don't want to talk about Brittany." Her eyes slide to Finn at this before she refocuses on the phone, sucking in her breath at her mother's next question.

"Santana…you must be careful. Your health, your safety…are you keeping it? How would you support it? Where will you live?"

"Yes…Mami, I know…yes, I'm keeping it. I don't know, I'll have to figure it out…"

Although her mother's questions were civil, and after her initial shock she had yet to call her names or yell, Santana still found herself blinking back tears. She couldn't help but think her mother was disappointed.

She heard her mother sigh again before Maribel spoke softly, seeming to be choosing her words carefully.

"You know that I am always here for you, mija. You know that I will help you, however you need. Are you all right? Are you feeling okay? You know that I love you and I always will. I will always be proud of you, and I will always love you."

"I know…I know, Mami. Thank you…I'm…I'm mostly okay." Santana's eyes filled with tears as she answered softly, "Yeah, I love you too. I know."

The conversation sort of tore at Finn's heart strings. His thumb brushed against her pulse point between her thumb and index finger and his hand on her back continued to soothe her. When he heard Santana she's still a lesbian, despite his knowledge of this, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of hurt in response.

He knew this, of course; she had made this clear. He knew that the night of the baby's conception had meant nothing to her. He knew that she wasn't attracted to him or interested in him, not in that way. He knew, or at least thought he knew, that she was still in love with Brittany, that she would choose her over him or anyone else in a heartbeat.

But to hear how she talked about it with her mother, telling her that she was drunk, like it was a mistake or a regret…that was hard to hear.

But Santana did still consider himself a lesbian. As grateful as she was for Finn and as much as she loved him, in her way, there was still little doubt in her mind that she was lesbian, all the way. Her mother bringing up Brittany had only reinforced this, and she couldn't quite shake the pain the mention of Brittany had brought to her thoughts. How WAS she going to tell Brittany? What if Brittany was upset? As much as she had hurt Santana, how could Santana hurt her back?

As she hung up she turned to Finn, pensive and sad, and said nothing. She knew her mother would tell her father for her; at least she didn't have to do that much.

Finn wrapped his arms around her and drew her into him, knowing she needed to be held. For the first time since all of this happened, he really realized why she has been so down about this pregnancy and everything that comes with it. She was having a baby with someone that she didn't even really want to sleep with in the first place. She said it herself each and every time she's told someone else; she was drunk.

"Sorry," he whispered, not looking down at her.

Santana blinked, looking up at him. She didn't understand what he was apologizing for when the phone call went as okay as could be expected.

"For what?"

"For…for that night. I should have realized you only wanted me because you were drunk and that you were going to regret it," he whispered with a heavy swallow, his eyes looking anywhere else but in hers.

Santana was quiet for a few moments. What he said was true. She did only want him because she was drunk and he was there and kind, and she did regret it, since she was now pregnant. It seemed cruel even for her to say it, however.

"Well if I didn't get pregnant I wouldn't have cared, but I ain't gonna lie, I'm not too happy about it now."

Finn's second swallow was hard and he nodded his head a few times, thinking over how to respond. What more was he supposed to say or do? She was going to forever tell people that the only reason they have a child was because she was drunk and lonely…hardly the story of his first child he wants to be known.

"I know." He pulled away, starting to stand, and kept his eyes averted from hers. "I'm gonna go lay down on the couch, didn't get much sleep last night."

Santana regarded him, frowning slightly. She could tell he's hurt, yet she had no idea what to do about it. She couldn't help that she's gay, and she can't go back in time and not sleep with him. She made the choice to have this baby and the circumstances behind it were what they were. Yet how was she supposed to say that without sounding like a total bitch?

She couldn't, as it turned out.

"Look, you knew I was drunk, do you seriously think I would have slept with you if I was totally sober? I don't know why you have to act all butt hurt over it. You're getting your way all over the place. You got to sleep with me and you're the one who's straight, you get to keep this kid and you were the one throwing a fit over wanting to. I'm the one going through this shit, I'm the one on the losing end. It's not like you're in love with me and I lead you on and suddenly pulled the straight stick out my ass and deflated on you into a gay heap, you know the score here. You always have!"

Finn shook his head and looked at her, emotions thick in his throat. "Because that's just it. You consider me a loss. And it finally is all setting in, no matter how supportive and there for you I am, you'd want to be doing this with someone else. I was so set on never wanting to make our baby seem like a mistake that I didn't realize that it's me that is. I wasn't throwing a fit, I was being a man and didn't want you to kill our baby. I try to be everything you need, support you, be everything you deserve but to know if Brittany was to show up, you'd run off with her in a second really freaking sucks. So I'm not all butt hurt, you're the one yelling at me like you know anything I am thinking or feeling."

"What do you think me having a baby is, a gain?" Santana said incredulously. "Yeah, I'm gaining being dumped by friends and judged by strangers and having no chance, absolutely none, of ever having a girl love me and want to live with me. I'm gaining puking all day and not sleeping at night and gaining TONS of weight, definitely, and never being as hot again and never having what I wanted out of life and never ever EVER did I tell you I was straight now just because I slept with you! Never EVER did I say I wanted a baby with you! I didn't talk about Brittany at all so where the hell did you get that?"

"If someone doesn't love you because you have a baby, then they're not right for you at all. If your friends leave when you when you need them the most, then how great of friends are they? I get it. It's hard for you, I'm not saying it isn't. But a baby isn't a punishment, it doesn't end your life, it makes it better. The pregnancy side effects suck, but you know once you get through this first trimester or whatever, it gets a lot easier. And I am here. Every step of the way for you, I am here in New York, going to get us a place and do everything I can but sometimes I wonder if it'll ever be enough and you'll always hate and resent me. " He sniffled a little, watching his tone and making sure not to get to heated.

"I'm not expecting you to be straight, or asking you to be with me…but do you know how bad it sucks to have to feel like you're a mistake as a whole to someone you care a lot about?" Finn asked with his voice shaking. "I feel like every other hour I piss you off, I try to be open and honest just for you to brush me aside. And you're right, you don't talk about Brittany because you can't. You still have feelings for her. I can talk about Rachel because I've moved on."

"That doesn't mean it won't happen! Whether it's right or not, people do it and it sucks, Finn, I don't care what it means, I just care it sucks."

Santana was starting to get upset herself, beginning to pace the room throwing glances over her shoulder as she continued to half yell, gesturing dramatically. "I don't hate you but I sure as hell resent you suddenly wanting to be my husband or something or make me into whatever it is you think you want! I'm me, Finn! I'm Santana Lopez! I'm a sarcastic, selfish bitch and I like girls and I don't care about getting married and having babies and I want things my way and I want to lead my own life without people making me do stuff and holding me back and now I got my own damn self in a mess, and you expect me to jump on the marriage and baby wagon just because that's what you want!"

She stopped dead when he mentioned Brittany, turning towards him with a noisy swallow. "And so what if I haven't got over her, which I'm not saying is true. What does that matter to you. Why is it even your business? I'm not dating you. I never promised you anything."

"This has nothing to do with dating, marrying or being with me, Santana. It doesn't. I don't expect you to be, I'm not thinking you ever will be nor did I ever ask you to. What I want is for you not to treat me like I'm just the worst guy in the whole entire world who got you pregnant. That I got you drunk and knocked you up and I'm a piece of crap. I'm here, right now, wanting to hold your hair, your hand, hug you when you're sad and going through a hard time. I don't want to have to feel like I'm always a mistake. Everything is always about putting me down; I'm holding you back, I'm messing up your life, I'm to blame, I'm a loss, I'm a mistake. I can never ever do anything right in your eyes and that is what sucks. That is what I am upset about, this has nothing to do with me asking you to be with me and if you ever listened to me, you'd realize that."

A long breath fell from Finn's nose heavily and he shook his head. "It matters to me because I have to worry about her. If she shows up and says she wants to be with you, you'll just go off with her and our baby. Our baby. That's what matters to me."

Guilt struck Santana then, and she looked away, exhaling. She didn't want to feel bad. She didn't want to feel like the one who was doing wrong. She didn't want to feel like she was making him upset or like he had a right to be. She didn't want to acknowledge that he had a few points, but he was all she had now. She did need him, and she didn't want him to be so upset.

"I didn't say you were a mistake," she muttered. "Just getting pregnant. I'm not mad at you, I'm just mad. I'm mad at me. You're just here."

She sighed again, avoiding his eyes. "I wouldn't do that to you. Take the kid away."

All Finn wanted to do was lay down earlier. He knew that this would turn into a fight and he'd end up feeling even worse about himself. Saying some of those things out loud wasn't easy. He gets everything is hard on her, she has hormones and emotions going all over the place…but it sucks so much to sometimes feel like he's so little and just nothing to her.

"Just here?" he asked, shaking his head and looking out the window.

His tongue moved against his lips again and he shrugged his shoulders, almost defeated. "I know the hold she has over you. You're going to pick her over me every time when it comes to anything."

"Yeah. I'm pissed and you're here so…you get to have the fun task of experiencing it," she muttered. But her eyes snap over to him when he says that she would pick Brittany. Scowling, she crosses her arms, turning fully to him. "Why do I have to PICK anything?"

Finn's head just nodded and he just dopped the conversation. She'll never understand how she makes him feel and how she keeps pushing him closer to breaking down. Her look almost had him rolling his eyes.

"Because when our kid is here, I am not going to play a sometimes dad or let someone else play house with my kid if she decides to be with you again. I'm not doing it and I won't. If she was to show up now and want you to go move with her, you would. That's what I have to worry about. And not because I want you, believe me I'm over being with people who make me feel like crap about myself, but because I am out here giving you my all to help you and be here every step of the pregnancy and wanting to be here for my baby."

"Not gonna let someone play HOUSE?! Oh so the rest of my life I can't have a relationship, is that it? My kid can't have a stepparent because, why, exactly? Because no kid in the world can have a stepparent and still have a relationship with their dad? Why is it your business who I live with at any point in my life?"

By now Santana was really pissed off. She shook her head vehemently, her voice still raised. "If you're so concerned about who this kid lives with then you take it once it's born. You can have it. You want it, take it."

"No, that's not what I was saying. I just know what Brittany is like. She's not good enough for you, she's not good enough for our kid. I would never, ever be with Rachel again. You know you would hate me and keep the baby from me if I ever was. This has nothing to do with stepparents, it has to do with Brittany. And it is my business just like it'll be your business with whoever I have in his or her life."

Usually Finn would back down when Santana was mad, but not this time. He was too hurt and upset. His head shook at her and his jaw flexed hard.

"If you can give the baby to me that easily, then fine, I will."

"Take it! It's alllll yours, Mr. Fertility!" Santana half yelled.

By now her stomach was churning with a mix of anger and stress, and she was having difficulty pushing thoughts of Brittany aside. What would the other woman say when she heard, if she hadn't already? And why did she still sort of care?

She turned her back on him, walking away and throwing herself on the opposite bed. Kicking her legs, jaw clinched in a reflection of Finn's, she drummed her toes onto the mattress like a child having a tantrum. It looked ridiculous but she didn't care in the moment. It felt right at the moment, and she just dared him to comment.

Finn watched her walk away and felt his emotions starting to build in his throat and chest. At 6'4, to have to be made to feel like you're two feet tall, it sucks and he had no idea what to do. He was having a baby with someone that wanted to be with someone else. He was just the guy that got her pregnant. He was just there.

Turning on his side, he held onto a pillow, ignoring what was going on in the other room. It was so damn hard to have to be the rock for someone else when he felt himself like he was about to crumble. Part of him felt like even if he got Santana a place and worked his ass off for her and the baby, she would still find a way to make him feel like he was nothing.

After a minute Santana's rather childish kicking became more feeble, then stopped altogether. She lay on her stomach, burying her head in her arms, and fumed to herself. Stupid Finn and his stupid wanting this baby…trying to make her feel bad, like a bad person. Stupid Finn acting like he wants her and then not wanting her to want Brittany. Stupid Brittany. Stupider Rachel. Stupidest Santana.

Everyone in the world seemed to her extremely hateful right then, but especially herself. The more she thought about it, the more angry with herself she became. She had chosen to confront Brody how she had and piss Rachel off. She had chosen to drink. She had chosen to go to bed with Finn and to call him in the first place. She chose to move in with Rachel and Kurt. She chose to go to New York. She chose to be a bitch now to Finn when he was literally the only person near her that cared now. It was her choice, and she was making sucky ones.

As she thought all of this, her anger began to take a sharp turn into melancholy, and before Santana quite knew what was happening, she found herself starting to cry.

"I suck…I'm a SUCKY friend and I'm a SUCKY daughter and a SUCKY roommate and a SUCKY baby incubator…shit, why do I SUCK so much…"

Finn heard Santana's cries and didn't know what to do. It was hard to hear her say those things about herself…but the last thing he could handle then was to go in there and have her brush off him trying to be there for her. Heck, he didn't even know how to be there for her then. He was hurt and upset and didn't want her to think that way about herself, but he also couldn't just keep feeling like crap himself.

He closed his eyes tight, trying to think of what to do as he took in a few deep breaths. Tonight was a hard one, lots of things were said and felt on both ends. Usually he was the first to break, but tonight he couldn't. He couldn't apologize for the way she made him feel. All he wanted was to feel like he mattered, for her to appreciate that he was there and stepping up and helping her.

Santana sobbed into her arm for another minute or two, then, as she started to wind down, her thoughts slowly eased off into a tangled mess of feeling without logical word. She lay there, simply breathing, for another minute before slowly, almost painfully getting to her feet. Acting on instinct rather than any rational decision, she climbed onto Finn's bed and settled partly over him, her arm draped over his back, her chin against his shoulder. Breathing, feeling him breathe, she lay there.

Santana had never been good with words when it came to being gentle or nice, to apologizing or explaining her feelings. This was the best she could manage, so she lies on him, quiet.

Finn felt Santana slip behind him on the pull out couch. He wasn't sure if she was going to say anything or what he should say, but with the way she wrapped her arm around him and how her head settled against his shoulder, he could tell she was trying to comfort him. He took in a few deep breaths, making sure he was totally relaxed and calmed down before slowly turning into her.

His arms wrapped around her, holding her in to him before closing his eyes again. To hear her say she sucked and those cries of hers hurt and he knew she needed to be comforted just like he did. With a few deep breaths, he slowed down his heart rate and stayed as quiet as she did.

Santana tucked her head under Finn's chin, her arms wrapping around him as he turned into her. She took several breaths, calming too with him, and closed her eyes, sniffling once.

She was still emotionally worn, between her anger and her sadness, and she didn't know what to do or say. Finally she whispered to him, "I'm sorry. I know I'm being an ass. I just…nothing seems right or fair and I just hate everything sometimes. I hate me too."

"You shouldn't hate yourself at all. I know how hard it is for you, how unfair it might seem…but a baby is pretty amazing. It doesn't seem like it now with the sickness and the emotions, how hard it is, but I promise it'll all be worth it."

"I don't know," Santana whispered, biting her lip. "What if it's not?"

She sniffed again, her hands flattening against his back. "What if it's not? What if I still don't want it and I still wish it never happened? What if I can't be a mom?"

"I don't…I don't think that'll ever happen, San. You have a really big heart, I know it's hard for you to show it and open it up, but when you care about someone…you really care about them and give them your all. And this is going to be your baby, part of you. You're going to carry this baby for nine months, he or she is going to need you, love you and make our life better," he whispered, his fingertips running up and down her side.

"It's normal, you know, to worry about being a good mom. That's how it shows you are one, because you want the best for the baby. There's no way that you can wish your son or daughter never happened, you get to watch them grow up, you get to cuddle them, be who they go to when they're hurt or sick. You're going to be that sexy mom everyone is jealous of and we'll have the cutest kid that everyone wishes they had. You just have to look at the positive sides, because it might be scary right now, but down the road it's going to be the most amazing feeling."

Santana was quiet, thinking about what Finn is describing. She didn't have a lot of experience with children, but what he was describing does sound nice. Of course he tended to romanticize, but still…maybe it wouldn't be so bad. If she could survive Cheerios, surely she could survive parenting. Right?

If Sue Sylvester and her own abuela could raise children without ending up in jail, she couldn't screw up much worse.

"I don't know what a mom is supposed to do," she muttered, sighing. "I don't know how to be a mom."

She was sure she couldn't be as patient and supportive as her own mother, who hadn't been around her for much of her childhood and so in Santana's opinion was probably able to be exactly because of that. Her abuela had definitely not taught her the best lessons in how to parent, what if she followed her instead?

"You love your baby, you be there for them, you teach them what you know about the world and protect them from all that's wrong in it. You make them feel better when they're upset, sick or crying. You give them your all." Finn shrugged a little, hoping that he was explaining it to her in ways that she could see herself being able to do.

"We can learn the basics; diapers, feedings, all of those things through classes. But you can't teach love, it just happens. Even when the baby is inside of you, you learn it. You don't eat or have things that are bad for them,you don't drink because it can hurt them. You protect your baby, you be their best friend but also have to punish them when they're bad, set rules, plan things that make them feel special. I never had a dad, but I know I can be one because I will love our baby and do everything and anything for it. You need to start realizing that you can do that too, I know you can."

It sounded almost simple, how Finn described it. Overwhelming, but simple. Santana breathed out again, pressing her face more closely into his chest, and nodded slowly.

"It just seems hard. So hard and I don't know anything and I don't even know if I want to do any of this. I don't even want to think about it."

Finn let out a long breath. His hand brushed up and down her back softly, not sure what to say more about it all. He tried to open up again to make her feel better, but he guessed if she ever came around to being a mom she'd have to do it on her own.

"Alright."

Santana closed her eyes too, trying to empty out her thoughts. But it seemed to be impossible. She remained still, listening to Finn breathe, and eventually had to speak again.

"I don't hate you. I sorta maybe love you, actually. Okay?"

Finn stayed quiet, just holding her and trying to fall asleep and shut up his brain. He was still up until he heard her speak and offered her a closed mouth smile, his eyes still closed. After everything tonight,it was really nice to hear that. Regardless of what some might think,he's not and idiot and he knew it was a friendly kind of love she was talking about.

"I sorta maybe love you back." He whispered out with a nod.

Santana gave him a small smile too, though it was into his chest and he likely wasn't aware. Eyes closed, she started to drift off, her body relaxing into him.


	7. Chapter 7

Santana is not a fan of doctors. Even though her father is one, she always gets nervous going even for check ups, half convinced that she will be told she has some incurable disease. And her first visit to her obstetrician is even more nerve wracking since she doesn't know what to expect. Will they do something that hurts? Will she be asked what her relationship to Finn is? Will they ask about her sexuality? Will they tell her she's done something wrong? What if the fact she was drinking before conceiving somehow damaged the baby or her eggs?

She is nervous, but doesn't want Finn to know it. So instead as he drives her she occupies herself making annoying tapping noises with her feet on the floor board of his car and against the window with her nails, trying to merely appear bored.

Finn rented a car while he was out here, wanting to have something so they could get around without having to always use a taxi. He just wasn't a fan and wanted to make sure when Santana had to get around, she was safe. Some of these drivers in the city are crazy and with her being pregnant, he just couldn't risk it. Their first appointment was a big deal and he couldn't help but be nervous and excited all at the same time. He hoped this would help Santana feel a lot more closer to their baby and feel more like a mom.

His eyes would steal glances of her body language and actions whenever they were at a red light or stop light. There was something about her moving her legs that let him know she was a little uneasy about all of this but wouldn't say it. Her attempt to seem like she wasn't didn't fool him, but he also didn't call her out on it either. He tried to find a station she'd like on the radio as he continued the drive to the hospital. Thankfully they had a medical building attached with doctor's offices. He turned into the parking lot and offered her a small smile.

"My mom said you can call her if you ever need to or anything. I talked to her before we came," Finn shared with a nod before climbing out and coming around to help her do the same.

Santana nods, but she is thinking that although this is nice of his mom, she's never taking him up on it. How weird would that be, to call her with awkward pregnancy symptoms or crying because she dropped her hairbrush? Way too weird and embarrassing.

She notices Finn helping her out and almost snaps at him that she was pregnant, not crippled, and not even really showing yet, but she reigned herself in at the last moment. Exhaling, she walks beside him, at the last moment reaching for his hand. Screw people thinking they're a couple.

Finn was slightly surprised when she took his hand but didn't show it. His fingers locked in between hers and he followed the signs and directions in side the pavilion of where to go. As they finally reach the floor and door, he opens it up for the two of him and follows her lead to the check in desk. He's not quite sure what the doctors are going to do here today, but he hopes it won't be anything that's uncomfortable for Santana or the baby. This is just their first visit and his mom told him earlier that they'd have a lot of them as the pregnancy goes on, so he hopes Santana likes this place and her doctor.

After they were all checked in and told to have a seat til they were called, Finn found two and walked over to sit down. They were both pretty quiet, he knew his reason was because he didn't want to say anything to piss her off or upset her. She was going to be nervous, that was a given, anyone would be, so he just stayed holding her hand and hoping this all went okay today.

Santana had checked out online what to expect about the visit and she knew logically it wasn't that big of a deal. They would get a full health history, give her a physical and a pelvic, and assess whether she had any STD's or a heightened risk of passing anything genetic onto the baby. Which was something she had never even considered. What if she or Finn had a baby who was deformed or had serious illness? How would she handle THAT?

When they called her name she was slow to stand, still gripping Finn's hand.

Finn gave her hand a light squeeze back, hoping that she could feel a little better about all of this with him by her side. He is pretty protective and is going to be watching every single thing the nurse and doctor does back in the room. The last thing he'll allow is for them to do anything that would hurt Santana or the baby, so hopefully she knows and realizes that.

He offered the nurse a small smile when she flashed the two of them one, asking now for his name to put down as the father on the information sheet and he answered her questions before taking a seat next to Santana.

As the nurse begins the examination, taking Santana's height, weight, temperature, blood pressure, Santana tries to relax. She answers the questions about her medical and sexual history easily enough, but when she starts to ask about genetic and medical history of her family, Santana becomes anxious.

"I don't know any of this," she said, looking at Finn as though for help. "I never ask my mami stuff like this, I never cared before. I don't know…do you know your stuff? Don't we need to know your stuff too?" Then as a new worry occurs to her, to the nurse, "Is it bad to have biracial kids? What if mixed blood makes more diseases?"

This is probably silly and she knows it, as she herself is multiracial, but she's worried anyway.

"Do you think that we can call if there's anything that her mom or my mom thinks is important for you guys to know that we don't know on the top of our heads right now?" Finn asked, standing up from the seat and taking Santana's hand again. "I don't know everything, I mean I have had physicals done for football and stuff by the doctors and they'd all say I was in good health and there wasn't anything that they saw in my history that was bad or anything."

His shoulder shrugged a little before swallowing hard at her question to the nurse. Thankfully she was really sweet about it, letting them know mixed babies were just as healthy.

Finn helped Santana up onto the chair the nurse told her to take a seat at and moved to his chair was right next to it. His hand took hers again and he stayed looking at her softly.

"Don't worry about being nervous, okay? It's normal to be."

Santana has had physicals too, of course, for cheerleading, and then for college, but that doesn't convince her of anything. When the nurse asks her about STDs, she hesitates. She had been tested last year, after a one night stand, and come clean, but as she looks to Finn, she wonders. What if Rachel caught something from Brody and he caught it from her and gave it to Santana?

"I guess I should be tested," she replied. "Both of us probably."

She squeezes his hand, appreciating his reassurance, and continues to answer questions as she's able before the nurse starts to question her current physical and mental state. She explains her morning sickness and then hesitates before muttering, embarrassed, that she's been emotional and very anxious. The nurse is again reassuring, telling her this is normal, but also then begins to explain to her the importance of rest, healthy diet, light exercise, and being mentally and emotionally well. She emphasized that if Santana is too stressed or upset, beyond a normal pregnancy level, or not properly taking care of herself, it would unnecessarily strain her body and possibly make problems and complications. This does little to reassure Santana, though she tries to relax. Finally the nurse has finished her part and goes to get the doctor to start Santana's pelvic examination, and Santana squeezes Finn's hand hard once they're alone, eyes wide.

"How am I supposed to NOT be stressed?!"

Finn didn't know why she said they should both be tested. The only person that he has been with besides her is Rachel….and it's been months. The last time he was with her was before he left for the army so he was a little quiet about that subject, not wanting to refuse if she wanted to have him tested.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever test you want to do, I will," he responded to the nurse as she asked for his permission and said she'd get the paper work and items needed for it.

His thumb brushed against Santana's pulse point between her thumb and index finger as she answered all the questions honestly. He was proud of her, he knew it wasn't easy and hoped she knew that he didn't look at her any differently for this or would ever hold it against her. In fact, he's happy she's going through all the steps of a pregnancy and not trying to fight it.

He took the nurses instructions of taking care of her body and mental state very seriously, the last thing he wants is to add stress to the baby and her body, so he's going to hopefully help her with that. He has no idea how since she is pretty stubborn and has a lot of pride, but he's going to try.

"I know, I know. You just have to take a few deep breaths sometimes just so your body doesn't have to take a toll from it. Hopefully once we figure out a place to stay and a few other things, a lot of weight will be lifted off your shoulders."

Santana does as Finn tells her, taking a few breaths, and closes her eyes, trying to concentrate on calming down. She's always hated having pelvics, and it's going to give added embarrassment with Finn there. The nurse had, before leaving the room to give her privacy, asked her to remove all clothing, for she was going to give her a breast examine and feel her stomach for any abnormalities as well, and had given her a gown that was partly open in the front and covered nothing. Santana looked at Finn, flushing, strangely more uncomfortable with him seeing her in that than entirely naked, and pushed lightly at his shoulder for him to turn around while she undressed. Once she has herself situated and lies down on the examining table, she takes a few more breaths, instructing him, though she's sure he would do this regardless.

"At my head, there will be no traveling south, period."

Finn wasn't sure what some of the exams by name were. He's been to an appointment like this once with Quinn, but all they did was an ultra sound since Quinn had been there the week before. It was clear to see in Santana's face that she wasn't looking forward to anything the doctors were about to do and he's sure it isn't an easier with him in the room. Finn turned around and kept his eyes trained onto the wall, making sure not to read over or look at any of the posters. The last thing anyone needs right now is him asking questions or getting freaked out. After Santana let him know he could turn back around, he moved his chair higher, setting it next to her head and offered her his hand again.

"I'm just going to look right here at you, promise," the boy spoke with a half smile. "And then after this appointment is over, I'll take you anywhere you want. Shopping, food or both."

"Shopping," Santana responded immediately, giving a small but genuine smile. "Shoe therapy is a must."

Finn's head nodded with a smile.

"Shopping and I'll carry all your bags," he promised,hoping that the thought of getting out and doing something that she likes after this will make it all a little bit more bearable.

When the doctor enters the room, shaking the hands of both, he then goes down towards Santana's lower half and explains to her the purpose of his examination and what he will be looking for. He first gives her a breast exam, pronouncing her breasts to be normal, and explains to her that she will likely be tender as her pregnancy progresses. He explains that if she chooses to breast feed, she will have to start toughening her nipples in preparation for the baby.

"Like how? Send them to boot camp?"Santana raises an eyebrow, and when he explains she may have to tweak or twist them, she looks at Finn in horror. "And I thought the kinks were over when you're pregnant."

He examined her stomach then, gently feeling and explaining to her what he was doing, pronouncing her to be all right with this as well.

"For a woman of your size, about a twenty five pound weight gain is considered healthy and needed. You can continue light exercise unless there is pain or complications."

As he moved down to her legs, helping Santana put her feet in the stirrups, Santana squeezed Finn's hand. She held it tightly, flinching with some pain as she was examined internally, but the doctor emerged again pronouncing that she looked well.

"And we'll do your first ultrasound today as well."

The appointment wasn't just looking at the baby, it was pretty much checking everything out in Santana's body that is needed to care for and carry the baby. Finn knew that it was necessary, but that still didn't make it any easier to watch Santana's facial reactions to it all. His eyes stayed locked onto her face as he promised, so he had no idea what exactly what was being touched, but he had a pretty good idea why it was so uncomfortable for her.

"Maybe there's…I don't know something you can buy to help with that...the nipples thing...?"

He was trying not to chuckle at her first question about boot camp…but that was funny considering what the doctor was telling her was the weirdest thing ever. At least he didn't suggest for Finn to help with that because Santana probably would have hit him.

Even with his eyes locked into Santana's, Finn took in everything the doctor was saying and made sure to remember it all. He wants to make sure he is able to help, know what is okay and what's normal. His lips moved to kiss the back of her hand as he saw her flinching and let out a smile, hoping to ease her uncomfortableness a little.

"Do we get to hear the baby's heart?" Finn asked with a smile, thinking that would make this appointment all worth it for Santana. She would get to see and hear their little baby and maybe feel a little more closer to him or her as well.

"Not yet," the doctor told Finn, shaking his head. "She's at her tenth week of pregnancy, approximately. The heartbeat won't be along until about the sixteenth. But you will be able to see the fingers, toes, eyes, it's starting to take on more of an infant and less of a fetal shape. Santana, because you've been having morning sickness, you may not start gaining weight until about week sixteen, but try to continue to eat regularly all the same."

As he readied the machine, baring Santana's stomach and putting the necessary gel to prep her, Santana flinched at the coldness, taking another deep breath. Squeezing Finn's hand, she looked towards the monitor, hearing her own heartbeat, and when the shadowy image of her baby appeared, she caught her breath. She can indeed clearly see a head, eyes, arms, and legs…it is definitely a forming baby.

"Damn…"

Finn turned just slightly to look at the doctor responding to his question. He didn't want to seem rude or like he was ignoring the man since his eyes were set on Santana, but he also made sure to remain respectful to make sure he didn't look or see anything Santana didn't want him to.

"What week do we get to figure out the gender of the baby. If you know, we want to?" he asked, smiling to Santana softly and giving her hand a gentle squeeze as he listened to the doctor tell them between 15-20 weeks. That seemed so far away but at the same time so soon.

His fingers interlaced with Santana's as the screen started up and he made sure to rub his thumb against her wrist when she flinched, hoping to warm her up some. His eyes slowly found the screen and it was hard not to smile in awe as their little boy or girl appeared. Their baby was so tiny and it made it all even more real. All he wanted to do is protect him or her, Santana as well and keep them safe, happy and healthy. So many things rushed through his mind, but he kept somewhat quiet to make sure he didn't annoy or upset Santana.

"That's our baby," he whispered to her, trying not to get too choked up. His tongue moved against his bottom lip as he blinked away the wetness in his eyes. "Can we uh, get those pictures to bring home with us?"

"Sure," the doctor smiles, nodding. "We can do that."

He continues to speak to them, pointing out the differing parts of the baby and explaining how it was developing, when other parts could be expected to appear. He assured them that so far everything was going along well. After undoing the machine from Santana, printing the copy of the ultra sound picture, he left the room to give her privacy to dress again. But Santana didn't make a move. She stared at the printed picture, her heart feeling strangely soft, her throat choked up, and then almost without her having expected it, she felt tears overflow. She was still holding Finn's hand and squeezed hard, nails digging into the back of his skin as she continued to stare at the picture.

"It's a BABY…."

It was their baby…her baby. She had known this, of course. But she's looking at it now, actually seeing it, and suddenly it seems less abstract, more real.

Finn's smile was from ear to ear when he was told they could get printed pictures of the baby. They don't have a fridge or real place to put them up yet, but they will soon and that little bundle of joy on the screen is just the drive they need to figure out where they want to live. Their little boy or girl was growing perfectly and right on track for size and development. It was hard to wipe the smile off his face as he looked over the picture with her and saw how emotions she got over everything. He was hoping that she would and it would all sink in, but most importantly that she would feel like a mom and start to believe she can really do this. The feel of her nails was all it took for him to realize how much it was all hitting her and he leaned in to kiss her cheek softly.

"A perfect baby," he whispered, his eyes scanning over every single inch of their baby. He really felt like a proud dad right now. That was his son or daughter, laying there in Santana's stomach, relying on the two of them to take care of him or her. "I think I can already see that it has my dimples and your eyes," Finn said with a smile, his finger on his free hand reaching forward to run over the picture.

"I do NOT have sunken closed eyes…and it barely has cheeks on its alien head, let alone dimples," Santana sniffled, but there is no heat to the words, and she is smiling. She wipes her cheeks, though she is still crying, and takes another few breaths in. "It's really real…and it's…I'm gonna be a mom."

Realizing then she's almost naked, she laughs, rolling her eyes at him as she wipes her face again. "Hey…you just have to find a way to get close to all this, huh?"

Finn laughed and shook his head. "I meant the shape, not because they're closed. And don't call our baby an alien. We have to find out when he or she is able to hear because we don't want to hurt our baby's feelings. And if it has legs like mine, you're in for some big kicks," he rambled a little with a big grin, happy to see that she was crying happy tears and not scared to death about all of this.

His dimples showed as his finger continued to trace over the shape of their baby and he nodded a few times over. "We're mom and dad now to this little baby..." He let out lowly, turning to look into her eyes and reaching to wipe a tear off her cheek.

"Why not, it knows it looks like an alien. I'm gonna call it ET. That's it's name now, ET the alien baby."

Santana reaches for the picture, tracing the cheek lightly. Finn is probably right; since they both have dimples, the baby will too. Santana wipes at her cheeks again, leaning her forehead into Finn's shoulder as she finishes composing herself. She's still emotional, but mostly controlling it. Laughing at his comment, she smiled softly.

"You're blushing 'cause even though you're not looking you're totally imagining. Rightttt?"

Finn's eyebrows rose and he shook his head at her. "You were always one for nicknames. It's okay, well come up for a real name for you once we know if you're a boy or a girl" His face was directed to her stomach slightly, showing he was talking to their baby but didn't want to touch her stomach and make her feel uncomfortable.

He moved moved his hand to her back as her head settled on his shoulder and he looked at the picture along with her. It's crazy how you want these weeks to go by so fast, but at the same time want it to go slow so that you're baby can develop and you have time to prepare.

"I can't tell you what I'm doing! If I say yes, you'll hit me, if I say no, you'll hit me and ask me why not," He said with wide eyes and his head shaking at her softly. "So I am going to plead the uh…first or fifth, I forget the saying." A chuckle fell from his lips as his shoulders shrugged gently. "So, are you still going to wear those big heels when pregnant? It might help you get at least to my chest height"

"Nope, ET. This kid is ET all the way," Santana is still smiling though, touching the picture again.

She laughs at Finn's reluctance, still leaning onto him. "Good answer. You mean you're starting to learn?" She looks down at her shoes, shrugging. "As long as I can, they make my legs look thinner and kick-ass. Until I'm too huge to balance in them. Once I gotta take them off you just gotta start scrunching down."

"I'm going to call it EC. Extra cute because you know are baby is going to be the cutest ever," He spoke softly, watching her finger move against the black and white photo of their little tiny baby. It was so crazy to think of how it was half him and her right there, curled up in her stomach and continuing to grow every day.

"It's about time I start, right?" It was so good to see her laughing, to see her happy and actually enjoying a conversation with him. Maybe she's starting to realize that this isn't the end of the world, just the beginning of an amazing one together. "I just don't know how you can find them comfortable. You obviously pull them off and look like a pro in them, but some girls look like they're about to fall over or something. One time I actually saw Miss Pillsbury try to stand up from her desk and topple over," he shared with a laugh, remembering the sight. "Don't worry, I can start carrying you and pick you up once that day comes."

"Well, it comes out of me, it better or I'm returning it," Santana smirked. But she's still looking at the picture, wondering if it really does have any part of her.

"They're not supposed to be comfortable," she rolled her eyes at him in response to his shoe comment. "Hot and comfortable don't work together. But yeah, you're definitely about to be my taxi service and if you drop me you get sat on."

She started to dress then, and when the doctor returned, setting up the next appointment, she is more relaxed by far.

Finn chuckled and shook his head at her. "Santana, you're beautiful. Do people in Hollywood ever have ugly kids? Nope. And I mean, you thought I was handsome before…or at least cute, so there's no possible way our kid is not going to be the cutest. People might actually ask to pay us to make cute babies," he exaggerated with his dimples showing and his hand moving to take the pictures and put them in his pocket so they stayed safe.

"So you just wear them to be closer to my height," His finger poked her shoulder jokingly before listening with a scrunched up nose. "You know I am more than happy to be your taxi. Don't know if you noticed but I'm pretty in shape and you're tiny, don't think that we have to worry about you needing to sit on me. Plus, I'm going to be super protective of you and the baby so that'll never happen. "

As she got changed, he turned his back to her again, making sure not to over step the line or make her uncomfortable since they were having such a great day. The last thing he wants is to ruin it. When he heard her speaking to the doctor, he turned back around to thank him and get ready to go

"Well, Jennifer Garner's daughter has huge sticky out ears, and Kate Hudson's son looks like a girl, and Angelina Jolie's daughter looks like a boy," Santana needles back, poking back at his arm, harder, and using her nail. "How do I know you don't have ugly monkey relatives stuck in your family tree, swinging around chomping bananas?"

She rolled her eyes again at his comment about being tiny. "I'm gonna gain 25 pounds, you heard the man. I'm going to be huge and fat. I'll squish you flat. I swear if I go over 135 I'm just gonna choke myself so I can't eat anymore."

As they leave out the door she is actually smiling, stunned even at her own self that she feels okay.

Finn quirked an eyebrow and was slightly impressed she was that up to date with what all those stars kids looked like. "But you're way prettier than all of them, whatever that Hollywood comparison was a bad one. I was just trying to make a point of how perfect our baby is going to be. "

Her nail sort of hurt, but he couldn't let that show. "I don't think there's any monkeys…I mean, I don't really know about anything or anyone on my dad's side. Maybe I should look into it" His shoulders shrugged softly, not usually one to talk about his family just because his mom never does.

"Santana…" The boy started with a tilted head. "I bench way more than 135 pounds, you're tiny and still will be at nine months. I mean,…okay yeah not talking about your body because I don't feel like getting hit," he stopped himself with a chuckle, knowing no matter what he said, it was her body and she was going to feel differently than he did.

His hand reached for the keys in his pocket while holding open the door for her, nothing that smile and feeling one spread on his face as well. This appointment was definitely the best thing that could happen for both of them today.

"So, you wanna head over to the mall?" He asked as they headed towards the car he had

"Prettier than Angelina Jolie?" Santana's eyebrows shoot way up, and she laughs softly, skeptical, but also flattered. "Whatever, I don't know when you became the smooth talker but kudos."

She looks over at him, her expression gentling at the mention of his father. She knows this is a big deal to him. "Right…do you have any pictures of your dad as a kid? Our kid should see them, eventually."

Her eyes skip away from him at his mention of her body weight. She weighs 115 now; 135 sounds huge to her, and the doctor said she needed to be around 140 to be healthy. That to Santana sounds absolutely insane. No way could she lose that much weight or ever be pretty or fit again if she gained THAT much weight. She frowns, already worrying over this as she walks with Finn to the car.

"Dude, first time I've ever heard a straight guy ask that question."

"Yeah, way prettier. I don't even think she's that hot, but yeah you beat her by like miles." His cheeks blushed before his head fall slightly and his chin hit his chest. "I think you just…either ignored when I tried to talk to you in high school or pretended to listen. Or maybe that's the same thing, but yeah..I'm more of a honest talker. I sort of just blurt out how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking, if you know you didn't notice."

His head nodded a few times over as a half smile tugged on his lips. "I do, we'll just have to figure out what to tell our kid about him. I don't want to get into the uh, drug part about it til he or she is older." His eyes found the floor, still not one hundred percent able to talk about it himself out loud.

When she was quiet about her weight, he knew it must have struck some sort of nerve, so he shut up about it and made a mental note to make sure she was keeping up with everything.

"Yeah…I think it's the first time I ever think I even said those words." His head shook at himself before spinning the keys a little around his fingers. "But I am kind of hungry and was hoping if I bought you shoes you want, you'll let me get a few football things for the baby already." He smiled smugly from ear to ear as he unlocked the car and opened the door for her

"She's totally hot for an old woman!" Santana argues, adamant. "Watch Tomb Raider again and tell me she's not hot!"

She takes in his comments about high school and his method of communication but doesn't comment. She isn't sure if it's accurate or not, not really.

As she gets in the car, she snorts again, shaking her head. "Football? What if it's a girl? You gonna make her tackle all twenty feet of you?"

"She's not, I have seen her. I don't think she's hot at all." Finn shook his head slightly and pointed softly. "Now Jennifer Aniston, that is a hot old woman." He said with a few nods of his head.

He hurried around to start up the car and let out a chuckle. "Girls can be football fans…we can just have her be a little cheerleader like you or get her at least a onesie. " Backing up out of his spot, he headed out of the parking lot and towards the main road. "And don't worry, if it's a boy, I won't make him play if he doesn't want to. I'm not going to be crazy like that, our kid can be whatever they want to be. "

"Jennifer Aniston?! She looks like an old Olson twin!" Santana argues, incredulous. "You have terrible taste. Then again, this isn't a surprise."

Imagining a baby girl in a cheerleading uniform, she smiles slightly. "You know any kind of mine has a high chance of being gay, right? Between me and having Kurt as an uncle, it's basically like, guaranteed."

Finn rolled his eyes jokingly. "So, when I say that you're beautiful and pretty, you're saying I have bad taste? Jennifer Aniston has an awesome body and I would much rather watch her in a movie than weirdo Angelina."

His head nodded a few times over as he listened. He wasn't sure why the chances were high, he just thought of it as you fall for who you fall for, you like who you like. It's not like a trait you're born with or something. "As long as our kids happy and healthy, loves us, that's what I care about."

"I'm obviously the exception to the rule with you," Santana replied, but her mouth dropped, and her joking tone became outright indignation at his dig on Angelina.

"Don't EVEN, that woman is GORGEOUS and she could kick Jennifer Anal-ston's ass any day! And she's so freaking talented, hello, she's got how many awards now and how many has Overgrown Olson Twin got?! Don't be dissing my girl!"

She's barely listening to his comment about their kids, half scowling, arms crossed. "Mocking my Angie. You're so not right."

Finn's eyes widened slightly, noticing how pissed she was about what he was saying. He made sure to zip his lips and shut up, letting her inform him about Angelina. She was clearly a big fan and he knew better than to go up against Santana Lopez about this.

"Sorry, sorry no more dissing." He promised as he looked around at the street signs, not exactly sure where the mall was but saw a few signs. "Does this mean we're watching her movies later?" Finn asked with a smile.

"Yes," is Santana's immediate answer, accompanied with an emphatic nod. "We're watching the fun ones first, Tomb Raider and Maleficent and Salt and Wanted, Love is all there is, Hackers, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Then we're watching the serious ones where she acts the shit off of Jennifer, A Mighty Heart and Girl Interrupted and Changeling and Gia. You'll cry like a bitch, and drool like a dog."

As she gets out of the car she is still lecturing Finn on the long career of Angelina, intent on converting him.

Finn's eyes grow in size. He had no idea that she was even in that many movies. That will be a lot of watching, but he wouldn't want to marathon with anyone else. Who knows, maybe she'll realize and see how dedicated to her he really is and they can start talking about finding a place and what they want to do about living together.

"Cry? You really think I will?" he asked with his head tilted and eyebrow rose.

A long breath fell from his nose as he found a parking spot at the mall and headed inside with Santana. Of course he was met with more facts and stats about Angelina, but it was nice to see Santana back to herself, so he didn't mind at all.

"Yes! You can't watch Angelina cry and not cry. You'll see. Just for that we'll start with Gia," Santana declared, nodding. Making him watch a movie about a drug addict model who dies of AIDS would show him, she was sure.

As they enter the mall, she drags Finn right away to her favorite clothing store, taking her time rooting through.

"Ain't gonna be long I can even fit in this stuff anymore. And then probably never again, everyone gets fat after they have kids."

Finn scratched his head with a slightly scrunched up face. He wasn't a big crier and usually movies never got to him in that kind of way, but he's going to watch with her so that's a start. You can't promise to cry especially when you don't know the story line.

"As long as we have popcorn and candy, you can't watch a movie without it. "

The store they were in was pretty big and she was going through all the racks, so he knew they'd be here for a while. Her words caused him to frown just slightly before shaking his head.

"I promise you right now, we will buy gym equipment or walk at night or something after the baby is born. Or if you want it for your pregnancy, we can find some place today, I don't want you to ever feel bad about yourself or ever think you're losing a part of you."

"Oh, I'm gonna work out," Santana assured him, glancing up from the racks. "No way am I getting fat. It's not happening. Period."

She has an armload of items to try on draped over her arm, and she bumps him lightly, rolling her eyes. "You would look bad if you had a fat baby mama might have bad taste but you never went for fat chicks, I'll give you that."

"I'll work out with you sometimes and you know, cook for you and stuff. I'm pretty good at it and know you'd kill me if I always got us takeout, so yeah. I know how much it means to you to stay fit, " Finn said with a smile, he himself was much more in shape than before and wants to keep down that path.

A chuckle fell from his nose as he opened up his arms for her to put some of her clothes into.

"I do not have bad taste, I just sometimes was with someone for reasons that don't include looks. " His eyebrow ticked before licking over his lips. "Plus, I don't think anyone would ever call you fat. I guarantee you that you'll always be super tiny and everyone is going to know I'm the lucky one that got to be with you once…or twice."

Santana can't imagine how she'll manage to work out while pregnant, but if there's a way, she'll do it. "Light exercise" be damned. She also can't imagine Finn cooking for her and makes this obvious with her raised eyebrows.

"I'd like to have an intact kitchen, you know."

Noticing his lip licking, she laughs. "No pregnant woman is super tiny and there are people way smaller than me. I'll be lucky if I just manage to be huge instead of astronomical in size."

Disappearing into the dressing room, she takes her time trying things on, emerging to model them all for Finn. She's going to enjoy being small for as long as she can before the baby starts to ruin it.

"Once we get a place we can like, walk at night or something. That's what people do in New York, right?" Finn said with a shrug and a smile. That seems like the perfect light exercise to him, but at the same time the sidewalks get crowded. He's more of a suburb kind of guy, but doesn't want to take Santana out of what she loves.

"Hey, I can cook, I swear. My mom used to work a lot of long days and she taught me because I insisted on cooking for her when she got home. I'm no Emeril, but I can do a pretty good job." He nodded his head at himself and ran his hand against his bicep softly.

"You are the tiniest girl I know, you're not going to convince me otherwise. I know you're going to still be tiny with this pregnancy." He smiled with his dimples showing and sat back to watch her model. He gave a thumbs up to the ones he liked a lot and told her how good she looked before waiting for the next.

"Depends on where you're walking. Some places it's asking to get mugged," Santana shrugged. "Don't worry, I'll duck behind you and say you're the one they want." She winks, mostly kidding.

Santana can cook herself, having learned from her abuela, but she has to admit she's curious how Finn can. She tilts her head, skeptical.

"You'll have to show me. I reserve judgment...and Rachel's tinier than me," Santana argues back, exhaling. "No one can be pregnant and tiny. I'll have a freakin' basketball down my shirt, that's far from tiny."

Selecting her choices, she slings them over her arm and walks with him to the counter, almost skipping.

Finn's eyebrows rose with a laugh. "Looks like we'll have to find an indoor track or a high school one then. No way am I getting mugged or letting anyone mess with you." He says with a few shakes of his head.

"Once we find some place and I have a kitchen to work in, I will. I know you like pasta cause of breadstixs, so that's gonna be my first dish to make for you." That is both easy and hard, since she likes it so much, she'll judge it even harder.

"She's shorter than you, there's a difference. You are a lot more fit and yeah, tinier." His hands moved with his words trying to shape it out but stopping because that's probably really weird. "Okay, well you're going to be all baby and that's it. Either way, you're carrying my baby, I'm going to think you're beautiful regardless."

Finn followed her lead, taking out his wallet and credit card to pay for everything as they reached the cashier.


	8. Chapter 8

Santana is still in a good mood as they exit the store, heading on towards the next. She walks slowly, window shopping, deciding about each to enter, and is still chattering at a good clip, making sarcastic comments about clothes and other shoppers, thoroughly enjoying herself.

That is until they pass the food court. There, she can smell the grease of cooking fries, hamburgers, and tacos, and almost immediately her stomach churns in response. Grabbing Finn's arm, she tries to speed walk past it in hopes of outrunning her body's response, but that doesn't seem to be working. Instead she runs for the closest trash can, and realizing that it's one of those annoying kinds with only a small hole to dump trash in, knows this won't work without mess and embarrassment. Frantically looking around herself, she sees that there is a restroom area nearby and almost sprints, throwing open the door to the family restroom, where the room is larger and unisex. She is already retching before she has quite dropped to her knees, but she does make it in time, barely.

Finn felt his heart drop when Santana looked obviously sick and was grabbing for him. He took her bags with the other hand, helping her around the mall and hoping that she would make it in time to a trash can. He just knew that she would be embarrassed, so he just wanted to make sure she was okay and doesn't want her to get stuff all over her just because he knows she'll be upset. They were having such a good day and he just wants to make it all better for her, but he knows she has to get sick so follows here into the bathroom and locks the door behind them.

He crouched down along with her, holding back her hair and rubbing her back. This part always makes him feel so useless because it's really not fair she has to get so sick and he can't do much to fix it or make it better for her. He reaches for some of the paper towels to gently wipe off the sweat on her forehead and continues to rub his hand against her back.

"Let me know if you want me to go run and get you a water," The boy whispered out softly, trying to remember the last time she ate.

Santana is crying a little, quietly, her nose running, and she wipes it with the back of her hand, taking gulping breaths. She is trying to make sure she's finished, although her stomach is still cramping. She isn't sure how she could still be vomiting anything, since she had been sick in the morning as well, but apparently it's endless opportunity.

The paper towels against her skin feel good, as well as Finn's hand rubbing her back, and she closes her eyes, letting her head fall back against him. When he suggests getting her water, she nods slightly, but reaches back and clings to him with one hand, not letting him go. What if someone tried to come in and saw her?

Finn was to scared to touch her stomach. He wanted to run his finger tips over it gently, wanting to bring some ease that he knows his touches do to his back, but doesn't want to over step and make her feel worst. Even though she was saying yes to the water, he could tell by the way she was holding him that she needed him to stay right now. She has no idea, but it means a lot to him to feel wanted and needed like this by her.

He continues to wipe her forehead with the paper towel and gets a wet one to run slightly against the back of her neck and then her wrist. The coolness is supposed to help with nausea.

"We'll stay right here for as long as you need to, then get you back to the room so you can lay down. Later today we can search for some apartments and stuff too, okay?" he whispered to her lowly, continuing to hold her and rub his hands softly against her.

Santana gulped, nodding, and leaned back a little more heavily into him, her head against his chest. She calmed, her breathing and heart rate normalizing again, as Finn continued to wipe her off, feeling better, more in control. Reaching for the toilet paper, she tears off a strip to wipe her eyes and blow her nose, feeling only a twinge of embarrassment. Obviously this will be something the reoccurs and Finn will have to get used to it, if he isn't already.

When she feels ready, she gets to her feet slowly, using Finn as a brace. She is still holding his arm while they leave the bathroom.

Finn could only think of how strong she is for all of this. It can't be easy to have to keep getting sick, having to run to the bathroom and completely empty your stomach. The books keep saying after the first trimester, it won't be as bad with the morning sickness…and pretty much all day sickness is now. He just wants her to catch a break and not have to keep feeling so crappy every single day. The tears that fall from her eyes are what gets him the most and he just wants to hold her tight and take all the pain away and put it on himself.

He helped her up slowly and made sure she was okay before coming to his feet. His lips brushed against the top of her head as he picked up the bags and helped her out of the bathroom. It was nice to feel her still holding on, but he tried not to smile too much or make her regret it. After making sure to go the opposite way to avoid the food court, he found a vending machine to get her a water and some gum before leading the way to the car.

Santana swirls the water around her mouth several times before swallowing, glad he had thought of this to get the taste out of her mouth. As they get back into the car she opens the pack of gum and takes some out, chewing, and is relieved that the gesture further settles her stomach. She closes her eyes, leaning back in the chair, and speaks with eyes still shut.

"The kid doesn't even have eyes open and it's rebelling already."

Finn sets her bags in the back seat and gets out a light zip up sweat shirt for her that he had in the back. It was huge compared to her, but if she was cold or wanted it to just put over her, he thought it might be of some help. He knows when he gets sick, he usually freezes after, but wasn't sure if it was the same with pregnancy sickness.

"Definitely gets that from you," he teased with a smile, making sure she was okay before pulling out to head back to the hotel."So, is there certain sections you want to look at in the city to live in? I want to find a place you like and feel happy in."

Santana is actually kind of overheated instead of cold, so she just lets the jacket rest in her lap without using it, squeezing its sleeve lightly with her hands. She opens her eyes to look at Finn briefly, not wanting to for too long in case she gets motion sick on top of everything else. She wouldn't put it past the kid to do that to her.

"More like certain areas not to look in. Not the horrible areas and not the rich ones. That leaves a lot of in between. But I can promise anything is expensive, even our cramped loft is horrifying in price."

Finn's head nods a few times over, his dimples showing with his smile. "Yeah, Burt said he wanted to give me my own garage. Dad to dad, he knows how much I wanna be out here for you two and wants me to be able to support us all."

He knows he can handle it all, he just hopes Santana is okay with it. Who knows what she thinks about living with him, maybe she is quiet about it because it's not something she really wants, but it seems like the best option for everyone.

This is definitely good news. Santana smiles, genuinely happy for him. "Your dad's awesome. That's cool, Finn, I'm glad for you."

She reaches over to squeeze his upper arm impulsively. When she takes her hand back, she is still smiling a little, but she's also still thinking about the living arrangements. They can't be permanent, she reasons.

"Wanna know something?" he says back, his hand squeezing gently at the steering wheel and letting out a long breath. "I've never you know, called him dad before. Just always Burt or my step dad, is that weird? I never wanted to like, take that other title away from my you know, real dad," Finn rambled a bit before calming down at the feel of her hand.

"You're okay with all of this, right? A place and m working a shop?" He finally finds the courage to ask as they get closer to the hotel.

"Well," Santana said slowly, thinking. "You can have more than one dad, you know? Like…maybe you call Burt Dad but you call your father "my father" or "my dad." Like saying he's yours makes him biologically your dad but you call Burt Dad like affection not a title?"

She nods slowly in response to his question. "Yeah, the shop is awesome. Aint' gonna lie, living with you might be weird and I don't know how long it will last, but when the baby is little it makes sense."

"I don't know, I mean, Kurt doesn't call my mom, mom. We've never done that, but I want our kid to call Burt grandpop and stuff. I don't know, I guess I have to figure it out, it might be weird to start calling him dad at nineteen."

His shoulders shrugged as his mind still kept going over the idea and wondering how Burt feels about it. He had a feeling she was feeling that way, so he's happy she's admitting to it.

"I don't want you to feel like you're stuck living with me forever, I don't expect you to. But yeah, definitely for when the baby's little and then I guess we'll figure out custody and stuff after that." The last thing he needs to do is get this vision or idea that they're going to live together forever. It would just be a big let down and false hope. "But you do wanna do this here, right? In New York City."

"Well…I guess you got time to figure it out," she shrugged. "You'll do what seems right. And you'll know eventually."

Finn is being pretty understanding about almost everything. Though she doesn't say so as she nods, Santana appreciates it.

"Yeah. Here. At least for now."

Though it doesn't seem the best place to raise a kid. And if she can't have her dreams, at least not right away, why is she staying? She wont' think about that now.

Finn nodded his head a little, sometimes it's hard not to get in that relationship sort of mind with her. They spend so much time together and are going to be living together, heck they already sort of are, he has to remind himself a lot to hold back or think before speaking.

He sort of thought the idea or talk of custody would get under her skin a little, but she didn't even flinch when he brought up the subject. This whole situation is a lot different for her than him and he has to remember that.

"Alright, well after we find a place I am going to have to fly back to Ohio. I gotta get a lot of my stuff still, my truck, somethings for the baby and our place. You can come with me of course, but don't feel like you have to," the boy offered as he parked this rental car in their designated spot.

Santana considered. She doesn't really want to get on a plane and she's pretty sure she read somewhere it's bad to travel when you're pregnant. She's going to get desperately bored and lonely staying alone in the hotel though, and she does want to see her mami in person…and Quinn. Not Brittany, but maybe she needs to, for closure.

"I'll see if I can, I guess." She makes a face, already envisioning just how sick flying will probably make her.

"We can drive or take a train, but it's up to you. If you decide to, I mean," he offered, seeing the face she was making. Hopefully that didn't piss her off or anything. After turning the car off, he got out to grab her bags and open up the door for her as well.

The thought of what she might be dreading or not wanting to deal with at home hit him hard as he thought about whose back there. Brittany. He sighed silently to himself before opening up the door to their room and going to get himself a gatorade in the fridge.

"Nah, it's okay," Santana shook her head. She figured she was equally likely to get sick anywhere with prolonged travel. Walking with Finn, she goes inside and lays down, pillowing her head in her arms. She is aware of Finn getting a drink but doesn't comment, closing her eyes. She's not sleepy, but she is tired, and still thirsty. "Another in there?"

"Yeah I got a whole pack the other day. Do you want red, dark purple, light purple or blue?" Finn asks, taking another sip of his before reaching back into the fridge to get which one she wanted.

Twisting off the cap, he handed the drink over and pulled out the ultra sound pictures from his pocket. He thought the best place to put them was by their night stand, this way it could lean up against the lamp. They had a few pictures so he just put up the one and set the other on top of the table. Later he'll snap a picture of it to send to his mom and Burt, but for now he wants to make sure Santana's okay. He gets out one of his comfy big tshirts for her and brings it over to where she's laying down on the bed. "You should get more comfortable. It might help you feel a little bit better. "

Santana takes the light purple drink and sips at it, feeling a little better between the water and the Gatorade. Lying back down, she lifts her head when Finn holds out the t-shirt, smirking at him.

"Ew, gonna smell like a sweaty stinky dude now."

Nevertheless she takes the shirt, and after a hesitation, mentally shrugs. It's not like Finn won't see her naked in the delivery room looking way worse than she does now, and he's seen her naked before a few times. She slips her own clothes off without modesty, leaving herself only in her panties, and pulls the shirt on over her head. It's huge on her, bagging down to her shins and very loose, but it's comforting and she draws her knees up inside it, snuggling in.

Finn put his hands up in defense with a laugh.

"It's clean, I swear. It's just going to smell like handsome, cute Finn."

A thick swallow fell down his throat as she started to undress and it was hard to look away. There was no hiding that he has always been attracted to her. He'd be an idiot not to be. But he didn't want to seem like a weirdo or creep staring especially when he knows she doesn't share the same sort of feelings that he has for her.

Once she was dressed, he decided to get changed as well. He found his suitcase and got out a pair of basketball shorts to slip on. They were so comfortable and perfect to lay around in. She looked so good in the tshirt gave her, it wasn't even fair. He took all of her in as he laid down next to her and chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying not to give away the fact that he's checking her out right now.

"Do you uh, want another massage?" Finn asked softly, not realizing til now that's the worst thing to suggest when he keeps thinking about how perfect she is.

"Handsome cute Finn? Where's he?" Santana teased, grinning. She makes a show of turning her head, looking around, before lying back down.

She pays no attention to Finn undressing, but she is aware of his awkwardness. Ignoring it, figuring he's just being his usual goofy self, she doesn't look up, even when he suggest the massage, simply nodding.

"Mhmm. Yeah." She rolls all the way over onto her back, head buried in her arms, leaving it open access for him.

"Psh, right here. Come on, you gotta think at least the dimples are cute. "

He pressed in on them, teasing her slightly but also trying to figure out if she was attracted to him in some sort of way. The night they spent together she was kissing him, cuddling with him and made him feel like the luckiest guy in the world. She was drunk, she's made that crystal clear, but there has to be something she likes about him…right?

Finn settled himself slightly on top of her. His knees settled against either side of her hips before placing his arms against her shoulders. He started softly, wanting to ease his way into the massage. She must be a little sore from getting sick and all they did today, so he wanted to make sure it wasn't too much at first. He soon found the pressure points that were tight and the knots to work out.

"This okay?" He asked with his finger tips working into her.

"Not as cute as mine," is Santana's response. She is not paying much attention to him to notice what he seems to be doing or feeling, and her reply is distracted.

When Finn straddles her, Santana starts to turn her head, about to protest he's heavy and will squash her and the baby, but he's much more gentle and careful than she would have thought. When he starts to knead her shoulders gently, she groans, feeling her muscles give way beneath his hands.

"Mmmmm mhmmm."

Finn gives up on trying to…do whatever he kept thinking about right now. He just keeps getting this rush of hope that maybe him and her could work. Maybe she could fall for him and the two could be more than just friends with a baby together. It's a far stretch, he knows it, but that night they were together keeps playing in his head and how she was with him. To him it meant a lot and he can't help but feel something for her.

He adjusts his butt against hers, trying not to put too much weight down on it. The last thing he wants is to crush her. The last time they did this, her shirt was lifted up but now that all she has is underwear on underneath, he was way too scared to ask. He just kept working into every single muscle and getting out every single knot. Even with the shirt she had on, he could feel her smooth and hot skin beneath his finger tips and couldn't get enough. A smile spread on his lips at her reaction and he kept working his hands into her all over.

"Mmmmmmm," Santana almost moaned, arching her back slightly into Finn's hands. Finn is much better than she would have thought at this, his large hands providing good pressure, but gently. She can feel her skin smoothing down, muscles smoothing out, at his touch, and she reaches back, trying to shove the t-shirt up, unaware of his own dilemma. She simply wants her bare skin to be touched, to feel that much better.

The reactions he was able to draw out of her from his touches were amazing. It caused his heart to speed up a little and almost skip a beat when she began to raise up her shirt. She definitely has no idea what she is doing to him and he definitely cannot tell her. The last thing he needs is to mess all of this up. He removes one hand from her back to help push up the shirt she is wearing and starts at the small of her back this time. He figures she must hold a lot of tension in here with the baby and all, so works his fingers and palms into her skin and muscles with a heavy breath.

"Tell me if you don't like a certain place or anything" He whispers out softly, rubbing over her hips and sides.

This was hitting all the right spots, exactly where Santana hadn't even known she was tense and sore, and she moans again, her skin flexing slightly under Finn's touch.

"Good…feels nice…"

When Finn's hands rub over her sides she giggles slightly though, flinching away.

"Tickles…"

The sound of her giggles caused him to smile slightly before moving his hands back onto her back.

"Sorry. I didn't know you were ticklish," he spoke with a small smirk.

Santana would probably kick or punch him if he continued to try and tickle her or even thought about it, so yeah not going to do that anymore right now. He went right back to focusing on her muscles and skin, working his finger tips and palms into it just the way she liked it.

"Tell me if you want me to get your legs and stuff too, I don't mind," Finn promised as he made his way back up to her neck.

Santana nods immediately, relaxing back as his touch resumes its path up and down her back and shoulders. She doesn't care that she's basically naked under Finn, nothing except her panties keeping it from being the case. She just wants to keep feeling his hands on her, soothing her, giving her exactly the kind of attention and treatment she hasn't even realized she craves.

Finn moves slightly, standing now to start to rub against the back of her legs. The muscles in her calves seemed really tight as well, probably from walking around and the heels she wears, so he makes sure to get those knots out and muscles loose. He kept going higher onto her thighs, hoping that this would feel good for her too. His knuckles pressed into her skin as well, really getting every single inch an nerve.

And now Santana is practically writhing underneath him, reacting strongly to his touch. Head thrown back slightly, she wiggles and squirms into his hands, occasionally gasping aloud when they dig in a certain way…and the weirdest thing of all is, she's starting to get aroused. she doesn't know if it's because it's been so long since she's been touched this way, or if it's the pregnancy hormones or what, but damn if she isn't turned on. WEIRD…

Finn couldn't help but smile a little to himself. To know that his hands could do all this to her body was a really good feeling. The sounds she was making echoed off the walls and pinged through him. He was trying to read her reactions and noises, but usually when he does that he's wrong. All he can tell is that she was really enjoying this and that's what mattered the most to him. With everything she has to go through with this pregnancy, to know that he can take some of that stress and tension away for her is really awesome. He's always wanting to do more to help her and this seems to be something that really does.

Santana has basically lost any semblance of cool. Her body is now totally putty in Finn's hands and she can't even pretend to mind or that this isn't the case. Breathing deeply, soft groans occasionally emerging from low in her throat, she focuses totally on how good this feels.

But she feels just a little weird, because it's becoming obvious to her that the crotch of her panties is soaked, and she definitely feels a familiar pleasant warmth and urgency between her legs…like she would with a girl. Or even Finn that night, months ago.

But he's a guy. And she's not into them. So what is this?

Finn's hands brushed up and down the back of her thighs. His fingers ever so softly teased over the bottom of her ass cheeks before quickly removing them and working back against her calves. It was hard not to get lost in her body and crave more reactions from her, but he needed to be a gentleman and respect her. She might seemed as if she's turned on or really into this, but it has to be because of the pregnancy. She's made it clear that the night they shared meant nothing to her and she's very much still a lesbian, so he kept his eyes locked to where he was massaging and worked over her ankles.

Obviously her baby is a perve making her be one, because Santana is not in any way getting less turned on. She can barely stay still, wanting to squirm out of her skin…and a part of her wants to sit up and fling herself at Finn, mostly naked or not, and start attacking his skin with her mouth. As it is only the thought of Finn seeing her soaked underwear if she gets up is making her remain where she is, even as her breathing gets shorter and shorter.

"Tell me where you want my hands," Finn spoke lowly, almost in a husk as he watched her squirm around again.

It took everything in him not to take a glance at her core. With where he was standing and the way her body was positioned, he could easily look at her underwear. But if she was to turn around and see him doing so, she might kick him out or something. So with all his might, he looked up to where her head as resting as he trailed his fingers back up her legs, wanting to hear her say something right now.

Santana's first impulse is to reply "on my vagina" but she bites back this response. She is fairly sure any words she picks will be dangerous ones and her words come almost in a gasp.

"Um…uh…wherever…"

The tone of her voice caused his eyebrows to furrow just slightly. They relaxed when he was able to sort of tell why it was so all over the place. His eyes finally fell between her legs, seeing the wetness formed on the center of her underwear. It caused a heavy swallow to fall down his throat and his heart rate to pick up. With Santana, he definitely seeks for confirmation on things. He's too nervous to go for things all on his own, but he at least has the confidence to rub on the inside of her thighs. His fingers slowly inch forward before asking with a gruff tone.

"I need you to tell me where, San..."

Jesus was he trying to kill her?

"P-places," Santana stammered, her heart rate hammering fast, her body shaking slightly with suppressed pleasure and anticipation. That's all he's gonna get for now…what does he want, for her to spell out he's thrumming her body like fingers plucking a guitar?

Finn licked over his lips, hearing the shaky-ness of her voice let him know how bad she needed his hands in a certain place. He didn't need any thing else besides that as proof and with a deep breath, pushed away all of his nerves as he traveled his hand in to her core. His fingers began to rub against her wetness, playing with her folds and adding pressure with his thumb to her clit. He knew she probably wanted him to take off her underwear first, but he wanted to work her up a little more. His other hand settled on her ass cheek, massaging in the same rhythm his other hand was in against her center.

Finn, however, had underestimated just how worked up Santana already was. It took less than a full minute of his fingers working inside her before she felt her body tense up, her thighs squeezing together and trapping his hand as her back arched and she came against him, crying out. Eyes shut, breathing hard, she went limp, muscles relaxed, feeling her own dampness trickle steadily against his hand and slightly down her thigh.

In the back of her mind, even through the current bliss she is feeling, she is already hazily still wondering…what the hell is she doing?

Finn was a little shocked with how quickly she came around his fingers. He made sure to ride her through her orgasm, letting his fingers pump inside of her and feeling her inner walls flutter around him. In the back of his head, he was scared to death of what to do next. As badly as he wanted to pleasure her, make her feel amazing and bring the two closer, he's super afraid that one wrong thing would send Santana running into the other direction. He knows how she works and is so afraid to feel like another mistake, he feels his heart fall slightly as he removed his fingers from her.

"You okay?" He asked softly, grabbing a towel to clean her up before sliding into bed next to her, making sure to leave room between them so he wasn't on top of her or seeming as if he was trying for too much

Santana is in the process of trying to figure that out. Her body feels good- great, even. Completely relaxed, sated, and comfortable. But her head and her heart, that she isn't sure about.

Her brow furrowed, she slowly turns her head towards Finn, regarding him.

"Why did you do that?"

Crap. The color in Finns face completely drains and his tongue becomes thick with nerves. She was wet and she came so soon, he had to be reading the signs right…right? And it's not like she stopped him or told him no. He would have never kept going if she said no, he's not like that.

"I um…you uh…I thought you wanted me to..." was all he could get out at first, his stomach twisting a bit and his breathing all over the place.

She did want him to. Obviously, or she wouldn't have responded like she did. But still…now that it's over and done with, and she's still basically naked beside him, Santana is really starting to think about how strange that is. Sure, she couldn't get pregnant anymore and it was just a hand job, but even so…it's not like she does that with friends. Male friends. Twice now. Three times if you want to count sophomore year. So what was she doing?

"I did," she said slowly. "I just don't know why."

Finn turned his eyes down to her for a few seconds before moving his hands to pull down her shirt.

"I get it, I do. But I'd be an idiot not to be into you, I've always have been. I know I have done a crappy job of showing it sometimes, but yeah I never want you to feel like a mistake or like you're nothing. "

His tone was low, he wasn't trying to throw in her face that that's how he feels with her, he just knows how bad that sucks and that's why he told her.

"I don't wanna mess things up, but don't want to seem like I'm denying you ever. So yeah it's hard to know how to be. "

Santana is a little relieved when Finn fixes the shirt for her. She had been wanting to do it herself but didn't want to make a big deal out of it. She listens to him, still frowning, hearing the not so subtle message beneath and having no idea how to respond to it.

"I don't…I don't know what to be," she admitted finally. "This is all so weird, Finn. I mean, who the hell would ever think we'd have a kid together?"

Finn slowly turns over towards her and chews on the inside of his cheek. His hand slowly rose up to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"I know, San. I know it's confusing, especially for you. I'm not…I'm not trying to make a move on you, I swear. I'm trying to respect that you're into girls and that night for you was a mistake. But it wasn't for me, I wanted you and I needed you. And I wouldn't want to be having a baby with anyone else but you right now. " His voice as a bit shaky as he had a feeling that might have been a little too much to admit to her right now.

"But don't..don't feel like you have to be anything more with me, I would never ever expect that or push for it. I'd rather have you as my friend and mother of my child then nothing at all."

Santana blinks, hearing both what Finn is saying and what he isn't. She too bites her lip, her eyes locked on his, as this hits her. She had known this, but now she's really hearing what he's saying, and it scares her a little.

"Finn…you're being great and I appreciate it," she said finally. "But you gotta stop feeling like that. You just have to. You have to find a girl who isn't gay, who's gonna love you like that. Okay?"

Finn shook his head softly.

"Santana, I'm really not focused on finding someone right now. I want to focus on our baby, getting us a place and the business started. I'm okay with being single right now, I'm okay with you not wanting me. I get it, I'm not trying for anything more or pushing for anything. " He spoke honestly before licking over his lips. "Promise you have nothing to worry about."

His voice was low and so were his eyes as he looked down at the sheet. There was a difference with wanting her and wanting to be with her. There is and he could never want to be with someone who makes him feel like a mistake constantly.

"Yeah, but you should be happy," Santana said just as quietly. "We both should be."

She hates to see him looking and sounding so sad,but still she doesn't know what to do. She can't change her feelings or her thoughts, can she?

"I am happy, I'm about to become a dad. I know when the time is right, I'll find someone some day."

His head nodded softly before licking over his lips. It sounded like she wants to be with someone else or at least find someone to make her happy. It sucks that she isn't, but he has to remind himself they have completely different feelings and thoughts about this situation and each other.

"I'm fine. Santana. I promise."

Santana doubts it, but nods, shrugging. It's not like she can force him to be happy.

"Okay but if you're not, you should say so."

"We both know I have a problem keeping my mouth shut." Finn laughed out before brushing his hand through his hair.

"Do you…want me to go sleep on the couch bed?" He asked, wanting to make sure she was comfortable.

Santana thinks about it, then shakes her head. What the hell. He's seen her naked and he will in the future, and they did just have sex. Again. There was really no point in it, and she did like to cuddle when she got cold. Even if she never actually was going to say that, ever.

"Nah, you can stay here."


	9. Chapter 9

**Texts**

**Santana: **So Girl Interrupted is playing on TV this morning after I got up to pee...And I got sucked in. And now I'm bawling and I can't stop.

Finn: Are you okay? You want me to come home and get you some chocolate?

Santana: What exactly will chocolate do to undo Daisy killing herself and Polly having no one kiss her ever, EVER, and Lisa's parents not caring if she lies and CRYING ANGELINA?

Finn: It's your hormones, San. It's normal for pregnancy, I promise. But I'll come home and come here, I'll give you the best cuddles ever

88

Finn opened the door to the motel room hesitantly, unsure of what he would see or what mood Santana would be in when he came in for her. He had gone out to get breakfast for her, letting her sleep in, and had ended up buying some other grocery items as well, hoping that some of them would be items she could keep down. As he eased open the door, he saw that Santana was curled up on the bed, tears still streaking down her cheeks, although she had turned the TV off. Her eyes were red, her hair messy around her face, but still to Finn she looked oddly cute, despite her tears. He tried to suppress a smile as he sat beside her on the bed, gently rubbing his hand up and down her arm. When Santana didn't fuss at him or pull away, he pulled her into his arms, gently rubbing her back. Even knowing that this was only a hormonal swing, most likely, it was difficult for him to see her upset, and he set to work trying to comfort as she might need.

He noticed Santana mold her body into his without protest and held her snugly against him, grateful for her response. Giving her a gentle kiss on top of her head, he said in an effort to cheer her up, "Want me to dance or something, make you laugh?"

"Your dancing would make me cry more, you kidding?" Santana sniffled, but he heard the faint amusement in her voice and was glad. Still rubbing her back, he responded back lightly.

"C'mon, you know you would always laugh at me when I would try to break it down in Glee."

"Well now, it would make me think of Glee," Santana muttered, shaking her head. "And that would make me think of how half of Glee has probably sided with Rachel and hates me. And how I'll never really sing or dance like we used to again where it counts. And then I"ll cry. Not laugh."

Even as she said this Santana's voice was starting to hitch again, working back towards tears. Finn hurriedly tried to steer her back towards a more cheerful mindset, beginning to dig his thumbs gently into her muscles in a light massage.

"I'm sorry San. Alright, different plan. I'm going to make us the best ice cream sundaes, we're going to watch funny movies and lay around on the couch. I'll even tell you embarrassing stories from when I was young with long hair."

"You had long hair….?" Santana sniffled, blinking and trying to focus, and Finn nodded, giving her a gentle smile.

"Yup, I wanted to be like a cool boy band kid."

This definitely seemed to be the way to distract her, if the way she bolted up, eyebrows shooting to her hairline, was any indication.

"Cool….boy…band?!"

"Hey, Hanson Brothers were cool once!" Finn defended, half laughing at her incredulous expression and tone. Even as he said it he knew he was setting himself up for more mocking, but it was worth it to get Santana focused on something beyond feeling sad.

"YOU WANTED TO BE IN HANSON?!" she half shouted, already howling with laughter as she hit Finn's chest with emphasis."Do you realize that when Hanson was actually popular, we were TWO YEARS OLD?! Which means that when you were old enough to know who they were, they were over and done with and you're just a huge dork?!"

She half collapsed against Finn, cackling loudly as Finn half smiled, half scowled at her, shaking his head.

"I cant help that I was a little lame and behind with music. I just listened to what my mom had in the house...I know, I know. I was a huge dork. We can never tell our baby that story, okay?"

"Are you kidding? He's gonna call you Finnson the second he can talk," Santana gasped, wiping at eyes that were now streaming tears for an entirely different reason than before. She cleared her throat, sniffing, as Finn patted her back, not wanting her to start coughing or choking on her own laughter- even if it was aimed at him.

"Oh so you're calling it a boy already, huh?" he pointed out, curious. "You think it's a boy then?"

"It's gotta be a boy, only a boy would be this mean to me. And have a fascination with puke," Santana was starting to calm down, her breathing becoming more normal as her laughter started to die off. Wiping at her face one more time, she shrugged, convinced in this prediction. "Has to be."

"I don't think our baby means to make you puke," Finn told her honestly, shrugging back at her. "I don't think that matters... and girls are mean too!"

"I think he loves it," Santana insisted, rolling her eyes. "I think he likes to experiment with how many different times of the day and colors and textures he can provoke out of me. He's obviously a nasty boy."

Finn tried to hide a smile as he rubbed his thumb over the ball of her shoulder. "You have definitely thought a lot about this, haven't you? And what are you going to say if the doctor tells us its a girl? Are you going to ground her?"

"I'm gonna tell her I'm appalled by how disgusting she is," she countered, seemingly serious about this. She threaded her arm through Finn's, adjusting herself again him. "And I'm gonna suspect she is psychic and she's watched too many of Brittany's nasty fondu cheese things plus watched her eat candy out of Lord Tubbington's litter box or else she wouldn't be so into this nastiness."

Finn stiffened slightly at the mention of Brittany, not wanting to make a big deal about it, but also not wanting to talk about her. At all. After a few seconds he said carefully, " I don't even want to begin to think about any of that. Our baby is perfect, boy or girl and I know you're gonna think this is all worth it when they are in your arms and smiling up at you...and anyway, I got something for you."

Unwrapping his arm from around Santana, he reached down for the bag at her feet, holding up a little white and yellow onesie decorated with ducks and yellow bears. Holding it up for her to see, he rambled slightly in his effort at explaining. "I got it this morning while I was getting food, like, I sorta um, I was thinking like this. The first time I really noticed like how good you were at singing was that mashup you did during Glee. The "Halo" and "Walking on Sunshine" one, remember? You wore that yellow dress and your hair down, you looked really pretty. So I thought it would uh, be kind of fitting to get our baby something yellow. They also say yellow is general neutral and I mean, if you don't like it, we can return it, but I got this today. Burt sent my pay check and I have enough for rent, groceries and a lot left over, so..."

He paused, looking up to see her reaction. He had hoped to make her smile, and so when her face crumpled, tears beginning to streak down her cheeks, Finn was not only perplexed, but more than a little alarmed.

"San...?" he tried, starting to awkwardly rub her arm, as Santana shook her head, reaching out to finger the material.

"That's…it has ducks on it…" she managed, which only confused Finn further. How could that possibly be the cause of her tears?

"Do you..I mean, is it okay? Ducks are kind of cute for babies...right?" he asked, uncertain. He was pretty sure ducks had been on other baby items in the mall, the other day.

Santana wasn't much help with this. Although she tried to keep explaining, the words came out somewhat garbled, and Finn had to lean in, struggling to follow.

"It's cute and it's little…something is gonna come out of my vagina little enough to fit in something with ducks on it," she sniffled, wiping at her cheeks as she continued to stroke the outfit's material. Clueless, Finn tried to go along with this, nodding as if he was following.

"And when he or she comes out, they'll put our baby right into your arms and they'll know you're their mom right away...right? That's why they cry because they have to leave you, but once they hear your heart beat again and smell you, they're happy and know they're with their mom."

"How does it know? It knows my heart?" Fascinated, Santana slipped an arm through Finn's, leaning against him."Can it feel it or just hear it?"

"Yeah, that's what it hears all the time inside of you. It learns your heart beat and it is comforting for the baby. I read all about it." He smiles as he holds her closer, still rubbing his hand down her arm. " I don't know if the baby can feel it, but they know your heart better than anyone else."

Santana smiled, thinking about this. Her breathing had started to even out again, her tears drying up with her interest.

"How can it smell me? It barely even had a nose. It was a little ET slit nose. And...what about babies that get adopted. They still miss their mom and want them back even if she was an asshole?"

Finn chuckled, nodding. "Their nose grows along with them, so once it learns how to smell in your stomach, it smells you. And the adopted babies? My mom told me they usually make these teddy bears for babies that are adopted with the moms heart beat recording in it. This way they don't feel sad and have something familiar when they're in the nursery."

Feeling snuggly now, without quite knowing why, Santana wrapped her arms around Finn's waist and leaned her cheek into his side as she listened to him.

" Oh. That's nice."

Thinking about this, her hand creeps over her stomach. She sort of thinks she can tell where the baby is even though she's not showing, and she keeps it there, searching, as she continues," You've been reading about this stuff a lot. You really want this."

Finn wrapped his arm around her, letting her get comfortable as he thought to himself how nice it felt to be so close to her- and that she was the one initiating the closeness now.

" Yeah, I mean I got a book to make sure to keep up on the pregnancy stuff and so that I can always help you through it all. Of course I really want this and I know deep down, so do you."

"I do not."

But her voice isn't very adamant anymore. She continued to curl up to him, resting her head against his chest as she poked him lightly.

"Tell me more stuff."

She had been avoiding reading about pregnancy and childcare for the moment, partly because she had still been in shock this was happening at all, partly in denial that she'd keep the baby, and partly because it scares her a little to know what's coming. But if Finn knows these facts, and can tell them to her slowly, maybe she can handle that.

Finn doesn't believe her for a second, but doesn't call her out on it. He knows Santana works in a different way and he's always trying his best to honor that, so he simply honored her request, beginning to describe to her the progress of their child in utero.

"By 12 weeks, the baby's fingernails are already starting to grow and when you're four months along, our baby can start sucking their thumb. They say by the fifth month of pregnancy, you're gonna feel the baby moving around a lot, usually when you lay down and stuff..."

Santana nodded, listening, her hand slipping into Finn's free one as she speaks to him softly. " So it will have fingernails soon…and fingerprints? It's gonna scratch the inside of my stomach and leave fingerprints."

Finn laced his fingers between hers and nodded his head. "And if it's a little girl, she'll probably already be dreaming about getting them done like you. But she's not gonna get you. You know it's in like a sack thing, right? Unless it scratches through that, then I think your stomach is safe from scratches."

"If she's like me then she'll scratch through. Long nails."

Teasingly she scratched her nails lightly into Finn's arm, flexing her hands. She smiled briefly before her tone went more serious again.

"I wonder what it was like for my mami when she was pregnant with me. She hasn't talked about it before. She only had me so maybe it was horrible for her."

Finn's eyes turned down to look at her nails as she pressed them into his skin. They were indeed long and sharp enough for him to worry.

"Let's hope she doesn't use them against us, I saw at Babies R Us they actually sell baby nail clippers, maybe I should invest in some."

He listens to her with a soft smile, lightly touching the tips of her hair after her later comments." Or maybe your mom just had one perfect kid, she didn't want to risk the next one not measuring up. That's how I like to think of why my mom only had me, but she talked to me a lot about her pregnancy. But that's just because she was all alone."

"My mami was too," Santana said softly after a pause, lowering her eyes. "My abuela didn't think she was good enough to marry my papi, and her mami died when she was young. She didn't have anyone help her."

Finn's hand gave hers a gentle squeeze before setting his other hand onto her knee. He could sense that this was a topic of serious feeling for her.

"Your mom did a really great job with you and she probably wants to really be here for you."

"I didn't see her much, actually. As a kid."

Santana's words to Finn were words slow; she's finding it strange, a little difficult, to talk about herself in this way with him. She tries to continue nevertheless, pushing past the discomfort.

"Once I was a year old she needed to go back to work. Papi was in medical school and we needed the money, so she had to work and my abuela took care of me."

Finn's finger brushed against the spot between her thumb and index finger. He knows this isn't easy for her to talk about, especially since he's been through something similar, and so he waited until she seemed to be finished before commenting.

"My mom had to work too, I went to day care and stuff so I know how hard that must have been for you. It was probably super hard for her to have to work and leave you during the day, but it seems like you two got closer as you got older."

Santana nodded slightly. She loves her mother and knows her mother loves her, even as a child. But she had for so much of her life feared losing that love, and tried so hard to try to make sure her abuela would love and approve of her, that she had barely been able to relax with it and simply accept her mother's love. Still thinking about this, she tries to put it in words.

"Abuela sort of wasn't into kids. I had to follow her rules and preferences like, exactly, and I was still gonna get called Garbage Face or Devil Girl regardless. It was sort of her thing."

She laughs a little but her expression is sad; regardless of this she still misses her abuela, and it still hurts that she isn't in her life.

"If she ever finds out I'm pregnant I think she'd drive all the way up here just so she could slap me personally and call me Whore of Babylon or something."

Finn was able to see how emotional and honest Santana was being with all of this. It was the first time she was opening up about her family like this, about her childhood and it sort of made sense of why she is so afraid of love and closed off to things. Especially with how the person who watched and practically raised her treated her the way she did.

" That…that doesn't seem fair at all to you. I know older people have their own way of raising kids and what they think is right, but that's not."

He slowly moved his arms around her, seeing that look in her eyes and wanting to hug and hold her, if she would let him.

"I wouldn't let her touch you. I know you love her and want her approval, but something had to happen in her life that she is the way she is. You can't blame yourself for how she is."

Santana shrugged her shoulder, deflecting this, but didn't push him away." I don't blame myself. I mean she's old and she grew up in Puerto Rico and things were different. She's never gonna change, she's never gonna think it's cool that I'm a lesbian, and she's never gonna see anything about me except how I have sex with people and what comes about as a result. She'll never approve. I tried all my life to make her approve and even when she did I knew the second I did something wrong it could all go away, so…" she shrugged, exhaling." And I did and it did, so."

She shrugged again, mouth tipping slightly. "Puts Papi in a bad place. I mean, he's basically okay with me being gay, he'd just rather not talk about it, and it's probably same thing with me being pregnant. He'd probably rather just pretend he doesn't know and I'm still twelve and let Mami deal with it. I don't think he thinks it's wrong, just not preferrable and sort of embarrassing. But his mother does and she probably bitches him out every time she sees him, and Mami never could stand her and she knows how she disowned me so she won't talk to her anymore, so he's stuck in the middle. Which means he basically tries to avoid me so he's not picking sides either way."

Finn rubbed the small of her back softly, knowing how giving a massage got him in trouble before, he made sure to keep his touches safe. He kept his lips shut, just listening and really taking everything in. Santana was really opening up and he wanted to keep learning more about her. They're having a baby together so talking about her family, her childhood and her feelings about it all is a big deal.

" I wish there were something more I could do with your Abuela, but all I keep thinking of is how it's her loss. She's missing out on her amazing granddaughter and going to miss out on our beautiful baby. Her judgements and the way she treats others has to change or else she's going to keep missing out on a lot."

He was careful with his tone, not wanting to seem disrespectful. He wasn't trying to pass judgement on her Abuela, he just wanted to show how much he cares about the subject and how it's not on Santana for any of this. She's the kid, the granddaughter and doesn't deserve to be treated that way by her family. A long sigh fell from his nose as she kept talking about her dad. He wish the guy would step up and stop ignoring things and pushing them aside, that he would step up and really look at and be there for his daughter like Finn intended to be for his own child.

"I really hope your dad will come around for his gradkid. I know you'd want that too, maybe your mom will convince him to. I know it's hard to go against your own mom, but this is his daughter and his grandson or granddaughter so I don't think he can avoid that for long."

Santana sighed, her body relaxing against Finn's side. Leaning her head into Finn's shoulder, she nodded slightly, her expression still soft, sad, but she appreciated Finn's listening and acknowledgement.

"Yeah. I guess we'll see."

Finn's hand brushed against her side rhythmically as he regarded her. "Do your parents have any brothers or sisters?"

Santana nodded slightly." Yeah. I don't see them much though. Papi grew up in Puerto Rico and I used to see them but they sort of dropped me now and I never liked most of them. Mami had two sisters but they live in the Heights and I don't see them either."

Finn listened with a small nod. "Have you ever been to Puerto Rico? I've seen pictures in text books and stuff, seems like an awesome island. Do your aunts have any kids?"

Santana nodded again.

"I've been, but it's been a few years. We usually would only go like every other summer and once I came out I stopped. I knew what they thought, so…" She exhaled, readjusting against Finn. " My aunts do have kids. They're okay, we bickered and played when we were kids some but not that much because they weren't related to abuela and she didn't look after them like she did me. They didn't go to the same high school we did and I didn't really hang out with them because Antonio got into drugs and Ana moved and Hector's an ass and Amira is just really dull." She shrugs again. "What about you? Do you have insane family?"

Finn always thought that knowing your family history is important. He would want to raise their baby with Santana knowing his or her heritage, but he understands that's up to Santana. She has gone through a lot with her family and it's her decision on what to tell their kid, what traditions and memories to share.

"So who is it in your family that still lives down there? Sometimes it's hit or miss with your cousins, I have one but she's older and I can't remember the last time she even talked to me," he shared, before his fingers flexed softly against her side. "My mom has one sister but she lives in Texas and her parents don't talk to her, I know nothing about my dads side and most of Burt and Kurt's family tries to hit on me."

"My dad has two brothers and a sister, they all live in Puerto Rico," Santana told him. "I have like, twelve cousins on his side but I don't really know them. Honestly I don't feel like they're family at all." Listening to what Finn has to say, her mouth quirks. "So basically I have my mom and sort of my dad and you have your mom and Burt and Kurt, and that's it. Sucks to be us."

Finn rubbed his lips together a little bit before shaking his head.

"It doesn't because I would rather have a few good people we know who we can count on and will be there for our baby and us then have to worry about the fakes. I could go and research my dad's side, but family is the ones that care about you, love you and are there for you when you need them. They never were that for my mom after my dad died and I don't want to know them."

Santana nods, understanding his view. She is quiet for a few more moments before saying quietly, "I want to see Mami. But I don't want to ask her to come up and have to take off work and act like it's a big deal if she doesn't, and I really don't want to go to Lima."

Finn nods his head softly.

"Let's find an apartment tomorrow, I'll invite my mom up too for a weekend and this way she can bring my stuff and travel with your mom. They should probably get to know each other, don't you think? Then when our moms get here, you can spend all weekend with her and I will do the same with mine. She has off on the weekends, right? So this way she only has to take off for like a Friday or something."

"Mami will probably talk her ear off…oh god, she's going to tell her embarrassing stories about me and probably bring pictures," Santana groaned, but she is smiling. "You know by the time she shows up I'll probably want to send her back." But she doesn't really mean it. She wants to sit with her mother and have her give her attention, have her talk to her and assure her.

She squeezes Finn, grateful for this plan. "Okay."


	10. Chapter 10

Finn ran his hands over his jeans as he waited on the couch. They were able to get a few pieces of furniture for their new place after signing the lease, pretty much the bare minimum since they didn't have that much time before their moms got here to go full out shopping. He knows Santana is going to want to really decorate the place soon and who knows, maybe their moms will help out with all of that when they're here these next couple of days. Both he and Santana were really excited to have them come out here to be with them, but he just keeps silently stressing and hoping for Santana's mom to like him. It's a big deal and kind of needed since the two are having a baby, but he's just going to be himself and hope that's good enough.

With a smile on his face, he stood up and looked over to Santana.

"They're here," he told her, looking out the big front window and seeing the taxi parking out front.

Santana was definitely appreciative of the fact that they now had a permanent roof over their head and several pieces of furniture to their name as well- even if, as she told herself, it wasn't like they'd be owning this stuff together or even living together more than a year or two, as long as it took for her to pop the baby out and then wean it off of screaming all hours of the night. She appreciated too that she had a room to herself, as well as one for the baby and one for Finn. It made things way less awkward and strained in her opinion. It was a good thing Finn was making decent money because she never could have afforded this on her own. If she had to get pregnant with a guy, at least it wasn't someone broke like Puck or god forbid, Kurt.

Okay so she may have almost killed Finn a few times in the process of shopping with him. But she could forget that for now, with it being over. Mostly.

She found herself growing increasingly nervous as she waited for her mother's arrival. What would Maribel Lopez think of her home, of Santana herself? She knew her mother wasn't judgmental, but still she found herself afraid to meet her eyes, to stand beside Finn and let her have a full visual of exactly what had happened. And Carol…that sweet woman from the wedding and all of Finn's performances, what if she had changed her view of Santana too?

She hadn't realized she was almost holding her breath until she released it in a rush upon hearing Finn tell her they were there. Jumping up, she almost ran to the door, not caring how eager it made her look in front of him.

It brought a bigger smile to Finn's face when he saw Santana's reaction and followed her to the door. He knew at a time like this, a girl must need their mom big time. Her body was going through changes and so were her emotions, you always want your mom when you're going through stuff so he's really happy Santana can have her here this weekend.

Finn knew he needed his, with all his feelings for Santana and becoming a dad, it's going to be really nice to have her to talk to and get her advice. His mom was always a big sweetheart, she is caring and loving and he knows she is going to be really happy to get to spend time with Santana and her mom as well.

He immediately gave her a hug as they both approached the door. It was always funny to see his height compared to his mom's but he took notice of how Santana's mom was super tiny too. He said hello to her as well before insisting on taking both their bags to carry in for them.

"How was the flight?" Finn asked following behind them, his dimples showing as he was crazy happy right now to have them both actually here.

Santana stopped just short of throwing herself at her mother once the door was open, which was exactly what she wanted to do, but she smiles almost self consciously, looking between her and Carol. Maribel, setting her suitcase down, just smiles at her warmly, making an impatient, teasing gesture with her hand.

"Oh, I see how it is, you take pregnant and think you don't have to help a lady with her suitcase? Come here, mija, you still get a hug for your lazy self."

She met Santana partway and folded her into her arms, holding her tightly and giving her a lingering kiss to her cheek and forehead. Santana melted against her mother, burying her face in her shoulder, and blinked back sudden threatening tears. Maribel, sensing this, rubs her back and kisses her again, giving her time to compose herself as she speaks to her quietly.

"I love you too, carina. This is normal, no need to be embarrassed. I cried over running out of toothpaste and terrible soap opera reruns when I was pregnant with you."

She kissed her again, then pulled back, coming inside and smiling at Finn. Santana knew her mother was deliberately taking the attention off of her to focus on Finn, so as to give her more time to settle, and she smiled to herself even as she continued to do so, grateful for her.

"Well I have to give it to you, mija, you did pick a tall dark and handsome. This one will certainly keep you on your toes, even if you're wearing your crazy heels." She reached to hug Finn, patting his arm affectionately. "And I imagine my daughter here is hard at work making sure your hair goes gray early, yes?"

Finn quickly realized within seconds how awesome Santana's mom was. She seemed to really love her daughter and was super comforting. He knows how much Santana has been needing that throughout her pregnancy and after talking about her family.

Carol saw the look in Finn's eyes as he glanced over Santana and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I'm so excited to see where you two are living, about time you got yourselves out of that hotel," his mom said with a smile, letting Finn take her bags and looking around every inch of the condo as they walked through it.

After setting the bags down, Finn got everyone water bottles and couldn't help but blush at Mrs. Lopez's compliment. He looked down bashfully and saw his mom smiling proudly.

"No gray hairs yet." His hand brushed through his hair jokingly before shaking his head. "No, Santana's amazing. I'm happy to be with her every step of the way through this pregnancy," the boy admitted a little nervously before taking off the cap of his drink, needing a long swig to clear his dry throat.

"Where are those sonogram pictures, Finny. I have been dying to see them!" Carol asked as she looked around the place for some frames that it could be in.

"On the fridge, we have copies for both of you."

"And look at this place," Maribel comments, inspecting with interest along with Carol. "No offense mija but it's a step up from sleeping on the couch in that grungy last place of yours, yes? A little empty but I have no doubt this one is going to remedy that soon enough with a few credit cards," she nudged Santana lightly, smiling at her when Santana rolled her eyes at her but nevertheless grinned.

She looked up, startled, when Finn called her amazing, noticing her mother's raised eyebrows in her direction, but her mother didn't comment this time. She simply squeezed Finn's arm briefly before taking Santana's hand, pulling her closer to herself and Carol. When Finn reappeared with the pictures, her eyes softened, and she smiled, looking down at them.

"Oh, look at this…" still staring at the picture, smiling, she slid her arm around Santana, rubbing her hand gently over her arm. "I will be honest, Santanita, I always thought these pictures were boring with others, but this one…this one is special. This one is ours."

"Oh, it's beautiful…and so tiny!" Carol exclaimed, looking over Maribel's shoulder. "Finn had huge hands as a baby and legs, lets hope this baby gets Santana's scrawniness," Carol said, causing Finn's cheeks to blush a little. "If the baby starts feeling like a full on football in your stomach, you can blame Finn for that…I hear you're having some sickness, Santana. I told Finn about the lollipops and saltines along with Gatorade, I know those were the only thing I could stomach when I was pregnant for a while. He's been so worried about when she gets sick, they should really create a pregnancy depot. All the foods, medicines and treatments you could ever need and have a drive thru open 24/7. I swear people would make millions off of that." Carol said with a laugh, rubbing Finn's back softly.

"What helped you, Mrs. Lopez?" Finn asked her with a smile, seeing what her tips are and what she thinks could work with Santana. "I know the other day Santana got really sick at the mall because of all the smells of the greasy food. I felt so bad."

"Oh god," Santana looks at Finn in horror, not having had this occur to her. "If this thing has your huge head and your huge shoulders, it's gonna split me open!" Looking to Mrs. Hudson, she asks her in all seriousness, "How did you survive?"

"I liked salt," Maribel told Santana, nodding in agreement with Carol's suggestions. "Crackers, pretzels, popcorn. Not the healthiest, no, but it does help. Also apples, bananas, fruits without much citrus. And don't stop drinking, mija, that's very important. Don't stop eating either, even if you do not feel well. Eat something anyway."

"I don't want to eat," Santana rolled her eyes, scoffing. "Who the hell wants to eat when they're going to puke it back up twenty minutes later?"

"Santana," Maribel's voice was serious now, eyebrow arched. "It isn't the food you eat that makes you nauseous, it's the misbalance of chemicals in your body. That will not go away any time soon and failing to eat will only prolong the period it will take for your body to adjust. Don't eat and the baby will not be healthy and you will be sick. Women who make that mistake often remain sick all throughout the entire pregnancy. Do you want four months of vomiting or nine?"

Santana hadn't actually been aware of this and glances at Carol as though to confirm this, half suspecting she's making it up. Taking her hand again, Maribel dragged her into the kitchen.

"Sit. Drink. Eat. I am now demonstrating appropriate parenting skills, watch and learn, mija."

"Thankfully the big head didn't come til later. The long legs and hands drove me nuts when he would try to move around in my stomach, but I would get him to calm down with sugar. For some reason, he just knew it was a bribe and took it." Carol said with a laugh, patting her son's cheek. "He was only seven pounds, so not too huge, just long."

Finn thought salt sounded easy enough. They have tons of food with it and who knows, maybe it can really help. The saltines seemed to settle her down somewhat, so maybe that's the direction they need to keep going in and trying.

As much as Finn waned to step in and say he is going to make sure Santana is going to always eat, he knew better than to cut either of them off. Santana would probably kill him anyways. It was good to know that it wasn't the food, so Finn was learning a lot more about all of this and Carol was able to see the look in her sons face and gave his arm another gentle squeeze.

Carol nodded her head at Santana in response to her mother's warning about eating, letting her know that's the truth. "I keep promising Finn that soon you'll move on from the nausea to all the crazy cravings. You'll be sending Finn out to get all the pickles, fast food and ice cream you can imagine."

"I got a few things to grill if you want, Mrs. Lopez. We have a back deck with a grill, but I'm sure if you want to cook the chicken and stuff in here we could. I promised Santana to cook for her once we got a place, she doesn't really believe me that I can, but it's pretty hard to burn pasta," Finn joked before showing her where he set and put away all the food earlier.

Seven pounds of baby sounds plenty huge to Santana. "Well, I hope for a midget," she shrugs, rolling her eyes again at Finn. "You and your lame Jolly Pale Giant genes."

Maribel flashes another somewhat sympathetic, somewhat smirking and knowing smile at Finn over Santana's head as she half pushed her daughter into a chair. Patting her shoulder one last time, she gives her the bottle of water Finn had handed her along with a handful of pretzels.

"Drink both and eat the pretzels, if you get sick from the smell of the cooking, eat them anyway if you hadn't finished them yet. Your body has to learn the rules, you're the boss here."

She nods in acknowledgement to Finn as she begins to scour the kitchen for items to cook with. Santana rolls her eyes skyward, half scowling at Finn.

"Remind me why I invited her again?"

But even as she says it, she knows she's privately feeling a sense of comfort with her mother there, taking over for the moment. It's nice to feel that someone knows what they're doing, even if she is bossy about it.

"Hey those are part my genes." Carol said jokingly with a laugh at Santana, asking then for the bathroom to freshen up. Finn showed her where it was and helped bring her bags back to his room for her.

"I do kind of hope if it's a girl, she comes out looking like Santana and not me. But don't tell my mom that." Finn said lowly to Mrs. Lopez, appreciating thee smile and opening up the top of the water bottle for Santana. It was pretty cool how Maribel could just take over and Santana does as she says, if Finn ever tried that, she'd slap him.

"Because she's your mom and she's awesome." Finn whispered back to her with a smile, looking into her eyes before nodding his head at the pretzels with a smirk.

Carol comes back a few minutes later after fixing up her hair and gets more comfortable at the island. "Maribel if you need my help, I love to cook, but don't want to step on any toes. Kurt always tries to help me but ends up trying to take over, it's the worst. " She says with a laugh and a shake of her head.

"Your genes are heavily diluted now, between his dominant giant genes and my genes of every possible nationality," Santana informed Carol, giving a small smirk. "I don't think the baby has any chance of looking like you."

Maribel smiled at Finn over her shoulder, mouthing her agreement. No offense to him, but she thinks Santana's features would be more attractive on a girl than his.

"Sure, thank you, Carol," Maribel nodded to the other woman as she started to cook. Santana smirked, sipping at the water at the comment about Kurt.

"Yeah, Lady Hummel and his bossy fingers in the kitchen…you know he lectured me once on proper hygiene because I didn't rinse a fork in the proper water temperature? Hey!" she yelped as her mother lightly slapped the back of her head.

"Have some respect, Santana, how many times have I told you about your nicknames?" Maribel scolded, then gave a second, gentler push at Santana's head with her fingers as she noticed the untouched crackers. "I said eat, mija. I'm about to cook."

Carol chuckled and gave Santana's arm a gentle squeeze. "Hey, I know, I meant Finn's genes are half because of me. Believe me, I know this baby will be as beautiful as you and have most of your features. Hopefully it'll get the dimples you both have," she said before excusing herself.

Finn knew their daughter would be much better off looking more like Santana, she was perfect and while he's sure she could get something like his ears or nose, he knows no matter what their kid is going to be the cutest.

"What do you need me to do? Or should I say let's see what these kids got for us to make. I'm sure they both were thinking about how we were going to come out here and cook for them the whole time," Carol joked, finding some potatoes to slice.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure she does eat," Finn said with a smile to Santana's mother before turning a little more into Santana to watch her. "Mrs. Lopez, did you bring any photos of Santana as a baby?"

Santana smiled slightly at Carol's calling her beautiful. She doesn't know how to respond to this so just mentions the part about dimples.

"It will have dimples most likely. Those are dominant genes so unless we both have a recessive gene because our dimple genes are heterozygous, and we both give our recessive gene, which would only be like a 25% chance even if we both hand one…okay, fine, I paid attention in biology even if I did paint Brittany's nails through it," she said at her mother's raised eyebrow and smirk. "I'm a smartass but I'm not dumb."

"No one ever said that, that's for sure," Maribel shook her head at her. "If only I saw that kind of memory recall when I asked you to clean your room and bathroom and sweep the kitchen a few years ago."

Santana rolled her eyes at her as her mother took out a package of chicken to thaw, but she did eat a handful of the pretzels. Maribel turns to Finn and nods, smiling. "Certainly, yes. A whole album in the front pocket of my suitcase."

"Mamiiiiiii," Santana groaned, but she had expected this. "I swear I'd find pictures of you posing in sleazy lingerie for Papi if it didn't make me want to poke my eyes out."

Her mother ignored her, digging out the photo album and holding it out to Finn triumphantly as she pointed out various pictures.

"Here Finn, wasn't she adorable? Little spitfire…sadly I cannot find the ones of her naked on the toilet…"

"She is the cutest kid ever," Finn gushed, smiling widely as he leaned close to the held out album. Santana had been a thin child with a wide, mischievous smile and a wild head of curls, absolutely adorable, and he fingered the page, shaking his head. "I hope we have a little girl so bad that looks just like her."

"She scared me to death climbing out of that crib all the time. And those tantrums she would throw…she was so difficult to get to bed on time," Maribel confided, flipping the pages, even as her daughter drew closer, frowning suspiciously as she too tried to get a look at the pictures.

"Mami JESUS the dance picture!? The gun picture?!" she exclaimed as she caught sight of the pictures of her five year old self, dancing in a pink bikini top with a black eye mask while holding a toy gun. Her cheeks flaming, she tried to snatch the album away, but her mother held her at bay, laughing.

"It could have been the one with you sucking on your teddy bear's nose or where you were wearing nothing but my bra on your head like a bandana."

"Sounds like our baby is already going to be a heartbreaker. It's going to be hard to say no to the dimples," Carol too had joined the conversation, looking over everyone's shoulder. "Oh Santana, those curls! What a beautiful child you were."

Santana smiled a little shyly and her hand unconsciously touches her stomach. She likes the idea of this baby having dimples too. She thinks of a literal tiny ET and tries to picture wrinkles and dimples together; the idea is funny to her and she snickers, snorting.

When the others gather around the photo album, Santana covers her face with her hands, embarrassed, and groans. "Whyyyyy, can't we look up Finn's chub roll baby pictures? I looked like a Hispanic orphan Annie chipmunk."

Ignoring her, Finn continued to flip through, smiling widely. "She looks like she woke up a lot with some crazy hair styles, but I have no room to talk. These are awesome, we're going to need copies to have here to show our baby and compare with looks and everything. And Mrs. Lopez, you can always text me some you find later," he added with a smirk, even as Santana hit his arm.

"Don't you DARE! You copy these pictures and I'll burn them."

"Oh don't worry Finn, I predicted the attitude and I've already made plenty of copies!" Maribel smirked, raising an eyebrow at her daughter. "I can also simply post them online on Facebook for everyone else to admire should you feel the need to be violent, Sanny."

"…..you wouldn't. Don't you dare, Mami I swear to God-" Santana started heatedly, but Maribel spoke over her, her voice stern.

"Santana Reina, if you're doing any swears to God it should be to clean out that mouth of yours, because any child of yours will develop an attitude all on her own without having you to copy. Now look here, Finn, Sanny was a thumbsucker. Were you a pacifier baby or a thumb one? Oh look at this," she smiled, holding up a picture of a toddler Santana perched on Maribel's hip, her arms around her neck. "My favorite of my baby. She still makes that face at me, and she still snuggles in like that too."

"Mamiiii," Santana moaned, again covering her face in embarrassment, even as Carol dug through her purse behind her, handing her a small album of her own.

"Here you go Santana, sweetie. You don't have to be the only one who gets their pictures shown, I know Finn would go nuts if I showed you some of the long haired ones so I'll save them for when he's not around."

Her interest piqued, Santana lifted her face, perky again now that she had a chance to embarrass Finn. As she looked at his newborn photos, she burst out laughing, any embarrassment forgotten as she crowed over his own former appearance.

"OH GOD LOOK AT HIS FINGERS! He would rip open my stomach! I pity you, Mrs. Hudson, you're obviously a woman of strength…and that FACE…and the striped shirts over and over…"

"He had that pacifier until he was in the first grade!" Carol piped up fondly, reaching back to ruffle Finn's hair, as he now took his turn at flushing, mumbling under his breath.

"Mom…really?"

"FIRST GRADE?!" Santana broke out laughing even harder at this, practically gasping for breath, even as her mother raised her eyebrow at her.

"What are you laughing about, Santanita? You sucked your thumb until first grade in public, and you were still sucking it in your sleep until you were in, what was it, third grade?"

Santana's amusement died immediately at this as she glared at her mother, even as she addressed Finn. "Finn, do you remember where our duct tape is? Also, I hope our baby won't be as fat as you were."

"I was not fat!" Finn said defending himself, looking to his mom for help.

"He only had a few rolls," Carol confirmed. Rubbing Santana's back affectionately, she smiled at her. "It doesn't look like you were ever a chubby child."

Finn shook his head and kept looking through the book of Santana's photos. "Does Santana look more like you or her dad as a kid? Did you ever compare the photos?" he asked Maribel, wanting to know whose genes she got most of.

"I don't believe it for a second that you weren't fat. You were a fat kid," Santana teased, smirking at Finn. "It's written in the fact that you like Twinkies and deep fried oreos."

"Twinkies no, deep fried oreos yes. That doesn't make me fat, it means I like sweets!" Finn defended himself and gave up. At least he was fit now and felt good about himself and his physique. Last time they were naked, Santana seemed to as well…and wow he should not be thinking about that.

She looks up, surprised, when Carol rubs her back, but smiles, sort of liking the kindness the woman keeps showing her. Santana takes one of the albums and flips through it to the end, where a few photos show of her parents as young children, stuck in to fill a blank page.

"That's Mami. She looked more like me."

Finn nodded agreement; Maribel's childhood self had had a similar frame and hair to Santana.

By now Maribel is seasoning the chicken, preparing to cook it, and Santana takes a sharp breath in, smelling the scent of the meat and reacting with disgust. Maribel hears her and turns, sticking the meat in the oven and washing her hands quickly before going to her.

"Deep breaths. Count to ten in between each. Head down, breathe through your mouth, not your nose," she instructed her, reaching to stroke back her hair from her face with one hand and rub her back with the other. "You're okay, mija. Take a sip of water, then put your head back down and keep breathing through your mouth."

Seeing her start to get sick always worried Finn and he wanted to do something, but he also wanted her mom to teach them how to help Santana. He slowly slipped his hand to rub against her thigh softly. His thumb brushed against her skin gently and he watched to make sure she wasn't going to get sick right here and now. Carol moved to watch on the food and check on the potatoes, she herself didn't want to over step either. She had heard of a recipe that was great for pregnancy and nausea so tried it out, it had only a few simple ingredients that hopefully will agree with Santana.

"There you go," Maribel said softly as she continued to rub Santana's back briskly but not roughly in a circle in between her shoulder blades. "You're doing fine, baby. Keep breathing just like that. It will pass. It's going to pass."

Santana kept her head down, swallowing thickly, and tried to listen to what her mother was telling her to do, focusing on breathing. She sipped water when her mother told her to, then put her head back down, concentrating fiercely. When Finn's hand rubbed her thigh, she almost looked back up at him, wondering what her mother would think, but Maribel was ignoring it, still speaking to her softly. After a minute or two the nausea passed, and she slowly lifted her head.

"Does that always work?"

"Not always," Maribel confessed, still rubbing her back. "But it's worth a shot, and it worked this time, didn't it?" She squeezed Santana's shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "You will get through this, mija."

She means in more than the sickness, and is sure Santana hears her understanding.

"Santana you're going to have to tell me some of your favorite sweets and snacks, this way I can send you care packages from Lima. Finn told me you love the breadsticks from breadstix's, so I have that on my list already." Carol said, walking towards the island where Finn and Santana sat with a smile.

Santana smiled back at Finn and then Carol briefly, nodding and thanking her. Unconsciously she leans her arm near his, feeling its warmth and heat but not moving hers away. Maribel notices this and shoots a look at Carol, then turns, smirking, back to the food.

"I think Finn wants a girl," she announced. "He seems to be all gung ho for that for some reason."

Carol smiles really big as well, happy to see Maribel takes notice of the two just like she had. She wanted to make sure she wasn't seeing things just because she can see her son is crazy about Santana, so it's nice to know she isn't going crazy about it.

"I think Santana would kill me if it's a boy." Finn joked, shaking his head to show he was just teasing with a laugh. "I just think a girl would be really awesome, I mean of course I'd love a boy too, I don't know it's hard to explain."

Santana's arm is still leaning into Finn's as she smirks at him. "What do people do with boys anyway? I mean they don't talk when they're sixteen. Teenage boys still basically eat, crap, and sleep, and throw sex in there too. It's like having a huge baby who you don't have to change his pants."

He was tempted to wrap his arm around her, but he didn't want to press his luck. Her warmth gave him a slight chill up and down his spin before a laugh fell from his lips.

"Don't forget about sports. If we had a boy, you'd go nuts with all the football and espn." He said with a big smile, Carol rolling her eyes jokingly as she looked over her shoulder at Santana.

"Finn and sports…all the practices, the late nights, the games, the driving hours to go see professional ones…it never ended. But I wouldn't have it any other way because it made him so happy. "

"Oh no, any son of mine gets to hang around Kurt so he learns to like dancing and singing and like, glitter and hair gel instead of that crap," Santana said immediately, smirking. "And no exposure to Puck whatsoever."

To Carol, she adds, "I gotta ask. Where did this man get his extreme lack of dance moves from?"

Finn's eyes go wide and he shakes his head over and over. "Nope, no hair gel allowed. Only football helmets," he said passionately.

Of course he'd always let his kid be who he or she wants, but there's no way Kurt is having a say. He'd have their kid on Broadway as soon as it was home from the hospital.

Carol laughs and shakes her head at Santana's question. "His dad. God bless his heart, at our wedding, he was either 5 feet away when we danced or stepping all over my feet. Thankfully Finn had glee to teach him some basics moves, his dad couldn't even do the hokey pokey of his life depended on it. "

"What's wrong with hair gel? This coming from the dude that used massive quantities because he wanted to be a Backstreet Boy?" Santana poked him, smirking. From the kitchen her mother piped up.

"Santanita, you are not one to talk about hair. I still remember you giving yourself an Uncle Jesse haircut when you were eight, and there was also that time you tried for a mohawk…you make fun of your friend Noah, but you once thought that was a very cool hairstyle yourself."

Santana blushes, scowling towards her mother, who is now taking the cooked food out of the oven and setting it on the table, tapping her shoulder.

"Set the table, mija. Eat well, now, and afterward I will show you some exercises that might help you keep it down better."

Finn narrowed his eyes playfully at her, Carol laughing and trying to cover her mouth from being too loud with it.

"I'll show you the videos I have of his boy band phase next time, promise," She whispered loudly and teasingly before patting Finn's blushing cheek.

The mention of Uncle Jesse had Finn chuckling away, Carol as well just thinking of the sight and what Maribel's reaction might have been.

"Gave herself the haircut? Do you have pictures of that style?" Finn asked with his eyes big and intrigued. The mention of the Mohawk had him almost losing it. "If it makes you feel better, you'd rock it way better than Puck," he whispered to her with a smirk and his leg brushing against hers on accident.

Carol put the last few garnishes onto her potato dish and got together a simple salad, happy that Finn bought a bag of lettuce knowing she always liked a little to go with her meal. Finn stood up when Santana did and offered to help in getting everyone drinks. The last thing he wants is Santana having to do much work, so he got the heavy plates out for her as well before finding his seat again.

"Everything smells and looks so good," he complimented both ladies and looked to make sure Santana was okay with everything. The aromas had gotten to her before so he hopes her mom's tricks will help.

"VIDEOS?!" Santana's dimples pop into view then, and she laughs, eyes lighting up. "Tell me you got one of him "dancing"…I would almost guarantee there's one where he falls off some makeshift stage."

"Unfortunately, no. Her papi was so embarrassed he hid our camera for two months until it grew out a little more, and he made me try to pin ribbons in her hair when she went out in public," Maribel chuckled, remembering the sight. "If you can imagine a six year old with ribbons sticking out of a mohawk, that was this one right here for a few months."

Santana rolled her eyes as she set the table, smirking at Finn at his comment. As everyone sat to eat, she noticed that she wasn't bothered by the food. After they had finished and cleaned up, loading the dishwater and clearing the table, Maribel lead Santana to the living room and instructed her to lie on her back on the floor with her knees bent, hands folded over her stomach, and close her eyes. Santana rolled her eyes again and made comments about it, but obeyed. Easing down beside her, Maribel spoke to her softly.

"Concentrate just on breathing for a while, mija. Breathe in and out, count to ten in between each breath in and each breath out and hold it for that period of time. Feel the pull of your ribcage and let your breath settle in your chest and stomach each time."

She watched her, finally nodding approval, though Santana's eyes were closed. "Good. Now take your fingertips and touch your forehead. Massage your temples in little circles, count to ten three times, then switch direction. Then do it again."

She watched her, reminding her to keep breathing, and then instructed her to do the same movement on her cheekbones, her jawline, her neck, shoulders, upper chest, upper abdomen, mid abdomen, and lower abdomen. She noticed Santana's breathing growing deep and even and continued to speak softly to her as the girl finished.

"Very good. Now open your eyes and roll over slowly onto your side."

When Santana did this, she moved her hair aside, then began to imitate the gestures she had shown her how to do on her back, starting between her shoulder blades and working down her spine all the way down to the small of her back. As she finished, noting the complete relaxation of her daughter's body, she commented softly, "Feel good? No nausea?"

Santana nodded, practically asleep. "Mm. Nice."

Laughing, Maribel reached to help her sit up, pulling her against her briefly in a half hug to her side. "It might not always prevent sickness, but it will make your body much more relaxed beforehand if you do get sick, and it won't hurt as much, if nothing else."

"I have so many, I was that mom taping everything at every event and when he'd put on little concerts." Carol shared, happy to see that Santana was interested in seeing the videos. It felt like they were all really warming up to each other and that's exactly how she wanted it to be. With her past, hearing about Maribel's on the flight here, it was really great that they all got along and seemed to really click.

Finn let out a joking 'Aw man' really wishing he could see the sight of Santana's self cut hair and how her parents covered it up. He always saw Santana as that little girl who would have all the pretty dresses and was like a little beauty queen, but this was so much cuter.

"Now I wished we went to the same grade school, I would have loved to seen that."

He insisted on cleaning up after everything that her mom did with the cooking and his as well. It wasn't that hard to load the dishwasher, right? And he cleared his plate so there was barely anything left on most. It seemed like a lifetime since he last had a homecooked meal but hopes him and Santana will follow in their mothers' footsteps and do it a lot. It'll save money and is more healthy than take out by a long shot.

Carol helped her son out, scrubbing down the pans she cooked in knowing that the dishwasher wouldn't be enough. She rocked into Finn's side a little once she saw Santana and her mom practicing breathing and settling down exercises.

"I see that look you give her, Finn," the woman whispered to her son with a smile, causing Finn to immediately defend himself as much as he could.

"She's not into me like that, I wish she was, but it's okay that she's not. I'd rather her be honest than try and force herself to feel something for me."

Carol just sighed to herself, starting the dishwasher and watching as Finn watched Santana to make sure he was in on the tips and ways to help Santana feel better.

Maribel uses Santana's shoulder as a brace to get to her feet, then helps Santana up. Santana moves slowly, her muscles still very loose and relaxed, and loops her arm through her mother's as she lets her guide her to the couch. She slumps into Maribel's side, her head on her shoulder, sighing aloud. She is very comfortable, both physically and emotionally.

When Finn and Carol rejoin them, she gestures for Finn to sit next to her and sits up, scooting to make room for him. Once he has sat beside her, she now pillows her head on his shoulder, yawning.

"Sleepy. Mami's shoulders are bony."

"Such the charmer, mija," Maribel patted her leg, but made no further comment, even as she met Carol's eyes again.

Finn sits exactly where Santana tells him to and laughs slightly through his nose.

"You know it's more comfortable this way," he whispers to her, moving his arm to wrap around her, this way she can really cuddle into him and get comfortable.

He smiles over to Mrs. Lopez, happy that she wasn't uncomfortable with this. Carol seemed to be beaming, watching the two together. Finn's thumb brushed gently against her arm in small circles before handing over the remote to his mom.

"I might regret this, but you girls can decide what to watch," The boy joked, unable to stop smiling.

Santana snuggles in, not embarrassed for the moment, or thinking anything of it. She yawns again, watching their parents discussing with way too much enthusiasm several different reality shows- cooking, auctioning, and a few Spanish soap operas in Maribel's case- and adjusts again so her feet are in her mother's lap, her head still resting on Finn. Maribel shakes her head good naturedly but pats her ankles occasionally, often stealing a look at Finn.


	11. Chapter 11

Santana was very glad that her mother and Finn's had come up after all. Sure, they teased a lot, and those pictures of her that her mother just had to bring to show Finn had been more than a little embarrassing, especially when she had long stories of Santana's goofy childhood self to go with them. But Santana enjoyed hearing about Finn from Carol Hudson, and it was absolutely hysterical to look at the childhood pictures his mother had brought with him. Looking at their baby pictures together, Santana had started to try to imagine a child crossed between herself and Finn. A baby with her childhood curly hair and both their dimples, a baby with Finn's smile and her eyes and nose and maybe his eyebrows or something. She could see it, the mixture that was the best of them both, it made her feel sort of warm and soft inside to think about it.

It wasn't that she wanted to have a baby, or that she wanted a baby with Finn. She would still rather have never gotten into this situation to begin with. But it had happened, and all they could do now was go forward from here and make the best of it. If she was going to have a baby with someone, it was best that it was with Finn, and at least she knew their kid wasn't going to be ugly.

It made her feel better, more comfortable and safe, even, in some ways, to have her mother there with her, teasing her and scolding her about caring for herself, giving her tips as to how to do a better job with that. She knew that Finn was watching everything her mother did and said, wanting to remember and help her later, and it felt good to know that people did care about her and her comfort, that people wanted to help and support. She had at one point felt that Finn was the only person in the world who didn't hate her, even though she knew this was not at all true, and it was nice to see evidence to the contrary.

It hadn't taken very long after dinner and further conversation that Santana, lulled by the affectionate contact of her mother and Finn and her own weariness, had started to drift to sleep. She had been gently nudged awake by her mother, who had instructed her into bed and joined her within twenty minutes. With Carol taking Finn's bed and Finn taking the couch for the night, this had left Maribel Lopez to share with Santana, and Santana had secretly not minded this at all. It had been probably fifteen years since she last slept with her mother, and she almost immediately snuggled in close to her with a complete lack of self-consciousness. She didn't know for sure that it was her pregnancy making her so sentimental and cuddly, but she was definitely going to blame it on that so she could get away with it without teasing.

For her part, Maribel made no comments, simply wrapping her arms around her daughter and tucking her chin atop her head. She twirled a strand of Santana's hair in her fingers, resting with open eyes as Santana mumbled to her a minute or two after they had settled.

"I'm off this whole weekend at the diner. I just barely managed that, they usually want me working the whole time." She didn't mention to her mother that she had quit working as a stripper recently to take up work at the diner instead.

"When do you plan to quit, Sanny?" Maribel asked softly, still stroking her hair.

Santana shook her head, one shoulder twitching into a shrug. "Not now. I don't know. I need to work."

"Isn't it making you sick, being around all that food all the time?" Maribel questioned, and Santana exhaled, nodding begrudgingly against her chest. Almost every time she worked this was the case, and it was getting increasingly difficult to hide or attempt to explain away her need to run to the restroom every shift.

"It's going to be too hard for your body, Santana, being on your feet all hours of the night around all those smells," Maribel told her quietly, shaking her head. "You should find another job or take a break from working for a while, there is no shame in that, even after the baby is born."

"You worked," Santana pointed out to her, scoffing. "What, you trying to set back the feminist movement a few generations? Women belong in the home with their children and all that crap?"

"I worked because I had to," Maribel corrected, smoothing her hand over her hair. "Your papi was in medical school and we had no money, Santana. Trust me, I would have rather been home with my baby."

She softened her voice, still stroking Santana's hair, as Santana closed her eyes, savoring the sensation. "You know I never wanted to leave you with your abuela, mija. It hurt my heart and still does that I had to. Hearing you cry every morning when you were a baby and cling to my legs when you were a little girl and I had to go…I hated that. I wanted to be with you, I wanted to see every moment of your life. You wait and see, it will be the same for you when you have to leave your baby."

Santana rolled her eyes, but her body tensed slightly in reaction to the mention of her abuela. She didn't say anything, but Maribel seemed to notice nevertheless and squeezed her tighter.

"Mija, I'm so sorry that your abuela doesn't realize what she's missing," she told her quietly. "But I am so grateful that I can share your life with you, even if she is too foolish to want to do so."

At this, Santana felt tears fill her eyes and tighten her throat, and she blinked, putting her face against her mother's shoulder. She tried to blame her feelings on her pregnancy alone rather than the truth of her mother's words as she mumbled her response.

"I…Mami, I want her to see the baby. I want her to know it. I want her to love it…and me."

"Maybe one day, baby," her mother whispered back, kissing the top of her hair. "But until then, neither one of you will lack for love, I promise you that. She will come to her senses or she will not, but you will miss nothing, either way. It is she who will miss everything."

Kissing her again, she adjusted her arms around her. "So tell me your plans, Santanita."

"Well, live with Finn for a while," Santana replied after taking a few moments to recompose, deliberately trying to refocus. "Get a job, I guess daycare for the baby, or maybe get a nanny, that's probably better."

"What sort of job?"

"I don't know," she admitted, exhaling. "I should go back to school, I know that. Education is gateways and all that crap. But the rest…I don't know, Mami. I love to sing and I love to dance and I'm not bad at acting. I just don't know what I really want anymore or what my dream really is."

"You are young yet," Maribel assured her, smiling. "You have a lot of time now to think and listen to yourself. You will figure it out. I know it."

She paused, rubbing Santana's back between her shoulderblades, and the younger woman had started to drift to sleep again before her next question jolted her alert. "What about Finn?"

"What about him?"

"You're moving in," Maribel outlined, her tone careful. "How long for?"

"Well, I guess until the baby is old enough to sleep through the night, at least. So he can help me out. Then we'll work out custody after that."

This was as far into the plan as Santana had got with her thoughts. She didn't want to work out how far things would go past tomorrow, let alone nearly two years down the road.

"So you plan to move out?" her mother questioned, and Santana sighed, a bit surprised by her tone.

"Well, yeah. Eventually. It's not like we're getting married, you know."

At her mother's next question, she opened her eyes entirely, almost pulling away.

"Why not?"

"Mami! Hello, lesbian," Santana reminded her, rolling her eyes and sighing again. "Do I need to get out a book of charts and diagrams to remind you what that means?"

"I've seen the way that young man looks at you, Santana," Maribel told her seriously, though not ungently. "Haven't you?"

Santana sighed again, admitting somewhat begrudgingly. "Yes, I know…he's not gay, he thinks I'm hot, he kind of likes me, or thinks he does. I know, Mami, I'm not blind or stupid. I sort of feel bad but he knows the score and he knew it when he slept with me too. I'm not giving him false hope here and I'm not stringing him along. He knows. I can't help how he feels and I can't help that I don't like penis, so…what am I supposed to do about that?"

"Are you sure you don't have any sort of feelings for him?" Maribel asked carefully, ignoring Santana's heaved sigh yet again at this question. "I saw how happy you were to see his pictures-"

"He's my friend, they're FUNNY-"

"And how you react when he tries to comfort you-"

"I like people to touch me, so what-"

"And how you lean on him and cuddle up and act very comfortable with him," Maribel continued determinedly, taking hold of her daughter's chin and looking her in the eyes.

"We're friends, Mami, we live together. Yeah, he's seen me naked and we've screwed around, and yeah, I'm comfortable, he's my friend. You don't see how things are in Glee, everyone is basically running around half naked baring their horrifying bleeding hearts and having a huge cuddle orgy at all times. I can't help it if some of that rubbed off on me."

"Santana…that's all well and good…but it looks familiar to me," Maribel told her quietly, still holding her chin. "It looks like it used to with Brittany."

Seeing how her daughter's eyes darken, her features freezing, Maribel sighs, stroking her cheek. "I'm sorry, baby. It is just an observation….Santana, you alone will know who you are and what makes you happy. But I ask one thing of you, yes? Don't shut yourself off to possibilities. We can surprise ourselves…just keep an open mind."

Santana scoffed, rolling her eyes, but she was thinking even so. As she snuggled back up to her mother, closing her eyes, she was still considering what she had had to say.

Finn had helped his mom get all set into his room. He didn't have that many items yet besides a bed, but his mom and Burt were having his truck and furniture shipped here. They had been able to find a moving company that could fit the truck along with dressers, tables, his clothes and a few home items he'd definitely need.

His mom brought a few blankets from home that she knew were Finn's favorite and handed them over with a smile. Carol was more than willing to take the couch, but knew her son would never let her. He was so good to her like that and could see he was the same with Santana. It made her nervous that he was going to end up getting his heart broken like he always does, but she also knows her son is a good man and will look past his feelings for his child.

"I'm so happy you two were able to find such a nice place. With a new baby, you're going to need lots of room so that it doesn't feel so tight in the house," Carol said with a smile, sliding on the last pillow case and handing the pillow over to Finn.

"I just hope once the baby is here, we're sharing this place still for more than a couple months. It'll be hard, not many people raise kids as just friends in the same house. So it's kind of hard to plan for the future and stuff."

Carol wanted to give him hopeful words but just gave him a hug instead.

"You'll figure it out, I just know it," she whispered to her son before pulling back to get out her tooth brush to get ready for bed. "And we'll talk more about all of this tomorrow when we look for garages to buy and good pizza to eat."

Finn told her goodnight as he headed towards the couch to set up his makeshift bed. He put down a sheet, had a few pillows and a blanket to go on top of him. It was weird sleeping away from Santana and not being the one to help her during the night, but he knew she needed this time with her mom. That didn't stop him from taking casual walks to the fridge in order to hear and make sure Santana wasn't getting sick, or bathroom trips that he didn't really need just to make sure Santana wasn't needing it every hour with nausea.

He kept the TV on real low as he watched sports center, hoping that it would help put his mind and body to rest so he could get some sleep. There's no shutting his heart up, he's tried that countless times, so he's just used to it beating and worrying about her & the baby all the time.

Santana makes it all the way to two am before she wakes up needing the restroom, not to vomit, but to pee. She shrugs reluctantly out from under her mother's arm, mumbling to her that she's okay when her mother asks her sleepily if she's sick. Stumbling bleary eyed down the hall, she uses the restroom, and is turning back towards her room when she notices the light from the TV in the living room. Blinking, confused, she steps towards it, standing in the entranceway as she squints at Finn.

"Huh…it's late…" Her voice bleary, hoarse with her sleepiness.

Finn heard Santana moving throughout the hallway and immediately woke up from his sleep. He was only getting a few minutes here and there anyways since he was so nervous with the meal they had that she would end up having to toss everything up. It sounded like she was by herself, so that must be a good sign, right? His eyes blinked a few times over and he ran his hands against his eyes and face to try and wake up more. Just as he was about to get up from the couch to check on her, she was walking towards him and that sleepy voice of hers gave him the chills.

"It's the first night I haven't spent near you since I got here, kind of was hard to sleep cause I keep worrying about you getting sick or needing something," he tells her, sitting up. "Are you okay?"

Santana stifled a yawn against her wrist, blinking at him again, and shook her head slowly. She rubs her eyes with one hand, shaking her head again as she answers in the same sleepy tone.

"Yeah. Had to pee…you're gonna stay up all night?"

Finn licked over his lips and shook his head. "No, no I'll pass out sooner or later. I've been in and out of sleep, probably should turn the TV off," he said with a sleepy smile, his eyes blinking a few times. Her sleepy voice was so sexy he was tempted to get up and hug her or something, but was too nervous of what the aftermath of that could be. "You able to sleep okay?"

Santana nodded, yawning again, and leaned against the wall slowly. "Yeah…annoying to have to pee all the time though…"

She watched him through lidded eyes, finally mumbling, "Go to sleep…"

Finn nodded with a long breath. "I know, but I think that means our baby is starting to move and grow more." He rambled a little bit before licking over his lips.

"You sure you don't need me to help you get back to bed?" He asked, watching her carefully against the wall

"No…." Santana is already half asleep against the wall though, and makes no move to start back towards bed on her own. She shakes her head slowly, eyes already starting to drift shut again.

His lips rub together, watching as she is practically falling asleep. He doesn't know what to do, but moves to turn off the TV.

"Do you want to sleep with me?" he asks, waiting til the room is dark and keeping his voice low as he did so.

Santana's eyes open about three quarters of the way then, and she blinks at Finn, making an irritated noise in her throat.

"Finnnnn I'm tired…and our MOMS are here…you're gross…"

She is of course totally misunderstanding his intention. Shaking her head again, she makes as though she's intending to turn back to her bedroom but is fumbling as she turns herself, holding onto the wall.

Finn narrows his tired eyes trying to figure out what she is saying before shaking his head.

"No…I didn't mean…I meant do you want to sleep on top of me, like cuddle. Not..that," he rambled, trying not to laugh at the thought…or focus too much on the fact that she wasn't turning him down for any other reason besides being tired and their moms here.

His hand moved to pat down his hair some, watching her in the darkness and trying to figure out what she's doing. She's not leaving and he is trying to figure out why or what to do. He knows he should sleep, but he can't without making sure she's okay.

"Oh…mmm," Santana mumbled, her tone still grumpy, but more pacified by this explanation. "Mmm."

This isn't an answer largely because she doesn't feel like extending the energy to give one. She does want to cuddle someone, but she doesn't want to go to the effort of walking to either her room or the living room to do so.

Finn could see how half asleep she really is. He slowly climbed to his feet and walked over to her, smiling softly as he wrapped his arms around her. 

"No sleeping against the walls allowed, they may be new, but it'll hurt your back really bad in the morning," he joked, starting to practically carry her back to her room.

As badly as he wanted to cuddle her, he also had a feeling she wouldn't want their moms seeing the two all pressed together and her on top of him in the morning.

When Finn approaches her, putting his arms around her to support her, Santana lets almost her full weight slump over onto him. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she snuggles in, feet dragging, her face buried in his shoulder, making it difficult for them to walk.

Finn couldn't help but smile to himself as she became completely pressed and wrapped around him. It made it a little harder to walk, but he took his time and practically carried her half the way so that she didn't feel as if he was dragging her or anything. She was super tiny and easy to lift, but at the same time he didn't want to rush and let go of her too soon. The way she wraps her arms around him is his favorite and her warmth had shivers rushing up and down his spine.

Santana is oblivious to Finn's reaction. Mumbling something totally unintelligible into his neck that sounds something like "Warm," she is slow to untangle from him even once in her own room. When he helps her to her bed, she falls back slowly and reaches for Maribel, rolling over and snuggling into her. Maribel stirs, opening her eyes in a squint, and pulls Santana to her slowly, looking up at Finn with some confusion.

Finn tried to figure out what she was saying against his skin. He was pretty sure she said she was warm..or worm, it was hard to tell. She was practically back to sleep already, so he just gently picked her up completely against him and made his way to her side of the bed. Watching her get all comfortable, he couldn't help but smile a little. It made him super nervous when her mom started to wake up and hoped she wouldn't think Finn was doing something wrong or weird.

"She needed some help back to bed after using the bathroom," he told her with a sleepy smile before saying goodnight and walking out of the room.

Maribel nods somewhat groggily, accepting this, and adjusts her hold of Santana, pulling the girl to a more comfortable position against her. Santana seems determined to take up as much personal space of her mother's as she possibly can and is already asleep before Finn even leaves the room. She sleeps through the night and most of the morning, mumbling protests when Maribel wakes up and gently detangles herself from her to go to the living room, but quickly goes back to sleep when her mother pats her and recovers her with the blanket.


	12. Chapter 12

Finn had been awakened by Carol the next morning, who told him she was heading off to get breakfast for everyone. His mom usually went all out and on a weekend morning. The couch was comfortable, but sleeping out there, he could hear whenever anyone moved or needed to use the bathroom. That along with the fact that he couldn't help but worry about Santana throughout the night, he wasn't able to get much sleep. But he was awake now and hopes he'll be able to crash in his room later for a nap. As he saw Maribel walk into the living room, he sat up a bit straighter on the couch and said good morning.

"My mom put on a pot of coffee, I don't drink the stuff but she went to go out and get a bunch of breakfast food for everyone," he told her with a sleepy smile.

Maribel smiled back at him, greeting him good morning as well, and went to make herself some coffee, offering Finn some as well. As she settled beside him on the couch, she sipped, regarding him with a look that was almost sly.

"You have been very good to my daughter, and I appreciate knowing she's in good hands. I am not one to hold back needed insight, so I will simply speak my mind. Santana does not always know what she wants or feels, and she is slow to acknowledge what is plain to all others if it means a change for herself to consider and work through. But she trusts you, she is fond of you. This I know."

Finn ran his hands over his pajama pants as he sat into the corner of the couch so he could turn slightly to face Mrs. Lopez. This is the first time he has ever spoken to her one on one and it is a big deal. He is the father of her first grandchild, going to be supporting her daughter and taking care of her through this pregnancy. It seemed like she liked him so far and he doesn't want to say or do anything to mess that up. He wasn't sure exactly what Santana's mom was talking about when she said wants or feels, does she mean the baby? Or him?

"I care a lot about your daughter, I have for years. There's nothing I wouldn't do to protect her and our baby. I know it was scary for her to find out she was pregnant and it still is new, but I can see she has come around already to it and becoming a mom and everything. It's pretty awesome and I know she's going to be an amazing one. She already is."

Maribel listens, hearing Finn's unspoken words, and smiles at him gently. Taking another sip of coffee, she gets straight to the point.

"It is scary for her, yes. Santana is one slow to grasp and adjust to change, it is very difficult for her. She likes to stay where things are familiar and comfortable no matter how miserable they might make her, because the unknown frightens her, as much as she'd deny. But you are right, I know her better than she probably knows herself, and she will be a good mother, I am sure, just as I know already you will be a good father."

She waits, then asks directly, "Do you love my daughter, Finn?"

Finn really wished he had a drink right now to clear out his slightly dry mouth. With the lack of sleep, he couldn't help but over think things, but let his nerves go with another long breath.

"I think it kind of scared her how sure I was about everything, but I know how she feels sometimes, I know I had to be. I know she needs someone to tell her it'll be okay and show her for her to believe it," he shared with her, a small smile on his closed lips forming.

It turned even bigger as she said she knows he'll be a good dad. That meant so much to him.

"Thank you, I'm glad you think that. I'm glad you believe in us," Finn said with a nod of his head and his dimples showing.

He felt his stomach drop at her question about loving Santana and his breathing catch in his lungs.

"I-I do. But I know that it has to be love as a friend, as a person and as the mother of my child. I would never want to make her feel like she has to be with me because we're having a baby."

Maribel regards him, nodding slowly, and gives him another small smile.

"Give her time, Finn. She isn't one to let others push her anywhere she isn't ready go to and never will be…she has to figure it all out on her own. She took 28 hours of labor to decide she wanted to come into the world at all and she still comes kicking and screaming into every change that has to be made. Give her time."

"28 hours? Does she know that?" he asked with big eyes, knowing Santana would go nuts if that's how long it took for their baby to get through labor.

His head nodded softly and he mustered up the best smile he could. "I appreciate what you're saying big time. I really don't know if she'll ever see me as more than just a friend or the father of her baby. I hope one day she does fall for me,I think I'm always willing to wait for that, but I do know our baby is the first and foremost priority always."

"She doesn't, and I have no intention of telling her now," Maribel shook her head, smirking. She grew more serious as she answered him. "I do not know what the future holds anymore than you do, but I know you matter to her. I do not want to give you false hope. I want what's good for her and what makes her happy. It may be you, it may not be. Either way I am happy you are a good man who will be there whatever may occur. I hope you will be happy as well, whatever the outcome."

Just then she hears a door slam and feet pounding down the hall. Sighing, she stands, looking towards the hallway.

"I forgot to tell her it helps to eat a few crackers and drink some water before even getting out of bed in the morning, sometimes. The longer you lay around like a lazybones the more time you give yourself to feel badly. She'll learn what works for her eventually."

"I'm not going to be the one to tell her," Finn said with a soft laugh, shaking his head and licking over his lips. That is one conversation he does not want to be anywhere close by for.

Maribel's words were wise and he listened to them with gentle eyes and an open heart. He appreciated everything she said and hoped it showed in his face.

"Thanks Mrs. Lopez, I will. Regardless if we end up together or not, I get to have Santana in my life forever and a child with her and that will always make me happy."

His Adam's apple fell heavily down his throat as he turned his head to watch Santana rush into the bathroom.

"I'm going to have to write all these tips down," he says, standing up. "Usually it helps when I rub her back and put cool cloths on her neck and wrist, if you don't mind, I can go try that now?"

"Go ahead," Maribel nodded towards him, lightly patting his shoulder. "Let me know if you need help."

In the bathroom Santana has finished getting sick and is slumped on the floor, catching her breath. She is sweating slightly, yet shivering. Having heard the two of them talking, she calls out, hating the shaking of her own voice.

"Finn…Mami?"

Finn smiled and nodded, thanking her before heading back to help Santana. He didn't want Maribel to feel like he was taking this away from her, but he did want her to see he was able to help and take care of her daughter.

"It's me, San."

He sat down on the floor behind her and wrapping his arms around her. His hands placed the wet towels on her neck and wrist before rubbing them his hands up and down her back softly, letting her lean entirely against him.

"You okay?"

Santana slumped back into him, his cool skin feeling good against her own. She sniffs, not crying, exactly, but verging on teary, and reaches to rub at her face. Closing her eyes, she turns into him, pressing her face into his neck and gives a gesture somewhere between a nod and headshake.

"Hate this…sucks…"

Finn ran his hand through her hair, letting his fingers massage at her scalp as he held her close against him. Her breathing was ghosting against his skin and he could tell by that alone how much discomfort this had her in right now. He kept his hand moving against her side, trying to rub gently anywhere that might help.

"Your mom said she has a trick to hopefully help some with this in the morning, I am going to get her to write it all down so I can make sure I can do whatever I can so you don't have to feel this way all the time."

Santana nodded against him, not in any hurry to give up. She had slept for a long time but getting sick had made her tired all over again. She clings to him, taking slow breaths, before what he said dawns on her.

"You talked to Mami? Oh jesus what is she telling you about me now?"

Finn shook his head softly as his hand moved to run against the small of her back, feeling as if that's where holds the most tension.

"She was just talking about a few tips so you don't get sick in the morning. And we were talking about me and providing for you and stuff. Don't worry, no stories" He said with a smile, not wanting to lie to her but not wanting to exactly share all that was said.

"Don't believe that for a second," Santana grumbled, huffing. "She can't sit around with someone who knows me and not prod and pry and volunteer unnecessary information. Gonna kill her. Gonna kill her right now."

"We weren't out there for that long, I promise. No killing needed. She's pretty awesome and I'm pretty sure she knows you'd hate it if she told me too much," Finn told her with a grin, still rubbing over her muscles in effort to help her feel a little bit better. About everything.

He helps her up and tosses out the paper towels in the trash can before following her out. His smile let Maribel know he didn't say anything to Santana about their conversation.

She remains slumped into him without any effort to move for another minute or two before starting to get up though, using him for help. And when they rejoin Maribel in the kitchen, and her mother looks up at her with a smile, greeting her good morning and asking how she's feeling, she gives a muttered grunt instead of yelling in response.

"That bad, huh, carina?" Maribel smiled, and went to her, giving her a gentle hug. Santana whined low in her throat in response.

"Mamiiiii you're hot and it's early." Still, she didn't pull away, and in fact slumped into her.

"It's nearly nine and you're the one who's hot, baby," Maribel corrected her, patting her back. "Carol is bringing breakfast, you'll feel better once she's back. Drink some water."

Finn went to make himself some chocolate milk. It was his favorite in the morning and needed a huge glass right now. He got Santana a glass of water from the Brita his mom set up last night before she went to bed and felt his stomach rumble a bit.

"Sometimes I think my stomach has ears. You just mention food at it makes a noise."

Santana smirked at Finn and his stomach, reaching to poke it. "You'd think you were the pregnant one. I bet you're gonna eat whatever weird things I want to later and not think twice about it. You probably won't even think it's weird."

Finn chuckled and tried to defend his body from Santana's pokes. "I'm still a growing guy with a big appetite. But you're right, I'm probably going to be eating a lot of those late night meals right along with you." He said with exaggerated sigh and smile. "I might think _somethings_ are weird if you crave eating stuff that's not food, that one book said something about chalk."

"We're 19, Finn. What way are you growing, horizontally?" Santana rolled her eyes, but she's smiling. When her mother gives her a push, she gives a yelp that's more obligatory than actually pained.

Carol walked in a few moments later, bags filled in her hands and Finn quickly moved to help her.

"I didn't know what you would be in the mood for, Santana. I thought bagels might be easy on the stomach, but got eggs and all the meats to go with it, juices, donuts, fruits and pretty much anything you can imagine," Carol said with a laugh at herself, starting to set everything out onto the counter.

Santana sipped at the water and looked up without much enthusiasm with the food Carol brought in, but got up anyway to help her spread it out and put away the perishables. She selected a bagel as Maribel helped Carol as well.

"I better not eat chalk," she shook her head, even as Maribel gave a smirk of her own.

"I ate lemons like candy when I was pregnant with you. Maybe that's why you could make that sourpuss face from day one."

Santana has no interest at all in looking for garages and instead tugs at Maribel's arm. "I'm not fat yet but I will be. I should get pregnancy clothes right?"

"Muscle…and my doctor said guys don't stop growing until they're like 21. So I still have a year!" Finn defends himself, his mom shaking her head at him as she ate a piece of fruit. "I think you're done growing, Finn, anymore and you won't fit through doors."

Finn shrugged his shoulders with a smile as he drank his milk and tried not to spit it out as a chuckle built up in his lungs. Maribel's words were hilarious and he couldn't help but laugh after the milk finally fell down his throat. Carol hit his shoulder as she told him to move so she could toast her bagel.

"Right, totally muscle," Santana pokes him again, grinning. "Is it all this apparent muscle that keeps you from being able to move enough to dance?"

She glared at him as he laughed at her mother, shooting Maribel a nasty look as well, to which Maribel chuckles and points at her. "Yes, there it is, that look exactly!"

"On second thought, I don't want to hang around you all day," Santana muttered, but she doesn't mean it. She finishes half her bagel, saying to Finn, "We'll do something else."

"I can slow dance, I'm good at that. Don't make me show you right now." He teased, pointing at her with a smirk, knowing that would totally embarrass her if he tried to break out in dance here with her.

Another laugh fell from his nose as he looked at Santana's face as if he was examining it. "And to think, all thanks to some lemons." Finn joked as he looked back to Maribel laughing along with her.

"So what's the plan for today?"

"I'm hanging with my mom, I gotta get a garage." He told her with a big bite of his bagel, wiping his face with a napkin to make sure he didn't have cream cheese everywhere. "But later we can go shopping for some stuff for our place and do whatever you want to if you know, you want to."

"You can't. You'd step on my feet and I'd pull a muscle reaching up that high," Santana teased. "You'd have to pick me up and let me wrap my legs around your waist or something."

She stuck her tongue out at Finn and did the Friends fist bumps for Maribel, knowing her mother didn't know it was the show's version of giving the finger. Maribel just looked at her, more knowledgeable than her daughter thought.

"Strange, I'm not sure that my wallet is able to open today to buy clothing for a certain child of mine, given the eagerness of her fists this morning. I think it just shuddered in fear of them and snapped closed…"

"What? Hey, look at that, hands are open and friendly," Santana said hurriedly, holding them out for proof. She doesn't like to take things from her mother, but given that her own money is going to run out soon if she does quit the diner, she'll take what she can get for now. "They're waving hello, actually."

Maribel smirked at her, shaking her head, then said to Finn and Carol, "Have fun. Enjoy your time free of insults for a while."

Finn shook his head at her. "We've danced before, it wasn't that bad, was it?" The thought of her legs around his waist made him smile a little too much and all he could do was dip his head down to try and hide it.

His hand scratched at the back of his neck and he tried not to choke on his bagel at what her mom was saying. It was so funny that she could get Santana to back down and put her in her place. He's pretty sure she's the only one that can and that makes him laugh so hard to see.

Carol chuckled as well, shaking her head at the girl as she ate some fruit. "You two crack me up." She said with a sweet tone, watching the mother and daughter interact.

"You guys have fun too, hopefully if we find a garage, we can go out to dinner tonight and celebrate." Finn said with a smile as he stood up to head into his room, needing to get changed for the day.

"Well, I didn't break anything," Santana replies. To Carol, she sighs melodramatically. "I'm hysterical. Mom however just thinks she is."

Nevertheless she drapes herself over her mother's back, poking her shoulder in the embrace. "You're not really not gonna buy me stuff, right? I can be sweet. See how sweet I am? I'm totally being sweet to you right now."

Maribel cut her eyes at her, but she's smiling too. "Sweet and sour, that's Santana Diabla, all right. I knew that dream of mine meant something."

"What are you talking about?" Santana asked, interested. "You never did explain why you named me Saintly Devil, I thought it was just your lame sense of humor or like, being high from pregnancy drugs."

"I had a dream while you were a baby, and that was your name. It was that simple. Your papi thought it might mean something so I went with it," Maribel shrugged.

As Finn is leaving, Santana calls out to him. "I swear if I dream of a baby named Finntana or something, I am NOT following it!"

"You're both very funny girls, your mom had me practically in tears on the plane ride here with some of her stories of you." Carol says teasingly, finishing up her bowl of fruit and putting it into the sink. She takes a mini muffin and cant help but raise her eyebrows at the girls middle name.

Finn always thought Diabla was a joke, that Santana just gave herself the nickname, but to hear her mom tell the story of it…he was practically mind blown. His eyes showed it as he listened to every word.

"Saintly Devil does sound like a strong, powerful name. Maybe your mom's dream was a premonition." Carol said with a smile towards Maribel, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Please, I don't think you're the one we have to worry about with names." Carol said, poking fun at her son as Finn yelled back 'I heard that'. Carol laughed before Finn spoke again. "Don't worry, we're going to figure out a name as soon as we find out what the baby is. Together." He said proudly before continuing his way to the bedroom.

"Mami, what did you tell her?" Santana demanded, huffing. "I swear she probably knows more about my life than I do now."

Looking at Carol, she rolled her eyes again. "Mami just wanted to have an excuse to name me a crazy name. Like it's not bad enough her name sounds like a Christmas song. Merry Bells, Maribel."

She finished her bagel, then looked up with sudden inspiration. "And you're Carol. If you join a Christmas choir together it would be enough to make you gag."

"Don't worry, sweetie. It was mainly just gushing about how talented you are, I remember that performance that you rapped during. You're going to have to show your mom those skills one day," Carol said with a sweet grin.

As soon as she mentioned Christmas songs, she knew just where Santana's head was going with it.

"I don't think you have to worry about us young grandmas joining one anytime soon. But we will get to decide soon what the baby is going to call us, I know for a fact I don't want to be grandmom. I'm thinking Mimi or Nan, depending on what Maribel wants," Carol said, practically gushing.

Finn got changed into a pair of jeans and a vneck. He put on some deodorant and brushed his teeth before heading back to join the three.

"Oh, the "I believe I can fly" mash up?" Santana is surprised Carol remembers that one. "I was kind of in background."

"Oh, I've seen her skills, she's sung all around the house since she could talk," Maribel tells Carol. "I was surprised she took so long to decide she actually wanted to do anything with it. Girls in middle school, it's a rough time. If I ever meet a preteen girl who is being herself then I will not believe it."

"Mami, if you start yodeling on about "when Santana was still in braces and training bras, I swear…" Santana shook her head.

As Finn emerges from the bathroom she heads towards it herself, calling over her shoulder, "Don't even start with the stories, me taking a shower is not an excuse!"

To Finn she says directly, "Seriously. No offense but you and your mom gotta get out fast before she really gets lost in Santana Storyland."

Maribel is still talking to Carol. "I wouldn't use abuela because that's her grandmother, and they no longer have a relationship. Maybe Tata or Yaya."

"Mami, you can't let it call you Tata!" Santana says in horror. "That means boobs in English!"

"Yes, that one. I loved it, Burt still has a few taped and that was definitely one of my favorites. I was out of my seat dancing the whole time," Carol shared honestly, happy to see that Santana knew which one she was talking about.

"I wished Finn would have sung around the house, he played the drums all day long. Drove me nuts." She said shaking her head at the thought. "Don't worry, we did not have those shipped out here. You know, it's weird to not know what its like to raise a girl. Boys are so much easier, I sometimes wish I had one until it came time to getting ready for things and Finn was down the steps in like, 5 minutes. I knew I took forever." Carol said laughing with Maribel.

"I do not want to head about bras." Finn said with his hands up and shaking his head. That would be a super awkward conversation, especially since he knows how good Santana looks in one. "Alright, alright. We'll save Santana storyland for later."

Finn laughed at the mention of Tata, thankful Santana told her and he didn't have to. Carol couldn't help but giggle as well.

"I think it would be cute, unless the baby is running around asking for tata's. We still have a few months to decide, but I vote yes for Tata," the woman said as Finn just shook her head at her.

"Yes, thank you for that act of mercy," Santana smirks at Carol. "I get enough headaches without him adding to it. He thinks he wants a girl for some reason, who knows why."

"Tata it is," Maribel snickers, this new information nevertheless not deterring her. "I'm sure it will be asking for tata quite enough at top volume, only for the first year or so it will be Santana's."

"You did not just make a boob joke about your own kid," Santana calls from the bathroom door before shutting it again, turning the shower on. She emerges, showered, dressed, and ready to go an hour later.


	13. Chapter 13

Finn dropped his keys in the dish by the door and slipped off his shoes. He couldn't help but be a little excited to get some alone time with Santana in their new place. They finally have furniture, it looks great and their moms had added a lot touches to it while they were visiting so they wouldn't forget about them after they left. As if they ever could. But this was the first real night where the two could just sit back, relax and watch some netflix and be around each other on the couch. He can't help but keep thinking about what Maribel said and giving Santana time, so he was hoping to try and see where her heart and head was at over this tv show tonight.

"You sure you don't want any popcorn or pretzels?" the boy asked, moving to get changed into something more comfortable.

Santana had just come home from the diner about an hour ago and is exhausted, yet not sleepy. Her feet and legs hurt and she has been waiting impatiently for Finn to come home, wanting to curl up with him and watch one of her favorite shows. She already misses her mother but thinks it would be crazy to say it, and she's glad he's home for the company.

As Finn asks her about snacks, Santana considers. Her mother had said salt would help avoid nausea sometimes, so she nods.

"I guess that's okay."

Finn was happy to hear she wanted something to eat. Her mom had helped him write down a bunch of tips and things to do to make sure Santana could keep the sickness to a minimum. It killed him that she was still working, but he wasn't ready to have that conversation trying to ask her to stop just yet. She knows she doesn't have to and he thinks she just wants to bring in her own money while she can.

"I'll get you pretzels and some gatorade," He said, walking back from his room to the kitchen and getting some for himself as well. After managing to carry everything over in one trip, he sank down into the couch beside her and picked up her legs to massage. "How was your shift?"

Santana gave a small noise of satisfaction and pleasure as Finn begins to rub her legs. She leans her head back, half closing her eyes as she accepts the affection, relaxing back.

"Lame. Some dude thought it was cool to ogle my boobs all shift and then give me a ten cent tip. I would have stuck it up his nose if he hadn't booked it out of there and if it didn't look so crusty."

Finn knew to be soft with his touches, after a long shift her muscles were super sore. His fingers worked against her calves and ankles, smiling to himself as he can see this was just what she needed.

"He what?" His jaw clenched as the thought of any guy looking at her in general pissed him off, but to hear he also stiffed her with a tip too after all of that.

"If he ever comes in again, you tell me and I will come in and set him straight." He let out a long breath, trying to calm himself down as he made sure to keep his hands gentle.

Santana stretched her legs a little more across Finn's lap, hearing her back pop as she arches, and smiles.

"Dude, I got it, don't worry. I'll spit in his food, it's not an issue."

Leaning forward, she reached to turn on Orange is the new black on the laptop screen, then settles back again, taking a handful of popcorn.

"You're so gonna be weirded out yet totally turned on from the start."

"Alright, but you know if anyone is giving you a problem, I can be there in a flash. My garage isn't too far from here and when you start showing more, I don't want anyone trying to mess with you at all," Finn said as he added his palms into the massage he was giving her.

His cheeks turned a bit red as he started to work against her ankles.

"Turned on? You really think I will be?" he asked nervously, adjusting a little bit into his seat and turning his eyes onto the screen.

"Dude, first off, no guy is gonna want me when I'm pregnant," Santana rolled her eyes, totally believing this. "Also, I don't need you kicking someone's ass for me, I can do it on my own."

She sighs, enjoying his touch, and gestures with a smirk to the screen. "Uh huh."

The opening scene, with the women having sex in the shower, is now playing. "Enjoy!"

Finn looked down at her skin, avoiding eye contact because he was afraid to admit that he does. He rubbed his lips together and started to move his hands up a little higher.

"I know you can, but I don't want you running after someone or I don't know, getting into fights with a guy when you're pregnant. Because then I'd have to kill him."

His eyes grew wide as he started to watch the show and felt his tongue grow a big thicker with nerves.

"I mean..yeah, sure that's kind of hot…but it doesn't turn me on really. I don't know. Ignore me." He rambled, not really knowing how to explain himself.

"I can run while pregnant! I'm supposed to exercise! My belly would be a perfect weapon, I can just bounce a dude to the floor," Santana declares.

She's only half kidding. Leaning her head onto Finn's shoulder, she snuggles closer, legs still in his head lifts though when she hears his reaction, and she laughs out loud, shaking her head.

"Riiiight uh huh, not turned on at all, that's why your tongue has forgotten words now."

His eyebrows rose up high as he listened to her scenario and was left a little speechless.

"You are not using your belly as a weapon, that would just be…just no. I know you can run, but not like chasing someone down, that's dangerous on the sidewalk and stuff."

He wasn't trying to take doing things away from her and he could tell she was joking, but he sort of couldn't want to always protect her and their baby.

"Thats because I don't wanna say the wrong thing, I don't want you to think I don't know…it's hard to explain…but not turned on." A heavy swallow fell down his throat as he moved one arm around her so she could get more comfortable.

"Oh come on, it's perfect! The baby will be surrounded by fat and fluids, it might even get a few kicks in on its own! Won't you, ET?" Santana patted her stomach, grinning.

"Hey, don't worry about it," she rolled her eyes at him as he stammered, trying to explain himself. "You're a straight dude. You like naked girls. I'm not gonna kick you in the balls over it."

She snickered, nestling against him. "I'm gonna goggle over girls, might as well join me."

"Imagine how much you're going to embarrass him or her one day when you're telling stories about calling it ET. Just like your mom calling you monkey baby," Finn joked,moving his hand up from her leg to touch her stomach as well.

"That's not…that's not what I mean, I don't know, that's like not that hot to me. Sure it's naked girls, but watching them together.. I don't know, not something I've ever been into. I guess."

All of a sudden, he thought maybe watching this together was a bad idea. He doesn't want to giggle over girls with her, that's a little weird especially with how he was feeling about her.

"Sweet! The cycle lives on," Santana grins, nodding enthusiastically.

Still touching her stomach, she looked down at it, speaking directly to it. "Hear me, ET? I'm gonna tell your friends all about your alien head when you're thirteen."

Hearing the tone of his voice, she looks up, frowning. "What? Why not? What's wrong with it?"

Finn chuckled and rubbed his fingers gently over her stomach as well, happy to be able to touch her stomach more now and she be okay with it.

"Don't you yell at me for it, it's your moms nickname for you. " His thumb brushed in small, soft circles against where he could only guess the baby's foot was…or maybe the head? "Nothing's wrong with it at all, I promise. "

He spoke lowly with a nod and turning back to look at the screen. He didn't want to make a big deal about it so it was better to keep his mouth shut before putting his foot into it even more.

Feet still in his lap, head tilted towards his shoulder, Santana remains cuddled into Finn, comfortable with his touch. She too touches her stomach, which is still pretty flat, though she thinks just maybe it's starting to round out a tiny bit.

"Yeah, yeah, blame me. I'm sure it will 'cause you'll spoil it rotten."She is still looking at Finn as he speaks. "You sound like you think something's wrong with it. Why are you so embarrassed?"

It was a pretty awesome moment to have them both talking to their baby and tuching him or her as well. When they first found out about the pregnancy, he had no idea how long it would take for Santana to come to all of this. But now it seems like she is in full mom mode and he loves it.

"You're going to spoil our baby too, you know it. Especially if it's a girl with all the clothes and shopping." He says with a big smile, just imagining it now. A long breath fell from his lips a bit shakily. "Nothing is wrong, I just, don't want you to think I'm weird if I don't think lesbian stuff is hot and it doesn't turn me on."

Santana nods, smiling, thinking about the shopping she'll get to do. Although she's still not exactly excited about being a mother and is plenty scared, she's also started to soften up a little after shopping with her mother for baby clothes and seeing how cute everything is.

But her smile drops abruptly when Finn speaks again. Stiffening, she pulls away, then without a word abruptly reaches forward to switch off the computer.

Finn closes his eyes and shakes his head a little bit. This is exactly why he didn't want to say anything, he knew she wouldn't understand him because it was hard to express himself without talking about his feelings for her.

"Santana…" He says cautiously, turning a little to look at her. "I didn't mean it in a bad way, all I said was that it doesn't turn me on. That's all I was trying to tell you."

Santana's words come out stiffly, clipped, and she won't meet his eyes, jutting out her jaw and crossing her arms over her chest. "Why the hell wouldn't it? It's girl's. Naked girl's. You like naked girls, we both know that. Why wouldn't it turn you on if you didn't think it was gross or wrong or something? It's NAKED GIRLS."

Finn's head shook over and over. "It has nothing to do with me thinking anything is gross or wrong. I just don't gt turned on by it, some people have their things. I wouldn't yell or get mad at you if you told me watching a guy and girl together doesn't turn you on. I'm a guy, I've watched porn and that's just what I'm into." He spoke trying to defend himself, really feeling like this wasn't fair at all."You want me to sit her and talk about hot girls with you, but I'm not like that. I can't do that with you."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Santana said hotly, her voice rising. "I wouldn't want to watch guys making out because they're GUYS! You like girls! You like hot girls! There should be no problem here! Why does it matter if I'm here or not! You'd sit and talk about hot girls with your guy friends, what is the big deal?!"

"I'm saying guys with girls is what I like to see, yeah I think girls are hot. I'm just saying what turns me on, I have to change that for you?" He asked as he tried to keep his voice as low as possible and not get too heated. "It matters because there's no secret that I'm into you, I gotta accept the fact you'll never feel that way with me, but that doesn't make it an easier to talk about hot girls with you. You're having my baby and I'm sorry that I will only ever be a friend to you or the guy that knocked you up, but that doesn't mean that's how I think about you."

"You're supposed to be my friend!" Santana accuses, still talking in a voice that is too loud, bordering simultaneously on aggression and tears. "You said you don't think it's grong me kiss girls? You said you don't think it's gross but you must be lying or you wouldn't want to not watch! You don't make any sense! You're talking about liking me and not liking me at the same time and you can't even watch girls…you're my FRIEND, did you get grossed out watching me kiss before?"

"I am your friend, I push all my feelings aside to be and like to think I'm a pretty damn good one. " Finn says defending himself, taking a few deep breaths to try and calm down. "All I was saying at all about the show was that it didn't turn me on. That's it. That's all I was trying to say but you kept pushing it and me to talk more about it. When did I say I don't like you? All I say is that I'm not allowed to and have to forget that I do. And I can watch, all I am saying is that it doesn't turn me on and that I don't want to talk about girls with you." His head rolled back before looking at her. "Why do you keep putting words in my mouth and making this about so much more? No. But you would get grossed out about me and I didn't say you were a bad friend for not liking it."

"You got all weird and said you didn't want to talk about girls and it doesn't turn you on and no you can't like me, no you're not allowed, I'm not watching this with you! Not when you're being all weird…friends can do this…friends aren't weird! You're not supposed to like me! You're not supposed to like me and I'm not supposed to like you, you're just supposed to be my friend and we're supposed to be able to talk about anything and do anything, even have sex if we really wanted, and NOTHING is supposed to happen because we're FRIENDS!"

Santana is getting progressively more agitated, not even aware of why. Getting up, dangerously close to tears, she heads for her bedroom, calling over her shoulder.

"I talk about guys with Kurt you know!"

His eyes fell to the floor and it felt like his heart did too. All her yelling just made him feel bad about himself, like he has to be into something or pretend to like it for her. She wants him to be okay with talking about girls with her ? How fair is that, it's like she doesn't even care about his feelings. When she brought up sex, his eyes turned up just slightly, not knowing exactly what she meant by that. Maybe she was referring to the other night when he fingered her?

"Right, that's what you want to hear, right? That you're right? And that I have to talk about girls with you because you think that's how it's supposed to be? That you get to control my feelings and everything else between us? That isn't the way FRIENDS are supposed to treat each other. If someones uncomfortable about something for any reason, you're supposed to understand that."

He shook his head, looking anywhere else besides her.

"Yeah, well that's because you don't have feelings for Kurt that it's easy to!"

"That is how it's supposed to be!" Santana yells back.

It's the last thing she says before she slams the door to the bathroom, sits on the closed toilet seat, and bursts into tears. She isn't entirely sure why she's crying or why she's reacting so strongly to this. It's just that she had been comfortable and she likes how things are…she likes cuddling Finn and being around him and feeling like she can talk to him and he'll try to understand. She likes having sex with him, even, and it seems totally unfair to her that he can't just leave it all at that level without feeling more or wanting more or getting weird.

Why can't he just not have stupid feelings? Why can't he just not be into her like that other than physically? Why does he feel bad and make her feel bad for making him feel bad, and why can't he just be quiet over it? Does he really think she's gross? Does he wish she wasn't gay? Is he always thinking how he wishes she wasn't? What if they won't even be friends anymore and then she won't have any friends at all?

The slamming of her door caused him to jump a little. He knows fighting is bad and the last thing they need is to put stress on the baby. The last thing he thought this night was going to turn into was a huge blow out. Finn knows she is extra emotional and he knows he needs to be more understanding of that, but he was just trying to explain himself. She's a lesbian, he accepts that and doesn't look down upon it or think it's gross…he just likes her so he has to draw the line with talking about girls together. That's just who he is and how he feels, he's not the kind of guy that doesn't care about feelings or emotions and he wished she'd understand. He tries to push everything to the side for her, every thing he does is for her and the one time he says something about what he is thinking and feeling, he is made to look and feel terrible.

Climbing to his feet, Finn walked towards the bathroom and knocked upon the door gently. He can't have her worked up and causing the baby to be the same.

"San, please can we talk. I don't want to stress you or the baby out."

Santana's head jerks up, and she wipes at her face furiously, not wanting him to know she's crying. She takes a deep breath, not standing or unlocking the door yet as she calls back to him.

"I'm not stressed out!"

"San…" Finn spoke, almost pleasingly as the way she was yelling back let him know she was still really upset. His eyes closed as his head rested against the door as well and he took in a few more deep breaths. "Can you please open up the door or come into my room to talk?"

It takes her another minute or two and more frantic face wiping, but finally Santana comes to the door. Opening it, she backs up a step, swallowing, and avoids his eyes. She knows she's acting much more emotionally about this than he is and is embarrassed by it, but doesn't want to admit she is overreacting.

He could tell in her cheeks that she was crying and immediately let out a long, silent sigh at himself. His arms move to wrap around her, drawing her in for loving hug.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you. I'm sorry I sometimes suck at wording things. "

Santana remained tense for a moment or two, but then her arms slowly wrap around Finn. She hugs him back, releasing a sigh of her own, and sniffs.

"Look…I'm sorry I don't think like that about you. I know…I know it's not fair, okay? I know that. And you probably think I'm a tease and maybe I kind of am. I just…I thought everything was one way and then you say it's not and now it's like when I try to just have things like they always were you're not happy, it's like it's just…like you'll do it but I know you're not okay with it and you wish it wasn't like that, and it didn't used to be like that or I didn't know it was like that because you never told me, so it just all of a sudden changed and it's not fair."

Feeling her hug him back, his body relaxed entirely and he held her a bit tighter. His hand brushed into the ends of her hair and he kissed the top of her head, hoping to calm her down some more.

"You don't…you don't have to be sorry. I get it, I would never want you to force yourself to feel something for me. I just can't help how I feel either, I try to push it to the side as much as I can and not let feelings get involved, but sometimes I can't help it. The only thing I have a problem with is talking about girls with you, not because I'm against what you like, because it's hard for me. It's hard to hear what you like and know I'm not that or ever will be. It's just one kind of conversation that's hard for me, one topic I'm not okay with yet. I'm sorry if that's not fair for you, but you're having my baby and it's really hard to imagine you with someone else yet. "

Santana can understand that. She had felt the same way with Brittany, still did. She nods slightly, letting Finn hug her.

"Okay. Yeah…okay."

Pulling away slowly, he nodded his head a little and licked over his lips. He didn't want to keep pushing to talk about it and feelings, but still felt like things were a little off. Santana is a lot more closed off than he is so its hard.

Santana is still hugging him, leaning in, but she can sense Finn's awkwardness nonetheless. Looking up at him, she raised an eyebrow.

"What? You still want to have some huge gushy talk?"

His head shook with a half smile.

"No, no. Don't worry. I didn't know if you were just saying okay to shut me up and get me to go away or something. "

A light laugh fell from his nose as his hand raised to tuck some of her hair back for her.

"Maybe." Santana's lips quirked, and she pulled away slightly. "We don't have to talk about everything, you know. We can just say "okay done" and move on."

Finn nodded, a small smile still tugging on his lips.

"I know, sometimes I like to talk and sometimes I don't know when to stop. But I'm learning. "

It was just one of those things that he does because he knows it's easier for her. Don't get him wrong, after dating Rachel he knows how annoying it is that someone won't shut up.

Santana pulled away finally, but stays close. Looking up at him, she sighs.

"Write out a list of rules or something."

"How about we do that tomorrow. " He said as he leaned forward, wrapping his arms back around her and softly picking her up against him. "I want to go back to touching your stomach and our baby, we can watch the show or anything else you want. Heck, even that bring it on cheerleading movie if that's what you're in the mood for. "

Santana actually really likes when people pick her up or carry her, not that she would say so. She wraps her legs around his waist, arms around his neck, and relaxes against him. She isn't totally sure she trusts this will be okay, but she wants to pretend she does if nothing else.

"Bring it on?! Yes. And you can't mock me when I recite all the cheers."

Santana curls into him once they've settled again, leaning forward just to set the laptop to the right movie. As she resettles, she looks up at him, frowning slightly.

"Is it weird? Us being like this? It doesn't make it hard or something?"

Finn wrapped his arm around her as he set them both down onto the couch. He took a sip from his Gatorade while she got the movie started then cuddled right back into her. Looking down into her eyes, he saw that frown and felt his heart skip a beat. Her question wasn't the easiest to answer, but he couldn't just ignore it.

"It's not weird, I'd rather have this then nothing at all. But I am able to tell myself it's just as friends and not let myself get any false hope."

Santana is quiet as she turns back to the movie. She misses the first cheer as she is still thinking. Did Finn really think that much and that hard about it? Did he really want her that badly? How could he stand to cuddle her then?

Finn rubs his lips together as he notices that she doesn't say anything back. Maybe that answer was okay with her? He wasn't trying to add much emotion to it or make her feel uncomfortable. What is he supposed to do? He has feelings for her, he can't help it, but he's trying not to let it effect things in their everyday life. Should he be getting out there to try to find someone to get over her? The idea dawns upon him for a few moments as he watches the movie silently.

It doesn't take long for Santana's exhaustion to catch up with her, and she slowly leans more and more heavily into Finn, her head on his shoulder. When she falls asleep, she snores softly, half sprawled across his lap.


	14. Chapter 14

Finn almost tripped as he looked at his phone and sent a text back before walking into his and Santana's place. He carried the bag in one hand which contained a box of wings and another of fries just in case Santana wanted something besides the spicy chicken. He had figured since he had gone out with a friend after work without her coming too, the least he could do was bring her food back.

Getting food with his new employee had been a really good time, they went to Buffalo Wild Wings and got to know each other. It was nice to hang out with another guy and half way through their meal, two girls had approached them and started flirting and wanted to hang out. Finn didn't want to keep Santana waiting, so he didn't stay long, but the girls made sure to get him and Jason's number in hopes of getting together again.

The one girl Steph was already starting to text him and he wasn't sure how to exactly feel about it. But he can't deny that it feels good that someone thinks he's cute and funny.

"Hey," Finn said as he walked through the living room to find Santana. He showed the bag in his hand with a big smile and moved to set it down on the table. "Best wings I've ever had. I got you some of the fries to try, curly ones are always the best."

Santana grins and follows him to the kitchen table, already anticipating the food. She knows spicy food usually makes her feel sick but she's been trying the stuff her mother told her and hopes this time is an exception. Especially since ET seems to really want it…or maybe she's just using ET as an excuse because she does.

Sitting at the table and thanking Finn, she starts to eat.

"Have fun?"

Finn grabs her some napkins before leaning against the island to talk to her while she eats. His phone goes off again and he looks at the screen before back to her.

"Yeah, Jason is pretty cool. He's from around here and loves cars and football just like I do, " he tells her happily, showing in his voice how relieved he was to find an employee that was a friend too.

"We met some girls too, guess the auto shop thing is attractive around here. "

Joking about it seemed the right way to bring it up. He kind of wanted to see her reaction to the idea and if she even cared

Santana is only half listening, concentrated on her chicken. That is until Finn mentions girls. Then her head snaps up, and she squints at him, now paying close attention.

"Yeah? Some chick into you there?"

"Two girls came up to Jason and me when we were eating and just started talking," Finn said with a shrug of his shoulders. "She asked for my number and stuff."

Turning, he went to get them both sodas from the fridge and asked which kind she wanted nonchalantly.

"Oh," Santana says, her voice distracted, but she is still watching Finn, thinking.

Like what did those girls look like? What did they want, really? Were they slutty? Were they dressed slutty? Did Finn think they were hot? Did he think they were hotter than her? Were they thinner than her? They would be in a few months for sure…

She barely hears his question and just shrugs in response to it, saying casually, "You gonna call them?"

Grabbing her a Sprite and himself one as well, he turned back around to stand across from her. He opened up his soda to take a pull form it and shrugged as it fell down his throat.

"I don't know, she's just texting me now and asking me random things."

It was the first time he met the girl so there was no telling what she was really like yet. And he still isn't sure if he wants to even get involved with anyone else with the way he feels about Santana and the two having a baby on the way. But he doesn't want to get into that right now.

"I guess I gotta ask Jason or whatever what he's telling the other girl."

"Right, so you can get straight who's going after who or something," Santana says, her voice still very casual. "Right."

She sips at the drink, thinking. Finn seems into bossy small girls. She would bet this girl is bossy and small and probably super pretty or else super talented. More than her. Only how can he tell in a bar?

"I just don't want him telling the other we'll all hang out or set something up without me knowing.".

Finn's eyes stay glued onto her, trying to see what she was thinking or feeling right now. She was quiet..a little too quiet.

"I'm just texting her to try and see what she's like."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, makes sense."

She stays quiet, occasionally taking a bite of her food, but more slowly than before. When he speaks again, she looks up.

"Yeah, that's cool. You should go out, date and stuff. Have fun." After a pause, she adds, "She hot? This girl who's hot for you?"

His eyes narrow slightly, wondering if she really meant what she was saying. Usually Santana wasn't one to hold back on what she was feeling or thinking, so he was a little nervous.

"I - uh, yeah I mean, maybe. If she's cool and the texting goes good, maybe." He stumbles a bit on his words as he wasn't expecting her to say to go out with her.

"She's pretty." He says with a half shrug and another sip of his soda. "She's a few years older, so I don't know."

"You know, texting is a dumb way to have conversations with people. They could be totally lying and you'd never know," Santana throws in.

She's pretty much stopped eating now, suddenly no longer hungry. When Finn tells her the girl is a few years older, she raises an eyebrow. "Found you a cougar, huh?"

"I know, but I'm not one to like, really talk on the phone a lot. I don't wanna go out with her until I know more about her. I don't know if I even am looking to date someone…else. She's like 23 and a senior in college around here."

"Well, sure you are. She gave your number, she's pretty and interested and straight. Why wouldn't you?"Santana is picking at the fries without noticing it, tearing them into little pieces. "So get to know her. Can you tell if she's an OCD perfectionist or an annoying bitch yet?"

"I don't know. I'm kind of focused on you, the baby, and work."

He was still trying to figure out if she was seriously wanting him to just move on, maybe she saw this as a way to push him teeth sunk into his cheek and he shook his head.

"She's kind of…I don't know, a ditzy blonde I guess you'd say. Or maybe she was just acting that way at the bar."

Santana is still playing with her food, barely looking at him, struggling to keep her voice light.

"Ha, figures. Those kind figure any dude a foot taller than them has gotta be easy. She look as hot as Quinn minus the obvious dorky intellect? The ditzes aren't usually your type."

Finn's eyes find the floor, wondering if she meant that he is easy. He watches her hands work at the food and tries to look for her eyes, but sees they're still turned down.

"Everyone that I usually go for, usually in the end never work out for me or want something different. I don't know what my type is anymore. "

"Huh, way to insight there, Hudson. Let's see, you got the blonde ice queen who impregnated you 'cause you got excited for seeing the top of her boobs, me, who you wanted to disown from ever sleeping with you the second munchkin sings-a-lot came sashaying by. What a track record. Sounds to me like your type is breathing female who uses you."

Santana's tone is a bit more biting now, and she pushes her plate away, standing and stretching. "I'll save rest for later."

Her words sort of stung and all he could do was nod his head. Licking over his teeth, he sort of wondered if maybe that's what she sometimes does. Use him.

"Exactly why I need to find someone that doesn't. Don't bother," Finn told her, turning on his heels to use the bathroom and get changed. He was in such a rush to get away from her, he forgot to even grab his phone which was vibrating with a text alert.

_"Please meet up with me…I'll make sure it's worth it for you_ _;)_ "The text read from Steph.

Don't bother? Don't bother what, saving the food for later? Meaning that he didn't want her to eat it, or he did? Utterly confused, and more than a little bothered, Santana watched him go…and then her eyes fell on his phone. Without a second thought she reached for it, reading it, and her lips flattened in a thin line, eyes narrowing. Swallowing, she shook her head, then immediately texted her back.

"sure u into threesomes"

She wanted to see just how skanky this chick was that Finn apparently liked.

After peeing, Finn moved to the sink and quickly splashed some cold water on it. He thought she meant she was saving more insults for later and that was not something he felt like hearing. Why was she so harsh about this after saying he should go out with her? Is she…does she care and isn't saying anything? When Santana goes into her defensive mode, she is usually putting others down, so it sort of fits whats happening now.

He dried his face off with a towel and moved to get changed into something more comfortable.

"_With two girls or two guys? I didn't think you were that kind, but I could ask my friend who was with us tonight :)_" The girl answered back to who she thought was Finn.

Santana scowled down at the screen, fighting the impulse to throw Finn's phone across the room. That little skank. He said she was a ditzy blonde, she just bet she had huge boobs, bigger than Santana's, and was like the perfect size and height and weight with too much makeup and too blonde hair and too tight clothes. Santana hated her. Hated. Her.

Texting her back with shaking hands, she replied, "meet u same time same place 2nite" When Finn didn't show up surely she'd have to give up then, right?

"See you then cutie 3" The girl texted back within seconds.

Finn on the other end, was already in his pajama pants and a comfortable, old football tshirt. He walked back out to get some of the sour worms he kept in a candy drawer and popped a few in his mouth.

He turned around to see Santana near his phone and immediately darted his eyes at it, then her.

"What are you doing?"

Santana had just set it back down on the table when Finn returns. She debates playing innocent, but her anger is too intent now for her to be a very good actress, so she comes out with it.

"You really do go for the dumbass skanks, don't you? This chick meets you for five minutes and already has in her head an instant replay of all the kinky sex shit she's gonna do with you? You already slept with her, didn't you? You've probably been sleeping with her for weeks!"

"What?" Finn said a bit louder than usual as he moved to grab his phone. "Santana, I seriously just meet her tonight. I met her while eating and she walked up to the table I was at and started talking to me and her friend to the guy I was with. She asked for my number and texted me a few minutes after. For the first time ever."

His finger moved against the screen of his phone and he almost fell over when he read what Santana sent.

"Santana, you're the one that asked about a threesome…and said I would meet up with her?"

The shock was evident in his voice before he took a deep breath to try and calmhimself down. She was jealous, she has to be.

"You care..." he whispered out without any thought, placing his phone down to look her in the eyes.

"Whatever, where were you hanging out, a strip club? Sluts R Us? Hooker Hotel?" Santana rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. "She seems to know you VERY well."

When Finn accuses her of texting, she doesn't deny it, huffing and rolling her eyes again. But her eyes widen at his accusation of her caring. Immediately she shakes her head, denying, refusing to ask herself why sudden panic struck her head.

"I do not care. I don't care at all. Sleep with all the sluts you want, it's your life and your dick."

"Buffalo Wild Wings! I had wing sauce on my face, I wasn't there looking for girls. I was eating dinner and texting you for you order. Just because she thinks I'm good looking or wants to hook up, doesn't mean I'm going to." His hands move as he talks, trying to defend himself and keep from getting too worked up.

Santana was quick to deny that she cares and he couldn't help but raise his eyebrows, challenging her almost.

"I don't want to sleep with other girls, I told you I didn't even know if I want to date any one right now. But you care, I can see it and you wouldn't send the texts and get mad if you didn't."

Walking around to where she was sitting, he stood in front of her and licked over his lips slightly.

"I like that you care and that you don't want me with someone else." His tone was lower and a bit husky as he tried to get her to crack.

"I do not care," Santana insisted, shaking her head. "I don't care at all. Why would I care. Do whatever you want."

But when he moved closer, she can't quite meet his eyes. She swallows, still shaking her head, but she knows he can see that she's not being truthful. And dammit, why is what she says not the truth?

"I don't give a shit, Finn. I said go do whatever girl you want. Do twenty girls. I don't care!"

"Why is it so hard for you to admit that you do?" Finn asked, not understanding that at all. They're having a baby together, they live together. Why can't she tell him he cares about him, what does he do to not get to hear that.

"You do. You told her I would meet her and you knew I wouldn't. You sent those texts, you don't want me talking to her. You're allowed to care, you're allowed to get jealous. I want you to." He kept his eyes on her, wanting to crack through the wall she keeps putting up.

"Because I don't. I don't care. I don't care, I don't care, I don't-"

But he's standing too close, looking at her too much, and it's hard to keep talking around the lump rising in her throat. Santana keeps shaking her head, even as her voice shakes with her next comment.

"You thought she was pretty, didn't you?"

The more she keeps saying it, the less he believes it. He remembers what her mom said and how Santana is with things and he feels like that is really fitting right now.

His heart is heavy as he hears the shakiness in her tone and his first response is shaking his head softly. "I just said that because…because I didn't know what else to say about her," Finn told her before moving his finger to gently tip her head up to look into her eyes. "But you're beautiful, you're sexy and amazing. She doesn't even come close to you at all and I'm not into her."

Santana bites her lip, her eyes meeting Finn's briefly before she closes them. She still feels shaky, close to tears, and doesn't want him to see.

"Finn…"

She lets the sentence trail off, not even sure herself what it is she wants to say. Taking in a slow breath, she opens her eyes again.

"But…you can date who you want."

That's the fair thing, isn't it?

"What if I want to date you?" Finn asked lowly, his eyes still turned into hers as he looks to see what's behind them. A lot of times she puts the wall right up and doesn't allow herself to give into him, or anyone else really. He can't give up on this and her though and he won't.

Rubbing his lips together, Finn slowly moved his finger and hand to use both to cup her cheeks. He was trying to go with impulse here, not over think or question himself and her. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take, right? A shaky breath left his nose as he moved in to kiss her softly.

Finn wanting to date her isn't a surprise. Finn voicing it is just a little. But what isn't a surprise is Santana's own response as her heart flips over and she shivers, swallowing yet again. Because she almost said yes without any thought to it at all.

This doesn't make sense. Nothing from the start has made sense. She's gay…and yet here she is, wanting to consider this. Wanting to say yes. Wanting to kiss him.

And when Finn leans in, she kisses him back.

His lips are a little hesitant at first, but as soon as he felt her kiss him back, he let go of all nerves and fears. He deepened the kiss passionately and let his fingers dip into her hair as he became completely lost in her .

Her lips were addictive, something he has craved for so long. His body couldn't help but press closer to hers and his heart was practically beating right out of his chest right now. All he could hope was that she felt something, anything for him with this.

Santana keeps up with Finn, sighing softly with automatic contentment when his fingers twine in her hair. She tilts her head, continuing to deepen the kiss, her tongue caressing his. She thinks her lips are chapped and dry and her mouth probably tastes bad since she's been eating wings. She can taste barbecue on Finn's tongue but doesn't care. Leaning in a little more, she slowly lays one hand on his leg for balance.

As soon as he felt her tongue against his, he quickly responded, but made sure to give Santana a little more control. He knows she likes that and he couldn't help but smile a little into the kiss. She obviously liked his hands in her hair, so he kept massaging at her scalp as he kissed her. He didn't even think twice about the wings or what she had been eating, he just felt so much and saw fireworks behind his closed eyes. As she set her hand on him, he felt a shiver race up and down his spine and he couldn't help but whimper deep into her mouth.

Finn's hands in her hair are making her scalp tingle. Santana hears him whimper and giggles, amused and pleased that she can invoke this response in him, smiling against his mouth. Slowly she settles herself partly in his lap, leaning in to kiss again.

That giggle of hers made his skin tingle and he felt his breathing already starting to grow stronger in and out of his nose. Everything she did made him feel amazing and he smiled with his dimples showing as she did, just ecstatic to see that this kiss was making her happy too. His free arm wrapped around her as she slipped into his lap while his hand in her hair continued to rub against her scalp softly, gently moving his finger nails and finger tips throughout her strands. A husky groan fell from the back of his throat as he deepened the kiss again and flexed his fingers against her side.

Santana didn't remember Finn being this good of a kisser back in high school. However he picked up some skills, she's not complaining. Shifting herself in his lap, she continues to kiss him, pulling back to lightly suck his lip, then bite down on it a bit harder. Her heart is beating fast, her head almost entirely without thoughts.

His eyes were dark as he opened them slightly, watching to make sure she was okay as she moved against him. He helped her so that she could sit facing him, their stomachs touching so she didn't have to strain her neck kissing him or boobs were also against him, and yeah he loved that. His hands moved to either sides of her hips, drawing her in even closer and practically growling as her teeth sunk into him. He loved that way more than he probably should, but she deserved to know. A heavy whimper of her name fell from his lips and onto hers as his tongue tangled with hers and his hands moved up the back of her shirt to press against her warm, soft skin.

There is so much skin contact between them now, even if most of it is with clothing in between. Her stomach against his, her chest, she can feel him breathing, his heart against her own. She is kissing him almost aggressively now, her nails scraping down his back, and when Finn touches her bare back she arches it, squirming as she groans out his name in response.

The way her lips and tongue were moving now had his cock beginning to stir. Her finger nails felt so damn good, he couldn't help but press his back even more so into them. After hearing his name echo from her lips and throughout the walls, he gained even more confidence and began raising her shirt over her head just to feel her even closer. He wasn't sure how far they were going to go with this, and to be honest he'd be more than okay with just kissing her all night, but he needed to feel more of her against him after going so long without.

As Finn began to lift Santana's shirt, she froze. Her skin heating at the full on contact, she struggles between her instinct to keep going and her equal impulse to pull away. Finally she covers his hands with hers, putting her shirt back down. Still sitting on his lap, she pulls back a little, struggling to catch her breath.

"Finn…what…what are we doing?" she almost whispers. And this is not the first time…this is the THIRD…

His hands started to shake as she stopped them, immediately thinking he did too much or something wrong. Oxygen was finally seeping into his brain and he was starting to grow nervous again, knowing that look in her face before she even said anything.

"I..I was just…going with the flow or I don't know, flow of the kisses and what I was feeling…I wasn't,I wasn't pushing for sex. Just wanted to feel closer to you." He rambled with his cheeks growing red and his hands slowly dropping back down her back. "I'm more than okay with just kissing you for the rest of the night."

Santana was barely listening. Her own brain seemed to be stammering at her as much as Finn's voice, and she wasn't sure how to respond or which words to listen to or even what she wanted at all. Taking a deep breath, she slowly reached one hand out, touching Finn's side- testing. When her heart didn't jump out of her chest in response, she slowly leaned in, resting against his chest.

"I don't know why I'm doing this…I mean…I wanted to…I don't know."

His heart was beating and racing all over the place, trying to figure out what more to say or what more to do right now. The last thing he wants is to mess things up and cause a wedge of awkwardness between them. It seemed like she wanted this, that she wanted him…but was almost too scared to give all the way into it. His body finally relaxed again as she set her head down against his chest and his hand slowly rose to run his fingers against her back softly.

"I…I don't want to make you do anything that you don't want to. I wasn't going to try for more than just kissing, I swear. It just..felt so right."

Santana couldn't argue with that. It had felt right…it had felt amazing. But WHY? Was it because she just enjoyed kissing? Because her body was on hormone overdrive? Because she was lonely and wanted affection?

Or was it really just Finn, all by himself?

She rested against him, nodding very slightly.

He was still left a little confused as she didn't respond verbally, but she wasn't pulling away or leaving him at all. With Santana, that meant a lot. Usually when she doesn't want something, she makes it known and walks away or something. But right now, she was cuddling even more into him and causing a smile to finally break on his lips.

Grabbing a blanket, he wrapped it around her back and moved slightly so that some fell around him. His arms stayed set around her, cuddling her close and closing his eyes.

Santana slowly feels her heartbeat settle down, falling into rhythm with Finn's. When she sneaks a glance up at him, she can see that his eyes are closed, and she waits, wondering if he's sleeping. She feels wide awake, her head a mess of confusion and lingering anxiety. Her hand creeps into his, and she holds it lightly, keeping her body relaxed.

He could tell that her breathing was still heavier than when she sleeps, so he knew she was still awake. As her hand slipped into his, he slowly opened his eyes to check on her. It felt really nice and he interlaced their fingers. His lips rubbed together a little before he opened them, making sure to think before speaking. "Do you…wanna talk more? Or we can just lay here, whatever you want." He offered softly, not wanting to do anything that she didn't.

Santana's eyes lifted slowly, and she took a slow breath, feeling her chest move against Finn's. She thought about it, then nodded slightly, still looking up at him.

"I'm so confused," she said quietly. "You're my best friend, Finn. And I like girls. I know that. I love girls. But I love you, and this is…it's nice, and it feels good, and…I guess sometimes I'm not sure…"

She takes another deep breath, eyes dropping, and hides her face against him, her voice muffled. "I'm not totally sure what way I love you anymore and I used to be. And I…I don't know if it's the baby and what if it all changes as soon as the crazy hormones are gone, and that's not fair to you and…and what happened to the gay? Or what if I"m just wanting to touch someone and it doesn't really matter who?"

When she said she loved him, he wasn't exactly sure how to take it. He wasn't sure if she meant love as a friend or what. She keeps saying she loves girls, but does she mean Brittany with that or that she's a lesbian? It just confused him even more on how to respond and how to feel right now.

"I don't…I don't know either, I want you to want me. I thought when you got jealous because of that girl, it was because you don't want me with anyone else. I mean, that has to mean something, right?" God, it felt like he was mainly trying to convince himself on that one.

"You can fall in love with whoever you want, I know it's confusing…but I just would like to think that I matter, at least." A heavy swallow fell down his throat as he tried not to get too emotional. It's really hard to try and come to terms with her saying she's just using you. His arms around her became a bit more loose and he sucked in another deep breath. "I think you need to stop looking for reasons why it shouldn't happen all the time and really think of how you feel."

"I do want you," Santana whispered into his chest. She feels strangely shaky, near tears. "I just don't know why or for how long yet."

She still won't look up at him as she continues, her hand tightening in his. "You matter. You matter so much, Finn. That's why…I don't want you to be hurt. I don't want to do this to you when I'm not sure."

His eye lashes pressed together as he closed his eyes and took in a couple deep breaths. "I don't think anyone always knows for how long they want someone, Santana. I know it's different for us because of having a baby, but what is more important is the why part." He whispered out lowly.

He rubbed his thumb against her pulse point and chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I just…don't know what I'm supposed to do. Am I supposed to give you space to figure things out, keep trying to convince you to be with me? I don't want to leave you alone, pretty hard to do that, but I don't want to be something you don't really want."

Santana is quiet, trying to find an answer to his questions. He deserves to have one, but she can't truthfully give him a full response. Not just yet.

"I don't know," she said honestly. "I want you to touch me and stuff, but…I don't know. I don't want you to try to convince me of anything. I think I have to figure out on my own. But if you want me to stop, tell me."

"I get that it's scary for you, I do. I know it's not easy. You're pregnant and confused. But I want you, I want to be with you, I want to show you that, I want you to feel that every day. You have no idea how hard it is to hold it back sometimes, but I don't want to be too much. It's hard all around for both of us." Finn rambled a bit, but in a soft and passionate tone.

His chest rose and fell with his breathing as he found his voice again. "That night we were together, you told me no one ever needs you. I do. I don't want you to stop, I want you to see that we can be together and happy. I want you to figure that out and decide on your own that you want to be with me. I want more than anything for you to feel for me what I do for you."

Santana nodded, understanding what he's saying. She slowly rubs Finn's hand with her thumb, exhaling. She feels like she doesn't deserve this; she still isn't sure. But she at least knows Finn won't push her any further.

Finn hoped that by opening up a bit more and expressing himself and his thoughts, that it would really make her think and sort of figure out her feelings. It's just all so hard and still heavy on his heart. What if he really is just 'here' and never truly going to be anything more than just a friend and the father of her baby? That's a really hard pill to swallow and know what to do with. The last thing he wants is to force her to feel something more for him, he wants her to do that on her own. But God, what is he supposed to do with himself now with all of this? Try and show her why they'd be good together? Express his feelings more? Give her space? Keep trying to meet girls and get over her? He thought tonight was a big step towards something but in reality, it feels like he just stepped into quick stand and is stuck.

Eventually Santana looks up again, searching Finn's face. Biting her lip, she says quietly, "I'm making you sad or disappointed or something, right? Since I can't really say what's going on in my head except it's a mess. You want me to say how much I want you too and how I want ten kids with you and I want to marry you and fight over bathroom wall color or something. But I don't want to lie to you, Finn, and I can't say that and know it's true right now. I don't want to lie to you. I don't want to string you along either because you deserve better than that. I'm just being honest. I don't know what else to do."

Reluctantly she slides off his lap, putting some space between them. Chewing the inside of her cheeks, she shrugs slightly. "Is it easier if I don't?"

"I don't want you to say that, Santana. I really don't. I don't want you to tell me those things until you know it, til you feel it. The last thing that I ever want is to be lied to or strung along. All I want is someone to fall for me for who I am. For me to be enough and to feel that way. I just feel so stuck on what to do, how to be and how to make you fall for me." He felt his words practically sticking to his throat as all he felt were emotions bubbling up in his chest and he needed to close his eyes.

"But it's hard for me to know what else to do either, because you don't always want to hear that I want you and want to be with you or be shown it either. I understand you need time, you're being honest and you don't know what else to do. I get that, I respect that, I am trying to be patient but…it's hard, really hard. And I thought tonight meant a lot more but it just seemed to confuse you and now me too." The boy tried to explain before shrugging his shoulders. "I don't..I don't know whats easy anymore."

Santana nods, agreeing. It definitely isn't easy and she's definitely confused. She sighs, then ventures, "Can we put it off for one more night? I'll think about it. It's not like I"ll be able to stop thinking about it."

Finn exhaled, but nodded, giving her a small smile. "Yeah. Yeah, of course. Take all the time you need."

And when he reached for her slowly to put his arm around her, she curled into him, every bit as close as before.


	15. Chapter 15

Phone calls:

**Nurse Tracy**: Hi...this is Tracy from Mount Sinai Emergency room, we have a Finn Hudson here and you're listed as his emergency contact. He was just brought in 10 minutes ago and we're starting to care for his pain, but would it be possible for you to come down here?

**Santana:**(immediately starts to freak out) What?! What do you mean he's in the emergency room?! What the hell happened?! He's in pain, why is he in pain, give him something for it! WHAT HAPPENED?!

**Tracy:** I can only tell you so much on the phone, but something from a car he was working on dropped on his head while he was under it. An ambulance brought him in and we started an IV with medication to help him as well.

**Santana:**(pacing the living room at a rapid pace, fingers white around the phone, already breathing erratically, heart racing) On his head?! Is he brain damaged?! Is it broken?! What dropped?! Was it metal? You keep saying he's in pain, HOW MUCH PAIN?! I'm coming, I'm coming now! Right now!

Tracy: Deep breaths, he's okay. He's awake, a little in and out of it, but the meds should help with that. We're thinking a concussion along with the deep wound, we're going to stitch that up soon but want to make sure he can't feel it. He'll be able to tell you more once you get her, but please be safe!

Santana: (is not by any means taking deep breaths) DEEP WOUND?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN DEEP WOUND?! Stitches?! Oh god…fuck…do NOT let some dumbfuck doctor who didn't wash his hands touch him, and don't you even THINK of letting some idiot intern who doesn't know his ass from his grandma Myrtle's elbow near him!

88

Santana hangs up and starts flying around the house looking for her purse and knocking into things clumsily, swearing but not feeling the impact of it. Her hands are shaking too badly to unlock her car door at first and the whole time she is driving her shoulders are drawn nearly to her ears, rigid. When she arrives at the hospital she almost charges through the emergency room doors to the front desk.

"WHERE IS HE IS HE OKAY?"

Finn laid in the bed, pretty out of it from the pain meds, but still feeling a little bit of pain as he moved his eyebrows. They had cleaned off his face and stopped the blood, but it still felt really weird. Morphine rushing through his veins had him feeling chilly and zoning in and out of things. The nurse let him know that Santana was on her way and he's pretty sure he nodded his head, but can't remember.

"He's right in here," Tracy said, recognizing the voice immediately from the phone and showing her into Finn's room. "We didn't do anything yet besides giving him medicine through an IV and the head scans, we can do staples if you want instead of stitches. I have the doctors waiting because I know you wanted to see him before anything else, but we can't wait too long."

Santana barely listened to Tracy, following after her as she lead her to Finn's room so quickly she was practically stepping on her heels. When she entered the room and saw Finn lying back, the medication's affects obviously showing themselves in his eyes, and she can see the cut on his forehead, she freezes for a moment by the door, breath catching, a lump rising in her throat. She thinks at first she's about to start yelling at the nearest nurse or doctor, or maybe even Finn, for letting himself get hurt, but instead she bursts into tears, surprising herself.

"You look s-so weird…"

Finn's breathing grew a little heavier with worry as he saw Santana crying. His eyes were heavy and hard to keep open,but he forced them to stay on her for as long as he could. The pain medicine was like something he never experienced before and hard to know what was really going on right now. It felt almost like a dream or something, but when he moved, he felt the reality of it all.

"I'm..I'm sorry," He whispered to her, his lips dry and his mouth as well. Slowly licking over his lips, his hand turned for her to put hers in.

Santana moves forward slowly, hesitant to touch him. "I d-don't want to hurt you…does it hurt…you…you s-sound weird…"

She sniffles, scrubbing at her eyes with the heel of her hand, but her tears keep coming, streaming down her cheeks. She is so frightened for Finn, and it's so strange to see him looking almost weak and just so HURT. She hates to think of him hurt and out of it and not knowing what's going on all the way, and it scares her to think how bad things could have been or might be still.

Reaching for his hand, she squeezes gently, then raises his fingers to her lips. "Does it…does it hurt…Finn, you're HURT, you can't get HURT…you just can't!"

"I'm thirsty but I can't have anything yet they said," he whispers out, trying to calm some of her nerves. If he could smile now, he would, just to try and keep the stress level down for her and the baby.

He hoped that he didn't look too beat up right now. All he can remember is the engine falling down on top of him and Josh yelling, then he ended up here. Of course he knows he couldn't have been that low to the ground and could have put the car up higher, but he didn't want to talk about that right now.

Her hand calmed him down and it showed on the monitor.

"I'm..I'm okay, San. I promise. Just a cut and headache."

His fingers laced in between hers, trying his best to squeeze her hand back as he took a few more breaths. His eyes were threatening to close again, but he forced them back open as far as they could go.

"I promise. I just need my head sewn up."

Santana is still sniffling, wiping repeatedly at her cheeks with the hand not in Finn's. She squeezes his hand, an occasional hiccuping sob breaking out.

"They sh-should let you drink…why won't they…if you're th-thirsty?"

Her hand moves forward hesitantly, touching his head, and she strokes near but not on the wound.

"You can't be hurt…don't ever be hurt."

"We can give him some water as soon as we do the stitches or staples. They just like an empty stomach just in case," The nurse told Santana as she checked on Finn's vitals and put the x-ray pictures up on the screen.

"I don't know which one to pick, but I just want a Gatorade so bad," Finn whispered to Santana, his breathing deep and heavy.

His eyebrows moved slightly at her touch, it didn't hurt and he was pretty numb to everything but could still feel her.

"Another day or two and I'll be all better again. I promise to be more careful at work." He used all his strength to move his thumb against her wrist. "I don't wanna scare you or the baby."

"I'll get you Gatorade. I'll get you six Gatorades," Santana promised, her voice still shaking. She held his hand, lifting it to kiss his wrist, and took another gulping breath, having difficulty stopping crying. To the nurse, she said "I'm staying with him," in a tone that dared her to challenge that. She doesn't want to watch them stitch him up, but she wants to be there.

"Thank you," Finn whispered, his eyes locked into hers and letting her know how much he appreciated that she was here with him right now.

The feel of her lips caused a small, happy breath to escape from his nose. He couldn't help but smile a little bit as she was demanding to be in here and knew the nurse, let alone anyone else, could ever tell her no.

"Of course, they'll work on the other side," Tracy said with a firm nod as she asked Finn once again if he wants staples or stitches. He whispered out stitches with a raspy tone and as more of the morphine moved throughout him, his body relaxed even more and so did he into Santana.

"As soon as we get those in, we can access the concussion and treat him for it. Depending on how comfortable you feel bringing him home tonight, since he has you to watch him, we could do that so he's more comfortable," The nurse told Santana as she got the stitches and instruments ready for the doctor.

Santana's fingers absently stroke Finn's skin, running over his hand, arm, and shoulder. She bites her lip, turning her head away when the doctor begins to stitch him up, and squeezes his hand.

"Is he going to have a huge Frankenstein scar?" she asked, still a bit unsteadily. "Because that isn't cool…I already called you Frankenteen and if you have this huge scar…did you check his brain? Is it dented up? Can he remember his middle name?"

Her head jerks up when the nurse tells her she can bring him home if she's comfortable. She looks down at Finn, indecisive.

"What do you want to do? Stay here or go home?"

This was Finn's first time getting stitches. It was scary and the needle into the cut was the worst ever. Thankfully he had Santana's hand because he was pretty sure he would have cried without her here. Even with all the meds, it was stinging and tingling in ways he never knew possible.

His eyes closed as the feeling became a bit more bearable, but his hand stayed glued into Santana's and his head turned more to her.

"He shouldn't, maybe just a faint little line in time, but this patch of skin usually heels really good. It's thick and strong," the doctor told Santana as he continued to thread the skin back together. "All we could see on the scan is a concussion. It looks mild and not too serious, he needs to rest because it's in essence, a bruise on his brain. We don't think there will be any memory loss or anything, but maybe some confusion or headaches for the next couple of days. But you can help him with the care, right?" he asked, rubbing cream over his finished job and then a clear strip to keep it protected.

"I want to go home," Finn whispered to her, hoping she'd be okay with that. The look in her eyes made him a bit nervous, but he was ready to get into something more comfortable and his or her bed.

"He needs the meds every four hours and you will need to wake him up for that, make sure he's okay and everything. Besides that, just lots of rest, fluids and food, laying around and mindless TV."

A bruise on Finn's brain sounds pretty serious to Santana. Enough so that she starts to get teary again, squeezing his hand and taking several breaths to try to calm down without much success. She is too busy trying not to cry to pay much attention to Finn at first, but then she hears him and focuses.

He wants to go home. The doctor gives her instructions and Santana nods, trying to concentrate.

"Okay…" She's already decided she's not sleeping at all tonight, she'll watch him all night long.

"We'll write them all down for you, don't worry, we deal with and care for concussions all the time. He'll be okay and back to himself in a few days," the nurse promised with a soft smile before leaving to get a few things for Finn and Santana.

Seeing her teary-eyed caused his throat to grow even more dry. With his eyes as open as he could get them to be, he looked at her and used his hand in hers to draw her into bed with him softly.

"I'm okay, I promise and everything will be okay at home," he whispered before moving to hug her.

High school Santana would have told a concussed Finn to suck it up and laughed at him if he implied he was in pain. She would have called him lumphead and mocked him for days about an inability to walk without knocking himself unconscious. But now it's all she can do to keep from melting onto the hospital bed beside him and collapsing in a puddle of tears.

Maybe it's the pregnancy, or maybe it's the fact that right now, Finn is her best friend and only support, her family. Maybe it's because she is terrified of the thought of losing him. Or maybe it's just because she loves him. But whatever it is, when Finn pulls her closer, trying to hug her, Santana bursts into tears all over again, wrapping her arms around him the best she can with him in bed.

"You look so weird and you're on meds and in pain and I hate it…you're so damn tall and clumsy! You're not allowed anymore…you are not allowed. You look all pathetic and you're whispering and your brain is bruised…you hurt your BRAIN! You're my Finn and you're broken, you're not allowed to be broken!"

She barely is aware of her own words and isn't sure Finn can even understand them. But right now she can't feel any embarrassment over them either.

Finn could tell that Santana was going to break and that killed him. He wished now more than ever that he could stand up and hold her, but he was going to do his best to do so from this bed. The meds had him feeling super loopy and dizzy, maybe some of that was thanks to the concussion he has, but with a deep breath of her everything and her warmth, everything felt right again.

His body moved so she could lay against him in the bed and he could hold her even more. She was carrying his baby, she's the girl that he wants to be with and cares so much about, so he doesn't care what state he is in right now,he needs to hold her and feel this closeness. Her words caused him to smile a little to himself, but also get pretty emotional as well. Hearing her say he was hers was pretty awesome, so hopefully he can remember that later.

"No more being broken, I can't promise I won't be weird on my meds, but I'll try," He whispered into her ear as his heart was beating really fast again. "I'm okay, San. I am and will be because I have you."

Santana let Finn pull her against his chest, letting her weight settle against him. She buried her face in his neck, sniffling and trying to choke back tears, but still struggling. Her arms wrap around Finn's waist, and she burrows in, taking another deep breath.

"You can't ever come here again. Not until I'm the one on the bed and then you never can again, ever."

"Never again until we're having our baby," Finn husked with his eyes closing and his lips just resting on top of her head.

His chest raised up and down with a few deep breaths, loving how it felt to have her arms wrapped around him right now. That's all he needed, she's all he needed since he got here and is more than ready to go home and lay with her like this all night.

"You think you can cuddle me tonight?" He whispered out with a smile, still struggling to open his eyes as he felt more pain medicine drip down into his veins again. "This stuff makes me feel all cold and you make me feel so warm."

Santana nodded against his chest, taking in one more steadying breath. Getting some comfort from feeling him so close to her, his arms around her, lips against her, being able to tell that he's going to survive, she starts to relax. Her eyes are closing when the nurse enters the room, but she's not embarrassed at them seeing her.

For a few moments there, he sort of forgot they were even at the hospital. He thought they were back at home and in one of their beds, all he wanted to do was sleep for the rest of the night with her like this against him. But things were back to reality as the nurse came in with a special pillow, prescriptions for medicines and a few to get Finn through the night, instruction sheets, a water bottle and discharge papers to sign.

"I put my cell on there for you if you need to call for anything and want to talk to me directly, I know the pharmacies are closed til tomorrow so I have some medicine for you to last the night and some of tomorrow, things to clean the stitches with and this neck pillow for him to be comfortable for the drive home," Tracy told them both, but mainly to Santana since Finn was pretty out of it still.

Santana is slow to pull away and go to the nurse, listening to her instructions. She notes the information carefully, trying to memorize it all, already starting to feel a little panicked and overwhelmed by what's expected to care for him. She tries not to show it, but as they start towards the lobby, Finn in a wheelchair on his way out, she is worrying intensely.

Finn winced a little as they took the needle out of his arm. It felt weird and the tape and cotton ball over it was kind of uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted was to get in a wheelchair, but they pretty much told him he had to. Plus, he couldn't risk falling over right now at all. With the neck pillow on, he reached up to hold Santana's hand on the way out. He could sense how nervous she was and he wanted to try and help calm her fears however way he could.

"Give me a baby update, can you feel anything different today?" the boy asked, trying to get her mind off of everything else.

Santana took a deep breath again, squeezing Finn's hand as she tries to focus on his question. She shakes her head at him.

"No but I was reading and now that I'm in the third month the baby should have a tongue and taste buds. And we should be able to hear the heartbeat when we go back to the doctor. Isn't that cool?"

She checks on his neck pillow as they get to the car, then helps Finn up and into the car. "Are you okay?"

It made him so happy to hear that she was reading more about their baby and it's growth. It showed him how much more she was falling in love with him or her, the mom mode she was changing into and it was pretty damn amazing to see.

"Taste buds and a tongue? That's so cool, let's just hope it's stomach doesn't grow as big as mine. That is awesome, I can't wait to hear it. I might ask them to make it into a CD."

Clearly the pain meds were making him still a little goofy, but at the same time, it's not too out of the norm for him. He takes his seat and nods as best as he could for her.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm just happy to be going home with you."

Opening up the water bottle, his hand was a little shaky as he brought it to his lips. He practically drank the whole thing in just a few sips before moving to hold her hand as she drove.

"I don't think they can do that, unless we record it somehow, and I don't know how we'd do it," Santana takes him seriously. "Plus just a heartbeat would be boring. And over in like, fifteen seconds. Very short CD."

"What about on my phone then? I can record it or something so this way I can hear his or her heart whenever I want to?" He asked, thinking that might be a better idea than a CD. It's been all he has thought about since the first appointment and all he has wanted to hear. "15 seconds on a phone is pretty long, so I'm going with that idea and this way I can save that first moment we could hear our baby forever.

When Finn takes her hand as they drive, this steadies her. She has been still a little shaky in her movements, afraid that something will accidentally hurt him, but if he has presence of mind to take her hand and talk, maybe he'll be okay. When they arrive home she jumps out and opens his door for him, then puts her arm around him to lead him inside the house.

"You're going to bed. Now. Right now. And I have to read all this stuff and do it and give you stuff. And if you hurt at ALL or if you feel weird tell me right away and don't you lie."

His hand slowly moves from hers as she parks and he wraps his arm around her to head inside. He felt a little woozy on his feet, but with a deep breath was able to steady himself and continue inside carefully. Her words caused his eyelashes to flutter and all he could do was hug her.

"Thank you. For being there for me and taking care of me," he whispered to her softly, his eyes closing as he stood in their living room, hugging her carefully and lovingly. "You're still going to cuddle me,right?" the boy asked as he pulled back slightly to look at her with big, sleepy eyes.

Santana is looking at Finn frequently, noticing his wooziness as she guides him. When he hugs her and thanks her, to her own irritation, she starts to get teary again, not even sure why. Whether it's because Finn is being so sweet to her or because she's still so worried and keyed up, or because his sleepy eyes are striking her straight to the heart, she doesn't know. Maybe it's all of the above. Repeatedly wiping at her face, she sniffs, nodding.

"Yeah. Yeah, but you sleep. I don't."

Finn's hand moved to brush against her back a little, trying to show her as much as he could how much he appreciated this and her right now. She was pregnant and still taking care of him, putting him first and emotional about it all. His one hand moved, using his thumb to wipe at her tears and help her before kissing her cheek.

"Set an alarm, you're allowed to sleep, I don't want you to have to be up all night because of me. I promise it'll all be okay tonight, San."

"Okay," Santana mutters back, though she has absolutely no intention of listening to him. "Okay."

Taking another breath, she pulls back, still holding onto Finn, and leads him into the bedroom. Lying beside him, her arm over his chest, she snuggles in.

"Sleep. I'll wake you up for meds when it's time."

Finn follows her lead and keeps his arm wrapped around her. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to use the neck pillow or not, but decided against it. The soft pillows on Santana's bed felt way better and he immediately melted into them and her. He cuddles into her completely, his eyes closing and a little smile forming on his face.

"Can I take my meds with gatorade like you promised?"

Santana nods against him, resolving to have them ready when it's time. "Yeah. I gotta buy more, I forgot. Sorry."

As she feels Finn falling asleep, her voice drops to a whisper.

"You scared me…I don't want you hurt. I don't ever want you hurt. I can't lose you, don't you get that? I can't ever lose you."

"Don't be sorry, I think there's apple juice in there that is just as good as Gatorade. "

His breathing was turning to sleep, the meds had him completely relaxed and out of it, but he was still able to hear what she was saying. It made his heart skip a little bit as he held her even closer and whispered out "You never ever will".

Santana ignores this. She's getting him Gatorade like she promised and that's it, in her mind. She's getting him everything he needs and wants and more.

Hearing Finn start to drift off, Santana stroked his side, kissing the space over his heart impulsively. Wide awake, she listened to him breathe.

Finn slept so comfortably for the first few hours. With all the medicine in his system and from the long day, it had him completely out of it. But once the pain meds started to wear off, he felt a little groggy and had to open up his tired eyes. He could feel a little pinching feeling coming from his head, not sure if it was the concussion or the stitches, but it definitely hurt.

"Santana," he whispered out thickly, swallowing a few times before moving a little. "I need to pee…and to get some apple juice and meds."

Santana was still awake, but beginning to be very tired by the time Finn is stirring. She rubs at her eyes, squinting at him, then sits up, her hand shooting out to stop him as he tries to move.

"Don't you dare break those stitches off your huge watermelon head! No!"

She gets out of bed herself with only a slight trip and then helps Finn out, trying to take most of his weight.

"Come on. I'll get you some while you're in the bathroom. Then you go back to bed because you're still sad and pathetic so no."

Finn was impressed by how she pushed him back and had to blink a few times as he waited for her.

"Is my head really big or just extra swollen because of the concussion?" He asked, wondering in a sleepy haze as he set his feet to the ground, still sitting and holding onto the side of the bed for a few seconds.

After finding the energy to stand, he did so and wrapped his arm around her. It was hard for him as a man, hopefully her man, to let her help him with all of this. But it also felt really good and he really couldn't do this without her.

"Okay, deal. But you're going to sleep when we get back in bed with me. You need to sleep too. For the baby," He mumbled a bit as he moved into the bathroom slowly to pee, happy she didn't have to watch him do that because that might have been awkward for both of them.

Walking slowly and carefully, he washed his hands and came back into the hallway to meet her again.

"I promise for a while not to work under cars. Just under the hood and leave the other work to the other guys."

"Both," Santana tells him, but even as she says this her fingertips gently rub at his cheek. "Huge Frankenhead."

She ignores his declaration that she's going to sleep, having no intention of listening to him. Getting him the juice and his meds, then shrugging herself back under his arm, Santana hands them to him for him to take, waiting for him to do so, then leads him back to bed, snuggling into him his promise, she exhales, nodding.

"Can stuff under the hood fall on you?"

Her touch made him feel better about his big head and he smiled, letting her know he wasn't offended.

"As long as you can sometimes work your fingers through the hair on this big head of mine, I'm more than okay with it. "

Taking pills was never something he was good at, so he had to throw them all the way back and coughed a little as he swallowed it down with the juice. He kept the cup to have beside him just in case he got thirsty again and moved to get comfortable against the pillows and her. His hands moved against her gently, hoping to lull her to sleep because he could tell she wasn't going to listen to him about sleeping. So hopefully he can get her to pass out with him.

"No, no it'll be like me standing and working on the front of the cars. This way I do the oil changes, engine checks and all that stuff. Super easy and safe. "

Santana wordlessly twines her fingers in Finn's hair, her chin adjusting against his chest, head under his chin. She nods, acknowledging that she's listening.

"Good. Do that."

She tries not to yawn, but Finn's stroking is making her sleepy. After a few seconds she pushes at his hand.

"Stop…go to sleep."

His hair was always a super weak spot and had him turning to putty against her. It was clear to see and feel in his chest that his breathing was growing low again and his heart wasn't racing with pain or worry like it had when he woke up a few minutes ago. Finn knew that it would take a little bit for the medicine to completely set in, but Santana was helping take the pain away on her own.

"I'm going to, I don't want you to have to worry about me at work."

A small laugh fell from his nose as she pushed his hands away, obviously knowing what he was trying to do.

"I'm going to, I need the pills to work before I can..." his thumbs brushing against her skin as he spoke.

Santana can feel Finn relaxed against her and is relieved that he seems to be feeling no pain. She gave a small smile, keeping her fingers in his hair. But as he continues to rub her skin, she stifles another yawn, trying to hide it. Opening her eyes wide, she glares at him.

"I'm not dumb, you won't make me sleep."

"Yes I will," he whispered with his lips turned up in a smile, eyes still closed and his hands still moving. She was getting him to pass out with the way her hands were moving in his hair so he was trying to return the feeling.

"I want you to sleep, San. You need to for the baby and for yourself."

Santana renews her own stroking of Finn, scratching his scalp, kneading lightly, trying to beat him to his own game. She tries to stamp down hard on her irritation rather than the comfort she feels to be held this way, focusing on it to stay awake.

"No. No, because you're hurt and I have to watch you and the doctor said. The doctor SAID," she insists, her voice starting to become closer to a whine than the aggressive tone she intends. "Not sleeping. Taking care of you. So go to sleep and let me."

Finn could feel himself nodding off and kept trying to fight it. She was bringing out all the tricks and knew exactly how to get to him. His blood was rushing warmer with everything he was feeling thanks to her and the narcotics that they had him on. It felt like he was on top of a cloud again, just floating and everything was okay.

"You can set an alarm, she said every couple of hours." He barely was able to get the words through his lips as his hands continued to move as best as they could against he back. His fingers were searching for her favorite places as his lips found the top of her head like usual.

"You have no idea how much this all means to me. You taking care of me is just what I need to get better. I love you."

"Noooo," Santana whined, blinking hard against her sleepiness. "No. Stop it. Staying up. Watching you."

She shakes her head hard even as it sinks back down against his chest. When Finn whispers he loves her, she freezes, looking up. But then she lets her head come back down, and pressing her mouth against his chest, muffling it almost to the point of being silent, she whispers, "I love you too."


	16. Chapter 16

"Do you know how hard it is as a guy to let you do it all?" Finn asked with a quirk eyebrow from where he stood in the kitchen with Santana the afternoon after his injury, before his eyes rested, and he couldn't stop smiling. His fingers kept brushing against her stomach and he feels all around her bump.

"It looks good on you. It's a cute bump. "

"It's getting drinks and making macaroni. Pretty sure I can handle it," Santana rolls her eyes.

She smiles slightly as he touches her stomach, but doesn't push his hand away.

"It's gross. No one can tell I'm pregnant yet so I just look like my stomach sticks out."

"You get the mac and cheese, I'll get the Gatorade," Finn said looking to her with a smile that showed his dimples. His eyes examine her stomach and his hands as well before his head just shakes. "It's not gross at all. You can definitely tell it's a baby bump and it looks so good on you."

"No." Santana half glares at him, arms crossed over her chest. "Sit. I get. Sit."

"No, it's gross," she exhales, shaking her head. "I can barely button my jeans anymore. I can't on some of them. People just think I'm getting fat."

Finn pouts a little, but doesn't stop touching her stomach.

"I still wanna talk to and touch our baby," he says as he starts tracing random shapes against her bump. Finn knew she meant business, so painfully pulled away to sit down like she wanted him to.

"You just feel that way, I bet no one at all thinks that about you. Pretty sure everyone will be able to tell soon it's a baby bump since every other part of you is going to stay as tiny as it is right now."

A soft smile formed on his lips as he watched her move throughout the kitchen.

Santana is still scowling a little, but being called tiny mollifies her a little. She goes into the kitchen, getting his gatorade and hers and bringing it back. Starting to cook the macaroni, she calls back to him.

"What names do you like?"

"Carson for a boy, that's probably my number one. It was my dad's favorite football playerr's name and I thought maybe we could give him a strong, Spanish middle name. If you know, you like Carson. I am kind of bad at picking out girls names. I doubt you'd want to name her Peyton after a football player. "

"EW," is her immediate response, accompanied with a scrunched nose. "Carson, like son of a car, and Peyton, like pay a ton? What is with your puns?"

She shakes her head, exhaling. "No way. Those both sound like soap opera doctor dudes or something. We should name it…Dean." As in Winchester. "Or…Buffy."

Because she totally has a soft spot for the character, who reminds her unconsciously of Brittany.

Finn's eyebrows rose as she shot down both the names he liked. Carson seemed awesome because of his dad and sort of honoring Burt too with the whole car thing, so it stung a little that she didn't like it. He was able to shake off the Peyton name because it was mainly just an idea, not something he was set on or felt attached too.

His head shook as she gave her suggestions.

"No way on either of those. Dean is boring and Buffy…I wouldn't even name a dog that, no. That's from a tv show and I'm not naming our daughter that. If it's a girl, I want her to have a strong name like yours. Something that shows she's not to be messed with at school. "

"Dean is AWESOME, come on!" Santana argues, more for the sake of the character than the name. "And Buffy is a strong name! She totally kicks ass!"

Sighing as she watches the macaroni, she thinks. "Xena! That's a badass name! Xena or Spike or Daryl for a boy."

"If I don't get to name my son after my dad's favorite football player, no way am I going to name him Dean or Buffy after a vampire.I hate vampires."

All of her names made his eyebrows furrow even harder.

"Why don't we stick to some normal names. Ones that are in the family or mean something to us," The boy suggested with a shrug,hoping she understood him. "My dad's name was Christopher, I don't know, maybe we could do CJ and give him a J spanish middle name?"

"Buffy isn't a vampire, she's a vampire SLAYER," Santana argues. The macaroni almost finished, she starts to serve it out, carrying it back to Finn.

She frowned slightly at his suggestion, then shrugs. She doesn't hate Christopher.

"Maybe, I don't know. What about for a girl? She needs a badass name, like…" Eyeing him slyly. "Faith." Faith is the other vampire Slayer, the one who reminds Santana of herself a little. "Or…" She tries to think of another kickass female, but her mind only comes up with strange names like Katniss, Rogue. "Angelina! Or…Trinity!" As in Jolie and the Matrix character. She doesn't notice the common themes of religion in the names.

"Santana, we're not naming our daughter after someone on a show," Finn said as his mouth started to water at the smell of the mac and cheese. He hasn't had much of an appetite with the meds, but his stomach was practically growling right now.

"I think if it's a girl then we should give her a Spanish name, something strong like your name is."

It seems like all her ideas were coming from shows and movies that she likes and while yeah, that's a good place to look and find names, it still didn't mean he was a fan of them or stories behind them. Tradition is more what Finn is about and family and meaning behind everything, so he's not too crazy about fictional characters or people being where their baby's name comes from.

"How about we look in a book or something, find one together."

"Whyyyyyy?" Santana whines, trying to sound demanding and aggressive but not quite succeeding. "I'm giving you awesome names of awesome, badass people!"

Giving him his macaroni, she sits beside him, propping her chin in her hand on her knee.

"My name is lame. It means saintly. That's not strong, that's stupid. All the Spanish names are so lame, they're like, eight hundred syllables long. I'm not naming her Maria or Isabela or Margarita."

"Because they don't sound right. We have to think, her last names going to be Hudson so it all has to work," Finn said with a small chuckle, thanking her for the food and starting to eat slowly.

"It's not lame, I like it. I want to find one that has an -ah sound at the end just like yours. I think it's cool and really strong. When you hear your name, it sounds powerful." He tried to explain, hoping it made sense. "Let's google someones on our phone, we could always find one that we could give her a nickname from just in case she doesn't like her full name. Like how I call you San sometimes or Tana."

"There's nothing wrong with Xena Hudson," Santana admitted, even though she had to admit to herself it sounded weird. "Totally cool."

Powerful. Santana likes her name okay, actually, and the fact that it sounds like Satan even though it means saintly. She likes the nicknames as well. But still, she always preferred other names, though she likes that Finn likes it.

Sighing melodramatically, she gets his phone, propping her chin on his shoulder now as he eats, typing "badass baby names" into his phone.

"Okay Abigail is NOT a badass name, she's in a Taylor Swift song!"

"I don't even know how to spell that. Nope, not happening," Finn said, not believing for a second that Santana really liked and wanted that to be their daughters name.

He turns his head slightly at her with a smile as he continues to chew his mac and cheese softly. "This is really good."

"Abigail is kind of ugly…and when you add Taylor Swift into it, I hate the name now. Read me some of the ones you actually like."

Santana sticks her tongue at him, then, snuggling in, starts to read from the alphabetical list begrudgingly.

"Acacia…how the hell do you say that? Adeline, Adelle. Adriana… that's okay I guess. Agatha, Agnes, no way in hell am I having a kid they can call haggy saggy baggy faggy Aggy. Ainsley, no. Alanna, Alejandra, Alessandra, Alexa, Alexandra…" she paused, looking up at Finn. "That one sorta sounds badass."

Finn moves his free arm around her and uses the other to eat. His hand brushed up against her side as he listens to all of the name and repeats them to himself. A deep laugh fell from his lips at where she went with Agnes and the nicknames and he couldn't help but look at her with a smile.

"I don't want anyone to call our daughter that either, cross that off the list," he said, still thinking about how funny Santana is and how she always makes him laugh and smile.

His eyebrows rose at the mention of Alexandra, that was pretty, it was strong, had the a ending and could have tons of nicknames come from it.

"I like it a lot, it matches all of my requirements and goes real good with Hudson at the end of it!"

Santana giggles when Finn touches her side, a little ticklish since she hadn't been expecting it. Settling back against him as her skin adjusts, she traces the name Alexandra absently, thinking it through.

"It says it means defender of mankind. Perfect for our kid."

She tries to picture a baby named either CJ or Alexandra, with Finn's eyes and her hair and both their dimples, and she tightens her grip on his arm.

The sound of her giggle made his dimples show and his smile practically glow. His fingers move softly against her as he watches her, seeing what her body language and face tells him before her words.

"That is pretty perfect, see strong name, we can give her an even stronger Spanish middle name and the a sound. It's perfect."

He finishes his mac and cheese and sets the bowl down then sets his other hand against her stomach.

"When is our next appointment? I can't wait to hear the heartbeat."

"Day after tomorrow," Santana tells him. She smiles as he touches her stomach, reaching hesitantly to do the same. "It says that I might start noticing it move soon. And it might sort of cringe away if you poke at it. And it's getting a nervous system…and I might start getting nose bleeds." She makes a face at that. "I haven't puked in a few days too so that's awesome."

"I can't wait, I'm probably gonna tear up," Finn warned, looking into her eyes with a smile.

His thumb rubs in random circles against her stomach and he smiles from ear to ear as she starts telling him about the status of their baby's growth. It's a big change from the first time he told her what he read and she seemed so proud and like a happy, knowledged mom.

"Nose bleeds? Really…that happens? I better get some tissues to be prepared. " His tone was slightly worried as he knows they're no fun and usually really annoying. "That is awesome, your mom did say second trimester will be the best one for us."

"Wuss," Santana teases, but she is already pretty certain she's going to cry too. She leans back against him, her hand covering his, leaning her head over onto his shoulder. "Yeah, 'cause blood flow to baby gets your own blood out of whack or something, if I get hot or emotional or something my nose might bleed. No big deal."

A smile stays planted on his face as her soft hand rested against his.

"Can you feel that, baby Hud? It's your mom and your dad. But don't listen to your mom, I'm not a wuss...I hope they don't get too bad, especially at work. That could be hard to deal with."

"Baby HUD? Oh god, like THUD? Don't you dare, your name is ET, not HUD," Santana rolls her eyes. "ET, you always listen to your mom, 'cause I'm the one who's boss around here and I wear the pants and you better be scared."

She touches her nose reflexively, letting it wrinkle. "Plus side, if a customer pisses me off maybe I'll bleed into his food."

"Hud like…Hudson, I was just trying a nickname out." Finn said with a shrug of his shoulders.

The ET one was cute, but he didn't want to take it from Santana. He wanted his own for his baby, something he could call him or her.

"Just not when she makes fun of your dad, that's the only time you can't listen to her. My head isn't that big either, it just looks that way because of my height."

A laugh fell form his nose as he brush his thumb against her hand.

"That is a plus side, just make sure they don't try to like…sue you for it, that could be bad."

With a heavy swallow, he asked a question he has been thinking about for a while. "How long do you uh, plan on working for or til? Like does your boss know you're pregnant?"

"No. No to Hud the Thud," Santana smirked, shaking her head. "Call it…Jellybean. Or Human Bean. Well it's more like the size of maybe the palm of my hand?"

She smirked at his words, not actually intending to deliberately bleed onto anyone's food, but enjoying the imagining. But her smile fades when he questions her.

"No, he doesn't, and he can't fire me even if I tell him. But I want to work until it's too hard to."

"What abut just Bean? I mean, there's different kinds of beans and I'm sure at some point, our baby is the size of every one of them," he suggested with a smile, hoping she'd like that one.

Her smiling fading cause his breathing to hitch for a second.

"You're right, he can't or you could take him to court for that. But you do it for as long as you want to, I know you want to and I would never force you to stop before you're ready to. And if you decide soon you want to quit, you could help me with the shop. I'm terrible with numbers and the books. And then we have like, advertising to do and colors to pick and stuff."

"Bean works," Santana nodded. "Gonna be like dinosaur bean before long though."

She considered what Finn was saying, knowing that he wants her to quit but won't ask her to. Working in his shop sounds boring, but it can't be worse than working at the diner, can it?

"I'll think about it, I guess."

"You hear that, Bean. Your mom and I came up with a girl name for you and a nickname for you all in one night. Are you proud of us?" Finn spoke to her stomach again, his dimples showing with it as he couldn't help but imagine a few months from now when their baby is in their arms.

"If you decide you want to, you could like work from home so you're not all around cars and stuff. If you want to of course. I might still ask for your help with some ad's and stuff, you seem like you'd be really good at that and marketing."

Santana smiles, hearing Finn's voice change when he addresses the baby. She too is imagining what it looks like as she tells him softly, "It has ears now. Not normal ones but they're there."

She thinks over what he says. She is pretty artistic and persuasive. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.

"Yeah. I guess, yeah. For a little while."

"Ears, really? So when can the baby start hearing our voices? I really want Bean to learn mine, this way when it comes out it knows I'm his or her dad right away." Finn told her, obviously thinking about it for a while now.

His head nodded happily as she seemed to be coming around to the idea.

"Thanks, you're going to make my shop ten times better."

He kissed her cheek softly.

"It probably hears us a little now," Santana tells him. "It probably already knows us. Our voices anyway."

She smiled, sinking a little more fully against him when he kisses her. She is a sucker when it comes to gentle gestures of affection from people, especially when they aren't sexual in nature. She sighs, content, before whispering back.

"We might be able to see if it's a boy or girl tomorrow too."

"That's so cool, I gotta make sure to talk to our baby every day. They said if you read to him or her , even in your stomach, they really like it and will react to it. "

Her body was pressing even more into his and it felt so damn good, he couldn't help the way his eyelashes fluttered as he held her even closer. His one hand stayed gently brushing against her stomach and the other was completely wrapped around her. It felt so good to be this close in not only a physical sense, but emotional too.

"Really? I hope so, that'd be so awesome. Then we can start buying things and planning even more. "

"Yeah. Plus they might get smart like that and like to read and stuff. They can hear music too. So maybe it will like music since we both do."

Santana looks visibly interested talking about this, even a little excited. As Finn holds her, she feels warm and safe, even secure, despite the unknowns ahead of them. She takes his hand in hers, soaking this in, and relaxes.

88

Finn was feeling a lot better and his head was starting to heal. The stitches didn't hurt anymore and the headaches were only happening every once in a while. The pain meds were a lot of help, but thankfully he didn't need them too often. He knows how addictive they can become, especially with his dad's passed, so was extremely careful with taking them and how often. Santana was amazing with how she was taking care of him and he couldn't express in words how much it meant to him. She really is the reason that he's feeling back to himself already.

It was hard to contain his smile as they walked into the hospital, thankfully for a way better reason then the last time they were here. They get to hear their baby's heart beat today and hopefully find out if it's a boy or girl. With Santana's hand in his, he gave it a gentle squeeze as they waited for the elevator.

"Scale of 1-10, how excited are you?" he asked her, practically bouncing off the walls himself.

Santana has still been worried about Finn, checking up on him often, but she's relieved to see so far that he seems to be recovering well. Still, she makes a note that she wants to ask the doctor to check him over again today too as they walk.

She smiles at Finn's enthusiasm, actually thinking it's sort of cute. Which is totally weird and of course, something she's gonna blame entirely on baby hormones. Squeezing his hand back, she shrugged.

"Six?"

It's more like a seven or eight, but she doesn't want to sound TOO sappy.

"Six? Okay, I guess my 14 evens it all out then," he joked, stepping into the elevator carefully with her and keeping her close. It was hard not to be over protective of her and the baby, with being a little out of it the past couple days, it feels good to be back into full Finn mode with her and their little one.

"I'm still going to record the heart beat in there, don't try and stop me." Finn warned with a big, dopey smile as he felt his stomach jump a little as the elevator went up. "Did you tell your mom we're going today? I'm waiting til after to tell mine or else she'd be texting me every five seconds. Especially if she knew we might find out the sex."

"I'm not going to trip and squash the kid, you know," Santana says when Finn pulls her into him, rolling her eyes, but she is smiling a little. She doesn't mind him being overprotective, unless she's in a bad mood or already mad at him. Then, of course, it drives her crazy.

"Yeah, I told her," she said as the elevator doors open. "She wants you to record the whole damn thing from start to finish. She wants to see our reactions or something. No way, right? We're gonna tell her no way."

"I'm not worried about that, more so other people getting too close to you." Finn told her with a smile, letting her know that he trusts her. It's just the others that might not see that she's pregnant or pay attention to where they're walking that have him on edge all the time. But Santana didn't seem to mind his protectiveness, at least not too much. It would be super hard to turn it off,so he's glad she never really makes him do so.

A smile spread even wider on his face as he thought of what a great idea that is. "Record the whole thing, huh? Your mom is on to something, we could have this moment forever and show our baby one day. I think we should do it, or at least some part of it, like when they tell us. That would be so cool to show our family."

"What do you think they'll do, punch me in the stomach?"

Nevertheless, Santana doesn't pull away from him as they enter the waiting room, and she only rolls her eyes and groans when he talks about recording.

"Fineeeee whatever. It's going to be so lame. Your kid is gonna see exactly what a dork you are."

But it's her own reaction she's concerned about. What if she is the one looking stupid?

In the waiting room she doesn't sit still, flipping through magazines without really looking at them and constantly tapping her foot and shifting her weight in her seat. When they call her name she almost jumps up and leaves Finn in the dust.

"They called us, come on!"

"No, but they might not pay attention when they're walking and bump into you or something. I just wanna be careful," Finn explained, seeing how she really doesn't make any attempt to pull away from him at all.

Maybe she secretly likes it or it makes her feel safe. He knows when she was taking care of him, he loved how protective she was over everything he did and It made him feel good and cared about.

By the tone in her voice, he could tell that she was slightly deflecting the situation and making it about him. He has a feeling she's going to get really emotional about it all too and maybe she's a little nervous to share that with other people, including their kid one day. It was cute how anxious she was in the waiting room, but he stayed mostly quiet and watching her with a smile. His eyes went bigger with a laugh as she practically began to run back into the room.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. I think we're both at a ten right now, " Finn said, moving to take her hand again as they followed the nurse back into the exam room.

It was all becoming so real, like a big surprise was about to become revealed and he could barely contain his excitement and nerves. He turned around like the first time so she could get dressed and pulled out his phone, making sure everything was ready to go for their special moments.

"I'm at not at a ten…maybe a…six," Santana insisted, even as she drags him down the hall, leading ahead of him.

She gets in her hospital gown as fast as humanly possible, and after answering the nurses questions and asking several of her own, lets her set her up for the ultra sound. When the picture first shows up on the screen, and the nurse points out the heart and its beat, magnifying the sound, Santana reaches for Finn's hand, feeling her throat lump up, tears come to her eyes. She's pretty sure this is the most amazing thing she's ever heard.

"And we can see the gender as well pretty clearly now…would you like to know, or be surprised?"

"I want to know," Santana almost whispered, her nails digging into Finn's hand. "We want to. Right?"

Finn took the seat just like last time, sitting right up close to her head and holding her hand.

"Sure, sure. I bet that will jump a few numbers real soon."

He started to record on his Iphone. Seeing their baby on the screen again was causing his heart to do little flips and his stomach had butterflies flapping away like crazy. It looked so much bigger than last time and you could see it's little baby shape. Once the heart beat started to play throughout the room, all of his emotions started to get caught in his throat and his eyes swelled up with the happiest of tears. He made sure his phone was picking up the sounds as he looked at Santana and kissed her cheek.

"We want to know," He agreed easily, his voice all gruff thanks to all he was feeling.

With a deep breath, he prepared himself to hear if it was a little boy or girl and held Santana's hand even tighter. This was it, with their baby's strong heart beat playing like music, the nurse was starting to circle things on the screen and Finn taped every second of it, waiting for her to speak.

As the nurse began to explain and identify the various developing body parts and how they were forming, Santana waited, almost holding her breath. When the nurse smiled, congratulating them on being parents to a healthily developing daughter, Santana barely had time to even try to let it hit her before she started to cry. She didn't try to hide it; she was much too overwhelmed in the moment to make the effort. She didn't even care right then that Finn was filming and the nurse was seeing. She clung to his hand, tears streaming down her cheeks, and smiled even as she half sobbed, staring at the screen.

A daughter. She was going to have a daughter. She had hoped for this, even if she hadn't said so, because she hadn't had a clue what she would do with a boy. And she knew Finn had hoped for a girl too. She was going to be the mother of a baby girl. A girl…

"It's a girl," she whispered, still crying, her voice shaking. "Finn, we're gonna have a girl."

Alexandra. That was the name they'd decided for her. That was what she was looking at right now, her daughter…Alexandra.

Hearing the words leave the nurses mouth had Finn in complete shock. When you hear that you're going to have a daughter, your fatherly instincts set in even more and all he can think about is how beautiful she is going to be and how in love with her he already is. Her heart beat was continuing to beat throughout and Finn's eyes examined over the entire screen, watching how their little girl was in there, moving around and growing by the second. Tears were falling down his cheeks even though he couldn't feel himself really crying because he was smiling at the same time. He turned the camera to Santana and himself, leaning in to kiss her cheeks softly.

"That's our little girl. Our daughter," He whispered to her,barely able to make out the words without choking on his emotions.

From day one, he knew a little girl would be perfect for them. She'll be as perfect as her mom and have Finn wrapped around her little finger. Santana and her will be super close and Finn will hopefully have her as daddy's little girl.

"Alexandra," Finn told the nurse as she asked if they had any idea for names.

She typed out on the screen to print "Hi Mom and Dad, love, Alexandra" for them and immediately made a few other prints. Remembering his own phone was on, he moved so his face was next to Santana's so they could talk into the camera.

"In a few years from now, you're not allowed to make fun of us for this, baby girl."

"Hi…" Santana tries to smile for the camera, wiping at her cheeks. "She's always going to make fun of us…she's my daughter."

A laugh fell from Finn's lips as all he could do was nod in agreement.

"She will, just remember your mom calls you ET.I call you bug." He spoke into the camera proudly, waving goodbye before turning it off. As much as he wanted to share all of this moment with everyone, he wanted something that just him and Santana know and have.

This brings a new burst of tears forward, and she turns to Finn, burying her face in his shoulder and wrapping her arm tightly around his neck.

"We're having a girl," she whispers into his skin, as if he hasn't heard and repeated this several times already. "It's a GIRL."

He tucked his phone into his pocket before moving to hug her and hold her close.

"Our little girl," He whispered into her ear, kissing her shoulder and rubbing his hands up and down her gently. "Just think of all the dresses and hair stuff you're going to dress her in. And all the sports stuff you're going to yell at me for. All the mom and daughter stuff you're going to have with her and how she'll be my little girl."

ET. She still is ET to Santana, and probably always will be, just as much as she is Alexandra now.

Santana doesn't notice him turning off the camera. She tries to focus on Finn's excited words, hugging him hard, lost in this moment and how much it means her life has just changed. She's going to have a little girl, a chance to recreate with her own daughter what she feels and has with her mother.

She lets Finn hug her and stroke her, finally raising a tearstreaked face to look at the pictures. Holding one gently, she touches it, then touches her stomach.

"That's you. ET…I guess you're the Katy Perry version since you're a girl…"

To think in just 5 short months that they'll be holding their daughter in their arms, getting to kiss her face and look into her eyes almost took his breath away. Going through all the pregnancy steps, cravings and milestones is an amazing experience, but he can't wait til it's time that their daughter is finally here. It'll just bring the two that much closer and they will get to have her forever, love on her and see what features she has and from who.

His thumbs moved to help brush away some of her tears as he looks over the photos with her, sniffling a bit as he traces over her little head.

"Looks like she has your head, not mine. Lucky girl," Finn joked, pressing his forehead against Santana's temple with a dopey grin. "Maybe you should play that song for her when we get home. Since we want her to listen to music and all and it's her nickname."

"Yeah," Santana sniffs, nodding. "Yeah. She has to be a Katy Perry fan. Has to, as much as we played her in Cheerios and Glee."

The doctor says something about her being able to get dressed and leaves the room. But Santana is in no rush for this. In fact, she keeps leaning into Finn, then gets up and sits on his lap in the chair, leaning back even more closely against him as she keeps looking at the ultrasound picture. She doesn't care that she is basically wearing a thin paper gown that doesn't even close in the front all the way. She wants to be as close to him as possible in that moment.

"Does that mean I don't get to play the rap and rock music that I like for her?" He asked with a laugh at himself, already knowing the answer to that question. "She's going to be a mini you and already has me wrapped around her finger."

His body moves back into the chair, allowing her room and wrapping his arms around her as soon as she was seated. He made sure to keep her gown closed and her protected, loving how she wanted to be in his arms right now. Watching her look over their baby and that sparkle in her eyes as she took in her daughter was unlike anything else in this world. You can physically see the love she has for her and how happy she is.

"We should get one of those 3D ones next time so we can see her little face and features, " He whispered into her ear softly, his big finger moving along the picture in her hand.

Santana nodded slightly, still absorbed with their daughter. She is very slow to stand and start to redress, and when she is finished, she immediately sits back on his lap again. She is still seated there when the doctor returns, and only then does she get up and sit apart from him.

As they make their next date for the check up for her, Santana is still smiling, feeling very emotional. Even more than the last time, all of this now seems so much more real.

His lips brush against her shoulder as she sits back down and his hands settle on her stomach gently. He asks about the 3D imaging, wondering how they can set them up. The doctor tells him they'll have to pay for it, but Finn doesn't mind at all. Those photos are awesome and he wants to have all the best for his baby and Santana. His family.

After making sure the nurse had it down for the special pictures next time, he takes Santana's hand to head out of the office. His smile matches hers and his heart feels so much love and happiness, it's hard to even describe.

"You want to head to the mall and get her a few outfits or I don't know, something that says her name?" Finn asks, his tone and face ecstatic as he laces their fingers together.

Santana is still somewhat in a daze and looks up, nodding. She is thinking of calling her mom or skyping her, imagining how her mother will squeal and gush over this, and now she's starting to get emotional for a whole new reason. It's silly, since she saw her mother so recently, but she misses her. She wants her mom right there, right now, seeing the pictures in person and knowing the name of her granddaughter while looking at the pictures of her. Even as she nods she looks upset and distracted, thinking of this.

"Yeah."


	17. Chapter 17

"Why is it so freaking cold in here?!"

Finn looked over to where Santana was huddled on the couch, sniffling frequently, a scowl marking her features, and gave her a smile. He didn't think it was particularly cold, but he wasn't about to contradict her.

"I'm gonna get you one of my hoodies to warm you up."

Santana mumbles irritably but not particularly coherently, hugging her knees to her chest on the couch.

"Too big. Not gonna fit me," she mumbled, sniffling and rubbing at her nose.

Finn looks at her, worried and a little concerned, and frowns slightly.

"I know, it'll be big on you but will feel good. I'll get you some more blankets and tissues too."

It seemed pretty obvious to him that Santana was sick, or getting there. Ever since she woke up this morning she had been irritable and complaining about how cold she was, despite the fact that he had turned up the heat and offered her a blanket she had refused earlier. It seemed like she had a cold to him, from her chilled state and her sniffling, but he knew better than to suggest that to her when she was in this kind of mood.

"I don't need tissues. Why would I need tissues? I'm not crying, weirdo," Santana griped, rubbing at her nose and sniffling again.

Finn hesitated, trying to choose his words carefully.

"Your nose seems like it's about to run or something, just want to have them close to be on the safe side."

"It is not! Quit being weird."

Santana rolls her eyes, slouching down on the couch, but takes less than five seconds to sneeze towards her lap. Scowling, she keeps her head lowered, hair hanging over her eyes.

" That was…coincidence."

"I'm not being weird! I'm just trying to take care of you."

Fin sits down on the other side of the couch, quirking an eyebrow as she sneezes. He hesitated, then informed her carefully, " You might have a cold, San."

"Yes you are being weird!" Santana insisted, shaking her head vehemently and audibly sniffling. "You're being all paranoid…quit it. I don't need you to take care of me. I'm fine, FINE, okay, fine. One freaking sneeze, big deal- "

She catches a second sneeze in her elbow, then a third soon after. Scowling, scrunching up her nose, she says defensively, "It's dusty in here!"

"I'm not paranoid," Finn says patiently. "I'm just making sure you're okay. I don't want you being cold and noticed your nose was running or something. So I just got you a few things."

Coming forward to her, he set the box of tissues behind her and handed her a blanket he had retrieved from the hall closet. He tried not to smile, knowing he was right as he observed her repeated sneezing.

"You want some hot chocolate or hot water with sugar and lemon?"

"My nose is not running! You're making me sound like I'm five years old!" Santana continued to scowl at him, but literally thirty seconds later, she contradicts herself as she wipes at her nose with the back of her hand.

Hating that she's proving him right, she sulks, crossing her arms over her chest. In response to his question, she shakes her head sullenly, her voice taking on a whining tone.

"No. Don't want it. Leave me aloneee…I'm fineeee."

"No, I'm not trying to make you sound five at all. I just am trying to make sure this sneezing and runny nose and stuff doesn't turn into anything, so I wanna keep you warm and stuff," Finn tried to tell her, knowing she was getting annoyed; that much was obvious.

He knew that Santana almost certainly did need the things he wanted to give her; she was pregnant, after all, and although he wasn't sure how she or the baby might be affected by a relatively mild illness, he knew he didn't want to take the risk of it getting worse than it had to be. But forcing Santana to do anything was never the way to go, so he thought about it for a moment, trying to figure out how to best convince her.

"Alright, San, I'll get something for you if you want though…well let me know if you change your mind."

"I am warm. I'm hot actually. It's really hot in here," she mumbled.

She had been cold just five minutes ago, but she doesn't care or remember now. Grumbling to herself, Santana kicks the blanket off and fights her need for a tissue, but finally gives in and takes one, blowing her nose. Doing this triggers another sneeze, and she growls aloud, frustrated.

"I would make a joke about how it's because of me, but don't wanna get hit with a pillow," Finn tried to get her to smile.

Walking over to her again, he handed her the remote, figuring she wasn't about to be going anywhere any time soon, from the way she seemed to be feeling. After watching her blowing her nose, he got up to get her a water bottle, then sat beside her, clearing his throat.

"Do you uh, want to cuddle? Might help you feel a little better?" he asked, his tone a little nervous. With her current irritable state, there was no way to predict how she's react to an unsolicited touch.

Santana scowls at him, narrowing her eyes like he's the one who caused the misery. She ignores him, pouting, for several more minutes and a few coughs later. Eventually though she reaches out for his arm and pulls at it, a wordless request to cuddle after all.

Finn stays quiet until she pulled him down into her. His body moves behind her, leaving her free range to lay on top of him or cuddle into him anyway she wants. He knows that Santana is very independent so being sick isn't easy for her, but she gives in within time and lets him help and take care of her just like with the pregnancy. His hand started to brush against her hair softly, hoping it would be soothing.

Santana lays across his chest, practically sitting in his lap, and closes her eyes, relaxing, sniffing occasionally. She enjoys the feeling of Finn's hand in her hair, her breathing a little snuffly, but even, soft. She sneezes once into her wrist and groans afterward, mumbling to him.

"Ugh grossssss."

She is pretty sure she has a fever, and she's way more sure she looks bad, because even though she won't admit it, she feels pretty bad. Chilly yet warm, back and forth, congested and sniffly with an itchy nose and scratchy throat. She's starting to worry vaguely that this isn't good for the baby and touches her stomach before trying to pull away.

"I gotta go to work…need to get ready."

Once he could tell she liked his hand in her hair, he kept moving it against her scalp and through her dark strands. His other hand rubbed against her back, trying to help her relax and hopefully get some rest to help her feel better. He grabbed another tissue for her as she sneezed and took notice of how red her cheeks have become.

"What? No, you can't go to work. You don't feel good and -" His hand rose to rest against her forehead before shaking his head. "You're burning up, I'm gonna call your doctor soon to find out what I can give you with being pregnant. There's no way you're going to try and stress your body to work when you have a cold."

"Nooooo I'm supposed to work," Santana whined, pushing at his hand as he felt her forehead. "Your hand is hot, not me…I'm not…"

She tries to push off from him, but she feels a little shaky and just succeeds in shifting around and half sliding off him without actually getting up. Grumbling under her breath again, she gives another effort to get up, but then starts coughing and gives up.

"I'm gonna get fired. I gotta work…geddoff me."

Finn's head tilts to the side as he looks at her, trying to get her to admit that she really is sick.

"San, it's not my hand. Your cheeks are red, you're sick and have a temperature. "

Her cough wasn't good at all, it was deep and shaky, and he was beginning to get very concerned. There's no way he was letting her go to work, her boss shouldn't even want her there if there's a chance she could give others what she had and would be coughing and sneezing all over the food.

"I'm gonna call your boss and let him know you're not coming in. You can't, San. You have to take care of you and the baby right now and so do I."

"I'm supposed to work…"

She gives in, coughing again, and turns towards him, letting her body go limp and burying her face in Finn's leg. Her whine this time is wordless, softer, more miserable than irritated.

"I don't wanna be sick. Gonna kill who made me sick."

Still burying her face in Finn's leg, her hand fumbles for her stomach. "Is ET sick?"

"I know, but you need to rest. You need to and your boss needs to understand that. "

A breath of relief fell from his nose as she laid back down against him, hoping that she wasn't going to fight him about this anymore. It is all a lot on her body and she needs to be off her feet and do the steps needed to get over this.

"I know you don't, but I'll take care of you. I'll take care of both of you, " he whispered as his hands moved up and down the small of her back. He knew she held a lot of tension there from the baby and hoped to take some of that away. "No, I don't think the baby is sick. But I'll call the doctor to make sure. She's probably just a little tired and worried about you. "

Santana sighed, liking Finn's soothing hand on her back. She kept her eyes closed, lifting her head to sneeze into a cupped hand, but then dropped it back down.

"Gonna get you sick."

Normally she would fight him even harder than this. But she's tired and achy and feeling bad, more than she normally would with a cold or fever, and she is worried about the baby.

Finn didn't want to take either hand away from her, he knew he had to soon to call her boss…but for a few more minutes he was going to continue to work them against her softly and gently.

"I'm on an anti-biotic with the stitches, so I won't get sick," he promised, feeling her body give into his even more, finally relaxing like she needs to do.

Still concerned about the fever, with his one hand still buried into her hair, he uses the other to dial on his iPhone.

"Oh…right…" Santana says this softly, drowsily, eyes still shut.

She murmurs in response to his hand in her hair, her breathing slow, but opens one eye and tries to look up at him after a few seconds.

"Supposed to be taking care of you…you're hurt…"

Still on the phone, Finn shushed her, patting her hair.

"You already did, remember? I'm okay now…now I'll take care of you."

He was put on hold for several minutes, and Santana grew impatient, reaching for her phone on the coffee table in front of her. Squinting, coughing again into her fist, she started to type into her screen a Google search for fever in pregnancy, and within twenty seconds of reading some of what pulled up, gasped loudly, immediately becoming upset.

"I JUST READ HAVING A HIGH FEVER CAN BE LETHAL TO THE BABY OH GOD FINN I'M GONNA KILL MY BABY!" she nearly shrieks, bursting into tears.

Finn jumps, startled, and looks down at her, trying to listen to the doctor with one ear and to soothe Santana simultaneously. Stroking his hand through her hair, he shook his head at her, trying to calm her.

"You're not, San. I promise. The doctor's on the phone right now, he just said if your fever isn't crazy high it will be okay, and the meds I can give you will help bring it down. Unless you want me to bring you to the ER to make sure everything's okay. Do you want me to take you to the ER to be sure? Do you want to talk to the doctor himself? It's okay…San, it's okay, please don't cry. You and the baby are okay."

But there was no convincing Santana at this point. She continued to sniffle and sob, grabbing Finn's arm that was holding the phone, as she gasped out her fears to him.

"What if it doesn't work…Finn what if it's damaged her brain?!"

Quickly hanging up the phone with a fast thank you to the doctor, Finn turned to her, stroking her face again gently as he put his focus on soothing her. Obviously this was more needed now than the conversation with the doctor, now that he knew it was probably going to be okay. Still, he couldn't help but worry too, especially when she was getting upset. Surely it couldn't be good for her to be so upset while also feverish and pregnant…

"Let's go get everything checked out and make sure she's okay," he told her softly, still stroking her hair." Just so you can hear and see it on the screen. You can't help getting sick, a lot of pregnant girls do, we just have to keep your fever down. It would have to be over 105 to affect her, that's what your doctor said. Come on, San. It's gonna be okay."

Santana slumps over to him and leans her full weight into him, burying her face in his chest. Her breathing is still clearly congested, especially since she's been crying, and her face is flushed, her hair slightly sweaty at the hairline.

"No one's going to see me….right?" she sniffled. Even as upset as she was and as bad as she felt, she didn't want anyone to see her in this current physical state.

Finn keeps his arms wrapped around her and nestles his cheek on top of her head. He could hear how stuffed up she is and how scared she is as well.

"You can wear one of my hoodies and put the hood up, whatever will make you feel comfortable. I'll make sure they don't. We'll get the baby checked out and hopefully your fever down."

Santana nods, not moving. She doesn't want to leave the house or go anywhere, but she is scared for the baby. She sniffs again, trying to take breaths, and tries to stifle the cough that rises to her throat at this effort, not wanting to cough on him.

"This sucks….just got past the puking and now this. ET seriously has an issue with being grounded to my stomach or something."

"When you're pregnant, the doctor said a cold can feel like ten times worst than usual. Your body has a lot going on at once, I wish I could take the sickness away and would much rather it me than you. "

His lips brushed against the top of her head as his hands moved gently like she liked up and down her back. The emergency room isn't a fun place and he can tell she's scared and only going for the baby. He wants to ease all of her worries and make sure he's doing everything he can to take care of both of them.

"I'm gonna carry you now, okay? Well get your shoes on and whatever you want to bring then head to the hospital. They should take us back pretty fast because of you being pregnant. "

Normally, Santana would roll her eyes and call him ridiculous and overprotective, or tease him about just wanting to get his hands all over her hot bod. If he actually attempted to do so, she'd probably slap his hands away and insist on walking herself. But now she just puts her arms around his neck and rests her head on his shoulder, waiting for him to lift her, and doesn't mind the offer at all. In fact, if he could carry her wherever she needed to go the rest of the day and then let her sit on him or lay on him whenever she didn't need to move, that would be fine with her.

Finn was happy she wasn't fighting him on carrying her. That also made him realize even more so how sick she was feeling which scared him a little bit. Usually she would at least say something in attempt to fight him on holding her or ask why, but her head just rested on his shoulder and he pressed a kiss to her forehead before standing up. He moved throughout their place carefully, still holding her as he slipped on her shoes, grabbed his keys and a blanket just in case. After locking the front door, he made his way to his truck and set her inside of it carefully. He put the blanket over her and promised to be quick in driving. With a bunch of tissues in his pocket, he handed one over along with a cough drop before hopping in to start up and out of his parking spot.

Santana sucked the cough drop listlessly, leaning her head against the car door's window, and closed her eyes, not wanting to look out the window and possibly get motion sick. She is almost asleep by the time they pull into the parking lot and whines a little when Finn pulls the car to a stop, slow to move.

"Don't let people look at me."

She means people in the waiting room, since she's not wearing makeup and is basically in Finn's baggy clothes.

The whole drive here, he stole as many looks to watch and make sure she was okay as possible. He couldn't help but be really concerned for both her and Alexandra, it was hard not to let it show but he had to be strong for both of them. Thankfully the emergency room parking lot didn't look too crowded and he was able to find a spot in the third row.

"I won't, what do you think the blankets for?" Finn said with a small smile as he picked her up once again and started for the entrance.

He made sure to pop the hood up on the sweatshirt as well, knowing she wanted to keep her privacy when she is sick. Honestly, she is beautiful no matter what, but he knows better than to tell her that right now.

"My girlfriend is really sick with a fever and 4 months pregnant," he told the person at the front desk of the ER- and as soon as he realized, flinched.

The title kind of…slipped? But what else was he supposed to call her? His friend? The mother of his baby? But the nurse was asking what was going on as he carried her in and he spoke before thinking. Luckily, it only took a few minutes before they were summoned to the ER, and he could focus on that instead of worrying about Santana's reaction.

Santana lifts her head a little from Finn's shoulder when she hears him explaining to the nurse. She KNEW she hadn't just heard him say that she was his girlfriend. What the hell?

"Being weird," she muttered to him, but she doesn't have the energy to argue. She lays back against him, letting him take her into the room with them, and opens her eyes back to look at the nurse as he is told to set her down on the bed. When she is asked if she can sit up, she nods but reaches for Finn.

Finn felt his Adam's Apple fall down his throat heavily, knowing Santana heard that and was definitely giving him a look or something right now. He just wanted to get across that this was their baby and they're together, anything else besides girlfriend might give off the wrong vibe or idea. Thankfully Santana didn't say much more or correct him, so he was able to let his fear of that go and focus on what really matters here.

Once he set her down, he started to answer the nurses questions about her temperature and set the blanket over her, knowing it wasn't the warmest back there. As soon as Santana was reaching for him, he moved right next to her on the bed and wrapped his arm around her. They said they'd get the ultra sound machine right away and started to take some of Santana's vitals.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked softly into her ear, knowing all the nurses moving around her was not fun at all.

"Didn't put a space in between it," Santana muttered back at Finn, meaning in between "girl" and "friend," but it's doubtful he'll understand.

She lets the nurse tend to her, her limbs limp and unprotesting, but she doesn't really want to be handled by anyone but Finn. When Finn asks her if she's comfortable, she shrugs one shoulder, leaning her head against his.

"Is ET breathing?"

She means is her heart still beating, as she looks up at the screen.

His eyebrows furrowed a bit, wondering what she was talking about. A space between what? He wanted to ask, but the nurse was starting to talk to them both some more and still had to register Santana into the ER so he had to answer all of those questions. The ones about the baby had him rambling a bit, letting her know they knew it was a girl and we're just at the doctors yesterday. His fingers started to move throughout Santana's hair as she rested her head against him and he immediately turned his head to look at the screen.

Thankfully, Alexandra's heart beat filled the room within seconds and there was a piece of paper printing out with lines on it to show Santana and him how strong it was and that she was okay.

"She's breathing really good," he whispered to her, holding the print out happily. "Look at that, our little girl's so strong… "

Santana releases a breath, which triggers a coughing fit, but tries to smile, relieved. Taking the tissue the nurse hands her, she blows her nose, then touches her stomach, sighing.

"Good. Come on, ET…kick its ass." She's talking about her illness. "You're closer to it than me."

As the nurse comes forward to start checking Santana's ears, lymph nodes, eyes, nose, and throat, she lets her check her, though she still doesn't like anyone prodding her. Finn is asked to let go of her while she does this so she can better reach Santana, and Santana endures this impatiently.

Santana's cough was so raspy and deep, it had his breathing going a bit uneven and his eyes falling worried upon her. The nurse let them know she can get her something after they finish examining her so hopefully it won't take too long. His hand moves to brush against her stomach softly as she spoke to their daughter and he couldn't help but smile at her.

"Yeah, bug. Help your mommy get better. It sucks I can't do it all on my own, " The boy whispered to Alexandra before kissing her stomach.

It was hard to pull away from her, but he knew he had to so that they could get everything they needed to treat her. He took his seat right next to the bed and watched carefully to make sure they didn't mess anything up or do something she didn't like. It was hard to keep his leg from shaking, but he tried to look over the paper with their baby's heart rate on it to keep himself from going crazy. As soon as the nurse was done, he slid right back into the bed with her and wrapped his arm around her.

"Hopefully they can get you some meds and we can get you back home."

Santana nods against Finn, closing her eyes, and when the nurse leaves the room, she attempts to lay down with her head in his lap. There's not really enough room on the bed for her to do this, so she paws at his shoulder a little clumsily as she tries to pull herself onto his lap. Managing, she lays back again, trying to shrug into his arms being around her.

"Wanna sleep."

Finn thanked the nurse as she said she would get the doctor in here soon so they didn't have to be here for long. He leans back to allow Santana room to make herself comfortable against him and wraps his arms around her to protect her as soon as she is settled.

"Sleep, I'll answer the doctor's questions and hopefully they can get us some pregnancy safe meds for you to take and we can get you back home."

It doesn't take Santana long to drift off. She doesn't wake up again until the doctor returns and talks with Finn, only stirring awake to take the meds that have been prescribed for her. She takes them, coughing a little, and then tries to settle back to sleep as the doctor has Finn fill out the papers for her discharge.

Finn kept watching Santana as she slept, making sure her breathing was okay and was happy she could get some rest. The doctor was able to go over her chart for most things, but needed to wake Santana up to take the medicine and had her drink some water with it as well. She really needs to stay hydrated for the baby and to flush this out of her system. His hand brushes against back after she lays back down and he uses the other to sign everything so that they could go home. He was thankful they were able to give them medicine to get through the night so he doesn't have to go to the pharmacy until tomorrow. Once everything was set and they got the okay, Finn carried Santana again. He made sure the blanket was around her and her hood was up, knowing how important her privacy is.

Santana sleeps fitfully in the car and most of the way home, the medicine making her feel even more out of it. She lets Finn carry her into the apartment once they arrive, and it crosses her mind groggily that once she's bigger, like, really huge with the baby, he might not be able to carry her like this anymore. In her current mindset this is a terrible, distressing thought, and she protests it in a mutter.

"Noooo not fair. Not fair, stupid."

Once they're inside the apartment, she shows no signs of wanting to let go of Finn. She sneezes twice, into his shoulder, but isn't embarrassed or even making snarky comments about it like she would have been if she felt better. She just mutters against him, "Sleep. Gonna be my pillow." Meaning that he is her selected pillow of choice.

Finn heard Santana murmuring something as he drove and moved his hand to take hers. He wasn't sure if it was a bad dream or something, but he was trying to help her calm down as it seemed like she was upset about something. The doctor warned them it would cause her to sleep and some drowsiness, and it seemed to be doing it's job, he just hoped it didn't have any bad side effects. He was able to thankfully find a really good parking spot and carried her in carefully, getting off her shoes as soon as they were inside and starting for her bedroom.

A small laugh fell from his nose as she sneezed against him and he reached as skillfully and carefully as he could to get a tissue from his pocket for her. Her words were a little low, but he made out what she was saying as he set her down softly into her bed.

"Of course I'll be your pillow, let me just set up the humidifier."

He moved to put some water in it, setting it up for her in her room and placing a water bottle with some more meds next to the bed just in case she woke up needing them. After having everything settled, he climbed in next to her for her to get comfortable on and hopefully get some good rest.

Santana wiped her nose and sniffled, the languid gesture causing her sneeze into the tissue again as it provokes further tickling in her nose. Blowing her nose, then tossing the tissue to the night table, she curls up, reaching for Finn with her eyes closed.

"Cold. Wanna cuddle."

At any other given time, other than with the possible exception of times she's intoxicated, Santana would be mortified and immediately deny that she could ever behave in such a needy way. But right now all normal defenses are obliterated, and drapes herself over Finn, burrowing near.

Finn wraps his arms around her, holding her in against him and setting the blankets around them as well. It was sort of cute how she was admitting things to him, but he figured it must have been thanks to the medicine and her being so sick…but still, it felt really good to hear her say it. All he wanted is to cuddle her too, make sure to keep her warm throughout the night and do everything he can to help her feel better.

His one hand rubbed over the small of her back as he closed his eyes, but was still awake to listen to her breathing and make sure she was okay even as she fell asleep.

"Night, Santana." The boy whispered, even though he was pretty sure she was already passed out.

Santana sleeps pretty steadily for a few hours before waking up overheated. Her hair a little sweaty, she mumbles, trying to move off of Finn but not quite succeeding, just shoving at his chest feebly.

"Hot…geddoff me…ugh hot…"

It took a few shoves to wake Finn up and he blinked a few times before his eyes went a little wide with worry. At first he thought something was wrong or…he has no idea what he was thinking since he was in a deep sleep, but he finally realized what she was saying and untangled from her a bit.

"You want some water or need some more medicine?" he asked in a husky, sleepy voice.

Eyes still barely slitted open, Santana nods. She is thirsty due to her overheated body, and she rolls away from him, trying to find a cool side to the sheets. Kicking irritably at the covers, she tries to totally remove them from herself, then starts tugging at the hoodie she had gone to sleep in too and her sweats.

"No…off…ugh…"

Finn moved to the kitchen to get her a cold bottle of water for her. They said she might sweat her fever out so that might be what's happening right now. He wasn't sure what more he could do, but hopefully with more medicine and some cold water, it'll help some.

After setting everything beside her, he helped pull off the hoodie and got her a new, big t-shirt of his to put on.

"I'm gonna add more water to the humidifier real quick, don't want it to stop."

Santana sits up enough so she can drink the water, spilling a little but not minding because it feels good to her. She gulps down half the bottle almost at once, provoking a coughing fit when she tries to swallow too fast after a while, and she finishes about three quarters of it more slowly before lying back down. She is breathing with her mouth open because her nose is still a little stuffed up, but she can feel the congestion loosening in her chest.

Finn looked over his shoulder as the steam started to flow out of the humidifier and the Vicks vapors filled the air. It seemed like she was able to get comfortable once she was out of the sweats and the blankets, he just hopes she doesn't get really cold later. The mixture of the medicines and the breathing machine were definitely helping her right now and he could tell in the sound of her breathing. He softly slid back in bed next to her, taking a few deep breaths himself before fixing her hair for her.

"You need anything else?"

Santana gave a soft noise of approval when Finn touched her hair, closing her eyes. She is dressed only in a t-shirt and underwear now, and this is much cooler for her, much more comfortable. As Finn asks her if she needs anything, she opens her eyes a little, looking up at him, still sleepy.

"Sing?"

His lips pursed a little, not knowing what to say at first. It's been a while since he's sung anything and hard to find a song that was fitting right now. So he decided to not only sing to her, but their baby. He moved his hands to her stomach, so she knew the song wasn't just for her and started softly.

"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside I've got the month of May. I guess you'd say, what can make me feel this way? My girl my girl, my girl…Talkin' 'bout my girl,my girl."

Santana smiled softly, leaning her head against his leg. She knows the song is for Alexandra, and she touches her stomach lightly too, closing her eyes again.

"Dork….always go for the oldies…"

But the tone of her voice is soft, even affectionate. And when she falls asleep again, she is still smiling, lulled to sleep by his voice.

When Santana awakens again several hours have gone by, and she is thirsty again. She sits up and finishes her water, realizing that her fever has broken. She is still sniffly and sneezy, feeling pretty gross, but she feels more human now as she squints at Finn.

"Damn I need a shower about now. I'm pretty sure I'm close to drowning in my own bodily fluids."

Finn smiled at her reaction to his song. He knew it was dorky, but it was perfect and he hoped his daughter liked his singing. It seemed to put Santana back to sleep, but he kept singing til the song was finished just to make sure.


	18. Chapter 18

Finn passed out again soon after Santana, sleeping like a rock until he felt her move against him and in the bed in the morning. A long yawn fell from his lips and he had to stretch a little to wake up some more. He was more than ready to sleep a few more hours, but knew she needs to eat and take more of her medicine.

"How about you shower, I'll make you some breakfast and get you set up on the couch. You can watch movies or whatever you want all day, I gotta run to the pharmacy for some more things for you and your prescriptions…but then I'll be here to get and do whatever you need."

That sounds good to Santana. She nods, reaching out to him and giving him a prolonged hug before letting him go.

"Okay…thanks."

Finn returned her hug with a smile, her small frame fitting perfectly against his. He could tell how appreciative she was for all he was doing and that felt really good to know and feel in her touch.

She gets up slowly, reaching for the tissues to blow her nose again, and goes into the bathroom to use the toilet, brush her teeth, and take a shower. By the time she is out and settled on the couch, she is sleepy again, but still feeling better than she had the day before. Watching Finn, she smirks a little.

"Faster, man servant."

As soon as Finn heard the water from the shower start, he had started to cook her some breakfast in the kitchen. It said on Google that something warm would be best, so he went with some eggs and toast. He just hopes that she'll like it because it's important for her to eat for the baby as well as her for own health.

His eyebrows rose at the nickname she had given him and he moved to bring her everything on a tray.

"Man servant, huh?" he asked teasingly as he handed her the remote and got her medicine out for her to take. "I gotta go to the pharmacy, you okay if I head out now to get your stuff?"

Santana nods, starting to eat. Her nose is still too stuffed up to taste the food much, but she picks at it anyway, knowing that the baby needs it. By the time Finn is back from the pharmacy she is thoroughly bored and ready for his company. She has already trolled all their friends' Facebook pages and blew up their phones texting them baiting comments, and now she is blowing her nose for what feels like the ten thousandth time and sneezing for the ten millionth as he returns. Sitting up, she gestures.

"Man servant returns. Lay your goods at my feet for my inspection."

She smiles a little as she says it, raising an eyebrow and attempting an insinuative smirk, but it is ruined when she sneezes a second later.

"Shit, for real? Has everyone in the world directly got together to inspire to send all their snot to me at once?"

Thankfully, the pharmacy wasn't crowded and Finn was able to get all he needed and then some. He might have gone a little over board, but he wanted to have anything in possible that was pregnancy safe. This way, if she happened to catch a cold or runny nose again, he could be prepared. After paying for everything, he stopped at a local market to get some soup, bread and easy things to eat before hurrying home.

His head shook at her with a dopey smile as she used her new nickname again and he moved to sit down next to her.

"Kind of got a lot, but nothing wrong with stocking up. Wanted to get some food and tea and stuff, things that will be easy for you and help you feel better."

Santana smiled at him, waving her hand mock grandly.

"Well done, faithful servant. You forgot the ice cream though. Obviously a sick standard."

She's only kidding, mostly. She blows her nose again and throws it towards the small waste basket near the couch, then curls up, sighing, pulling a blanket up to her chin and flipping on the TV.

"The person at CVS who you get the medicine from in the back, she told me to try and avoid dairy stuff. It's gross with all the mucus you have going on," Finn explained to her.

"Now that I've made every person on my friend list pissed off or confused, my work for the day is done. So I'm peacing out."

His eyebrow ticks, wondering what she meant by pissing off and confusing people. "What did you do?"

She wants Finn to lay with her, but she's not sick enough now to actually voice this. She just makes sure that she curls her feet close enough to her chest that he has room to sit, and after a few seconds, more seriously, she thanks him again. Another few minutes pass, relatively quiet, broken up by another sneeze before she looks up at him, now also alert enough to be newly self-conscious about her current state.

"You don't have to act like I'm not disgusting right now, you know. Go on, take your shots. This is like, the last time it will be sociably acceptable to mock me 'cause no one can make fun of a hugely pregnant girl, basically because she can sit on you."

As she moves her feet, he makes sure the blanket is on and covering her entirely, knowing she needs to stay warm right now. His dimples show as she thanks him and he nods a few times over before letting her know she's welcome, but he's happy to do it and take care of her. He knew that she wanted him to sit and stay with her, something in her eyes just told him so, but he didn't know if she wanted to cuddle or just have him around to watch some movies.

Shaking his head, he smiled at her and licked over his lips slightly.

"I don't think you're gross, you're sick. I want to take care of you and the baby. I just wish I could do more, but believe me, I'd never mock you. You took care of me with my head, made sure I was always okay and that meant the world to me. I wanna do the same for you, even if that means getting sneezed on while cuddling."

"Hey, did you ever play that game when you were a kid? Gooey Louie, where you pull boogers out the guy's nose?"

Santana gets animated remembering this. "I sucked at that game! I was good at Operation though. Brittany always had shaky hands."

She went quiet then, not really wanting to think about or talk about Brittany, and instead changes the subject back to Finn's question about what she had done to annoy people.

"Whatever I know would annoy them most, that's what I did to people today. Misery loves to make clone selfs…and you're totally lying. Sick is gross."

But she does catch the comment about getting sneezed on while cuddling. Is this an invitation?

She shrugs, deliberately moving her feet even closer in on herself. "Fine, if I sneeze on you, no complaints."

"I never pulled any boogers of any dudes nose." Finn said with wide eyes before his eyebrows narrowed, confused of what she was talking about. That is just gross and wasn't sure if that was a real game you play with your friends or what.

As she goes on about it, he realizes it's a board game or something as she brings up Brittany. It caused his stomach to drop a little and all he could do was nod. Does that mean she still thinks about the girl a lot, or what? She was really quiet so he didn't ask anymore about it, but instead change the subject.

"Who'd you annoy?" he asks with a laugh, wondering who she was messing with. Yeah, he tried to slip the cuddle thing in there, trying to see if she wanted to. It was sort of the safest way to and she was now offering, so his gut was right.

"I didn't last night when you sneezed like, ten times on me. So nope, no complaints," Finn said as he slid behind her and wrapped his arm around her with a smile to pull her in against him.

"It was kind of awesome. Like, you pull the fake snot out with tweezer things, and if you pull the wrong one his head pops open and you lose. It was like, every kid's most hysterical game ever," Santana smiled.

She pulled the blanket more closely around herself, looking at Finn sideways, since he seems to not be getting the hint about her wanting him to sit with her. But then he's finally cluing in, and she burrows in, leaning her head back against his chest.

"I did not sneeze ten times on you! Maybe, like, three…or…possibly six or something," she muttered, a little embarrassed. "Whatever. I'm disgusting and it's gotta be payback for your past sins or something."

Her nose is actually itchy even as they're talking but she's not about to let go in front of him now if at all possible. She's totally over ironic, humiliating timing on her part.

Finn just smiled down at her, kissing the top of her head, and pulled her in even closer. He was incredibly warm, incredibly comfortable, and although she had literally just woke up, Santana found herself snuggling closer, her eyes drifting shut yet again.

88

The next couple of days passed similarly, with Santana still feeling unwell but gradually improving. Finn was attentive, getting her what she needed, encouraging her to rest, and letting her sleep on him when she wanted. On the fourth day, when she woke up, she was stiff and sore and could only imagine that Finn must be as well, what with her stretched out over him, preventing him from moving much. He had the TV on low and looked down at her with a goofy smile when she squinted up at him, trying to come back to alertness.

"Hey. You feeling better?"

"Yeah," Santana yawned, sitting up and stretching, but not pulling back from him.

Finn's arm circled around her, and he brushed his lips over her hair. For a few minutes they passed time in comfortable silence as Santana woke up gradually, and then she looked up at Finn.

"I've been thinking. I should quit work soon. I'm starting to show and I don't want bullshit over it, and I'm still tired a lot. Plus all the info online says this month even though I'm not puking I probably will be faint or get nosebleeds or have short breathing and I don't want people to think I'm a total freak at work."

Finn tried hard not to grin too much, not wanting to annoy her by expressing too much excitement that he was finally getting his way.

"You deserve to rest, being pregnant and a mom is a big job itself. I never wanted to say you should quit, but I know working while going through all of this is hard on your body. Now you can help me, if you know, you want with the advertising and marketing stuff at the shop."

"I don't need to rest," Santana rolled her eyes, sighing exasperatedly. "I'm fine. I just don't want to be running around bleeding in people's coffee unless I punched them out and made the blood. Or fainting over their food or something. That would probably involve lawsuits and ET doesn't need to put me in debt before she exists."

She paused, her hand lightly touching Finn's wrist as she remained resting back against him, then slid her eyes back up to him, giving him a soft smile.

"Guess what, ET is about five inches long now and has hair and eyebrows…"

"I know, I just mean working on your feet," Finn told her, patting the hand that touches his wrist. "That's what would cause more nose bleeds and lawsuits. I wonder if you can plead pregnancy if you ever did punch someone out for annoying you, that would be a really good reason to use."

He smiled at her shared fact, marveling both at what she had said and that Santana was now actively seeking out to know these things.

"I wonder if she's going to have a lot of hair when she comes out, did you when you were a baby? Five inches is pretty big, can you feel her starting to move inside of you?"

"Ooooh good idea. You get to be my wide-eyed character witness, totally give them bullshit about how sweet and docile I normally am, and it's the demon spawn that turned me," Santana grinned, finding Finn's comment about the lawsuit excuse, readymade, pretty funny. She looked down at her stomach, patting it, and whispered to Alexandra, "You're not really a demon, it's just my excuse…" Looking back at Finn, she told him, "Yep, I had tons of hair. All curls. Were you a baldie? You look like a baldie type. I sorta feel her? Like I know she's there and it feels like she's doing movements sometimes like swimming or something. Or jerking. But not like an actual kick yet."

"I can't lie under oath. Alexandra can't have two parents that are in trouble, I'll just make sure anyone that messes you knows not to take it any further I mean who messes with a pregnant girl anyways?" Finn moved his hand down to touch Santana's stomach too, talking softly to the baby inside. "Nope, you're not a demon at all. You're a little princess."

Looking back up at Santana, he smiled, remembering her baby pictures with the curls she had just described.

"Yeah, I didn't have much hair til after I turned one. I feel like she'll take after you in a lot of ways, hair and probably a lot of other things. We both have dark hair and eyes, so she'll definitely have that and your eyelashes for sure. I wish I could feel her, but that must be so cool to just feel her turning in there and moving against you."

Smiling, imagining the baby moving in Santana almost like a tiny fish, he added, "Don't think she's big enough yet to kick hard, her feet are like fingernail sized….I can't wait until I can feel the first kick, kind of jealous you get to feel everything right now but I know that moment when I can is going to be so awesome."

Santana smiled, her hand partly covering his as she looks down at her stomach, speaking to it. "Hang on…talk to her some more. Maybe I'll feel her."

Her stomach is just barely starting to protrude; most people would still probably assume, if she were in baggy clothes, that she simply had a bit of a stomach, despite her toned, thin arms and legs. To her, though, she is huge.

A big dopey smile formed on his lips as he leaned his face in closer to her stomach, his other hand settling on it as well.

"Come on, Alexandra. Move around for your mommy a little. I hope you get her legs because if you get mine, we're in big trouble when you start kicking," he spoke with his thumb brushing against her skin.

Finn thought Santana was so sexy, and being able to touch and have this intimate moment with her and their baby had his heart beating faster by the second.

"Is she doing anything?" he asked with his voice a little husky, eyes turning up into hers.

She met his eyes, her own soft, and smiled.

"Keep talking to her."

She waits, and when she feels a flutter in her stomach, she can tell that it is the baby rather than her own bodily functioning. Her smile widens and she nods.

"Yeah that was her, I felt it."

His face completely lights up as she says she can feel her moving, and he couldn't stop his wide-eyed grin in response.

"What's she doing?"

She is still smiling as Finn grins at her, amused by his excitement.

"I don't know. How could I possibly know? Maybe waving her arms around or something. Maybe dancing as much as something the length of my pinkie tip to start of my palm could manage?"

"Santana, you said she's five inches now. That's kind of big, especially in your tiny stomach. Think, that's almost half a ruler." His hands moved for emphasis and he compared that to her stomach. "I think she's probably cuddling into you or just learning how to move or something. Trying to get comfortable and wants to hear more…even though she really doesn't know what words even mean or are yet."

His nose scrunched a little before going back to talking to her stomach softly. "You need to use your legs soon, I know they're tiny now…but they can move. Once you learn how to, I can feel you do it."

"My stomach is not tiny, it's huge," Santana mumbles, but the words are half hearted.

She is still smiling, her expression soft as she pictures her tiny daughter curling up against her stomach, just barely big enough to make it bulge. She wants to pet her, and her finger softly traces over its surface.

"She's going to have you wrapped around her fingers even though they're the size of a flea now."

88

His hands were roaming all over her skin, caressing every inch in a teasing manner that left her skin tingling. His lips and tongue were following their trail, leaving her breathless, panting and gasping for more, faster. His body covered hers, just heavily enough for her skin to nearly buzz with adrenalized pleasure and anticipation, and Santana rocked with him, wanting him closer…closer…

It was her own gasping that awakened her, the noises she was making in her sleep loud enough to disturb her rest. Disoriented at first, her chest heaving, Santana blinked several times, trying to calm down. She is sweating, her hair sticking to her neck and cheeks, and she is overheated, very much aware of her genitals' continued response to the dream. She is aware as well that she has soaked through her panties from her arousal, and Finn suddenly is too close to her, wayyyy too close to be able to take it. She is already half draped over him, his leg in between hers, and she slowly squeezes it more tightly between hers, her breathing hot against his neck as her lips descend against his skin, mind totally and deliberately blank.

Finn was in the middle of a dream about football, he's been having them a lot lately and wondering what would happen if he stuck with it. He loves owning his own shop and he makes really good money with it, these cars out in New York are expensive and he's getting a deal with a taxi company, but he misses the work he did with his hands on the field. Maybe after the baby comes along and gets a little older, he can look into coaching. The chance to teach highschoolers the game that meant the world to him would be awesome and he could imagine Santana and Alexandra coming to them to cheer him on.

Him and Santana have been sharing a bed for the past couple nights now. He loves cuddling with her and being able to hold her against him, tangling up in her and being her human pillow. At first he thought it had to be part of his dream as she started to feel even closer to him, her wetness dripping onto his leg and her lips on his neck…but as he blinked his eyes opened, he realized this isn't a dream. Or if it is, it's the realest one he has ever had because it's causing his cock to twitch a little against her as his hands settled against her back, squeezing her sides a little as he husked out her name. She was kissing over one of his weakest spots and it was hard to even think right now. He was a little scared before that maybe she's still sleeping or something, that she wasn't fully with it or maybe it's a side effect of the meds she was on. With a heavy swallow, he adjusted his hips underneath her, trying to make sure this was really something she wanted right now. That he was something she really wanted right now.

Santana doesn't pause. She breathes out heavily when Finn squeezes her sides, her mouth still on his neck. She sucks lightly, her tongue flicking over his skin as her hand roams over his ribcage and chest. Squeezing his leg against hers, she starts to rub herself against him, a soft moan escaping her throat.

Finn could tell by how her lips kept moving against him that she was alert and knew what she was doing. He wouldn't dare do anything that seemed like he was trying to stop her or pause this. From how she was pressing her wetness more into his leg to the moan she was letting out, she had his cock starting to grow and his want for her doing just the same. His hands started to roam down her body, gripping her ass as his lips moved to her shoulder to suck against her hot skin.

A sharp, throaty noise of pleasure escaped Santana as Finn began to suck at her skin. She began to grind herself against him, fingers gripping him tightly as she continued to kiss her way down his throat and over his chest, fingers lightly scraping over his back and sides. Moving lower, she started to paw at his sleep pants, pushing them down.

It was hard to keep himself quiet, but his lips attached to her skin definitely helped muffle the noises that were building up. His skin and blood was rushing warmer, practically sparking underneath her lips as his fingers traveled down her ass. Her wetness felt so good and his thick digits couldn't help but press against her core, still over her underwear just to drive her nuts. His hips rose to help get off his pajama pants and his cock sprung from them immediately, showing her just what she was doing to him right now.

Santana's eyes are shut, but she can still intensely feel and envision everything. Her breath rasping, shallow and rapid against Finn's chest, she almost screamed in response to his fingers against her core. Even through her underwear the pressure is enough to excite her considerably, fast. Scrabbling impatiently at her panties, trying to force them down, she takes Finn's penis into her hand, guiding it towards her without a second thought.

Everything was growing even more hot and heavy. It made him a little nervous that she wasn't saying anything, but her body was doing a lot of the talking. When his fingers added pressure and his thumb started to rub against her clit, he thought she was going to come undone right then and there. But he knew she wanted him, all of him so he moved his fingers away to help her get off her underwear and immediately groaned out her name as his cock met her wetness. His eyes fluttered shut in pleasure as his hands held on to her hips, helping guiding her on top of him to take on his cock. He immediately removed the shirt she was wearing and leaned in to take on her breast with his mouth. The doctor said they'd be super sensitive and he was going to find out how much so as he sucked on her nipples and looked up to her, wanting to see her eyes.

As Finn entered her, Santana feels herself tighten immediately around him, waves of pleasure shooting through her core. Already damp, she feels herself grow even more so, her juices starting to seep down their entwined legs. When his lips and tongue begin to work on her nipples, her eyes fly open, and she nearly screams, so turned on she can't contain herself. Urgently she rocks her body into his, almost panting.

Her tight, slick walls had his eyes growing darker in color and his hands tightening against her sides. A smirk couldn't help but form on his lips and against her chest as soon as he heads all the noises falling from her plump lips. He could tell she likes it a lot and sucked a bit harder, sure to leave marks on her cleavage that he hopes she won't mind. She had him completely tranced into sexy mode and for once not asking too many questions or making sure of everything that came to mind, so he hoped he was doing everything right and she'd tell him I something was too much or she didn't like it. A low growl of her name fell from his lips as she began to move against his swelling cock and he bucked his hips to add to the moment, sending himself deeper inside of her.

Santana's eyes roll back into her head with her pleasure as Finn sucks her breasts. Almost continuous moans fall from her lips, and she scratches her nails down his back, digging in just enough to leave temporary marks. It didn't take very long for her to climax, breathing out his name in a nearly incoherent gasp.

Finn can feel his skin start to sting in the best kind of way, her nails leaving marks and he can't wait to see them later. His hips kept bucking up to make sure she felt as much pleasure as he did right now. It was easy to feel how close she was to releasing and with the way she moved against his cock, he was staring to reach that point as well. His stomach was twisting as her juices fell around him and as soon as she moaned out his name, he was done for. With heavy breaths and his lips traveling up her breast to take on her lips, he let go of his hot seed inside of her and kissed her deeply to muffle his noises.

Breathing heavily, Santana let her body go limp and loose over his, draping herself over him. Kissing him back wetly, her lips slowly dragging from his, she rests her face in the crook of his neck, feeling her heart wildly pounding against his. She doesn't say anything; she has nothing to say and prefers not to think at all. She only wants to feel.

Her lips pulled away from his and had his thoughts immediately running wild with worry. She wasn't saying anything and she was hiding her face practically against him. The only thing he could really tell right now was that her heart rate was as fast as his. His breathing though was a bit more heavier, still trying to calm down along with everything else in him. Everything they just did had him in a complete knot. He's not really the kind that just shuts up and doesn't say anything about sex and feelings, he's been trying but God…after that, what the hell is he supposed to think and do. He was super thankful as she still stayed cuddled on top of him and showed that with his finger tips rubbing up and down her skin.

"You okay?" he finally mustered up the courage to ask in a low whisper.

Santana enjoyed the feeling of Finn's fingertips rubbing over her, gently arousing her nerves. She shivered pleasurably, burrowing even closer to him, and swallowed thickly as she nodded against his neck. She doesn't want to talk about this. Can't they just lie like this, and not analyze what it means or why?

It was hard to not ask a million questions, to wonder whats going on and think about what all of this means. But with her cuddling still with him, he could at least feel as if she was feeling something, she wasn't pulling away and doesn't seem to be regretting anything they did or yelling at him for it. With a heavy swallow, he bit back all the things he wanted to say and continued to rub her sides and skin with his eyes fluttering closed.

Santana's breathing slowed, her eyes almost entirely shut, and she kept her face buried in Finn's neck. Swallowing, she moved her leg a little bit more into his, then finally voiced the one question she isn't able to entirely shove away. The one question that isn't as loaded as all the others.

"Do you still think I'm pretty?"

The answer would seem obvious, given they just had sex. But she is nearly five months pregnant now, noticeably different in appearance. How can he? What if this was about pity or giving her her way?

What was her way?

Her question caused one of his eyes to open right away and his eyebrow to tick up as high as it could go. Sometimes girls ask trick questions, because seriously does she not see the way he looks at her every day? He knows that she has said recently that she isn't tiny, so maybe the pregnancy is changing the way she feels about herself.

Finn has no issue whatsoever explaining exactly how he sees her and just hopes it won't be too much.

"I think you're beautiful, Santana. You're way more than pretty, inside and out. You're sexy and cute, everything all wrapped in one and then some. "

His tongue moved over his bottom lip slowly as his one hand settled against her shoulder and the other wrapped around her to set on the small of her back.

"I'm going to still think you're pretty and beautiful even when you're screaming how much you hate me during birth and I'm going to make sure you always feel it. "

Santana smiled a little against his neck, soaking up his words. He does make her feel attractive and special…he does make her feel beautiful, when he touches her like this, like no one else can right now. He's sort of beautiful himself like that.

As soon as she thinks this alarm bells ring off in her head, and she starts to struggle with her own thoughts. BEAUTIFUL?! Had she just thought of Finn Hudson as BEAUTIFUL?! God, she doesn't know what's wrong with her.

"Weirdo, you'll probably get off on it," is her comment finally.

Finn just shook his head with a smile, knowing she was deflecting everything he said and going with what she usually does. And he doesn't blame her, that's how she works, how she puts up a guard to protect herself and he can tell that she is scared right now with what they just did and what he said.

"You'll probably break my hand, but it'll be the best day of our lives," he whispered back to her lowly, kissing the top of her head before closing his eyes.

Santana nods just a little into his neck, exhaling against his skin. Her arms wrapping more tightly around him, she shuts her eyes, her breathing evening out as she drifts back to sleep.

When she wakes up again, a few hours later, she is in no hurry to dislodge from him. She remains lying on top of him, eyes open, thinking through her own feelings.

She knows she loves Finn. But does she LOVE him? She likes sex. But does she want sex with him specifically?


	19. Chapter 19

Finn was excited to do more shopping for Alexandra. When he had gone to get a few things before, it was to try and help Santana get excited. But they also had no idea what they were having, so this makes it a whole different kind of experience and one they get to have together. There were tons of stores in the mall that had baby clothes, so he was just going to let Santana lead the way and hope that she lets him pick a few things. His hand slipped into hers after they climbed out of his truck and he couldn't help but smile from ear to ear, already pumped to the max to get a bunch of things for their little girl.

"Where to first?"

Santana is really excited for this shopping trip, the first that she's gone for since she figured out Alexandra's gender. Her mother has already been taking pictures of many items and sending her the pics, asking Santana's opinion and buying some of them without bothering to, but she hasn't actually done any shopping herself. She's never been interested in baby stuff before, but now her eyes are bright, and she squeezes Finn's hand without overthinking it too much as he takes hers.

"Doesn't matter. Somewhere with cute shit."

She hasn't mentioned them having sex since that night, a few days ago. She doesn't see the point. If it happens again, so be it. If she keeps wanting it, well, she'll think about it as it comes. She loves Finn. Does that have to be some overly defined and analyzed thing?

She puts a hand to the small of her back, flinching slightly as she tries to stretch it out. She has recently graduated to maternity clothes, having gained about eight pounds, all in her abdomen in her opinion, and she is recently starting to get sore and achy. She ignores it, walking a little faster.

Finn was excited to do more shopping for Alexandra. When he had gone to get a few things before, it was to try and help Santana get excited. But they also had no idea what they were having, so this makes it a whole different kind of experience and one they get to have together. There were tons of stores in the mall that had baby clothes, so he was just going to let Santana lead the way and hope that she lets him pick a few things. His hand slipped into hers after they climbed out of his truck and he couldn't help but smile from ear to ear, already pumped to the max to get a bunch of things for their little girl.

"Where to first?"

Santana is really excited for this shopping trip, the first that she's gone for since she figured out Alexandra's gender. Her mother has already been taking pictures of many items and sending her the pics, asking Santana's opinion and buying some of them without bothering to, but she hasn't actually done any shopping herself. She's never been interested in baby stuff before, but now her eyes are bright, and she squeezes Finn's hand without overthinking it too much as he takes hers.

"Doesn't matter. Somewhere with cute shit."

She hasn't mentioned them having sex since that night, a few days ago. She doesn't see the point. If it happens again, so be it. If she keeps wanting it, well, she'll think about it as it comes. She loves Finn. Does that have to be some overly defined and analyzed thing?

She puts a hand to the small of her back, flinching slightly as she tries to stretch it out. She has recently graduated to maternity clothes, having gained about eight pounds, all in her abdomen in her opinion, and she is recently starting to get sore and achy. She ignores it, walking a little faster.

"There's a place called Carters, Target, Children's place…the department stores, you pick where you wanna go first. I want to get her some sport stuff too, but you know, the girly kind."

His shoulders shrugged with a dimpled grin, hoping she wouldn't fight him on it. It's better if he warns her instead of just springing it on her and bringing it to the counter to get with what she wants to pick out. Or at least he hopes it's better this way, he wants to get all the girly stuff, dresses and animal print things just like Santana does…but he wants to also get her some things that he likes and hopes she will too.

The two haven't talked about sleeping together, but he's kind of okay with it because it feels more natural that way. If they don't talk about it, than it wasn't a huge deal or mistake to her, right? He can't deny his head hasn't been going all over the place, thinking about things and her, but it feels like they're starting to really become more than just two friends having a baby and he wants to keep deepening this relationship.

His thumb brushed against her hand as he looked at her stretching and chewed on the inside of his cheek.

"You alright? You want to get something to eat or drink first?"

They've come a long way since she was getting sick in the bathroom after their first ultrasound already and you could see her cute bump of a stomach now. It made him feel so proud to walk around doing all this baby and family stuff with her, holding hands and looking like a really happy couple.

She nods when Finn asks her if she's okay, rolling her eyes. "It's just that sprouting another person is apparently a full time discomfort act. Goes with territory...you think she really needs a football and tennis racket when it's an accomplishment for her to learn to hold her head up," Santana rolled her eyes, but she doesn't protest it much. "You're such a dude."

"No one said anything about a tennis racket." Finn joked with a dopey grin before flexing to tease her a little more. "I know," he mouthed, already imagining what their daughter's reaction is going to be to sports. If she takes after Santana, she'll probably just humor him a bit and watch but totally make fun of everything or fall asleep.

She heads towards Carter's, remembering vaguely it has a lot of animals on its clothes. Her hand still in Finn's almost absently, she thinks about the baby room, slowing her walk as they pass a furniture outlet.

"She needs furniture. What theme should we do for her room? I kinda like stars and moons, then if there's ever another kid and it's a boy could still reuse. Not that I'm about to have another kid any time, ever," she added hurriedly, "Or US having another kid. Like, together. Just…you know. You never know. Not like ET was plotted out in the stars."

When she brings up another kid and a boy, his eyes grow a bit wide and he forgets about all thoughts of a room design for a few seconds. Does that mean…no, she is saying she isn't thinking about other kids with him…but she was thinking about it? His eyebrows quirk a bit and he licks over his lips with a laugh as his free hand moves to brush against her stomach.

"So you want to go for something that can be for any baby…just in case we have one again?" he asked with a grin he probably shouldn't have. "I think we should do stars and moons, get a few things like that and then other things that are girly that'll match. This way her room has her own touch to it and we can get things that say Alexandra and all."

"After all our shopping, I can give you a massage or something? If it'll help. Or you can go get your nails done…I don't know if you can while pregnant, but yeah my mom said she wants to get you a gift certificate for it and the spa," he offered with a gentle smile, walking into the first store with her.

"NO!" Santana's eyes widen, and she glares at him, knocking his hand away from her irritably. "No! This one is bad enough, there will never be another baby, ever, no future baby, especially not with us, not unless you figure out how to be the one carrying it and grow a vagina!"

But even as she said it she was wondering secretly. What if she never did find a woman she loved? What if she did want Alexandra to have a sibling? It wouldn't be so bad for Finn to be the dad again…

Thrusting these thoughts away, she shrugged in response to his offer to massage her.

"I guess. Use your nails this time, dig in hard."

Finn's eyebrows furrow a little, wondering what that vagina comment meant. He wants to think it's because she would want him to carry it, but it quickly shut him up regardless and had him swallowing hard. Does that mean..she doesn't see a future as a real family with him? Is this a just in the now sort of thing for her or what?

There's no way to spin it to make himself feel better right now. It just makes him re-evaluate everything else he has been feeling and thinking and wonders if Santana is just going into a defense mechanism or that's how she really feels and thinks.

But why is she having sex with him still and they sleep in the same bed every night…god, this is all so confusing. He doesn't want to talk about feelings yet, knowing hers are all over the place with hormones, but he doesn't want to keep guessing and doubting himself either.

Finn just nods and follows her into the store, smiling with his lips closed as he watched her go for a dress and he went right for the pajamas. As cute as dresses are for girls, he knows nothing about them and thinks footie pj's are the best for babies and toddlers. He wants to get all of them, but also needs to figure out month sizes and when they'll need ones that are thicker and stuff.

Santana's expression melts as she walks into the store, the second she sees the first outfit, which is a red dress with a collar made to look like a slice of watermelon and buttons resembling seeds. She touches it gently, her face soft.

"Ohhhh…"

Okay so she just freaking cooed over a baby dress. Damn hormones obviously have kicked in.

"We gotta find a lot of bows and stuff, just so she can show off even more how cute she is," Finn backed her up, smiling at her expression.

Santana is still stuck on the dresses, moving them aside on their racks. She picks up one covered with lollipops and another with jelly beans patterning it, then slowly migrates towards the baby shoes. Making her way to Finn, she practically collapses into his side, cuddling in beneath his arm, still on a hormonal high, eyes glowing.

"Finnnnn these are fucking adorable." When she lifts a price tag, however, her eyes grow wide, losing the dreamy appearance. "And fucking expensive."

Finn looks over everything she has in hand wih a huge grin. The dresses and shoes were awesome and he knew that they would go through a ton of them with a mini Santana. He's surprised she wasn't getting Alexandra her first pair of heels. The look in Santanas eyes at the price tag caused his lips to purse slightly, glancing over all the stuff and thinking over everything.

"Let's get the stuff here that we know they won't have anywhere else. Like we can get pajamas and those things at target after here, but get the best dresses and shoes for our baby. She deserves it. And you'll have a baby shower one day and get a lot, so we're going to have everything she needs and then some. "

Santana fingers the baby high heels reluctantly. Okay, maybe they weren't practical at all, seeing as they were designed for a baby too young to walk. But they were so cute!

She picked out a few of the outfits and shoes she liked best, still enthusiastically pointing out every few seconds another she liked. By the time they pay and are walking out of the store she has forgotten her sore back because she is practically bouncing on her toes.

"Who knew baby shit was awesome? We have to get her other stuff too. Like, not clothes, bottles and whatever. Diapers…Finn I never changed a diaper before," she realizes suddenly, making a face. "What if she's kicking the whole time and like, slides out of my hands?"

Finn wanted his daughter to have the best of everything. Usually guys were more reserved about money, but he knows he works really hard with his own business and Santana helps him out a ton to be able to get Alexandra all she needs and then some. Dresses and shoes really weren't his specialty, but he helped carry it all and could see how excited it made Santana. She was in total mom bliss and it was super amazing to watch and see.

"We can get that stuff at like Target and Babies r us, they probably have a lot of options."

His hand took the one bag as his other hand slipped back into hers, walking through the mall to the next store.

"We'll change her on one of those baby changing things. This way she can't go anywhere and we'll get the hand of it when she's first born because I thinks she'll be too tiny to kick or slip anywhere." He tried to assure her with his fingers linking in between hers. "You're going to be a great mom, Santana…diapers and everything else. But we can take a class or something if you wanna learn how to do that stuff, I know I'm going to need a course or something."

Santana tightens her fingers in Finn's, nodding absently, even as she continues to worry. She just can't see how someone just becomes a mom. There was so much to learn- not just diapers but feeding her, and figuring out how to put her to sleep, and even how to hold her. What if she couldn't make her stop crying? What if the baby didn't even like her? What if she dropped her, or cut her clipping her nails?

Then a new idea occurred to her, and she gasped aloud, eyes widening as she came to a dead stop in the middle of the floor.

"Finn! I'm gonna have to cut my nails!"

This is genuinely horrifyiing to her.

In Finn's mind, Santana can do anything and everything. When Alexandra is here, she'll click right into mom mode and know exactly what their baby always wants or needs. She is carrying her and is close as possible to their baby girl, but he can see in her eyes that she's starting to worry about it all. That must be normal for all moms, she just wants to be perfect for her daughter and do everything right. That right there shows how good of a mom she is already and he couldn't help but pull her into a gentle hug.

"I know a lot of things will just come naturally and other things we'll have to learn. But you're already an amazing mom, San. I promise we can take some classes, learn all we can before hand, read more books. Alexandra is going to be so lucky to have such an awesome mom and I just hope I can match you as a dad. "

Santana lets Finn hug her but doesn't hug back, limp against him. In spite of his promises, she's still concerned about her own skills or possible lack of.

"I suck with kids, Finn. Don't you get that? I suck with people, period. When is the last time I NATURALLY knew how to handle another human being?"

"You know how to handle me. When I was hurt and you hurt my head, you took really good care of me. You do pretty much still every day, you don't give yourself enough credit, Santana. When we were in highschool, you cared a lot about your friends and would protect them with all you have. You're naturally really great with people who you love and matter to you, you just don't see it, " Finn explained with a gentle shrug, looking into her eyes and letting his arms fall from her sides softly.

Santana is quiet as she starts to walk again, avoiding Finn's eyes. She doesn't believe him. She has hurt so many people over time, made so many bad choices, how can she avoid doing the same with her own child? Even before she can ever touch her she wants to protect her, but what if she can't protect her from herself?

Finn sighs, not knowing what more he can say. No matter how much he tries to open up to her and try and convince her of stuff or see herself how he sees her, it seems like he fails at it. He understands this is a big deal to her, that she's worried but if she won't believe or listen to what he is saying, what else more can he do. It's not easy for him to admit he thinks she'll be better at parenting than him, but she doesn't seem to pick up on that. So he just stays quiet and walks into Target with her, hoping the baby clothes and items can make her feel better.

Santana does perk up a little when they start to look at the baby toys and necessities, smiling and fingering objects, but she is still quieter than before. She looks, but doesn't pick any out, not talking about them much, before suddenly turning into Finn, sighing in a long, shuddering exhalation. She leans back against him, still thinking about her concerns, but not yet voicing them.

"ET can get hiccups now. And she has eyes, she can see bright lights."

Finn wants to grab a bunch of things, but notice that Santana is still keeping quite. She wasn't as vocal about her excitement as she was in the other store and he could tell in her eyes that there was a lot on her mind. He wanted to get a cart and get pretty much everything in here, but knew she probably needed a couple of minutes to take everything in and feel better about herself and being a mom. His hands settle around her as she leans into him and his eyes close for a few seconds, taking in what she's saying with a smile.

"Hiccups, really? Can you hear them inside of you or does it give you hiccups then?" He asked as his hands moved to brush against her stomach and his lips rubbed together. "Bright lights…so she can see through your stomach?"

"I feel it," Santana said, smiling a little as she too looked down at her hands. "She tickles. I feel it fluttering around…I think she doesn't have eyelids. That's why she notices lights so much, I think she can see it a little through me."

"What does it feel, like a vibration?" He asked, wishing he could feel their baby, but knows he has to patient and wait another month or so. "That's so weird to think about, not having eyelids. Like how does she sleep then, with her eyes closed?" The boy said with his face scrunching up a bit, trying to figure it all out and picture their daughter. "That means she can see me, so I gotta find a way to light myself up for her to!"

Santana nods, trying to think of how to describe it as her hand still lightly touches her stomach, stroking, her fingertips probing for Alexandra. She smiles when she thinks she feels a part of her, pressing down lightly.

"I think she basically is always sort of half awake. She's an alien, totally ET just like I said. I don't think she sees shapes or knows what you look like but she sees bright light a little bit because her eyes are really sensitive. So like if you shone a flashlight and waved your hand in the beam, maybe she'd see your hand? I don't know?"

Picturing this is a little cheery for her, and she starts to gain some enthusiasm back.

"You should do that!"

"She's going to one day yell at you for that nickname and I'm just going to laugh. But don't tell her I said this, I kind of really like it. It's better than bug, way more creative and fitting," he said with a smile, kissing her shoulder as his hands kept brushing against her stomach, trying to draw a reaction out of Alexandra.

"Wait? You really think that it'll work and she can see me or at least really know I'm there?" The excitement on his face was almost enough to light this whole department store up and his smile was stretching from ear to ear at the thought. "I'm going to try that as soon as we get home. Hopefully the flashlight on my phone will work and she'll know it's me. Her dad."

"Yeah, well I could call her Yoda or Jabba, she could count her blessing," Santana smirked. The smirk became a smile when Finn kissed her, though she tried to hide it, covering his hand with one of hers and pressing down.

"You can try, ain't gonna hurt. Well, other than her eyes, but if you do it for just a second it should be okay."


	20. Chapter 20

They finished their shopping over the next few hours, and Santana's mood is boosted by the amount of items they are able to bring home with them. As they carry them into the apartment and set them on the floor of the baby room, she has forgotten about the plan with Finn as she starts to take the items out to look at again.

After they got home, Finn hurried to get everything inside and set in what will be their daughters bedroom once they get everything set up. He could tell that Santana was in a better mood and practically glowing about everything that they purchased and got for their little girl. One thing he knows they still need to get is a chair for the bedroom to rock and have personal time with their baby.

"Let's sit on the couch and see if I can get her to move or whatever with my phone's light!" he said with a dimpled grin, his hand slipping into hers once again and trying to contain his excitement. There was no way he could last any longer without trying this thing out that she told him about. All he wants is his daughter to move in a way that he could feel over her stomach and pick up on the fact that it's her dad talking to her.

Santana rolled her eyes and smirked at him, but she indulges him, leaving the items in the room to make her way to the couch. Sitting down, she pushes her shirt up a little so there will be the least amount of barriers possible between the light and the baby's eyes. She cups the bump of her stomach to the side, speaking down to it.

"Finn wants you to move, ET. Turn your alien head away or something if it hurts, okay?"

"Hey, don't call me Finn. Say dad to her, I want her to know it's her dad," Finn said with a smile before leaning down between her legs and setting one hand on her stomach with the other holding his phone. After getting the flashlight set up and shinning, he starts to move the light around her stomach with a big old goofy grin.

"Come on, Alexandra. Just…see me or something."

Santana can't help but smile too. It's contagious, seeing Finn so intent on making what contact he can with his daughter. She doesn't expect much of this. Despite what she read, she still can't quite believe that it's true.

But after only a few seconds, she feels Alexandra moving in her stomach, just a fluttering, vibrating sensation at first. But then Santana's eyes widen, and she gasps out loud, one hand flying to cover her stomach. For the first time, she had felt the baby kick.

"Finn!" she nearly shrieked, and when Alexandra kicked again, harder this time, as though in irritation at her yelling, she grabbed his hand with her free one, squeezing hard. "She's kicking me!"

The look in Santana's face made him so nervous. Did the baby hate this or something, was she doing something weird to let Santana know that? His face goes a little white as he just stares at her, scared this light thing had been a mistake but then his eyes grow wide as he realizes what's going on. God he feels like he is about to cry of happiness right now.

"I can feel her too!" he let her know, moving his hand where hers was, the other squeezing back. "She already has some crazy strong legs, look, you can even see your skin move a little," Finn spoke out in awe, sniffling a bit to hold back his emotions as this moment felt so amazing, he barely knew what to do with himself. Their daughter is moving, kicking and reacting to them.

"Did you not like the light, bug? I'm sorry, we just wanted you to know your parents are both here," he whispered against Santana's stomach, kissing over it gently as well.

Santana stares down at her stomach, seeing that Finn is right. She swears she can see briefly the outline of what must be the baby's foot when she kicks for the third time, not as strongly as before now that the light is not shining on her. Her hand still gently resting on the side of her stomach, she starts to sniffle too, biting the inside of her cheeks to try to hold back tears.

It seems utterly incomprehensible that she even thought for a second of aborting the baby..her ET, her daughter. She wasn't even six months ago, and she already knew and could in her way communicate with them.

Watching Santana look at their baby, interact with her and show so much love through her eyes had his heart doing a few flips and growing even warmer. It's been hard to keep his emotions in tact, especially with how he is feeling for her, but in this moment he was kind of taken over by it all and couldn't help but give into it.

He rose from his knees to cup her face, his body still between her legs and his thumb brushing against the bone underneath her eye. Slowly, he leaned in to press his lips to hers, needing to express how he was feeling in some way and this just felt like the right way. His other arm wrapped around the small of her back to draw her in even closer as his lips became more passionate against her own.

Santana doesn't think twice as Finn pulls her to him. She lets herself be drawn in, lets him hold her close, and when he kisses her, she tilts her head up to meet his, parting her lips, and even, after a few seconds, responds, kissing him back. One arm reaching to wrap around his neck, she closes her eyes, giving in to the moment.

Alexandra's kick interrupts them, and Santana draws back, a little breathless, laughing, and touches her stomach, looking down again.

"I don't know if she's telling us off or cheering us on."

A breath of relief falls from his nose as Santana returns his kiss and is pulling him closer. His hand falls from her face to set against her side, rubbing up and down her hips and ribs, feeling his blood start to grow even warmer. Her touching his neck alone was enough to drive him even more wild and want to kiss her even more.

Laughing through his nose, he looks down at her stomach and rubs against it gently.

"I'm going to go with cheering us on." Finn spoke as he leaned in to start kissing her neck softly, his lips sucking a bit against her pulse point.

As Finn nips at her neck, Santana's breathing catches, and she tilts her head to the side, giving him better access. His hand against her is driving her crazy, her skin much more sensitive with the blood flow her pregnancy brings to her nerves, and she is almost panting as she arches her hips closer to him.

"You think…"

His tongue swirled into her skin, his teeth grazing as well just to add to everything. He moved his other hand up slowly, squeezing her breast which he knew were super sensitive and loved attention. It seems like every inch of her was affected by his lips and he couldn't help but smirk against her.

"Yeah, I really do. She probably sees how happy you make me," Finn whispered with his thumb brushing against one of her nipples over her shirt and his body pressing more into hers.

Logic and defenses are simply not something Santana can access now, not the way her body is reacting to Finn. She actually whimpers when he caresses her nipple, already feeling herself grow wet in response to him even with this light touch, and she traps his leg in between hers, grinding into him.

The sound that falls from her lips causes his cock to harden immediately. To hear that he can turn her on like this and make her feel good drove him crazy and his lips sucked a bit harder to show it. He was sure to leave a mark and to be honest, he's happy to and sort of hopes it makes her think about him and this feeling whenever she sees it. A growl fell from the back of his throat as she ground down against his leg and his hand couldn't help but squeeze her breast in response. He was practically panting right now as he kissed his way up and down her jaw, making his way to her ear.

"I want you so bad, " The boy husked out with his thumb continuing to twerk at her nipple.

If Finn is panting, Santana is approaching hyperventilating. She can barely even handle how the nerves of her skin are thrumming and vibrating at his touch, her panties soaking through even without any nudity on either of their parts. She groans, now definitely rubbing against his leg as she hears his whisper.

"Fuck…"

Finn tried not to over think things and go with his gut. Maybe if he took control, she would see how good they are together and how he can be sexy. This moment was already super sexy and hot, but wants he feels her wetness over his jeans and her underwear, he lets out another noise and carefully picks her up. There was no way he was going anywhere else and risking her changing her mind, just wanted to change their positioning and lay her down so that he was on top. As soon as her head was softly against a pillow, he crashed his lips into hers and started to undress her with his hands running over every inch of her skin as its exposed.

Santana lets herself be lifted and rearranged, lets Finn top her. Normally she wouldn't go for this; normally she would want to be the one on top, liking to try to control the situation, both herself and Finn. But she's so caught up in the moment now that she barely notices the arrangement and certainly doesn't mind. She rocks her hips up towards Finn even as he undresses her, impatient to be free of her clothing as her arms reach out to lock around him, drawing him closer to her.

She isn't thinking of the fact that this is the second time they had sex in as many days. She isn't thinking that the fact that she's been walking around holding his hand and letting him kiss her, initiate sex with her, tends to go against her declaration of their friendship status. She kisses him back hotly, and when she is naked she opens her legs to him mouth, his hands, whatever he wants, she's ready.

Finn can tell Santana is super caught up in this moment and him with how she lets him have control and be in charge. It's really sexy how she is just giving herself to him right now, trusting him with everything and seems to want him as much as he wants her. His eyes grow a few shades darker as he takes in every inch of her, his hands gripping at her breast as soon as they're exposed but moving immediately to remove her panties.

She was soaking through them and caused his breathing to catch once again. Santana was so damn perfect, he felt himself grow even larger in his pants and his cock practically begging to be let free from the jeans he was wearing. His eyes continued to show how much he was entranced by her everything as his lips started to work down her body, tasting her sweet hot skin as he looped his arms around her thighs. The way she opened them for him was enough to give him the best kind of chills and he just needed to taste her right now.

A groan fell from his lips and vibrated against her core as he licked a stripe up her center and tasted all of her juices. He had to move one hand to unzip himself, letting his throbbing member spring out as he kept working her up with his lips and nose brushing against her clit.

As Finn's tongue made contact, Santana's entire body stiffened with intensity of her pleasure, and she gave a brief cry, arching her back and hips into him. She is panting, her hair tangling around her shoulders, and she digs her nails into his shoulders, bracing. She is more than ready for anything he'll give, her mind free of all thoughts except how good she feels. How right this seems now.

Finn looked up to her, watching her through his eyelashes as his tongue and lips worked against her core. His back was stinging with her marks and that just caused a low groan to fall from his lips, vibrating against her as he sucked on her clit. She tasted so good, he couldn't get enough of her or the reactions he was able to draw from her. He slowly brought a hand that was wrapped around her thigh to use a finger to tease her with. He wanted this to be really good, so he was taking his time, working through her wetness with his tongue and fingers along with encircling her entrance just to drive her crazy.

More so than a penis, fingers and especially tongues have always driven Santana wild. Maybe it's the lesbian thing, or maybe it's just that they are inherently so much more flexible and able to be creative, to hit exactly the right spot in exactly the right way. She wouldn't have thought Finn would have a clue what to do with his fingers, let alone his tongue, but the way he is caressing her inside, the way he is using his tongue with alternating small licks and longer laps, has her almost gasping for breath.

"F-Fuck…more…"

As she began to beg for more, he drew her swollen bud out with his teeth and let his tongue and lips finally seep into her entrance. His thick finger added pressure back against her clit as he began pressing and seeping his tongue as deep as possible inside of her. Moans vibrated inside of her from his tongue, sending more waves in her tight walls as he became completely lost in her and this moment. Usually he'd question if he was doing anything wrong, but he could tell she was enjoying this so he didn't dare stop.

Santana's muscles are twitching, her legs quivering in response to Finn's attentions. As the pressure builds up inside her, she holds onto Finn hard, the palms of her hands baring down on his back, head tilted back as she climaxes, arching her back into him with a loud cry.

"Fuck…oh fuck…"

A small smirk formed on his lips against her folds, looking up to watch her again as she came undone on his tongue. There was no way he was stopping until her orgasm was completely over, wanting to cause aftershocks as well. He lapped up all of her juices and kissed his way back up her body, his hand slipping between them to rub against her core gently, wanting to massage her and make sure she was okay. With heavy breaths, he reaches her lips and licks over his before finally asking.

"Can I kiss you?"

Santana is just breathing, her muscles still occasionally twitching as she begins to re-regulate, coming down from her high. She is smiling loosely, eyes rolled back as Finn continues to caress and kiss her, not wanting him to stop. But when he asks to kiss her, she looks up at him finally, bursting into breathless laughter.

"You've got my stuff all over your mouth!"

His cheeks turn red as ever when she starts laughing at him. He tried his best to wipe his mouth off before shrugging softly.

"Sorry,I saw in movies that some girls I guess…I don't know, like tasting themselves sort of. I don't know."

Crap and now he's rambling and maybe this is killing the rest of the moment now?

"I can uh, go bush my teeth if you want or something." He offered with his fingers still massaging against her folds, not wanting to leave her but wanting her to feel comfortable.

"What movies, PORN?" Santana is still snickering. "Girls don't want to taste themselves…that's such a lie. Do you wanna taste your own jizz?"

His fingers inside her feels weirdly comfortable and…how is it even possible this feels normal? She isn't gonna analyze it, doesn't even have the capacity to now. She cranes her neck a little and with one slightly shaking hand reaches up to thoroughly wipe his mouth before kissing him herself.

"No…but I don't know, I saw in yeah a porn movie that a girl said she loved to taste herself on the guy or whatever. But that's why I asked to kiss you to make sure." He rambled a bit more, trying to show her he was genuinely being sweet and caring with it all.

His eyes close for a few seconds as she cleans off the rest of his mouth and his hands keep at her core, knowing she likes it and he wants to make sure she feels okay before they do anything else. A small moan fell from the back of his throat as his lips met hers and immediately turned the kiss passionate, loving the taste of her lips and unable to get enough of them right now.

"Porn is a lie," Santana mumbles into his mouth.

She nips his lower lip lightly, then sucks it, her own breath catching at Finn's continued manipulation of her core. She closes her eyes again, one hand kneading into his back.

"Promise not to use that as a reference anymore." Finn breathes out into her mouth, feeling a shiver race up and down his spine at the feel of her teeth.

His cock is growing even more in size and hardness against her thigh and he doesn't know how much longer he can wait to be inside of her, but he tries to take his time so that he knows she's ready. With one hand on her waist, he starts to rub his cock against her slit, trying to work her up even more with his tip pressing against her clit.

Santana hadn't expected him to go on. Then again, it's not like he probably got much satisfaction from simply pleasuring her. When he starts to rub against her, she feels a new spiking of arousal, and she takes hold of his penis, starting to rub it with her hand.

Her hot hand around his member caused a sharp breath to fill in his lungs and he let it out slowly through his nose. He was so hard, her touch alone had him seeing stars. A low moan of her name escaped his lips as he tried to keep his hips as still as possible, his face burying into the crook of her neck to suck against her skin hotly.

Santana increased the speed and friction of her hand on him, squeezing lightly and rubbing with her thumb. Once she can feel him growing in her hand, she guides his penis inside her, shifting to accomodate him.

Heavy breaths fell from both his nose and mouth as her hand worked against him. Her thumb caused a bit of precum to drip from his tip and he let her know how amazing he felt with a whimper of her name. He kept one hand on her hip to slide inside of her and the other rested next to her, wanting to keep himself up so she could adjust. Kissing her hotly, he waited til she let him know she was ready to start his thrusts steadily and deep.

Santana is making throaty noises of her enjoyment, her hand gripping Finn's shoulder as a brace. She calls out,arching her back and wrapping her ankle around his as she rocks with his thrusts, faster and faster.

The sounds that Santana was making caused Finn to smirk a bit, happy that she was feeling good and enjoying this just as much as he was. Her insides were tight and slick, allowing him to begin thrusting deep inside of her. When she moves her legs around him and her hips with him, he can't help but moan from deep with in his lungs, letting her know how amazing this was and how perfect she felt. Leaning down, he kissed her passionately and increased his speed to match hers.

Finn's responding noises are driving her wild. Santana moves even faster, rocking her hips in near frantic, sharp motions, spurring him on. When she feels herself start to cum she digs her nails into his hips, trying to hold off until he can too. She wants to try to time it, to intensify the moment.

Their hips move in a perfect, fast motion together. He couldn't stop kissing her everywhere as he sunk his cock as far as he could in her slick, tight walls. There was no nerves, he was just going with his feelings for her and letting them control his body and lips. As soon as he felt her release start to drop, his own began to snap and he came along with her. Santanas name fell off his lips over and over as he kissed her through their orgasms and didn't once stop his hip motions.

Riding out their climaxes, Santana's arms wrap tight around Finn, her body molding as close into his as possible. Somehow her baby bump almost makes it more right, filling the space nicely between his abdomen and her own usually perfectly flat one. She kisses him hard, then slowly pulls back, her forehead against his chest as she catches her breath, her body loose and warm against him.

It felt so good when Santana was holding onto him even tighter and pulling him in even closer once the two came down from their orgasms. Usually she is quick to push him away or move into another position, but right now she wanted to be face to face, stay this close and attached to him in a few ways. He couldn't help but kiss her with a small smile,his hand brushing up and down her back and ass softly as he tried to get his breathing to turn normal again. It's always so hard to know whether to say something or not after a moment like this, but he just couldn't help himself from opening up his dopey lips. "You're amazing." He whispered into her ear softly, kissing random spots along her shoulder and collarbone.

Santana's eyes open halfway, and she smiles, enjoying the continued gentle kisses and caresses Finn is lavishing her with. She makes no effort to pull away, accepting everything he is giving her, and still her thoughts are remarkably free of anxiety and questions.

It is from this place of relaxation that she hears the words emerge from her lips.

"I kinda love you…"

Even in this state she recognizes that this isn't at all her usual method of communication, and she attempts to backpedal, each sleepy effort making it worse.

"Just a little…some…hardly noticeable, so…yeah. Night."


	21. Chapter 21

Santana has been trying, for the past couple of days, not to overthink too much what had happened- what kept happening- between her and Finn. So she kept having sex with him, so what? It felt good, it was relaxing, and he was very attentive and way more skilled than he used to be. It was the close proximity and the pregnancy hormones, probably. She wasn't complaining, but that didn't mean anything.

So she told him she sort of loved him, so what? She did, didn't she? It really wasn't a big deal...but even so, it didn't seem worth mentioning to Quinn.

Quinn... Santana was starting to miss her. It had been months since she had seen her, the longest she had gone since she had known her, and although she still talked on the phone with her and Skyped, it wasn't the same. She had actually found herself bursting into tears yesterday when she saw a commercial with three college aged girls walking arm in arm, because it reminded her of herself, Quinn, and Brittany.

Since her news of pregnancy had spread far and wide, via Rachel's huge mouth, Brittany had been contacting her in her sporadic manner, and Santana had to say that she was feeling more and more confused towards her. Did the other girl want to continue to be friends, even after everything? Could they be? Did she want to be? She sort of did, but what if she was hurt again?

After some thought she decided to ask Quinn to come stay for the weekend, and then as an after thought invited Brittany too. It didn't seem right, somehow, to totally leave her out of things, if she did want to maintain a relationship. She found herself, the day they were scheduled to arrive, pacing the apartment straightening everything, which was just silly. Both had seen her in entirely messy states before many times over, but somehow she wanted everything just right for them anyway.

Finn wasn't sure what was going on with him and Santana. She didn't seem to be fighting anything and they seem to be getting even closer, but she also wasn't really talkative about feelings besides saying something about loving him. Of course he's falling in love with her as well, but doesn't know the context she was saying or feeling it in. It had him all kinds of confused and trying to search for answers any way he could find them, but through sex and intimate moments with their daughter, he could sort of guess what she was feeling for him?

God this is all so hard and it's sort of hard not to ask and talk to her about it all, but he also doesn't want to bring it up and her shut down and shut him out. It also didn't help at all that her ex was coming this weekend. Like really? Did she not see how intimidated he was by their past and how he knows she is still in love with the other girl? It just always seems whenever they take 5 steps forward, something comes along that brings them 10 steps back.

He was excited for Quinn to come, happy for Santana to have a friend around and him as well. But not Brittany, the last thing he wants is someone coming in and messing up everything for them. It's hard to hide the worry on his face, so he decides to wash the dishes in the sink to try and busy himself from getting too anxious.

Santana is who he wants to be with, his family, the mother of his baby and to have to try and think of someone that is terrible for her coming in and messing that all up makes him sick to his stomach. He has no idea what this weekend will bring, what will change or what will come about, but he knows regardless he needs to talk to her and figure out what she's really thinking and feeling somehow.

Santana passes Finn about five times before she notices him washing dishes. She paces around another few times, straightening already tidy objects, before she comes up behind him and puts her hands on his hips, giving him a light shake before leaning her forehead onto his back.

"Finnnnn...I haven't seen them in a really long time."

She doesn't say it, but her unspoken question is "What if they don't like me anymore? What if things are too different?"

Finn stole a few looks through plates at Santana behind him, wondering what she was doing and finally cracking a smile. Her touch caused him to calm down slightly and he let out a long breath he didn't even know he was holding in.

"But they've always been your friends. I haven't seen mine in a while either, but when we do see each other, it'll probably be just like old times."

He shrugged his shoulders softly, hoping that she would believe him about that. Maybe that's just a guy thing, but he can't imagine Quinn not being the same great friend to her.

Santana scoffs, rolling her eyes, and makes no effort to move away. He definitely doesn't get it.

"Right. I've always been pregnant and living with a guy in New York, and Brittany's always been a genius at MIT. We're sooooo like our old selves. Haven't you seen me doing cartwheels and splits lately?"

Finn turned around in her arms to face her, his hands settling around her as he looked into her eyes.

"But you're still you underneath it all, you still have the memories with them and inside jokes, the stories and stuff. You three were best friends in highschool and no matter what happens in life, you still have that. "

Santana shrugs, lowering her gaze. This was true, but sometimes high school seemed so far away, and she wasn't the same girl she had been. None of them were. Everything had changed, and sometimes it seemed she had lost everything and everyone she ever had known in the process. She rested her head against his chest, going quiet, and when she heard the knock on the door she almost jumped out of her skin.

"They're here!"

Finn hugged her back, wondering what she was thinking and feeling right now. All he kept bringing up was her friendship with the girls, hoping that's what she still saw it as with Brittany. The girl being here was a huge deal to him because he knows how she works and he's a nice guy, but he's not going to stand how she acts with Santana and tries to ruin everything for her. A half smile formed on his face, seeing how happy she was and started to follow her to the door to open it up for them to come in.

Santana hangs behind him, strangely and uncharacteristically shy. As he opens the door, he is greeted with Quinn's bright smile as she looks him up and down, eyebrows raised.

"Something's different...I'd ask you if you worked out, but it would probably inflate your ego too much. Then again, Santana's probably torn it to shreds by now, you could probably use some pumping up."

She laughed, then hugged him briefly but genuinely. Brittany, behind her, is more cool in her reception, giving Finn a nod and pat, but not meeting his eyes. As Quinn releases Finn,seeing Santana standing beside him, her smile grows, and she rolls her eyes at her, one hand on her hip.

"Really, San? I know you're pregnant, and I'm sure you're carrying way worse than I ever was, but don't worry, I'll get the mocking out of the way upfront."

But this is said totally teasingly, and she holds out her arms, giving Santana a fierce hug.

"You look good, San, seriously."

Santana hugs her back hard, one hand entwined in her hair, and blinks back quick tears that come to her eyes, inwardly scoffing at the hormones she's more than sick of by now before she releases her. Looking past Quinn to Brittany, she smiles at her too, a little more awkwardly.

"Hey Britt."

Brittany smiles back at her and comes forward, pulling her into a hug that lasts long enough for Santana to get uncomfortable and almost pull back.

"Hey Sanny...so it's totally true, you ARE always totally sexy. You look like a pretty Buddha, except with hair and smaller feet and ears."

Finn could tell that Santana was super nervous and it was kind of cute, he smiled over his shoulder at her before opening up the door and thankful that Quinn was the first behind it. She had him laughing right away and it was like typical Quinn, but more mature than ever before.

"Hey to you too," Finn teased, leaning in to give her a hug and pulling back just to see Brittany.

He barely greeted her, just nodded his head and stood back next to Santana. His first instinct was to take her hand like usual, but decided not to because he had no idea what she has told them or let on for them to be. Obviously they know they're living together and having a baby, but has Santana down played what they are at all?

It was nice to see Quinn there for her, able to talk about pregnancy and babies and it felt really nice to have her here. Brittany's words, however, had him grinding his teeth and jaw, making him feel uncomfortable and going into protective mode right away. This is why he wished she wasn't coming and wished she wouldn't even touch Santana.

But he knows the connection he and Santana have and how she loves him, so he's going to try and believe in that.

His hand settles on the small of her back as Santana is finally out of the hug and he holds her a bit closer.

"Are you guys hungry or anything?" he asks, mainly looking at Quinn before over their shoulders. "Let me get your bags?"

"They're outside," Brittany says in a flat tone, her eyes wide, but to Santana, anyway, the intention seems clear. She wants him out of the picture, at least for a little while.

Quinn, however, eyes narrowing slightly, speaks up a little louder than she normally might, seeming to get her intent.

"Right, but Britt and I can get them, we want to stretch out our legs...don't we, Britt?"

When Brittany opened her mouth, Quinn took her by the hand and dragged her out into the hall. Santana, more oblivious, frowns with some confusion but lets them go.

Finn scrunched up his eyebrows a bit, looking at Britt and then back at Quinn. It was clear to him why Brittany was here with the tone in her voice and the way she treated him already. He had every right to be cold, but she didn't. This was him and Santana's place, their baby, their life and how rude she is being isn't an act. His eyes couldn't help but thank Quinn as she took the other blonde away and he quickly turned to Santana once the girls were out of sight.

"When um, when was the last time you talked to Brittany?" he asked, licking over his lips and trying to stay as cool as possible.

"Like...yesterday?" Santana responds with a shrug, trying to remember. "She texts me sometimes. You have to be fluent in Brittany-ese to understand it, but I've developed a knack. Why?"

Finn's lips switched side to side, trying to think if he wanted to get into this right now. He sort of hopes Santana see's it on her own, that she's not blind to what Brittany is doing and how she's treating him. There's nothing to understand besides how childish and selfish she is and how she takes advantage of Santana, but he doesn't want to point that out now or how she is acting. If Santana doesn't see it by tonight, he'll say something, but if Quinn can...maybe Santana will on her own. If she loves him, then she has to pick up on it at some point.

"Just wondering," he responded, cupping her face and smiling as he leaned in to kiss her softly.

The girls were off getting their bags and out of sight so this was the best time to kiss her and to be honest, he needed to right now to try and shake this feeling.

A little surprised, but not unwilling, Santana kissed him back, but kept it brief. She goes to the door again and opens it as the girls come through with their bags, and she is not surprised, but also not entirely pleased, to see that Brittany has brought Lord Tubbington in his carrier.

"Britt, really?" she sighs. "I thought I read somewhere something about pregnant girls aren't supposed to be near cats or something..."

"That's kitty pee, Sanny, and don't worry, Lord Tubbington pees in the toilet like a person and only poops chocolate bars, so you're safe," Brittany assures her.

She sets down her suitcase and the cat carrier even as Quinn rolls her eyes behind her at the comments about the cat, muttering out loud, "Hey, don't look at me, I tried."

Reaching for Santana's stomach, Brittany rubs her hands over it, smiling as she lifts Santana's shirt, touching the bare skin.

"Awww it's still just a little stomach. Like you had a really, really big lunch. Sort of like you're a boa constrictor that ate a dog. Not a really huge dog though, just a medium one like a cocker spaniel. It's so cute…and your boobs are bigger too!"

Finn's shoulders fall a little, pulling back as Santana did and he chews on the inside of his cheek. He's not the kind of guy to hold her back from her friends, he really isn't and if it was just Quinn here, he'd probably go out and leave them alone. But Brittany was here to try and get Santana, there was no doubt in his mind about it.

"I'm allergic to cats and don't want to risk it for the baby either," Finn said, speaking up for himself and looking to Quinn as Santana did.

His hands couldn't help but clench into fists as Brittany was walking right over to touch Santana's stomach. Their baby, but it made him even more mad that Santana wouldn't stop her either. He felt so sick right now and it wasn't just because of the cat.

"Yeah, the boobs part is cool...looking like a snake, not so much," Santana responded, a little uneasy from Brittany's attention to her.

Taking a step back, she looks first to Finn, then Quinn, as though for help, exhaling.

"Britt, if LT is here...which you know, you could have asked permission for...he's gotta stay in the guest room the whole time, I'm serious, okay?"

"Sure," Brittany said easily, but Santana knew even as she said this that she was hardly the most watchful of owners.

She sighed, meeting Quinn's eyes, and was relieved when Quinn, who had been looking between the three of them, sharp eyed, stepped forward, giving Santana's hair a playful tug.

"So I hear you've been making Finn make you M&M pizza with cheetos lately...I'm scared to know what's on the menu for the next few days."

Glad for the distraction, Santana turned to her, tugging her hair back in retaliation. "Yeah because you eating frozen waffles with mayonnaise and skittles was better."

Finn honestly can't even believe Brittany, he wants to tell her to leave and stay somewhere else.

"Yeah, the cat hair alone is going to make me really sick and I don't want the cat pee or whatever it is anywhere near Santana if it can be harmful for our baby," he spoke, stepping forward to put his hand back onto Santana's back and hand on the side of her stomach, adding emphasis to his words. "Cheetos and M&M's combined do make for some weird tasting kisses, but yeah she likes it and the baby seems to too. But don't worry, I got a few things at the grocery store to grill up some food whenever you girls are hungry."

Finn didn't even realize he let out about kisses, it just came natural so didn't think twice about it.

"Mayonnaise and skittles? Gross… Can you still eat that stuff or is it ruined for you?" he asked Quinn, wondering if Santana is still going to be a fan of that food once she has the baby

Quinn's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline, her eyes grow wide, and she makes an audible noise in her throat somewhere between a cough and an exclamation, though it remains soft. Her eyes slide with new suspicion down to Finn's hands on Santana, and a slow smile comes over her face, her eyes lighting up and suddenly seeming considerably more interested in what she is seeing. Brittany's face goes blank, and she too is looking at Finn's hands as Quinn speaks.

"Kisses, huh? So is this like, Santana kisses her stomach and then you do and pick up cheeto and M&M remnants, or...'cause it's not that easy to kiss your own stomach, and if you can manage that, San, I'm impressed."

She ignores the question Finn had leveled at her, not even seeming to hear it; she's still looking at Santana with that smug expression Santana is always irritated by. Santana rolls her eyes at her, even as she automatically leans back into Finn's hands.

"Don't be a dork, Quinn. I know it's really outside your comfort zone to try, but you're in New York now, it ain't allowed."

She laces her fingers through Finn's on her stomach, and as Brittany sees this, the blonde seems unable to hold herself back any further. She comes closer to Santana too, all of them no longer standing in the doorway as she takes Santana's other hand and squeezes it in hers.

"It sounds delicious. You can show me, Sanny."

Finn blushes for a second only to quirk an eyebrow. Santana hasn't told her friends much of anything between them which makes him a bit worried and nervous. He didn't even realize that he let out something about kissing, but was kind of glad he did. Maybe now Brittany would get the hint and Quinn could see how crazy he was about Santana.

"That would be kind of weird, Quinn. I mean..yeah, I don't even think I'd consider that a kiss or get a real taste of it that way."

A dopey grin formed on his lips as he chuckled a bit, his hand squeezing Santana's back as he held her against him and was practically beaming. That is until Brittany came closer and tried to get near them.

"Wait, what?" He let out towards Brittany, unable to hold back now. She just keeps jumping over the line and he can't handle it. "You're not kissing her, Britt. And stop touching her and our baby," he let out, not trying to rip Santana away, but wrapped his other arm around her stomach so she could see they're together.

"Ohhhh? So what exactly is a "REAL taste", how does that come about, exactly?"

Quinn is definitely grinning now, her eyes glinting with equal parts mischief and genuine enjoyment of the conclusions she's rapidly coming to. Her eyes again travel down Santana's and Finn's linked hands, and she takes a step forward, seeming to be deciding whether to comment.

But as Brittany steps forward, taking Santana's hand, and Finn snaps at her, her smile slips, and she looks at Santana for her reaction. Santana, for her part, is conflicted. She wants so badly for things to go well, for things to go how they used to be, how they SHOULD be. Her and Quinn and Brittany all best friends, all having fun with no worries and no tension between them...but if she's honest, when had that ever really been true? Their relationships had been based on lies and faking and pretense as much as they had ever been on love and friendship, and although the balance had shifted as they matured, it seemed to her as she watched the exchange between Finn and Brittany now that maybe it would never shift back to fully positive, ever.

She doesn't want to push Brittany away, and she doesn't want to be rude to her. But she also doesn't want Finn to be upset with her...and a part of her still wants to pull away from Brittany out of self preservation and fear, just as much as the other part of her wants to keep letting her touch her and draw her close. Conflicted, she bites her inner cheeks, slowly pulling her hand from her grasp.

"Britt...why don't you put LT in your room, please?"

Brittany doesn't move. Her blue eyes boring into Santana's, she responds to Finn, "You can't tell her what to do, Finn. You might have gave her a baby, for real this time, but that doesn't make her yours. She wants me to touch her, don't you, Sanny?"

Santana doesn't answer right away. How is she supposed to answer that, when the answer is both yes and no? Her hand tightens in Finn's as her eyes shift to Quinn, as though a plea for help.

Finn's smile and awesome feeling was completely shattered by Brittany. Finn would defend Santana over everyone, and he had, even before he had fallen in love with her. It just makes him realize how much further he is in his feelings with her than she is.

If she was to invite Rachel over, that would never be okay and he wouldn't, he would never want Santana to feel like this in the slightest. Why can't she just tell the girl off? Everything about her here is toxic, from the cat that is going to make him sick, to the way she is acting that makes him want to kick over every chair around here. Is he dumb for thinking Santana could ever be fully over her and put him first? He has told her before it's a fear of his, but here she is in their apartment, trying to touch their child and the girl he's been sharing a bed with, falling in love with and kissing every single day.

"I'm not telling her what to do, I'm telling you what to do. You don't get to just show up in our house, touch our baby and try and touch her. You have no idea what we are, what we've been doing, feeling, or anything. But I'm not going to just stand here and watch you keep trying to step over the line with her or think she belongs to you because she doesn't."

He shook his head with his jaw clenched once again, wanting to say so much more but holding back for Santana.

"Okayyyy I'm stepping in," Quinn speaks up at this point, before things can get explosive. Stepping in between Brittany and Finn, she holds both hands out, as though to grab for both or either if necessary. "Brittany. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say everyone would be much more comfortable right now if you would go put the cat in the guest room...PLEASE. Finn. Calm down. No one bitch slapped anyone and no one's gonna, and no one here belongs to anyone, we're all mature adults, or we're supposed to be. So dial down the macho act because seriously...it won't score you points."

She looks at him meaningfully as she says this, her eyes trying to send the message to him that he was only going to further escalate things, that Santana would likely not take it well. She is still looking at him as she speaks to Santana.

"So San, Britt and I share the guest room tonight, right? How about while Britt is getting him settled, Finn can start to make dinner, and you can show me the baby's room?"

Santana, her eyes shifting between everyone in discomfort, finally looks back to Quinn and nods, letting the blonde step forward and take hold of her arm to gently tug her away.

"Uh...okay..."

She doesn't know what to think about any of this. Finn is so pissed off, and Brittany is obviously trying hard to get her way...but what made her way suddenly Santana again, after all this time? Wasn't she with Sam, or had been recently? Santana was so confused.


	22. Chapter 22

Finn rubbed his lips together, not understanding at all why he is getting told to calm down. It's like if he says nothing he loses, but now that he says something, it's an act and he's wrong for it. No one understands how hard this is for him, he's a guy and going to stand up for Santana and their daughter, his feelings and himself. Anyone else would.

All he could do was shake his head as he pulled away from Santana. She didn't say anything, she didn't speak up for him, tell Brittany off or anything. When a random girl texted him, she was pissed, she was messing with them and able to show how pissed it made her. But it all came down to Brittany and how she lets her get away with things and sugar coats it for her. It sucked so much.

Finn walked away without a word to the back deck and tried to calm down his breathing as he started up the grill. Maybe if he just took a break for a while, he could settle down. As upset as he was becoming, he still didn't want to upset Santana too.

Santana knows that Finn is upset, and she knows that Brittany is feeling jealous and stubborn as well. She can see it in the set of her jaw, in the tension of his shoulders when he turns away, and it's leaving her stuck between a rock and a hard place. She wouldn't have thought, before today, that she could have felt so damn guilty- not towards Brittany, but towards Finn. She didn't expect him to be so possessively protective, for Brittany to be so forward, and yet how could she not have?

She lets Quinn's hand on her arm slip down to her hand, entwining in hers with a gentle squeeze, and by the time she lets Quinn steer her towards the baby room, she is taking slow breaths, trying to fight down the emotion rising up in her. She barely is in the room with Quinn, the door shut behind them, before Quinn gets straight to the point, standing in front of Santana with her eyes boring into hers, still holding her hand.

"You guys are doing it, aren't you? You know...it?"

Santana scoffs at her, rolling her eyes. So what if they were? What was it to her?

"Yeah, so? What's that have to do with anything?"

Quinn exhaled, just shaking her head at her as she looked at her with something between amusement and pity.

"Santana, he's head over heels in love with you, and if you can't see it, you're more oblivious than I thought. He's about to go postal from Brittany barely touching you. Did you REALLY think it was a good idea for her to come?"

"He is not," Santana denied, giving a short, half incredulous laugh. "Sure, he thinks I'm hot, and he's really into the whole baby idea. We sleep together and stuff, but we're just friends, Q. It's not a big thing."

But Quinn is just looking at her, her eyebrows still cocked. "Please, Santana. You're crazy for him too. It's all over your face. Not to mention your hands...I saw you practically fondling his fingers."

Santana did snort at this, shaking her head incredulously. "Oh, come on! You go so long without sex you're practically a nun or a re-virgin, and you think you know about us? We have sex, so what? We're still friends. You can have sex with friends."

"You can't," Quinn pointed out. "Not if you want them to remain your friend...look at your track record, Santana. All I have to say is if I ever start making out with you or groping down your pants, please take me to the ER immediately because I'm concussed or experiencing blood poisoning. 'Cause supposedly, I'm your friend too, yet funnily enough, I can't see that happening between us...ever."

"It's not like that, Quinn," Santana insists, shaking her head. "It really isn't. Anyway, you're one to talk, didn't you have sex with me last year...twice?"

"Yeah, and I should have been in the ER that night," Quinn mutters, a flush coming to her cheeks, but she isn't swayed from her insistence. "That's what you do to your friends, Santana. You get feelings for them, you have sex with them, you think you can just go about your merry way unchanged, and it's not true. You want that to be you, but it isn't. You feel for him, and it's natural, you have his kid inside you...it IS his kid, right?"

"YES, shit, Quinn, I'm not YOU!" Santana half shouted, offended, and Quinn holds up both hands as though to pacify her.

"I was kidding, San...mostly. But I'm not kidding about anything else. You have feelings for him. If you say anything else you're lying, and you're a really sucky liar. Come on. Look me in the eyes and say he's just a friend."

"He is," Santana maintained, but even she was aware of her lips twitching as she said it. "Damn it...I'm a LESBIAN, Quinn!"

"Sweetie, there's no need to label you or anyone else," Quinn shook her head, one hand reaching out to squeeze her shoulder almost in sympathy. "You want who you want...there's nothing wrong with that. But if you want Finn, or have any feelings for him at all, then you have to figure it out fast, because what's going on with Brittany? It's extremely not cool. And it's not fair to anyone. Call me a hypocrite all you want but all that means is I know damn well what I'm talking about."

88

Finn swallowed thickly, walking back into the house as he finished up the burgers and wanted to bring it all inside. For once, he felt like he didn't belong at his own place, he felt out of place and like he shouldn't be here. That's probably what Brittany wanted and he has no idea what Quinn might be saying to Santana. He just felt so...alone, and it was hard. Part of him wants to call his friend from work an go out and do something, but the other half doesn't even feel like doing anything. These aren't her friends that he has to impress because it's the first time meeting them, it's people he grew up with, people he's known for years and it still feels so weird. He announced that food was ready as he set it all down, got out the buns and condiments, salad and a few other things before getting a plate and going to sit down on the couch to eat.

The three girls are slow to re-enter the kitchen, and Santana doesn't meet anyone's eyes. She nevertheless notices how close Brittany comes to her, how her hand and arm brush Santana's often, and it bothers her. Still she says nothing. But when she has her plate, she takes it to sit down beside Finn, and after a long moment's pause, heart beating a bit too fast in her chest, she balance her plate on her lap and leans into him, resting her head against his shoulder.

"I think I'll eat later. I'm not very hungry."

She can feel both the other women's eyes on her, Quinn's appraising, cautiously supportive, Brittany's narrowed before going blank.

Finn kept his eyes forward on the tv, trying to keep himself from looking over into the kitchen. He knew Brittany would try something any chance she got and he couldn't stomach anymore of it. To be honest, he really wasn't expecting Santana to come over to him. His head turned slowly to look at her, his napkin raising to wipe his lips.

"You alright?" He asked, not sure what was going on or if something was wrong with the baby that she wasn't hungry.

Or maybe it was something to do with Brittany? He didn't even dare try to look up at the other girls right now, just turned more into Santana to see what was going on. Maybe this is his problem, he just gives in right away to her, but he can't help it.

Santana nods against his shoulder, making no attempt to move away. She is still aware of her heartbeat as she replies. "Yeah, fine."

She watches as Quinn starts a conversation with Brittany, obviously attempting to draw her attention away, though this is with little success. And for another five minutes she battles herself, frozen with indecision. If Quinn and Brittany weren't here right now, or even if it was just Quinn, she would drape her legs over Finn's lap, playfully making him lift his plate of food, or else get up and sit on his lap outright, just because it looked comfortable. But Brittany is here, and between her and Quinn's confrontation, she is reluctant.

But eventually her own irritation with herself wins out. Why should she not do something she wants to do, just because Quinn is overly paranoid and Brittany is being weird? It's her house. She can do whatever she wants. So she slides herself into Finn's lap, lifting his plate first and setting it on her own lap once she's settled. She ignores Quinn's self satisfied smirk and Brittany's suddenly dark expression.

'Fine' in girl world usually wasn't, but he didn't want to get in this conversation right now in front of everyone else. As badly as he wanted to open up and tell her why he was so pissed and worked up, confused and torn, he wanted that to be in private. His head nodded a bit, letting her know with his eyes he understands something is bothering her, but will wait til later to ask again. It was really hard not to touch her right now, like really touch her with his hands, so he tried to use the tv as a small distraction right now.

But that plan went out the window once she was starting to slide into his lap. It caused his eyebrows to raise a bit as he leaned back, allowing her space as his hand set around her and the other started to rest against her inner thigh.

"You know it's going to be really hard not to kiss you when you're sitting like this, right?" The boy whispered into her ear softly, mainly just wanting to tease her as his teeth grazed against her lobe and he went right back to watching TV.

Santana swallows, feeling a quick heat run through her in reaction to his hand on her leg, his teeth against her ear. This is a usual precursor to making out, but she can't do that, not now, not in front of the girls. And what does that mean? If they were together she would...but if they were friends and it didn't mean anything, didn't that mean she would too? Quinn is definitely watching this, the look in her eyes caught somewhere between discomfort, horror, amusement, and strange affection.

But Brittany is having none of it. Eyes flashing, she sits upright, speaking directly to Finn.

"She's already pregnant. You can't give her twins, that's a myth, you know."

Finn's thumb rubs against the small of Santana's back softly, tracing random shapes and going in random directions. He wanted to kiss her so bad right now, not even a make out, just press his lips to hers softly and show the girls here what kind of guy he is with her. As a commercial begins, he moves back a little more into the couch, drawing her in even closer and setting his plate down next to them so she could get comfortable against him. Brittany's words cause a sharp breath to fill in his throat and he looks at Santana first, hoping she'd really see what she was trying to do here.

"I'm not trying to get her pregnant again right now, just like cuddling and holding her."

Santana looks at Quinn again, as though wanting her to step in, but Quinn just looks right back at her, her expression making it obvious what she thinks Santana should do. Speak up, make herself clear...put Brittany in her place. But what is Brittany's place in her life now? What is Finn's? She swallows, not pulling away from Finn, as she finally speaks to Brittany, her voice low.

"Brittany. I asked you here to be my friend. Please do that for me. Okay?"

Brittany widens her eyes, her tone deceptively innocent, but Santana sees through it. "Of course I'm your friend, Santana. Your very best friend. We've always been-"

"No, Brittany...we haven't," Santana cut her off, her voice quiet, but firmer. "We really haven't. Not always. Maybe...I don't know, maybe not ever. Can you just..." she swallowed, fighting down the lump rising in her throat, and tried to keep her voice steady as she finished. "Can you just be my friend? My real friend? Please?"

Finn wasn't sure what to do with himself right now, Santana was against him and talking to Brittany and it made him feel really nervous and anxious all at the same time. She was still being sort of...different about it, how she was speaking to her and it wasn't in typical Santana fashion. She has yelled at him, put him down, said things that she meant and in a way that made you know it...but it just seemed still so sugar coated with Brittany. She seemed to get a bit more firm with her words, but he has no idea if Brittany would really understand what she was saying, probably will pretend that she doesn't just to continue to come between things for her. He wanted to speak up and say something else, but kept quiet and his eyes turned down.

It was nice that she was trying to stand up for herself and everything, but it still felt a bit off to him and he wasn't sure what more to say or do right now. She was still on top of him, laying against him so that had to mean something, right? His hand slowly raised up to her stomach, feeling the baby move slightly and smiled to himself. Clearly she approves of what her mom is saying and doing right now and that made his dimples show.

Brittany stares at Santana for a long moment without speaking, her blue eyes hooded, almost unreadable. The tension in the room to Santana seems extreme, nearly unbearable, before the blonde drops her eyes, taking on the wounded look that always bothers Santana to see...the look she KNOWS upsets her to see. Her shoulders slumping, Brittany directs her words towards her lap, and Santana is horrified to see tears standing in her eyes.

"I'm always your friend, Santana. I just want you to be happy. I just...I made a mistake. A very big, very huge mistake, and it just-"

"Brittany," Quinn tried to cut in her, voice sharp, shaking her head, but Brittany ignored her, speaking over her, her voice slightly shaky, eyes wide and earnest and still holding back tears.

"Don't you remember that you're a lady unicorn, Sanny? Only another lady unicorn or a bicorn can really make you happy. Boys are just for fun, remember? Remember what you said about Finn, in high school, how he didn't even last five minutes and you had to tell him how to do everything and it still wasn't any good? He's not your unicorn, Santana. You're making a very big, very huge mistake too...please don't. Don't you remember who you are? Don't you remember who we are?"

Santana was very still on Finn's lap, almost unbreathing. She stares at Brittany, her chest moving shallowly, as her head spun with multiple and equally strong emotion. When she finally spoke, her voice was hoarse, the decision made only after frantically considering and rejecting others repeatedly.

"Brittany...I think you need to leave. Please. I'll talk with you later, I promise, if you want to. We can see each other again or talk on the phone or whatever we need to do, but now...today...I think you need to go back home. If you need money for it, or for me to talk to the cab driver or train or whatever you need to do to get there, I'll do it...but...please, for now I need you to go home."

Brittany's eyes grew wide, and her mouth opened with her shock, as genuine as it was exaggerated as she protested. "Santana...you don't really mean-"

"I do," Santana said softly, hearing her voice crack, but continuing anyway. "Please leave, Brittany. I need you to leave now."

Finn's hand slowly dropped from Santana's stomach and his face dropped as well. He felt all color drain from it and his heart fall into his butt. Santana was looking at her and he watched her face, her reactions and hearing what Brittany said...he wanted to storm out of here.

How could Santana not yell at her? How could she not shut her down, go all Lima Heights on her. Was he being used to make her jealous right now or what...what is all of this. She wants to talk to her later, see her again? Why the hell is he being so nice to her when she's calling the guy who loves her with his everything, the father of her child, a mistake. Saying this isn't her? Why is she offering to do anything for her?

Slowly, he moved Santana's legs and body off of his, getting up and just went to his room. This is a joke and he's tired of feeling like one. He doesn't give a crap if all she is doing is saying for her to leave, she never should have been here in the first place. What she didn't say was what mattered.

Santana freezes when Finn takes her off him, leaving the room. Brittany is making no move whatsoever towards the door and is trying to speak to her again, with Quinn talking over her to. But Santana takes no notice of this. Getting to her feet, she hurries after him, throwing open the door to his room and shutting it behind her again as she comes towards him.

"What are you doing?"

Finn doesn't even look at her as he moves around his room, doing anything he can to keep himself busy. "What am I doing? I'm getting the hell out of there before I crack. I'm not going to sit there while she puts us down, me down and all you do is tell her to leave. I could have done that."

His head shakes as a bitter puff of air falls from his nose. "You can't ever put her in her place, not even when she calls me a mistake and says this isn't you. She doesn't even know you and you tell her you two can talk soon. Anyone else you would rip apart but not her, not when she rips this and us apart, she gets offered money to get home and promised to be talked to soon."

"I told her we'd talk, so I can tell her what I think with just us and not the world watching! So you don't have to hear shit and Quinn doesn't!" Santana protested, her voice rising a little.

She comes closer, trying to grab hold of him and stop him from continuing to walk. "I can't just send her out in New York City on her own, without any money, she can't even use cell phones right half the time! She gets lost on her way to class, I can't just send her out there and let someone kill her because of what she's doing! What do you want me to do, Finn, scream at her? Would that make you feel better, really? Would that change what happened? It would make me feel a hell of a lot worse!"

"Why? She made sure to make it a point in front of me and Quinn to state that I'm a mistake, a joke and this isn't you in front of me and Quinn. So what's this that I don't have to hear, you sugar coating and letting her walk all over you like she always does?" His head just shook again at her, backing away from her and not wanting to be touched right now. "Why is that your fault? You're not her keeper, Santana. She came here obviously to get you back, pretty sure she knows what she's doing. You always think of her as just some child and let her get away with things. It's crap and look, you're able to yell at me, but not her. So I just don't get it, I don't understand and I have to be the one that feels the worst about it all. I have to sit there and watch that you care about her getting upset but yell at me for it. That you said nothing when she said you want to touch her, that you can't ever stick up for me and I have to question everything about myself."

"I'm yelling at you because you're yelling at me!" Santana snapped, but then she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and made an effort to control her tone. She tried to calm down and talk more slowly, but the agitation was evident in her tone. "I'm not sugar coating anything. But I know Brittany and if you yell at her she shuts down like a kicked puppy. If you want her to actually get something out of anything, you have to do it alone, where no one else is watching so she doesn't get an audience, and you can't yell. I AM sticking up for you. I told her to leave, what more am I supposed to do? I can't send her out onto the streets to wander around and get killed or mugged, Finn. If you were thinking straight you would know you wouldn't do that either. But here's what I'm not getting here...we're not married, Finn, we aren't even like in a relationship. We never even TALKED about it, and you're acting like everyone in the world knows we're hitching next week. You can't go ballistic because someone else is flirting with me when you won't even talk about what we are!"

She's working up now, almost in tears. "We just DO shit and we don't talk about it and maybe that's because of me and I don't do that but you never try and I'm supposed to just know anyway and be what you want and when I'm not it's like you're so mad at me but you won't even say what it is you want, I don't know what we are anymore but you act like you know already and I should know too, but I DON'T, Finn! I don't know anything anymore!"

"And I'm yelling because I had to get out of there and you don't realize why!" Finn used his arms when he spoke, signaling to the door before letting his arms drop. "You don't even see it, you do. Like right now, you're making excuses for her. You don't think she knows how you cave to her? You tell her to leave, but then say you'll talk, you offer her money. I would never, ever do that to anyone that ever showed up here and talked down about you and us, kept trying to touch me and came here to get back with me. I am thinking straight and I honestly don't care, she brought her cat when she knows I'm allergic, Santana. Stop caring about her when she obviously doesn't care about you."

His lips sucked in and his eyes closed for a few seconds before looking at her. "Santana, you got pissed when a girl even texted me, I'm allowed to get mad when someone is all over you in front of me and here to try and get you back. Have I been scared to talk about what we are? Yeah, I have because you usually shut down and shut me out when I try. We just had sex yesterday, we hold hands, kiss all the time, I'm falling in love with you, we're having a baby together, sleep together every night. Yeah, I think of you as my girl, you're my world, you're who makes me happy. I know we need to talk and figure it all out, but don't put this all on me. You seem like you're still confused too, you haven't told anyone that we even do anything. You think I want to put myself out there just to have you still confused, not knowing and not even able to put someone in their place for me or us?"

His chest was rising and falling with emotions and he just looked to the side of the room.

He had a point. He had a lot of points, actually, and Santana can't really defend herself much against most of them. Brittany did know how to play her when she wanted to, and she did know she shouldn't have brought the cat. She had got mad when he texted a girl...and she was confused. But it's one sentence in particular of his that keeps ringing in her ears. Falling in love with her. Finn was falling in love with her...Santana tries to think of something to say, but nothing seems right or adequate.

Her thoughts reeling, stomach twisting and squeezing with stress and anxiety, she stares at him, trying desperately not to cry. Finally she managed, "I'll...Finn...she's going home...we'll...we can talk, or...ok?"

God, she sounds pathetic...she hates even listening to herself. This isn't her, not the her she knows and is familiar with and okay with. She sounds like a kid even to her own ears.

Finn raised his hands a bit. "You mean after you go say goodbye to her and make sure she gets home okay that we can talk?"

Just like he felt earlier, five steps forward, ten back. Licking over his lips, he walked towards the door and opened it for her. "You clearly are worrying about that more, so go say your goodbyes or whatever you want to do. I need to lay down."

Santana's eyes shift between the doorway and Finn several times, the lump already present in her throat now seeming large enough to choke her. She can feel Alexandra stirring in her, obviously bothered by her feelings. She has never heard Finn speak so sarcastically to anyone, let alone her, and it is shocking to her. It seems to her like he hates her now. What if he does hate her? What if it's too late to talk about anything, and now she's lost pretty much everyone in her life?

Slowly she walks through the door, her head down, but it soon becomes obvious when she walks back into the living room that it is empty, with both Quinn and Brittany not in sight. She starts to panic, thinking that not only Brittany but also Quinn has left, but then the front door opens and Quinn steps through, her face lined with weariness. Seeing Santana, she said to her, "I put her on a taxi to the bus station and gave her the last of my cash for a ticket. God knows I'll probably live to regret this if she ends up living in a musuem or something instead..."

"I thought you left too," Santana blurted, just before breaking down in tears at last.

Quinn came forward quickly and wrapped her arms around her, holding her firmly as Santana tried to stifle her sobs against her shoulder. Sighing into her hair, Quinn shook her head at her.

"San..." she squeezed her for emphasis, then let go, stepping back. "Go talk to him."

Sniffling, wiping at her cheeks, Santana glanced back at her, but Quinn just nodded as though to affirm her opinion as Santana slowly moved back towards the bedroom door, opening it and slipping inside.

Finn felt bad that he was so angry, but he couldn't help it. The last thing he wanted was to be mean to her with her being pregnant and stress isn't good at all, but he was made to feel like crap today and just when he was starting to open up, she was bringing Brittany into the conversation again and he was made to feel like that her main priority was making sure she was okay. It killed him to feel like this for her watch someone try to come between it and them and she wasn't sticking up for either of the two. He knows they haven't talked yet, but that doesn't change the fact that they sleep together, cuddle every night and are pretty PDA everywhere they go. That has to mean something, right?

His head was about to explode and he needed to just lay down right before he went crazy. His hands were shaking so he folded them over his chest and took a few deep breaths. Even as the door opened, he didn't flinch, his eyes were closed and he didn't know if it was Santana or maybe Quinn? Hell, maybe Brittany is trying to come in here and kill him or something, he wouldn't put it pass the girl. She was here thinking Santana was making a mistake, but maybe he is in thinking she'd want something real with him, that she really does love him as more than just a friend and that he'd come first for her. His stomach twisted with that thought, his mind everywhere as he turned a bit more into his pillow, not knowing what to say just yet or really able to pin point what he was exactly feeling right now. Anger and sadness, hurt and confusion were all twisting together.

Santana stood in the doorway, uncertain, aware that her hands were shaking slightly and her stomach was a jumbled mass of nerves. She swallowed several times, looking down at Finn on his bed, and anger, guilt, grief, and fear all fought for dominance in her heart. She took a deep breath, then stepped forward, starting to speak and hating how her own voice shook.

"Finn..." she stopped, already wiping at her cheeks. "It's only normal that I'm...that I'm confused. I mean...you were just that doofus who was Puck's friend, you know? Then you were just the guy I screwed...no offense, but I'm just being honest, and...then you were kind of my friend because you were nice to me anyway, and then you were..you were the guy who outed me and I hated you, but then you still...you cared even if you had fucked up, and you tried to hard and...so then you were my friend again. And then it was like, I don't know, a brother or something, and then it was...you were the guy I went to for sex and comfort, when everything in the world was falling apart. And then you got me pregnant and I wanted to hate you but I couldn't, because you were the one who took care of me, and then you were like...it seemed like almost all I had, and my best friend, and then...then we were doing all this sappy cuddling stuff again, because, I don't know, you're ET's dad and...then with the sex and...now it's like...I mean, I guess I've always loved you, like since senior year anyway, but now...now it's almost like I'm falling in love a little but it's so confusing, and how do I know this is the one that lasts because none of your other roles did? How do I know that, Finn? And now you're mad at me because I'm confused but it's confusing and..."

By this point she was outright crying, her words cut off by a loud sob. Wiping again at her tears, she choked out, "Stop being mad at me. Please stop being mad."

Finn slowly opened his eyes, hearing the emotions in her throat as she spoke and her crying really got to him. No one wants to make the person carrying their child this upset, but he can't help but having heavy and hard emotions over all of this. He sucked in a deep breath, listening to her ramble a bit about everything he has even been to her. And he gets it, he knows they've had their ups and downs, their ins and outs and different stages of things, but things are so much different now than high school. There's real feelings involved, a baby, they live together and it's confusing, but she should know and see how he feels about her is way different than he ever has.

But she said she's falling in love with him too and that's what gave him hope as he stood up to hug her. That's what he had to do first with how upset she was and it killed him to see that.

"I get that you're confused about what we are and we haven't talked yet to define it, but that is my bad because I was afraid you'd shut down on me or not want to talk about it. I just…guess I saw it in my head with all we were doing, how we are around each other and how I feel about you that we're sort of together. Or something like that. But you don't have to worry about this not lasting, I am in this for the long run, Santana. Whatever this is that we have to define." He whispered to her lowly before letting out a long breath. "I'm just all over the place like you are, imagine if an ex of mine came in and was doing what Brittany was with you and I didn't say anything or stick up for you, would that hurt you?"

Santana's arms went around Finn tightly, and she gripped him, trying to sniff back further tears. Face against his chest, she listens, taking in what he has to say, and takes several deep breaths, trying to calm. She can understand what he's saying. She doesn't like to think about Rachel showing up and running her hands over his chest or making comments about being with him, that's for sure. She hadn't thought about it like that at all.

"Yes," she whispers, not looking up. "Yeah."

Finn ran his hands up and down her back, hoping to rub against her muscles as well. He knew that all of this was probably hard on her body with the hormones and the pregnancy pains. Even though he didn't use her name, he could tell Santana was thinking about Rachel being here and he would hate for Santana to have to ever see or hear what he did today with anyone he's ever been with. A hard swallow fell down his throat as he moved his hands to cup her cheeks.

"I'm sorry I got mad, I couldn't help what my emotions did today. Something in me just cracked, but I shouldn't have yelled at you, I'm sorry. I know part of that is because we need to figure out what we are, I don't want to have to ever feel like someone can take you from me. I know this isn't a mistake and I know it can last. Not just because of the baby, but because of how I feel about you and how happy you make me."

Santana looks up at him, swallowing. His hands against her skin, cupping her face, feels somehow right, even more so right now, in the aftermath of a fight, than when everything is settled and calm. She nods again slowly, exhaling.

"So…well, what are we then?"

Finn ran his thumbs against the bones underneath her eyes. A heavy breath filled his chest and he slowly let it out through his nose. He's never been so scared to ask this question, but it's also never meant this much to him to in the past. This felt like the real deal and he couldn't help how quick his heart started beating.

"I…want to be together, I want to be your boyfriend and you be my girlfriend, but I want you to want it too."

Santana isn't surprised to be told this, not really, not after everything that had gone down this day. What is surprising is how quickly an answer came to her mind. Still, she hesitated, trying to weigh through, before slowly inclining her head in a nod.

"I…I think I want that too."

His eyes grow a bit wide as she is nodding, he wasn't sure if that was a yes yet or she was just thinking. But then she spoke and he felt a small smile grow on his lips.

"Yeah?" He asked with almost a crack in his tone, not expecting her to say that just yet, but never the less super happy she did. "That's..really good to hear and know."

Santana nods again, this time confirming, and tightens her grip on him. "Yeah…yeah."

Finn licks over his lips before leaning in to kiss her softly. "You're my girlfriend."

Weird as that sounds, it's also somehow right. Santana kisses him back, again nodding.

"Yeah…I guess I am, then."

His arms move to set around her and he can feel Alexandra kicking against his stomach.

"I think she approves," he whispered back with a small chuckle through his nose

Santana smiles, leaning her head on his shoulder, one hand touching her stomach. A sudden knock on the door makes her jump, then Quinn calls out.

"Um…I don't hear any more screaming or bloodshed, can I assume everyone is alive?"

Finn laughs and continues to run a hand up and down her back softly. He jumped a bit as well and laughed at himself for it and Quinn's words.

"Yeah, all good in here. Perfect, actually." The boy responded before kissing Santana's lips softly. "Go hang out with her, I'll be out in a bit to make you food, but you deserve some alone time with her."

Santana pulled away from Finn slowly, a little reluctant, but does go out the door to where Quinn is waiting, eyebrows raised high. The blonde opens her mouth, no doubt to interrogate, but Santana interrupts, giving her a slightly shy smile.

"So we're officially dating or something…"

Quinn blinked, then broke out into a wide smile, wrapping her arms around her and giving her a tight squeeze. 'The only surprise about that is that you could get your head out your ass long enough to notice. I'm happy for you San."


	23. Chapter 23

Finn wanted to do something special for Santana…his girlfriend. It still felt so amazing to be able to say that and call her so. They had the whole weekend to themselves, he didn't have to go into work at all and he figured it was about time he took her out on a date. In three short months, Alexandra was going to be here and they wouldn't have a lot of time to themselves, so he thought tonight they could go out in the city before it gets too cold and get some food, or do whatever she is up to doing. He walked in after work with a huge smile on his face and walked right over to where she was sitting on the couch.

"Hey," Finn whispered against her lips, kissing her a few times over before finally pulling back. "I was thinking I'd shower and we could head out for dinner tonight, anywhere you wanna go."

It's taking some adjustment, but Santana is starting to get used to the idea of being someone's girlfriend- of being FINN'S girlfriend. In reality, it's really not all that different than what they had already been slowly becoming to each other. It was simply a new title to what had already been present.

The only thing that really bothered her about it was having to hear other people go on about it, down the line. Santana didn't want people sneering about her being a "fake" lesbian or trying to label her as bi or anything else, and she didn't want people to start talking about her being confused or knowing that she's really gay or really straight or anything else. She doesn't want people to be too excited or too skeptical either. All she wants is for them to leave her alone…except, of course, for Finn.

Nothing has changed in how Finn has interacted with her, except maybe even more attention and affection showed towards her. As he comes to where she had been resting her cramping legs on the couch, kissing her, Santana splays her hand over his neck, kissing back, but when he suggests going out, her smile slips, and she half scowls.

"Do you not see how I'm fat now, Finn? I'm gaining a pound a week. LITERALLY a pound a week. Do you know what I weigh now? 128 pounds. THAT IS ALMOST 130."

In reality, Santana is about where she should be with weight gain, maybe even slightly small. But in her mind, she is completely huge, and everyone must be staring.

Finn takes a seat next to her, sitting as close as possible with his arm slipping around her.

"You're not fat at all, Santana. You're pregnant and you're seriously so tiny still, girls would kill to be almost 130."

"Yeah, girls like Zizes," Santana rolled her eyes, grumbling under her breath. But Finn's thumb rubbing her shoulder, his lips on her head are enough to relax her, and she leans into him, her body's muscles loosening up.

His thumb rubbed against her shoulder as he leaned in to kiss her again. She was perfect, every inch of her. He gets that it's hard for her to see and feel that way with carrying another human being inside of her, but he seriously can't imagine someone looking more amazing when they're pregnant.

It was hard not to be all over her, he tries not to be since he doesn't want it to be too much too soon….but they've been having sex even before they were officially together, so he was just trying to keep the same pace…just not as scared to talk about it or scared to make a move.

Being with her officially felt amazing, from the way she kissed and touched him, he just wanted to take her out on an official date, but if that wouldn't make her feel good about herself, they could do something else.

"You wanna go to the movies? Or we can go to the mall or whatever you wanna do, if you feel up to going out."

"It doesn't matter I guess. I'm gonna gain weight just as much sitting at home, so I'll do whatever."

Licking over his lips, Finn pulled her into his lap gently to get her legs to wrap around him and slowly stood up. His forehead pressed to hers and his hands stayed wrapped around the small of her back. He had no issue whatsoever holding her, carrying her or anything…but he made sure to be super careful because he knew she would be worried about the baby and his big feet.

"I have an idea of something we can do first," The boy whispered out into her neck as he leaned in to kiss her softly against her sweet skin. "Something we haven't done yet, but I want to with you." He added as he started to walk towards the bathroom with her against him.

Santana is never going to say it unless she's drunk, coming off a sex high, or almost asleep, but she secretly loves to be carried. It makes her feel small and cared for in a comforting sort of way, and it also helps her to feel better about her size. If Finn can still lift her like nothing, maybe she's not beyond the pail yet.

She wraps her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder as he carries her to the bathroom. Eyebrows raised, she grins.

"Not that original but I'm not complaining."

"Do you wanna take a shower or a bath?" He asked with a smile, leaning down to kiss her shoulder softly as he set her onto the counter and pulled back just slightly. His swallow was hard as he set his hands against her thighs and let his thumbs brush against on the inside towards her core just slightly.

"I know it's not original, but uh, it's my first time doing this with someone. So yeah, you get another one of my firsts."

Santana's breathing catches as Finn strokes the inside of her thighs. She spreads them slightly, giving him more access as she replies a bit breathlessly.

"Bath." It would mean she can sit down instead of stand, which will probably feel better on her legs. Plus she likes the idea of him slowly rinsing and washing each part of her.

She raises her eyebrows at his confession that this is his first time. She never would have thought Rachel the cliched romantic would let him get away with not bathing together. She starts to say so, then stops, not wanting to ruin it.

Finn's fingers slowly move higher, brushing over her core even with her pants still on. He wasn't trying to rush this, he just missed her all day and hearing her talk bad about herself, he wanted to make her feel good and see herself as he does.

"Bubbles or no?" He asked with a lopsided smile, not knowing what her preference was or what was allowed with being pregnant. The last time he took a bath was when he played football and that was way different.

With a deep breath, he tried to brace himself for her to laugh or something at him…but she doesn't and that makes him feel a lot better. He turned to start the water before back to her, slowly starting to undress her and himself. Once her shirt was off, he leaned in to kiss over her chest while looking up to her through his eyelashes.

Santana's skin is very sensitive now; even through her clothes she feels her muscles tighten in response to Finn as she becomes turned on. She shakes her head no to the bubbles, not having the patience, and undresses herself hurriedly as Finn is taking off her shirt, the best she can without hands. She throws her clothes in the corner and slides off the counter„ more than glad to get in the tub.

Finn can't help but smirk a bit at her eagerness. He hurried with his own clothes, wanting to get in first so that she could sit against him and he could hold her in it. A bath is a lot more intimate than a shower and he's happy she picked it so that it didn't seem like a quickie or anything and he can take his time making her feel good. It was hard not to blush again as he stood naked and climbing into the shower, but he offered her his hand to help her in and couldn't help but look at her in awe. Her body was just so perfect and he couldn't wait to rub his hands against it.

Seeing his smirk, Santana half scowls at Finn, reaching out to shove at him.

"Shut up. You're the one all "I know it's like four pm but we need a BATH!" She laughs, leaning back into him, enjoying the feeling of the water lapping slightly against her skin, Finn's body flush against hers. She shrugs under his arms, wanting them to pull her even closer.

Finn's hands raised in his own defense and he smiled like a total dork.

"I didn't say anything. I was just smiling at how sexy and beautiful you look. " He told her honestly, his arms wrapping right around her as she set herself against him. The water was just perfect and he could tell that she was enjoying it too. He situated his legs around her and helped bring her in as close as possible against him and began to kiss up and down her bare shoulders and the back of her neck softly.

"But I don't mind at all taking all the credit for this. "

Sinking back against him, her muscles loose and relaxed, Santana rests her head against Finn's shoulder. His kisses on her skin cause her to shiver slightly, and she smiles, her skin tingling. She doesn't even roll her eyes at his compliment; she can believe he believes it.

Finn's lips moved up to her jaw line, pressing sweet kisses up and down the underside of her jaw and letting his tongue brush over some weak spots he has found before along her neck. His hands moved upwards on her inner thighs and his thumbs brushed against her core, softly moving along her folds. He could tell that she was really relaxed and enjoying this and that made him so happy.

"You want me touch somewhere else first?" Finn asked lowly into her ear with a smile.

It's such a switch up for Santana to give someone else control of her body in this way, letting herself be the one who is kissed and fondled rather than the other way around, at least when it's a man she's partnered with. She would have thought she would hate it and fight to gain control back, as she always had in the past. But she feels no inclination to do so now. She squirms as Finn touches her, a soft groan escaping, and she shook her head frantically.

"Don't you DARE touch somewhere else now…"

A small chuckle fell from his nose as her words caused his blood to rush a bit warmer. He started to rub his fingers up and down her slit, rubbing his thumb ever so gently against her clit. There was no rush or eagerness in his touches, he just wanted to make her feel good and take his time doing so. He kept kissing over anywhere in reach and sucked a bit along her pulse point as well.

"Believe me, I don't want to touch anywhere else," the boy let out in a gruff, husky tone as his index finger circled her entrance.

Santana's heartbeat sped up, her breathing quickening as well, and she pressed herself into Finn's hand, still squirming slightly against him. She can feel her walls tightening against his touch, and she takes his hand and guides it to increase the feeling even more.

Finn's fingers slip inside of her slowly, not wanting to be too much too quick, but knowing she needed more attention and pleasure. His fingers curled slightly inside of her, pushing in deeper as they unhinged while his thumb added pressure to her clit.

"You okay?" He asked hotly into her ear, sucking on the spot between the end of her jaw and lobe.

Santana nods emphatically, not wanting him to pull back. She continues to guide his hand, crying out when Finn's fingers circle her core. Eyes tightly shut, breath almost a pant now, she rocks herself against him, building up her own pleasure until she is on the verge.

Finn works in a steady rhythm inside of her, pressing and seeping as far as he could. Her wet walls felt so good and he couldn't help but curl with his pumps just to add even more to it all. When she starts to move, he can tell she's close, so he begins to quicken his motion against her bundle of nerves, knowing her clit is her weakest spot to make her cum.

It only takes another minute or two for Santana's release to come. Head tilted back against him, eyes squeezed shut, she moans loudly, her hand still grasping Finn's inside her. She lays back against him, a shudder of pleasure rolling through her as she starts to come down, and smiles widely.

"Damn.."

His fingers keep working inside of her, even as she reaches her orgasm and he makes sure to ride it out until she as kisses up and down her collarbone and neck until he can feel her smiling and can't help but do the same. His fingers slowly move from inside of her to start massaging against her legs again.

"Tell me where you want me to touch you next."

Her legs are exactly where she wants his hands. They've been sore and cramping up today, and his fingers gently kneading her muscles feels incredibly good. Santana nods, taking a few minutes to find words.

"There…legs…right…"

A closed mouth grin forms on his face, his dimples showing as he stretches his arms out to work up and down her legs. "This is where my long and big arms come in handy." He spoke out lowly, working his fingers into every inch, every muscle and every where he could reach. His cock couldn't help but brush against her ass as he moved, but with this positioning, he couldn't fix it.

Santana doesn't mind Finn brushing her; in fact, it's keeping her rather turned on. She stretches her legs out as far as the tub will allow, propping them on the wall, and squirms back even further against him, releasing another long sigh.

"I love…love…love your long-ass fingers…"

A sharp breath filled his lungs as she pushed back against his cock. He couldn't help but be half hard with everything and now she was just driving him nuts. It took as few seconds to catch himself again, but he went right back to massaging all of her muscles. He had no idea what she was about to say, so his eyebrows rose for a second before smiling real big.

"They love you, too."

Still smiling, Santana fumbles to her side for Finn's leg, beginning to rub her hand slowly but intently over his thigh. She digs her thumb in even as her other fingers lightly stroke, teasing.

His eyes flutter close for a few seconds and you can practically hear his Adam's apple falling down his throat. Her touch was giving him goosebumps and also causing his cock to twitch.

"Your fingers are pretty awesome too."

Santana slows her touch even further, dragging her fingers up and down the length of his thigh, moving them in slow circles. She walked up down towards his knee, then back up, mindful of his reactions.

Finn's tongue moves over his bottom lip slowly, trying to gain control of himself…but failing. The inside of his thigh was so weak to her touch and anywhere she ran her finger nails gave him the best kind of chills. His one hand moved from her legs to her breast, taking one and teasing against her nipple with his thumb to give her a taste of her own medicine.

Santana's fingers momentarily freeze, and her pulse speeds. But she keeps up doggedly, determined to make Finn "give" first as she concentrates on his more sensitive spots.

Finn was impressed that she was able to fight off the urge to moan as he worked over her sensitive breasts. He swears they get bigger every day with the pregnancy and he knows how sore they can get too. His fingers work into them gently as his hips buck up, causing his cock to brush against her ass. "Killing me." He whispered out to her, barely able to form sentences.

Santana is dying inwardly too. Finn seems to know EXACTLY how to touch her to make her want to scream and flail out in response against him. Touching her breasts is cheating, she wants to blurt out; he knows that even a small brush against them now can turn her on or make her feel pain, and he is definitely doing the former. She is nevertheless pleased when she hears him admit that she's killing him and increases her efforts, now rubbing her entire hand up and down his inner thigh, spreading her fingers.

Finn's head falls back some against the back of the tub, trying to find his breathing again as his heart is practically beating out of his chest right now. He continues to brush his thumb over her hard nipple, going soft so that it wasn't too much, but just enough to make her feel it all over. Once again he moves his hips, trying to get some relief in his cock but fails. Leaning in, he kisses against her neck and begs against her pulse point.

"Please touch me, babe."

Santana obeys. Sliding her hand further inside his thigh, she cups his penis, slowly stroking her thumb over its length. She is still breathing heavily, trying to force back the cries that threaten to emerge.

A low groan fell from the back of his throat along with a hiss through his teeth. He was rock hard and her touches had his legs practically shaking already. His hand grips a little against her breast, showing her exactly what she's doing to him as his nose nudges under her chin to bring her lips up to his.

Santana kisses him, lightly sucking on his tongue and lower lip as her hands begin to rub more intently, creating friction. She bites her inner cheeks as Finn continues to touch her breasts, feeling herself growing wet again.

Another moan fell from the back of his mouth into hers. It was hard to keep himself from bucking into her palm, but he fought to keep himself still, knowing she would probably want to be in charge. His other hand moved up from her leg to back to her core, feeling her wetness even in the water, he smirked against her lips.

Oh no, he wasn't playing fair. She was not going to let him make her come first. Nope.

Santana put one hand on Finn's wrist, slowing the motions, even as the other continued to rub Finn first clockwise, then counterclockwise, changing up the speed occasionally. She hopes he comes fast because she's not sure how long she can hold out.

His head was starting to pound and the tip of his cock was starting to throb. She kept moving against his shaft in all the right ways and aw she sped up, a vein popped out on his cock that let them both know he was close. He knew she was trying to stop him from teasing her too much, so he stopped for the time being and kissed her hungrily and passionately.

With a husky moan of her name, he started to release in her hand with his own gripping to her to control himself.

Grinning broadly, pleased with herself for "winning" this unspoken game, Santana loosens her hold, giving Finn time to recover, and kisses him somewhat sloppily, mostly tongue and teeth. She presses her chest more firmly into his hand, wanting to finish off herself then too, and it doesn't take her long to follow him. Tired but happy, she leans back fully into him, catching her breath.

Finn's chest was rising and falling and he could practically hear his heart beat echoing off the walls in here. He kissed her back with his dimples showing, his face still practically shining from what happened and how good she made him feel. His tongue massaged against hers as he worked against her chest again, impressed he could get her to come with just a few more touches. This bath was definitely the best idea he has had in a while. His hands held her even closer through her orgasm and even after she readjusted against him.

"You're perfect," the boy whispered out into her ear softly.

Santana doesn't argue. She lays back against him, her fingers lightly stroking his inner arms, pulling his arms even more closely around her. Tucking her head in the crook of his neck and shoulder, she snuggles in, very relaxed.

"I can't believe you never did this before."

His thumbs brush against her stomach, drawing random shapes as he smiles against her shoulder.

"I'm glad I didn't, I like that all my first are with you. First and lasts." He whispered out, hoping that wasn't too heavy for her.

There was some truth in what he was saying. His first time having sex, his first baby, his first romantic bath. Santana smiled, somewhat pleased, but glances up at him when he says that it's also his last.

"I wasn't your first kiss, though."

Finn laughs through his nose and shakes his head.

"No you weren't, some girl planted her lips on me in third grade and I think I cried," he shared as his hands continued to gently rub against her skin and stomach. "But you're going to be my last kiss and so many other things."

Santana smirked, thinking of this. "Such a stud, Hudson. Should I call you Studson?"

Her lips are still upturned as she remembers, "My first kiss was kindergarten. Puck was throwing sand on me so I pushed him down and tackled him and I was soooo mad at him because I got sent to time out and he didn't. I had been kicking and screaming in the time out corner and I had JUST finished and I was just sort of sulking around hating everyone, and then he ran up and kissed me and ran off just because he knew it would piss me off. I got so mad all over again I threw my chair at him and then I had to go to the principal."

She snickered, remembering. "Took him another ten years to try to kiss me again, ha."

She looked up at him again at this last comment, her brow furrowing.

"How do you know that?"

Finn raised his eyebrows up and down. "I wouldn't not answer to it if you did."

It sort of made him the tiniest bit jealous and maybe that's because it was Puck and he remembers a few times he didn't like seeing the two of them together. Maybe it was because he didn't think he treated her right, or he was catching feelings after they slept together or who knows. But never the less he pushed that away and chuckled.

"Oh so you would laugh at me for kicking chairs, but throwing them's allowed?" He joked before nodding his head with a smile. "I know that I don't want anyone else and I believe in what we have." Finn said honestly, swallowing before finding his voice again. "I also know that no matter what, you'll never be able to get rid of me because I won't let you. I've never felt so comfortable with someone before, never felt my heart do the things it does with you."

"Yes," Santana smirked. "Throwing chairs is totally allowed when you are wronged. And if you're five and absolutely adorable." She sticks her tongue out playfully. "Still had it even then."

She goes quiet as Finn continues, thinking. She can't say she disagrees, but she is cautious about expressing too much too fast.

"Yeah, you're right. I bet you doing it is a lot more cuter than when I was going around kicking stuff over and waving my arms with it." He leaned in to kiss the corner of her mouth before smiling real big. "Our kid is totally going to get your adorableness, I know it."

Finn can tell she was staying quiet and he understood why completely. He's just going to have to prove his words to her and hope that she feels the same way some day.

Santana continues to rest back against him, idly stroking his arm when she remembers to. After a few moments she looks back up at him, smiling.

"So supposedly if you put your ear to my stomach you can hear her heartbeat 's big enough now."

Finn wasn't sure how much longer they'd last in the water before they began to prune, but he didn't care. Her touches kept him completely relaxed and it was hard to stop smiling.

Opening up his eyes really wide, he was clearly excited by what she was saying.

"Wait, really? I wanna try that once we get out of here. " He said happily, his hands brushing over where their baby was situated in her stomach. "I want us to get the 3D ultrasound as soon as we can. I've been thinking about it and just want to see her little face and features. "

Santana wants to try it for herself too. Not that she'll be able to hear herself, but she wants to watch Finn do it. Sitting up with some difficulty and pulling away from him, she gestures to him.

"I need to wash my hair quick and then we can get out and try."

Finn licks over his lips and sits up a bit with her. He's not sure if she'll let him or how she is about her hair, but she seems to like when he plays with it…so maybe she'll let him wash it for her.

"I can do it for you, I know it's not that easy sitting down and I don't want you to hurt yourself. "

Santana looks back at him, surprised but pleased by the offer. Her lips curve into a small but genuine smile even as she quirks an eyebrow.

"It's basically as easy sitting down as standing up but it's hard with you behind me blocking the faucet head, so. Yeah„ you can do it if you know what you're doing."

"Alright, maybe that was a bad excuse to use. But yeah, I just wanna do it for you and you can sit back and relax." His hands reached a bit forward for the bottles, but paused before smiling towards her. "You should probably tell me which ones you want me to use. I don't wanna pick the wrong stuff, your hair always smells so good and want to use whatever is your favorite."

After he finally shut up, his hands moved to take the shampoo and he slowly began to massage it into her scalp and strands.

"It's going to be weird, in a few months we'll be washing our daughters hair. I'm gonna have to learn how to do that right."

Santana rests back against Finn again, but leans forward enough so he can reach her head easily. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she shivers a little; the water is beginning to get cool.

"Conditioner first, rinse, then the shampoo. Those bottles."

She keeps her eyes closed, enjoying the sensation of Finn's hands in her hair as he gently works his fingers through. She relaxes, but when he mentions their daughter, she straightens, this being a new thought.

"Oh shit what if I get soap in her eyes?!" She is suddenly sure that if her baby cries, because she hurt her, she's going to cry too. She's practically getting teary already just thinking about it. "What if she pukes and gets in her hair and I have to wash it a lot and there's soap in her eyes?"

Finn can tell what he said made her freak out a bit and he immediately felt bad for working her up. He knows she's nervous about doing everything right, but he knows for a fact she's going to be the most amazing mom ever.

"San….they have baby shampoo so that it won't hurt her, you know that stuff that's yellow and for really soft skin. They have that stuff so you don't even have to worry about it hurting her." He assures her, massaging against her scalp some more to help her relax again. "We'll make sure we have all the best baby-safe stuff there is."

Santana is still anxious, despite his reassurances. She knows that it won't be the death of the baby if she gets soap in her eyes, but somehow, even this early, it feels like it would be a tragedy.

"Stuff is going to happen to her," she realizes for the first time. "Finn, stuff will happen to her. She's going to get cuts and bruises and fall down and she's going to hit her head and get sick and all that stuff could be so bad and we'll watch her do it and she'll be hurting and we'll have to see it. Finn, she's going to have bad stuff happen and I might even do the bad stuff to her sometimes without meaning to! Kids might tease her for being biracial or like…what racial is she anyway because I'm triracial so she's…"

She pauses, trying to do math in her head. "Five eights white, a quarter Puerto Rican and an eighth black. Who even knows what she'll look like? And someone is going to break her heart and I'll have to kill them and then I'll go to jail and it will make her sad…"

Blinking rapidly, Santana splays her hands over her stomach in the best embrace she can manage. "She's going to HURT."

Finn can tell that her emotions and worries are starting to take over her thoughts right now and he keeps his mouth shut, just holding her close as she spoke. It's a scary thought to bring a baby into this world and know things will happen to her, that she'll scrape her leg and get her heart broken…but that will just make her into a better person.

"And you wanna know what, when those things happen, we get to help her. We get to be there for her, we're her parents and we will always make it better. It happens, and it'll make her just as strong as you are, she'll always have us, no matter how bad, no matter how sad or hurt she is…she has us to make it all better for her." His lips rub together before quirking his eyebrows. "She's going to be beautiful, the most beautiful girl in the whole entire world. And we're not letting her date til she's like, 18. I'll be right next to you, killing whoever hurts her. We're her rock, San. Always and she's going to be just like you, throwing chairs at anyone who messes with her."

His hands move from her hair to wrap around her and hold her close. "You're already the best mom ever."

Santana sniffs, raising one hand to rub at her eyes, then turns her head into Finn's neck, letting him hug her. She gives a faint chuckle at his statement that she can't date until she's eighteen, shaking her head.

"Twenty-one. That way she can't be drinking."

It was really good to hear her laugh a bit and he leaned down to kiss her softly.

"Deal. Twenty one. We're going to write it down in her baby book so she can see the rules and can't question them."

"Ha, if she's my kid, she's gonna question them the second she can talk," she rolled her eyes, but she is feeling more cheerful now. Pulling back from Finn gently, she starts to stand, balancing with a hand to his shoulder.

"You did finish my hair right?"

"I'm in big trouble, aren't I." Finn joked with a laugh, making sure all the suds were out of her hair before she stood up.

He set his arms out so that she was okay and nodded his head. "Yup, all clean," he told her honestly, helping her out of the tub before turning to pull the plug for the water to go down.

"You want me to make you some dinner now?" rs.

Santana nods, her stomach growling as though to answer on its own. She wraps the towel around herself, a second around her hair, and takes Finn's hand before he can pull away, giving a little tug.

"Don't tell me Mr. Enthusiasm already forgot."

Finn shook his head with a big, dopey smile.

"I didn't forget about listening to your stomach, I just wanted to make sure it was fed first. Don't want to hear any growls." He joked, slipping his other hand into hers and leaning in to kiss her again softly.

"You have no idea how good it feels to be able to kiss you whenever I want. Alexandra is so going to be that kid that yells at us for it."

Santana can't argue with that. Following him into the kitchen, she sits, relieved above all else that her morning sickness days are over with.

She was slow to pull away from his kiss, not minding at all lingering close. She smiles slightly, thinking of an infant who shrieks every time her parents kiss.

"I bet I did that. Baby cockblocker."

Finn starts up the oven and gets out all her favorite ingredients to make her some flat bread pizza. The wild toppings aren't as bad as you'd think and yes he knows because she has forced him to have a bite of it before.

A laugh falls form his lips against her own as his hands rose to set against her stomach.

"She seems to like it now when we're together, so who knows. But yeah, I can totally imagine you pushing your parents apart if they even got close."

Santana watches with sharp interest as Finn gets out the M&Ms, anchovies, and pickles to top the pizza with, sitting up straight in her chair in anticipation. So it sounds crazy and looks worse; she doesn't care. It tastes good to her.

She touches her stomach gently as well when Finn does, looking down at it.

"Yeah, I bet I did a huge kick so Papi like, bounced down to the floor." She snickers, envisioning.

"Don't tell Alexandra that. " He pointed to her with a spoon and made a small pizza for himself, not wanting to steal any of hers…especially with the anchovies. "She might try to kick me and I don't think it would be good if I fell onto the floor, I might break it," Finn joked as he got the pizza in the ovens and turned back to where she was sitting, standing in between her legs and kissing her again.

"Hopefully she'll be really happy after you eat and her heart will be beating really loud."

"Yeah, we're probably about equal weight wise about now, I don't know if the floor can hold up with us standing too close, let alone with you falling like a rotten Christmas tree," Santana smirked. She splayed her fingers over his back, kissing him back, even as she sneakily messed up his hair with her free hand.

"She's always happy after I eat. She doesn't kick me for at least half an hour after."

His head shook at her with a smile. "Santana, we're not anywhere close in weight size. I don't think if you had six babies at once, we'd weight the same. I'm a tall guy and it takes a lot of weight and muscle to make me look like I'm not a flag pole," Finn joked, rubbing his nose against hers and trying not to moan as she touched his hair.

"Let's just hope my head against your stomach doesn't make her mad." He teased with a big smile.

Santana knows this is accurate; she was exaggerating because she FEELS so huge. She smirked as he rubbed his nose on hers, feigning disgust, but hugs him again before pulling away.

"ET wants food. Is it almost ready?"

"Yup, just a few more minutes," He says turning to look at the oven before pulling away. "I'm gonna go put on some boxers, can't risk dropping food on my towel." Finn said laughing at himself before hurrying up to do that.

After getting into some boxer briefs and basketball shorts, he walked back in just in time to get the pizzas out.

"What do you want to drink, babe?"

Santana changes into underwear, some of Finn's boxers, and a bra as well as a tank top. Her breasts are much larger and more sensitive now and need more support. Normally Finn's boxers wouldn't stay up on her hips, but they will now with her pregnancy stomach. She tells Finn what she wants and sits up very straight in her chair, impatient but trying not to show it too much. Lately she always seems to be hungry.

Finn couldn't help but bite down on his lip. She looked so damn good in his boxers, he almost moaned at the sight. His muscles flexed as he got everything on a plate for her and poured her something to drink before setting it all in front of her.

"You want anything else for your pizza?"

Santana considers, then nods, grinning. "Do we have chips? I want to put barbecue chips on top, that sounds awesome."

"Chips? You got it." Finn says with a smile and a nod, moving to grab a bag and giving it to her with a smile. "Barbecue chips for extra crunch."

Santana sprinkles them over her pizza and then bites into the concoction, nodding her approval.

"Mmm. You know I could get rich marketing this."

"We could start a pregnancy cafe or even a chain restaurant. We'd make millions since you know, I am the cook."

"Why limit it to pregnant people? Anyone in their right mind would enjoy this, you're totally missing out," Santana insists. She eats with enjoyment as well, certain that she's correct. "Come on, it's a perfect combination!"

Finn holds his pizza to his lips, looking down at her pizza before back up at her.

"I think its the anchovies that make it just for pregnant people. You're the only person I know that actually eats them."

"No way! They're there for a reason…it's perfect! Anchovies, M&Ms, barbecue chips, it's awesome!" Santana exclaims. She holds out a piece for him. "Try it. Quickly because if it's not within five seconds I'll change my mind and take it back."

Finn licks over his lips, switching his eyes up from the pizza to into hers. "I have a feeling you won't take no for an answer."

Leaning in, he took the smallest bite possible and quickly moved for a sip of his soda.

"I'm glad you and Alexandra like it, but it's not my uh…kind of thing."

"Whatever, Mr. Weird Taste Buds, more for me," Santana shrugged. She finished eating contently, then got up, whether Finn is ready or not, and slips into his lap. "She's moving around, I can feel her."

Finn put down his pizza and leaned back for her to sit against him. His eyes were practically beaming as he moved his hand to her stomach.

"That means she liked the pizza, right?" He asked before leaning his head down, pressing his ear to her stomach. "I can kind of hear her!"

"Depends. Now, yeah, she probably likes the pizza. The way she kicks changes too. Like sometimes I can tell she's pissed off or grumpy or something or wants me to sleep because of how hard it is, sometimes it's not as bad and I think she's happy…right now it's happy moving."

She grinned as Finn bent down, playfully scratching her fingers over his scalp. "Is her heart beating?"

"She already knows how to kick to express her feelings, takes after me with that," Finn jokes, his hand rubbing against her stomach softly as he can't believe how smart and amazing their daughter is.

His head stayed pressed to her abdomen, listening and smiling real big. The feel of her fingers caused his eyelashes to flutter a bit before finally nodding his head.

"Yup, unless she's like eating or growling…but I'm gonna go with beating." He moved slightly to kiss her skin and left his lips pressed to it for a little while talking softly. "Alexandra, you wanna listen to some music tonight with us?"

"Since when do you kick your feelings?" Santana questioned, her lips quirking. "This is news to me. You've never kicked to communicate with me before."

She continued to finger his hair, smiling as he listened to their baby. It was sweet, watching how his face softened, how his eyes seemed to glow. Her smile widened as Alexandra kicked again, as though in response to him, and she laughed, her hand pressing to his neck.

"Think that's a yes."

"You know, the whole chairs thing….I was just trying to be funny…and you know, like to think she's going to get some things from me," Finn rambled a bit, laughing at himself and shaking his head.

Her nails felt way too good and he couldn't help but press his head and scalp more into her touch. Both of his hands were setting onto her stomach, just rubbing and trying to be as close as possible to their daughter. His eyebrows almost touched his hairline when she kicked and his eyes turned up into hers.

"I felt that one too, that is so freaking cool!" His lips pressed to her stomach softly before smiling up to her. "I'll let your mom choose what we listen to tonight, I don't wanna scare you with rock stuff."

Santana just rolled her eyes, but didn't mock him. She was feeling too relaxed, too weirdly mellow, with his hands and lips on her stomach, her daughter's heart beating against his ear. She touches her boyfriend's neck with one hand, cradling her stomach in the other, and just smiles, content.


	24. Chapter 24

Santana has been feeling very emotional for most of the afternoon. She knows she can attribute it to the increasing influx of hormones, or at least she hopes she can; now six months along, the baby seems to be getting bigger day by day, and the impact is taking its toll on her body. She's often tired and achy, her legs cramping up and her back often sore. Going for her routine ultrasound and receiving for the first time the 3D version, so she and Finn can see Alexandra as fully as possible, has pushed her emotions into overdrive for some time. She can't get over how real Alexandra looks, like a real live baby already born. Her baby looked like she was cuddling into her, like Santana really was holding her every time she wrapped an arm around her own stomach. Santana couldn't even explain why it was exactly that she felt so emotional every time she looked at the ultrasound, but from the time she had first seen it all the way to when they arrived home, she had frequently found herself starting to sniff or even cry, thinking about it.

Now she is pretty sure that part of the upswing is over, but she's still feeling strangely emotionally open and vulnerable as she sits next to Finn on the couch, arms wrapped around his waist, snuggling in as close as possible. She is quiet for a while, just attempting to cuddle without actually saying she wants it, before she says softly, "She's so pretty. She doesn't even have eyes all the way yet and she still just is."

Finn knew that Santana was super emotional, the books said these last three months will be hard on her, but so rewarding at the same time. That held true with what they experienced today and he can't get over how perfect their daughter looks, even in 3D. He cried with a big smile right along side Santana and can't wait for the day that they can hold their daughter in their arms and have her out here for the rest of their lives. Alexandra seemed to be cuddling into her mom just like he loves to do in the photos and he could tell that made Santana feel so good and like on top of the world.

As Santana starts to snuggle into him, he smiles really big and rubs his hand against her back and holds the photo in the other for both of them to look at. He hasn't been able to put it down since they got home and his thumb continues to brush against her features, trying to figure out whose she has more.

"She's the most beautiful girl in the world, right next to you on that list. But it's so crazy how you can just fall in love with her even more, just wait until we get to see her and hold her for the first time."

Santana rests her head against Finn's shoulder, twining her arm through his. Looking at the picture with a continued soft smile, she nods absently.

"We need to give one to Mami and your mom." She goes quiet again, her mood sobering out, before she speaks again softly. "I hope Mami shows Papi. I don't know if he'll care though."

Finn smiles real big, thinking of what their moms reactions would be.

"Maybe we should text them a picture so they don't have to wait to see it, we can still send some in the mail, but this way they'll get to see her tonight."

He felt a low breath fell from his nose as he could tell she got sad about her dad and he immediately looked down into her eyes.

"Of course he'll care, you're his daughter and this is his granddaughter. Some guys just have a problem expressing and showing their feelings."

Santana is quiet for a few more moments, eyes still directed down at the photo. She traces Alexandra's face with her fingertip, taking her time responding, voice soft.

"I don't know. Sometimes…" she paused again, struggling between her difficulty putting the feeling in words and with her reluctance to speak it. "Sometimes I feel like he would rather throw money at me and make me go away quietly, not a problem anymore for him to deal with. Or…like he's disappointed in me."

Finn licked over his lips, staying quiet and listening so he could see where Santana's head was at with all of this. He knows her dad is a sensitive subject and doesn't want to like force it or say the wrong thing, but he also knows how dudes can be since he is one…and as a guy whose already in dad mode himself, he can't imagine hers not caring.

"Maybe he doesn't know how to talk to you or maybe he feels dumb for not sticking up for you. Sometimes people hide from what they're afraid of and don't want to face the truth of how wrong they are. You're his little girl, he just sounds like a proud man who is scared to admit he was wrong. But once he sees you and his granddaughter, he has to break. I know he'll have no choice but to."

Santana leaned her head on Finn's shoulder, releasing a soft breath. She still isn't looking at him as she continues to talk quietly.

"I never felt like his little girl. He wasn't ever the dad that had my picture in his wallet or on his desk or who like…took me out to dinner and tucked me in at night or whatever."

A thick lump forms in his throat as he brushes his thumb against her shoulder.

"But that doesn't mean he doesn't love you and care about you. He went to med school to make sure he could take care of you, I know that doesn't make up for those other things…but sometimes people show their love differently. And maybe it's like, the way he was raised. He's afraid to show too much."

Santana closes her eyes, soaking up his touch, trying to accept his words, but not quite able to fully believe. She doesn't bother to tell him that her father was in medical school before she was born, that he and her mother had married only because Maribel was pregnant. Finally she says quietly, "It will be different with Alexandra. I know you love her. But…what if my dad…I don't know. I want her…I don't ever want her to doubt for a second that she's not important. I don't want her to think she's a mistake, or she's a disappointment, or we'd rather someone else deal with her, or…" she stopped speaking as a lump came to her own throat, tears pricking her eyes, and her voice cracks. "She can't ever know I didn't want her, ever."

Finn sets the photo down in his lap and wraps his other arm around her. "She will never feel that way. I know you love her more than anything else, you can see it in your eyes, by the way you care and worry about her She will never doubt anything, we're going to raise her and show her how much we love her and how happy we are that we have her every single day." He promised lowly before pressing his forehead to hers. "She won't ever know that, you were scared. You have always wanted the best for her and that shows how amazing of a mom that you are. We're going to tell her that she made us not only fall in love with her, but each other. She will be the happiest little girl in the world, we've both been through things growing up to know exactly what she needs and that'll make us all that much stronger of a family."

Listening to this, a tear does fall, and Santana sniffs, hoping he's right. One of her arms circles his waist, and she snuggles in even closer, nodding faintly. She wants to say that she wishes she had felt like that, growing up, but it seems too much.

His thumb raised to brush the tear away and he leaned in to kiss against her forehead softly.

"We still have to pick a middle name, this way we can call her Alexandra, middle name, Hudson."

Santana nodded, trying to pull herself together. One hand drifting to her stomach, she said quietly, "I was thinking of two different ones. Maybe Marisol…like, because it's sort of my mom's name and your mom's name combined, plus the s links them in the middle, like from my name. Or…maybe Christina. Like for your dad. Or maybe both together. I'm not sure which yet."

Finn couldn't help but smile softly. "I really like both of those, Marisol is really pretty. Alexandra Marisol Hudson. It's really strong and powerful. Christina is awesome too, but she does get my dad's last name and that's like huge. But if you wanna do both together, I vote yes. It means so much to me either way."

"Is it too many names?" Santana wondered. "They're all pretty long."

His head shook with a lopsided grin. "Nope, when she is the president one day, she can explain to the world what hey all mean."

Santana started to try them all out, lingering on the words aloud.

"Alexandra Marisol Hudson. Alexandra Christina Hudson. Alexandra Christina-Marisol Hudson. Alexandra Marisol-Christina Hudson. Maybe Christine? Alexandra Marisol-Christine Hudson. Nah, That's mixing French and Spanish and she's got enough mutt in her now."

Finn laughed a bit through his nose. "Alexandra Marisol Christina Hudson." He said with a nod of his head. "It's super strong and sounds like the first women president of the United States or…someone who is going to win 10 Oscars in one night. Or Grammys, what do you think?"

Santana smiled, nodding. "I think she's gonna bulldoze competition whatever it is she wants."

Finn leaned down and kissed her stomach before whispering against it. "You can be whatever you want to be. Except a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader or fan."

Santana smirked, rolling her eyes, but her hand gently touched her stomach as well. She goes quiet again before she looks up at Finn, again serious.

"Do you think my abuela ever touched me or talked to me when Mami was pregnant?"

Finn pursed his lips trying to think about that. Her Abuela couldn't always be evil, could she?

"I bet she definitely did. Even if it was just talking to you when she was making your mom food or teasing when you were driving your mom nuts, I bet in her own way, she was telling you about her in a different kind of way."

"I don't know," she said softly, her eyes slipping back down to her stomach, touching it gently. "She's Papi's mom, not Mami's. Mami's mom, I never met. She probably wasn't very happy."

His eyebrows rose as he looked at her with a tilted head.

"You're her granddaughter, she definitely cared about you when your mom was pregnant, just in her own mom said my dad's mom would send her chocolates that she loved. She wasn't like there for her, but she tried to be in some sort of way."

"They only got married because of me," Santana explained, her tone stiff. "Papi was already starting medical school…Mami got pregnant and they got married, because that's the Catholic way or something. I know she wasn't happy. She figured he got trapped and tied down or something…then Mami had to work so Papi could keep being in medical school and that meant Abuela was stuck taking care of me."

She didn't say it, but all she could think then was what if her abuela had resented it, resented her? What if she had wished Santana had never been born, so her son could be unfettered and go and do what he wanted with his life without sticking either of them with a baby? What if her parents would have been happier without her, not feeling made to marry?

Finn didn't know some of these things, but he was happy Santana was opening up about it. It definitely helped him in understanding her worries and fears, also how to ease them and prove that it will never happen with them.

"But…you're you…and if it was planned on not, a surprise or scary for your Abuela, she still loves you. There's no way she couldn't, some people have just different ways of showing it, different ways that they were showed love so it comes off in a hard, or not being able to tell way." He promised before kissing her cheek.

Santana just laughed, the sound bitter, but more sad. She tightens her arms around, resting her head against his chest. Finn could tell that she still wasn't believing him, but he was trying. He doesn't know her dad or abuela that well, but maybe he has to change that and talk to Mr. Lopez. He knows Santana would love to see he cares and have him out here, especially for Alexandra.

"I'm gonna make sure you and Alexandra always have all the love and happiness you two deserve."

Santana nods again. She appreciates his caring and his belief in her; it's nice to hear, even if it won't come true.

"I know."

88

Finn runs his hand through his hair as Santana is in the shower. He thought this was the perfect time to call her dad and try and get in touch with him. After getting the number from her phone, he snuck down into the basement just to make sure he wasn't over heard an hit call on his phone. It was really scary, especially because he didn't want to make things worst between Santana and her dad, but he had to do this. She needed him in her life and so does Alexandra. His leg couldn't help but shake a bit as he listened to the ring...and then the pick up.

" Hi...Mr Lopez?"

The only reason that Dr. Lopez had answered the phone was because it was Finn's number showing on it. It is one of the rare occasions that he is actually taking a dinner break rather than working through it, mere chance that Finn was able to reach him at all. He had Finn's number as well only because Maribel had programmed it into the phone for him, telling him that if Santana needed anything medically or gave birth, he should have Finn's number if the young man tried to call. Glancing down at the ringing number with some concern, since he knew his daughter was only in her sixth month, too early to give birth, he picked it up, correcting Finn.

"Dr. Lopez...Yes, is there a problem?"

Finn swallowed and licked over his lips. He was trying to make sure he stayed calm and didn't want to piss the man off or make himself seem like an idiot. Not only did he want to talk to him for Santana, but wanted to show the man he was and how much he loves her and the kind of father he'll be to Alexandra**.**

"No, no problem. I just wanted to reach out, check in and talk some. I know I got to meet Mrs. Lopez a few months ago and have heard a lot about you. I'm sorry it took so long to call you, but I've been working a lot and doing a lot of baby prep with Santana."

Dr. Lopez frowned, bemused. " There is no problem? Santana is well?"

****Finn lets our a quiet, long breath**."** Yeah, she's good. Really good, but I know she's missing you and wishing you would come out and see her."

Still rather mystified, Dr. Lopez said slowly, "Santana understands my schedule. That would not be possible at this time. Did she ask you to say this? If she needs something, she can simply ask and I will give it to her, she does not have to see me for this to happen and she knows this."

****Finn shook his head even though he couldn't see. "No, no. She didn't ask me. She has no idea I'm calling you. I just know how much she misses you and can tell when she talks about you that it would mean a lot if you came out here. And I know Alexandra is going to need her grandpop too."

As Dr. Lopez tries to progress this, he is genuinely confused. He and Santana never speak about love for each other, and he had also rarely expressed any worry or concern towards her openly since she had moved. This statement from Finn seems unbelievably strange to him.

"I do not understand. She wants me to come see her because she misses me? She stated this to you?"

****Finn stayed quiet and waited for this to all sink in and hopefully for Mr. Lopez to sort of...understand. The guy was super smart, but it sometimes felt like he lacked sort of...dad smarts.

"She didn't have to, I can just tell. She talks about you with our baby and how she grew up and stuff and how she wants Alexandra to grow up. She needs her dad right now to just you know, support her and see how good of a mom she already is."

Dr. Lopez is quiet too, thinking. He thinks of Santana as a baby and child, of his wife and his mother with her, and it begins to sink in that he barely knows her or her life now. That he didn't even then. He is quiet for almost a full minute or two before speaking somewhat gruffly.

" If she is not sleeping I will call her tonight."

Finn's eyebrows furrowed and he wasn't sure why Dr. Lopez was so quiet and so...weird about all of this. He gets that guys are different and show their emotions differently, but to him, this seems so simple.

"No, sir. It has nothing to do with sleeping. It has to do with a girl needing her dad. I know of a few times I wished I had mine, Maybe you could just call her and ask how she's doing or talk to her, I love your daughter, sir. But I do know that me alone isn't all that she needs right now."

Dr. Lopez is still thinking about this, thinking about his own father. He has forgotten that he is in the break room, that others around around who might hear, as he responds quietly.

"I did not know my father. He died when I was a very young boy, and..." He pauses, not seeming to know how to word his thoughts, then continues slowly.

" I was born in Puerto Rico, and my mother- Santana's abuela- she, she and my father, they came to American when I was small. My father made very little money and worked in very dangerous conditions, and when he died, my mother, she was left on her own. She raised us alone in a strange country and she became very strong, but she, perhaps did not...she was not a mother in the same way that Maribel is to Santana. She is a good woman, but she does not...she does not understand American ways, and it is difficult for her, what she does not understand. She does not understand Santana."

He pauses, then adds quietly, " Nor do I. I have always tried to...to be a good father. I have always tried to take care of her. She has never been in need." He sighs, bothered, and asks openly, "It was not enough?"

****Finn feels his face fall a little as he heard Dr. Lopez bring up his own father. The story was really sad and he didn't know that much, but he does know how hard it is growing up without one. But Santana's abuela was different than his mom which affected the way that Dr. Lopez handles his own love and affection for his daughter.

"I wouldn't say it's not good enough at all, sometimes a daughter just wants to know their dad is proud of them, or to have a hug when they feel like everything is changing. I know as guys it's sometimes hard to know what a girl needs, but I know Santana needs you as a dad to sort of...be there like her mom is. Like check in on her and ask about the baby. All she thinks about is what your reaction will be to the photos and if you're going to be there for Alexandra. But I know she also wants you there for her, so even if you could come out here for a day and just talk with her or...spend some time with her, I know it'll mean the world to her."

Dr. Lopez considers this, still frowning, and finds himself slowly nodding.

"I will call her tonight. I...thank you."

88

After her restless night the night before, Santana had attempted to go to sleep earlier the following evening. Having quit her job at the diner, she now was free to work on her own time and schedule, helping Finn, around whenever she felt best, but she was grumpily becoming accustomed to the fact that her previous state of being a night owl who could cheerfully stay up until four in the morning and sleep past noon was now completely over. Alexandra wanted her in bed early and out of bed early and up several times in the middle of the night, and Santana already could see the sleep battles ahead of them once she was actually out in the world.

She had made this clear recently to her friends and family members, that anyone calling her past nine now was likely to get growled at in a language not quite recognizable as English words. So as she was snuggled into her bed at ten minutes past ten, not asleep, but getting COMFORTABLE, a ringing telephone was not welcome to her ears.

Sitting up with some difficulty and scowling darkly, Santana looked around, wanting to blame Finn for not turning the phone to silent for the night, but she knows that is entirely her own fault. Still, she plans to blame him anyway later as she fumbles for the phone on the night stand, glancing at the name flashing across its screen. As soon as she reads the simple word, however, she blinks, all irritation placed with concern. There was absolutely no reason she could think of that her Papi would call her, ever, unless something was very wrong.

Near panic struck her heart- was it her mother? Her father? An accident, a death, a disease? She wasted no time in taking the call, aware that her hand was shaking a little as she replied.

"H-Hello? Papi?"

"Yes, Santana?" her father questioned, not sounding quite sure that it was she that he was speaking to. The uncertainty of his tone only further worried her, and she nodded, though he couldn't see this, licking her lips and sitting up all the way in bed, gripping the receiver.

"Yes, Papi, it's me. Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

"Oh, no, nothing is wrong," he responded, and that confused Santana even more. Why would her father call her if nothing was wrong?

She and her father had never had the sort of relationship where they talked more than was necessary, mostly because she so rarely saw him. And when she did see him, they interacted with the awkwardness of polite near acquaintances or distant relatives rather than father and daughter.

She and her father didn't NOT get along; she couldn't remember them really arguing since she was a child and had insisted on cutting her hair, dressing boyishly, and getting in physical altercations with the boys in her classroom who teased her or called her names. Her father had at that time had strong opinions on what was considered proper and right for a girl, and his tomboy daughter had not met them at all. She remembered him sitting her down on more than one occasion after her mother had informed him of yet another call from the school, lecturing on the behavior of a young lady, as six or seven or eight year old Santana squirmed, huffed sighs, and rolled her eyes, unimpressed.

What she couldn't remember was her father ever simply sitting down with her and asking her, genuinely wanting to know, about her day. She couldn't remember him giving her hugs or piggyback rides, ruffling her hair or tweaking her nose, attending her school events and performances with Cheerios or Glee. She couldn't remember the last full on conversation she had had with him; she in fact had spoken to him only once, very awkwardly and briefly, since she had become pregnant. Although her father had always provided for her and the family, never intentionally treated her unkindly, and often in fact given her above and beyond what the average child or teenager should have, Santana had still always felt that her father was more of a phantom figure in her life than a living presence. Her efforts as a child to gain his attention, through both overly good and overly bad behavior, had lent little change or notice on his part, and the few times she had tried as a teenager and been equal failures. Santana had long ago become used to the fact that she would never have the relationship with her father that she had with her mother, even by half, and she had told herself that because she had her mother, it didn't really matter.

It could be worse, after all. Her father could hate her like her abuela, or refuse to acknowledge her existence. He could disown her or force her mother to choose between him and her. He was, after all, the son of Alma Lopez, and he very well could have felt that he needed to take his mother's side. But he hadn't, and that as much as anything, Santana had viewed as a gesture of support- even if it lent itself to simply very rarely mentioning anything about her sexuality rather than any more prevalent actions.

But giving her a call, when nothing was wrong, and no information that she was aware of needed to be conveyed? That to Santana seemed very strange indeed.

"Oh…are you sure?" she checked, frowning. "Mami's okay, and…everyone?"

"Yes, yes, we are all well, Santana," her father said somewhat stiffly, and she thought she heard him take a breath before continuing, "I was…I thought I would call to ask after you."

Santana blinked, thinking at first that she had misheard him. Not two days after her conversation with Finn about her father…this couldn't be right.

"About me? Did Mami tell you something was wrong with me? I'm okay, Papi, really. I mean, it's not…being pregnant isn't fun or anything, but Mami tells me some stuff to do and Carol- that's Finn's mom. And Finn is a really big help. So…I'm okay, you don't have to worry or anything."

"No, I…well, I am glad to hear that you are well, " her father replied, and Santana realized then with sudden insight that it sounded, from his tone, as though he didn't really know what to say to her either. "I know that…pregnancy, it can be very difficult…especially for your first time, and…I just…I wanted to call and speak with you, Santana. To make sure you are all right."

Santana had no words in response to this. She felt her throat choke up, her eyes well with tears, and she swallowed several times, sniffing hard to try to force back the sudden emotion swelling in her chest. She cleared her throat, rubbing at her eyes with the palm of her hand as she tried to think of a reply.

Her father had called to talk to her…just to talk to her. To check up on her, make sure she was okay, without anyone telling him that she wasn't. This was a first, and it meant more to her than she could have anticipated beforehand. She took several moments to compose herself enough to reply.

"Oh…I'm, I'm alright, Papi. It's…it's sort of hard, but…I'm doing okay."

"I am glad," her father said quietly, and she heard him clear his throat too, before beginning to ask her about physical symptoms she might be encountering.

At first it was embarrassing for Santana, hearing her father asking her about heartburn and constipation, swollen legs and achy breasts, but she realized quickly that for him, this was more comfortable, this was the sort of conversations he was used to having with his patients. She filled him in and listened to the advice that he gave her, a small smile curving her lips, and occasionally reached up to wipe her eyes.

When her father hung up a few minutes later, he further blew her away with the declaration that he intended to come up for an evening on a weekend and have dinner with her. It would mark the first time since she moved to New York that her father visited her, and Santana lost it to tears at that statement. Somehow she managed to hold herself together enough to tell him okay, but she noticed nonetheless when her father told her good night, it sounded almost like he was stating that he loved her.

When Santana lay back down in bed, still occasionally wiping her eyes as she thought about the aftermath of their conversation, she was aware of Finn coming into the room and slipping in bed beside her. Only then did the suspicion dawn on her that perhaps her father's call hadn't been quite as random as it seemed. She debated bringing this up to him, but then decided that maybe she didn't want to know, and either way, she was grateful.

Turning towards him, she cuddled in close, kissing him a soft kiss on the lips before closing her eyes to sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

Tonight, everything in her world seemed designed to annoy Santana. It was eleven pm, and she was tired, but she couldn't get to sleep, and not for lack of trying. She had tried taking a warm bath before bed, drinking some disgusting warm milk that practically made her puke just because some idiot (Finn) had told her it would be relaxing. All she had to say was if warm milk made her feel that disgusting then she can't imagine how Alexandra was going to survive off it. She had tried reading and been unable to focus on the words on the page.

She was now lying in bed beside Finn, and she couldn't even decide how to lie or how close she wants to be to him. When she's touching him she feels gross and big and overheated, and doesn't want him touching her stomach or her hips or any other part that feels too big to her now. When he's apart from her, she gets cold and feels lonely. She couldn't decide how to be with even the simplest thing, and thoughts kept coming to mind that kept her from relaxing at all. And of course, Finn didn't seem to have this problem. Glaring across the bed at where he was lying peaceful, oblivious to her discomfort, Santana scowled, resentful. How come he got to sleep when she couldn't? On sudden impulse, she reached over, poking him in the ribs.

"Finn. Finn. Finn…."

Monday mornings were the hardest for Finn to wake up on. So usually on Sunday nights, he tries to relax, wind down and sleep early. It's usually hard with football on, but laying in bed with Santana makes up for not seeing the end of the game that he'll catch tomorrow morning on Sports Center.

He was already starting to drift off as he knew Santana was having trouble getting her mind to calm down and he just laid his body in a way that she could cuddle against or move on top of in any way she wants. And for some reason, that position was super comfortable and he totally dozed off for a while, until he felt a poke and his name. At first he thought it might have been a dream, but when he kept hearing it over and over, he woke up a little bit in shock and tried his best to open his eyes.

"What's-what's wrong, is it already morning?" he asked in a sleepy tone, his hand running against his scruff along his jaw.

Santana rolls her eyes, reaching out to prod gingerly at the facial hair partly grown on his chin.

"No, but I can't sleep. I suspect the scary weird little things growing off your chin are going to give me nightmares. This could be a problem long term."

Finn's eyebrow quirked as he licked over his lips slowly, still half asleep. "Are you telling me you don't like my scruff look for no shave November?"

"I'm telling you that it's giving me sleepless nights and sends chills down my spine that have nothing to do with your big cold feet," Santana said, giving them a little kick to make her point. Her own feet are freezing, but that's different, of course. "Finn…your feet are cold. Stop touching me with them." Never mind that she initiated it.

His eyes were blinking a few times over wondering what she was talking about. She was hogging the blankets so how were his feet supposed to stay warm and he wasn't even touching her, she was touching him!

"Do you uh…want me to put socks on or something, yours are really cold too, I can get a pair for you?" the boy asked, knowing better than to ever put the blame on her.

"Yes," Santana said decisively, nodding. "You can do that."

And the second he gets up, she has pulled all the blankets around her like a cocoon, snuggling down in a new effort to get settled. As soon as he got up, he looked over his shoulder to see she was now taking the corner he had of the blanket all for herself. He got out some socks and slipped on a sweat shirt before getting back into bed.

"Want me to put these on you?" Finn asked, showing he got her a pair.

Santana nodded, sticking her feet out of the pillow for him to do so. She waits about three minutes, until it's possible that he's started to relax again, before rolling over, flinging the blanket back over him.

"Finn…I'm hot now."

Finn moves to put the socks on her and then settled back next to her. His arms crossed over his chest to try and keep himself warm. Then he felt the blanket back on him and took the chance to have some around him.

"You think it's cause of the hormones and stuff?" He asked moving closer, but not touching her yet to be safe.

"No," Santana said immediately and decisively, shaking her head. "No, definitely not. It's just too hot in here."

Never mind that it's November in New York. That, at least to her mind, is totally irrelevant.

Suppressing a yawn, Finn scratched his head. He wasn't sure what was going on with her.

"I can uh, turn down the heat or something…but it's like, 39 degrees outside and I don't want you to freeze either."

Grumbling unintelligibly, Santana just flops onto her back, huffing out a loud breath.

"No. Just gonna go to sleep."

She closes her eyes, hands folded over her stomach. Finn leans in to kiss her cheek.

"Alright, night babe," he whispered to her, wanting to hold her, but not wanting to piss her off any more either.

Santana mumbles again but doesn't open her eyes. Until five minutes later.

"Finn. Finn…it's dark in here."

She pokes at his side again, as if this is a complete thought that requires no additional explanation.

Finn lays turned towards her and closes his eyes once he is almost sure she was starting to get some rest….and then she was poking him again and his eyes felt like bowling balls.

"Santana, is something wrong? Or something bothering you?" he asked a bit nervously, his hand reaching out to set around her.

Santana nodded emphatically, giving him another little nudge.

"Yes. I need to pee. I need to pee and it's dark in there so I could trip. Come with me."

Finn yawned a bit and stretched with it before nodding.

"Alright, I'll go with you."

He moved to her side to take her hand and help her up. Santana leans on him heavily, as though she wants him to carry her. She winds her arm around him, her head heavy on his shoulder, and is slow to detach when they get to the bathroom. She finishes up and then comes back, again leaning on Finn.

"I'm tired. Why are you keeping me up so late?" This is said without a hint of irony in her tone.

Finn wraps his arm around her, taking most of her weight and pretty much guiding her into the bathroom. He made sure she was seated okay and waited against the wall, looking down at the ground so that he didn't like…make her feel weird or anything. Once she was back, his arms wrapped around her and he quirked an eyebrow.

"Me? I was the one sleeping," he whispered before leaning to kiss her softly.

"You're making me stay up when I'm sleepy," she argued in a mumble, yawning. She kisses him back and then tucks her face into his neck, making no effort to walk. "You weren't sleeping. You just had your eyes closed. You're not actually sleeping until you're snoring, doesn't count."

"I forgot that I poked you awake twice," Finn teased with a big smirk, his hands rubbing against her back softly before nodding. "Oh really? And if I was snoring, you're gonna tell me you wouldn't have yelled at me for keeping you awake with that? How about I give you a massage or something to relax you."

"No, I wouldn't have yelled. I would have just strangled you with your socks," Santana shot back. She lifted her head at the mention of the massage, liking that idea. "Yeah." Then, after a pause, "Please."

Finn laughed out through his nose. "Ouch," He said shaking his head, thinking this had to be the pregnancy hormones that had her all over the place. "You got it."

His arms wrapped around her, picking her up against him carefully and carrying her into the bedroom.

"Tell me where you want my hands first."

Lying on the bed on her side, Santana shook her hair over her shoulder, to get it out of his way. She waved one hand vaguely.

"My shoulders. They're like, way too little for the rest of me. I think ET is trying so shove the bones out through my skin."

Finn ran his hands together, making sure they were warm before setting them against her.

"That's really gross to think about," he said, chuckling before working his fingers and palms into her muscles and skin. "I promise to give you massages even after she's here, I know you're gonna need them then, too."

"Well, not arguing that," she smirked. "Never gonna say no to it. Why would I need it though, all the uncomfortable pregnancy crap will be over." She closes her eyes to more thoroughly enjoy the sensation of his hands pressing into her muscles, moaning aloud softly. "Yeah there, right there."

"But when you have to carry her and stuff, it'll probably be a little hard on your body with like feeding her too. At least for the first couple of months, plus it's long hours with a baby,so you'll probably need this to relax."

He spoke softly, not wanting to freak her out. Her moan caused his dimples to show as he kept his hands exactly where she needed them, massaging into every inch of the area. These had all been things Santana hadn't considered. She frowned, her muscles tensing up again as she thought about it.

"Oh…she's going to be heavy, isn't she?"

"Not at first, but we will split the time holding her and everything. I promise."

Finn continued to rub her muscles gently, knowing how he's worried her. Santana is quiet as Finn continues to rub her, but she's still starting to worry more about what is to come.

"Do I really have to twist my nipples now?"

Finn's hands paused a bit, not expecting that question.

"I don't…I mean, I don't think so. It says to do that to induce labor and we still have a while, we don't want her coming early, no matter how badly we want to meet her."

"No, like, because she'll hurt them, eating," she explained. "I'm supposed to toughen them up or something…she's going to bite."

His hands moved along the back of her beck and down her back, then moved back up to her shoulders.

"We could always you know, do it in ways that don't sound so uh…uncomfortable."

"How?" she asked, twisting her head to try to see him.

He licked over his lips and shrugged his shoulders. "I could…massage them or..do other things to them that you like."

Santana considered this, then nods somewhat hesitantly. "Okay. We could try."

Finn leans down to kiss her softly. "Whenever you want to, I just wanted to make it easier for you."

"Finish my back and then you can," she decided.

A lopsided grin spread on his lips and he started to move his hands down her back, making sure to get the lower area which he knew she held a lot of tension in. Santana closed her eyes again, sighing aloud with contentment as her muscles began to straighten out under his touch. His thick fingers kept working into every tight muscle he could find, taking his time to work them out and make sure that it felt really good for her.

"Is Alexandra moving or anything when I do this?"

"No," Santana said softly, shaking her head. "She's sleeping or something." She is relaxing now, all irritation draining out of her with his touch.

Finn smiled at that thought and leaned down to kiss her shoulder. His hands kept massaging into her and moving against her waist a bit too.

"Good, don't need her kicking you tonight."

Santana arched her back a little into his touch, pulling her legs up to her stomach.

"She was earlier…"

Rubbing his thumbs up and down her spine, he leaned in to kiss her neck softly.

"It's hard to ever be mad at her already."

"Says you," Santana mumbled, but her voice is not resentful. She sighs, reaching back for his hand and trapping it against her neck.

A chuckle falls from his lips and he slipped his hands up into her and against her scalp.

"You're right, she's not kicking me."

Santana made another soft noise of pleasure, enjoying his hands in her hair, rubbing her head. "She's not jumping on your bladder or making you feel like you're 600 degrees either."

Finn loved hearing the reaction he had on her. "Hey, I like to think that I make you feel hot sometimes."

"Yeah, when you smother me and dump your blankets on me," she smirked.

Quirking an eyebrow, he leaned into kiss against her pulse point. "Really? Only then?"

"Yes," she teased, even as she tilted her head back, baring her throat. "Yeah…"

His lips sucked harder and he moved up and down her skin, slowly slipping behind her on the bed.

"That's a shame, cause I was going to try now, but I mean…if it wouldn't work…" He teased, knowing he was being a little evil.

"Wh-what?" Santana gasped, her head jerking up. "Try!"

A proud smile formed against her skin as he used his tongue to sooth over a red spot before moving to suck against another soft patch. His hands moved around her, one setting on her breast to tease over her nipple just like he suggested. Santana is starting to breathe faster and more heavily now, her skin heating up already. She presses against him, even as she breathes, "That's gentle…not gonna toughen anything…"

"I'm getting there, I can't go right at pinching your boobs, babe," he whispered out against her jaw, kissing his way up and down the underside.

He brought his other hand up to rest against her breast as well and started to rub a little harder against her nipples. It takes no time for them to harden in response, and Santana releases another soft cry, her hand coming up to stroke over Finn's chest in response. She drapes her leg over his, pulling closer. Finn sucks at a spot below her ear where her jaw ends and started to tweak as softly and gently as possible over her shirt at her hardening nipples.

"Let me know if it's too much, babe," he whispered out to her, his body pressing more against hers.

Santana shakes her head hard, words failing her at the moment. It's definitely not too much. She squirms, throaty noises emerging from her throat. His own breathing becomes a bit more heavier as his lips suck harder to match it. He works his other fingers into her breast carefully, knowing they were super sore and sensitive. Getting worked up, Santana grabs his free hand and brings it to her other breast, wanting both to be touched at once. She's too rough with herself and sucks in her breath though, swallowing. Taking her hand away, she lets him resume. His thumbs and index finger pinch at her nipples cautiously, making sure not to be too hard with it and hurt her. He could tell how much she was enjoying this, so the last thing he wants to do is ruing that. His nose nudged to tilt her chin up and he attaches his lips to hers hotly. Closing her eyes again, Santana kisses Finn passionately, sucking at his tongue and bottom lip. She has her legs twined with his now, trying to press in, irritated that her stomach is preventing her from fitting as perfectly as she would like.

Finn lets out a moan into her mouth, loving the way she used her tongue and lips against his. It was causing his cock to start to stir, but he wanted this to be all about her and kept his hands moving against her breast, his palms pressing into her hard nipples now as well to add a different feeling. This might not be exactly what the doctor or websites had recommended, but the original reason for the action has totally fled Santana's mind. She can feel her panties becoming damp with her response to Finn, and one arm winds around his back, keeping him close as she continues to kiss him hotly, down his jaw and throat. A long, shaky breath fell form his lips as she started her lips down his skin. It always was a weak spot for her…along with everything else. It was hard to remember how to move, but he finally did and took of her shirt. His fingers finally touched over her hard nipples without anything in the way, beginning to tweak at them just like he was before. Santana's nails dig into Finn's back as she grips his shoulders, rocking her hips into him, practically grinding him even lying on her side. She wraps her legs around him even more tightly, crying out as his fingers finally make direct contact with her skin. Finn can feel her marks starting to form against his skin and he loves the way it stings. With every move of her hips, he can feel himself getting harder and harder against her. His thumbs brush over the buds to sooth them as he slowly moves his mouth down to suck against her breast while pulling at her nipples.

Santana's nipples are swollen and aching somewhat, but it feels good at the same time, and she is highly aroused. Still grinding against Finn's leg, trying to get off, she keeps tight hold of him to brace herself, her breath growing short. Finn leaves a mark on her chest and kisses over the small boob before kissing his way up her chest and neck.

"You want me to move one hand somewhere else?" He asked as he finally reached her lips and rubbed his thumbs against her nipples again.

Santana shakes her head hard but is too breathless to speak. Even without physical stimulation on his part to her clitoris she is on the verge of coming, and she rubs herself harder against him, before changing her mind, moving his hand between her legs to help her finish. Finn sucked on her bottom lip as he tweaked a bit more at her nipples, moving them in different directions each time. He stopped when she moved his hand and couldn't help but smile against her lips. With one hand slipping into her core, he rubbed hard against her clit as his thumb moved in the same motion against her nipple.

That puts her totally over the edge. Santana arches her back, her mouth opening against his lips as she stifles her cries against his mouth, and she finishes off her climax soon after his hand begins to touch her clit. Nails gripping his arms, she shudders with pleasure, breathing hard. As soon as he felt her juices fall along his fingers, he smiled a bit against her lips and kept rubbing her through her orgasm. His lips kept kissing hers even as she moaned and his breathing was going all over the place against her nose. He eased down on his touches as she came down from her high and he kiss her a bit softer to make sure she was okay.

Santana doesn't want Finn to stop touching her. She has completely forgotten the original point of this; she wants his hands on her, stroking her, soothing the intensity of feelings running through her skin. She half drapes herself over him, kissing him sloppily as she calms. Finn trails his hand up from her core and starts rubbing over her sides, her stomach, her ass and thighs. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to keep touching her breast, but he worked his way back up to tease over them again as well. He could tell she wanted his hands everywhere with how she pressed into them and he kept doing just that, loving her soft skin and the way she reacted to him.

Soft noises of content are emerging from Santana's throat, and she closes her eyes, thoroughly enjoying Finn's touch. She fully relaxes against him, her skin seeming to buzz and tingle in response to him in a faint, pleasant manner. Finn moves the blankets up around them and holds her with his arms around the small of her back. He keeps his fingers brushing against the small of her back as his eyes start to close as well.

"Night babe." He whispered out against Santana's lips before drifting off with her.


	26. Chapter 26

"Hi, babe," Finn called out as he came through the door, off from his shift. He came forward to where Santana was standing in the kitchen and gave her a gentle hug and kiss in greeting. "I'm happy to be finally home with my girl…well girls since I'm probably going to bug Alexandra now too."

He patted Santana's stomach lightly as Santana rolled her eyes but smiled up at him.

"How you gonna bug her? Half blind her eyes again? You know next month she'll be able to cry and feel pain?" she informed him. She had been reading again about child development and fetal development after finishing her work for Finn's ads today, and as always, she was eager to share what she remembered as particularly cool.'

"Haha no, none of that again. She'd probably kick me even through your stomach. I'm thinking about singing to her and listening to her heart beat through your stomach," Finn told her, giving her another light kiss before moving to sit on the couch, with Santana following.

Listening to her comment about the baby being able to cry, he blinked, startled. "What…she can? She can cry in your stomach…like we'll hear her?"

"No, it's silent. But like, if you make a loud noise or I'm really upset or something you can see her cry in the ultrasound. And Finn! she knows if she's being read to or sung to so you totally should!" Santana said enthusiastically as she sat with him, nudging his leg.

"I don't want her to ever cry in there or upset her. She's supposed to just be relaxed in there and not have to be sad at all. Really? So if I read her some books or sing songs, she knows it? That means we have to make sure they're like, baby appropriate," Finn mused, looking down again at Santana's stomach.

Santana laughed, rolling her eyes. "She's already a drama queen. She's either absurdly pleased with herself or really upset all the time, I can tell. And she throws fits if I don't move fast enough to please her. I don't think she understands the songs, she just hears and likes them."

"What kind of stuff did you like when you were a kid? Like what songs and stories, I want to make sure to make our little drama queen happy. No throwing fits allowed tonight." His hands set on either side of her stomach before leaning in to kiss over their baby.

"My Little Pony and Power rangers," Santana smirked. She inclined her head, lightly rubbing her stomach before looking up at him. "Tell her a story." This is as much for her benefit as his.

"Let me guess, you wanted to be the Pink one?" Finn said with a smile as he got a bit more comfortable with her on the couch. "A story, huh?" His lips pursed as he thought and tried to come up with a good one. "Alright, do you want to hear one about me when I was little or about my dad?" he asked Alexandra but looked up to Santana to answer it.

"No, she's white," Santana rolled her eyes, propping her feet up on the coffee. "Yellow power all the way. Even though I look like shit in yellow."

She leaned into Finn, smiling down at her stomach. "Tell her about you. She needs to know." Rather Santana wants to know.

"You don't look bad in yellow at all. I remember during glee performances you wore it and looked amazing, babe." He told her honestly with a gentle shrug.

"Alright, alright.A story about me. Or maybe a couple different ones.."

His tongue ran over his lips as he thought about a good one and brushed his thumb around her belly button. "I used to have a cowboy themed bedroom and hated it, but I didn't have the heart to tell my mom. I used to love Toy Story and she tried to design my room like Andy's with Woody….and it stayed that way until we moved to Burt and Kurt's house." He laughed at himself before moving his lips closer to her stomach."I promise you can tell me anything you don't like."

Santana smiled at this story, totally seeing this as something Finn would do. She thinks of her own childhood room, pink with flowered walls, and strokes her hand over her stomach, talking down to Alexandra.

"That's never gonna be a problem for you, is it? You always make your will known."

"You can always tell us anything and we'll be there for you." Finn whispered to Alexandra with a smile. "And if you ever set the toaster on fire because of pop tarts, you should probably tell us because throwing the toaster out side in the trash totally gets you caught."

Santana's eyes lift to Finn's, and she snickers, just shaking her head at him. "I gotta ask. How many household items did you destroy beyond repair and how many did you try to just hide?"

"I swear it was only the toaster that I burnt. I was only like…eight." His hands rose up in defense before leaning in to kiss her. "After that, my mom only let me cook with certain things and made sure to keep the flammable things hidden."

"Funnily enough, I didn't set anything on fire when I was eight," Santana smirked. Reconsidering after a pause, she amended, "Well, except for Rachel's underwear but that's a whole other story."

She poked Finn's shoulder, her smirk returning. "Do you hear that, ET? My underwear is off limits. Always and forever. Go for Dad's, it's holy and smelly already, a few flames won't hurt."

"Wait…what. Her underwear?" Finn said with a quirked eyebrow, not even knowing how that was possible to do…and if it was on her when Santana did that.

Finn let out a laugh and shook his head. "My underwear is not holy or smelly. I buy new one packs like every month, I'm not the best at laundry and I always feel bad making your mom do it." He spoke to her Alexandra in her stomach before looking back up at Santana. "My mom never taught me how, she was always afraid I would break that too."

"So THAT's why you have so damn many pairs!" Santana jabs a finger at him, her voice rising slightly with this revelation. "I thought you had a weird festish going!"

She laughs, her hand stroking absently over her stomach as she speaks down to it. "Her dad is a loser, Aly. You hear that? He's probably going to buy you new underwear every time you fart in a pair." Looking up to Finn, she says to him, "I bet your mom had good reason, you'd probably end up sticking something electrical inside."

"I feel bad making you wash them all the time.I know I have to learn how to do that myself….and I will…when you teach me." Finn said rambling a bit and tilting his head side to side as he did so.

His eyes narrowed at her playfully before shaking his head. "I hope by the time you're out of diapers I know how to do wash. I have a feeling when you're finally here, your mom is going to be yelling at me to do it all the time."

Brushing his thumbs some more against her stomach, he met her eyes and chuckled. "She thought I would shrink my clothes too, she came up with a hundred reasons why I wasn't allowed to do it…not that I ever complained about not being able to."

"Oh, believe me, I have no issue teaching you if you can manage not to break the machines…maybe I need to give your mom a call and get the full story on that," Santana adds, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Nope, no need to call my mom about it…I just need to remember you can't put couch cushions in there." Finn said with his head shaking and a small smile forming. "Just don't get mad at me if it takes some time, but I want to learn how to you know, wash the baby's clothes. This way I can do as much as I can for you when she's here."

"She'll probably grow out of them so fast we don't even need to wash them," Santana said this down to Alexandra, patting her stomach. "Aren't you? You better not take after your dad, I mean it. You better be like, Rachel sized."

She goes quiet then; this is one of the first times they've mentioned her since the blow out in the apartment. Leaning her head against Finn, she hooks her arm through his.

"Have you talked to Kurt?"

As Santana brought up Rachel, he couldn't help but swallow thickly. "You should be your mom's size, she's perfect and you're going to be just like her," he whispered out, knowing that Santana's thoughts had hit an emotional nerve and she was quiet with her thoughts.

He kissed the top of her head as he held her closer and nodded softly.

"Yeah, he texts asking how you're feeling and stuff. I know he feels bad but doesn't want to stress you out."

"He doesn't talk to me," Santana said flatly. "Not much, anyway."

She hears what Finn's saying, and she knows it's true. Kurt has to live with Rachel, after all, and he doesn't want her to do a drama queen act and storm out of the apartment for good, sticking him with no roommate and no rent. But that doesn't mean that their stilted contact doesn't hurt, or that she doesn't feel like he's taking Rachel's side.

"You want me to invite him over?" Finn offered with a shrug. "I think he's just more scared to face you because he feels bad, but maybe I just need to let him know he can come here and you guys can talk and I'll go downstairs. Or I can be by your side, whatever you need."

His hand moved to rub against her back, knowing she was thinking about the blowout when they both last saw him and Rachel. That was hard for her and he knows he is to blame for some of that.

"I don't care what he does or what he thinks," Santana said immediately, but she isn't saying no, and her defiant tone is masking her actual hurt. "He's always been up Rachel's ass and he can stay there if he can actually stand the smell without gagging."

She keeps her head against Finn's shoulder, relaxing her muscles just a tad as he rubs her back.

Finn doesn't know if that means yes or no. He knows she's really hurt and it's hard to even think about being around him, but he knows Kurt is going to want to be there for Alexandra. And not to mention, with the holiday's coming up, it's going to be hard to know who to celebrate with and such.

"I know he's wrong and I think he might know it too. I'll talk to him and see what he has to say tomorrow about everything because I know he cares a lot about you and Alexandra too. "

Santana is still quiet, not lifting her head, her breathing even but slightly fast. She keeps one hand on her stomach before she speaks quietly.

"I used to hate him, you know. "

Finn nods his head slowly. "I know. He used to uh…creep me out some. You know he had a crush on me, right?" He shared as he put his hand over hers. "I don't want Alexandra hearing or knowing that." The boy told her, trying to get her to smile.

"It was so disturbing," Santana blurted, smiling involuntarily. "God, his huge puppet smile and those glistening hopeful eyes…ugh, that makes me shudder to even remember."

As though to buck her father's word, Alexandra kicked. This was likely in response to her mother's emotions more so than Finn, but it did make Santana laugh.

"Too late!"

Finn shook his head, not wanting to remember it at all. Those were some crazy days and the way Kurt would look at him was like…the weirdest.

"The worst part….I'm pretty sure he tried to set our parents up to get closer to me. You can't know, don't remember that, okay? Just…forget that you heard it, Alexandra. Your dad says so."

Santana's eyes opened wide, and she burst out laughing, incredulous.

"Oh I totally believe this. Details. Now!" She grinned down at Alexandra, rubbing her stomach gently. "Oh no, mom says remember that and it should be your first words…" Unca wuv dada?"

Finn sighed, exaggerating with a smile. "He thought if I don't know, they hung out, he could convince my mom or… I don't know. It gives me the creeps just thinking about it. I didn't even know his name until like, a month into glee club."

His eyes glared at her as he just shook his head.

"Nope, not happening. I feel like Kurt would like… totally freak if she ever knew it. I mean, I know I was the hottest guy at school…but I was mean to him."

"Oh, she knows, don't you, Ali," Santana whispered down to her stomach, not bothering to hide her smirk. "This one is going to know alllll."

She grinned looking back up at Finn, nudging him. "Remember when he tried to coordinate all your outfits by season, length, and shades of color as well as brand?"

"I'm in trouble, aren't I." Finn joked, rubbing her stomach still and pressing another kiss to it softly. "No matter what, I'm going to always protect you, Alexandra. From all the boys too." to Santana he added, "He tried to design my bedroom too, he was crazy. I'm just happy he calmed down and got over his crush because it made like, the transition so weird with Burt."

"What about from the girls?" Santana asked, addressing this to her stomach too. "What if ET here likes all the little girls that bat their eyelashes and break her heart?"

She looks up at Finn again, this time meeting his eyes. "Finn…I know you told Papi to call me."

Finn licked over his lips and shrugged his shoulders. "Then I'll protect her from those girls, too," he said, tracing shapes along the sides of her stomach.

His mouth opened in shock, then closed as he was not expecting her to say that. His cheeks got a little red and he fumbled a bit on his words. Lying was never something he was good at, especially with her.

"Why…I mean, uh, how do you know I did? Did he tell you that?"

Santana shook her head, her eyes still locked on his as she answered him. One hand reached to cover Finn's as she spoke.

"No. He didn't have to. He never calls me and that's with Mami nagging. You knew I wanted to talk to him and all of a sudden he calls? I know it was you."

A soft smile curved her lips, and she squeezed his hand. "Thanks."

Finn shut up finally and just looked at her as she spoke, his fingers turning up to laced between hers. He let out a little breath and nodded his head. It was important to her and he knew she needed it.

He smiled as she did and felt his dimples show. "You're welcome, " the boy said before rubbing his thumb between the space of hers and her index finger. "So, did you guys have like a good talk? "

Santana shrugs, then nods, deciding to label the talk as "good," even if little had actually been said. Her father had called her, that was what mattered. No spoken words could mean as much to her as that.

"Yeah. We did. He might come see me some day. He wanted to know about my boobs." She smirked at Finn, slyly eyeing his reaction.

Finn's eyes almost bugged out of his head as she brought up her dad and her…boobs.

"That is one thing I am never going to ask Alexandra about like…ever. I'm glad he's going to come see you, though. I know it would make you happy to have time with him."

"Oh but you're gonna have to," she smirked, raising an eyebrow. "When she comes home to you crying and telling you that some idiot boy snapped her bra straps or some stuck up girl asked her why she doesn't wear a bra yet or when she tells you that she's pretty sure she's not normal and wants a boob job, or if she asks you if you think she's normal and pretty because her boobs are weird, or when I tell you how expensive bras are for her, you'll have to."

She had never discussed any of this with her father, but she sort of wished she could have. It maybe would have prevented the eventual breakdown over her boobs in front of him and her mother that had lead to her breast implants.

"I'm happy too," she said more seriously, leaning her head against Finn. "I miss him. I miss Mami too."

She missed her mother quite a lot, actually; some of her emotional days, she calls her mom and clutches the receiver, listening to her talk about her day and ask Santana about hers, or even talking about her favorite Spanish soap operas, until she can feel herself start to cry with how much she wants her. Although she's had visits from her and from Quinn too, being apart from Kurt and Mercedes and Puck and all the rest of them sometimes gets to her.

Finn blinked over and over as she kept talking about everything that Alexandra might bring up and it actually scared the crap out of him. He's never dealt with any of that before and hopes there's a book or something he can read so that he knows what to say and do in those situations. Being a guy, he doesn't know the first thing about boobs and definitely will never want to talk about his daughters.

"So…you think if I tell her she's beautiful and perfect, that will be good to answer all of those things with?" He asked with a scrunched up face.

His thoughts were running wild, he was wondering how they'd get through the terrible twos and now he has to think about his daughter and puberty…and just no, he refuses to.

"Why don't we head home for Thanksgiving, then? We can head out on Wednesday, take the train so it's easy on you for traveling?" Finn suggested with a shrug, thinking she'd really like that idea and getting to go home for a few days.

Santana shrugs in response to his question. "Don't know. My dad never said it to me…guess there's a first time to try it now?" She paused, considering, then nodded. "It wouldn't have fixed things but it would have been nice to hear."

Her eyes light up at Finn's suggestion, and she sits away from him slightly as though to make sure she didn't mishear him. "Really?"

"I'm going to make sure to tell our daughter it whenever she comes to me. And I'm going to make sure you know how beautiful and perfect I think you are, too." He whispered as he kissed her neck softly, his hand brushing against her shoulder.

Her reaction made him chuckle and he nodded his head with a big smile. "Yeah, really. We can head back to Lima and spend this Holiday with our family and see some of our friends."

Santana smiled, her expression softening further as Finn tells her this. She tightens her arm around him, appreciating this gesture and the seriousness behind it, more than she can put in words.

"I really miss them," she says quietly, then, almost as an afterthought, "Don't tell them."

Finn smiles really big and brushes his thumb against her shoulder, knowing that she was expressing how much what he said meant to her through her touches.

His head shook with a big dopey grin. "Your secrets safe with me. What do your parents usually do for the holiday, like would they want to come over to my mom and Burt's or do you want to go do something with them on your own?"

Santana is quiet at his question. The problem was, since she had come out, Thanksgiving had been a rather small affair in her home. Her father was normally working, her abuela didn't come, and that left only her and her mother. Last year her mother had gone with her to Brittany's, but this year…

"I don't know," she admitted. "I guess if your parents don't care Mami and I can go over there."

"They won't mind at all, they'd want you and your mom to be there. And I don't want to spend it without you." He told her honestly, bringing her hand up to kiss her knuckles. "My mom will make all your favorites, I'll tell her what they are and you can invite Quinn too if you want. I know you want to see her again."

Santana laces her fingers through Finn's, nodding. "You have to ask her mom too. They're alone otherwise. If her sister's there, she's a pain in the ass, but we'll gang up on her if she won't behave."

Finn smiled. "I'll make sure to invite her mom….I kind of hope her sister's not there, she always hated me. So that's a plan if she comes." He said with a laugh through his nose. "What's your favorite kind of pie?"

"Chocolate silk," Santana answered immediately. This is her standard favorite, the automatic one. But on second thought, she adds, "And I think Alexandra likes blueberry with crumb top because that just came to mind too even though I really never even ate that much."

"I have to tell my mom so she can make it, I've never had it before, bu sounds good." His eyes grew wide just thinking about. Carol loved to cook and has been dying for another chance to do so for Santana. "With the crumb…that sounds really good, she has good taste. My favorites Pumpkin, my mom makes a bunch and goes all out, so be prepared for all the food she's going to be making you."

Santana half smiles, half grimaces, torn between her distaste of gaining weight and her natural increase in appetite. She looks down at her stomach, speaking to it again, as has become natural to her.

"Newsflash, ET. I am not gonna eat like a lardass when you're out of here and you better drink a lot of milk so you can suck the fat out of me. It's only fair."

"You're eating for two, you have to eat a lot now. " Finn told her, knowing she was still a little insecure about it. His forehead moved in to press against hers as he let out a small chuckle at her command to Alexandra.

"You're perfect and beautiful babe. I was thinking about showing the world how hot my girl looks pregnant with a calendar or something, but can't risk anyone showing up and trying to steal you from me."

Santana rolled her eyes. "She's such a pig, she eats like you do and she's like, what, four pounds? If that? God she's gonna be a chubby kid."

She's smiling though as she looks down at herself, but her eyes snap back up at Finn's next comment. "I am NOT taking nudie pregnant pictures for you, dumbass!"

Finn laughed and shook his head. "She has my stomach, but I was never chunky. Just had a fast metabolism. But can't deny that even if she has chubby cheeks, she'll still be the cutest baby in the whole world. "

Her look caused his eyes to grow bigger and he put his hands up in defense. "I was just joking, babe. I would never want to do anything you weren't comfortable with. Plus, I like that I'm the only one who gets to see your everything. " He admitted with a shrug and smile.

Santana herself has chubby cheeks as a child, despite being thin with skinny arms and legs, and she smiles, imagining the chubby cheeked, olive skinned child with dimples that she and Finn are bound to have.

"I really wanna see."

Narrowing her eyes at him, she watches him warily. "No sneaking pics when I'm asleep either. You'll wake up with a camera up your ass."

"Soon, so soon, babe. Imagine if we have a Christmas baby or a New Years one." Finn said, his mind already going wild with the thoughts and how great of a gift that would be. But then again, he would want their daughter to have her own special day, one that is all about her.

He gets the chills just thinking about how much it hurt. "I promise, no taking pictures until you say I can. But can we get one with you and I and her pregnant to show her one day?"

"I don't want a Christmas baby, that would suck for her," Santana protests. "Not fair, no real birthday. She should be like…January 12. That's a good distance."

She eyes Finn suspiciously before nodding, taking out her phone and leaning into him, sticking her arm out far to take a selfie before handing it to him. "Your ape arms are longer."

"January 12th sounds like a good birthday, we will just have to try all the tricks in the book to try and make that happen then." Finn said with a smile, wanting Alexandra to always have the best of everything, starting from day one.

He laughed as he took her phone from her and held it out to take a few pictures, setting his hand on her stomach for one and then kissing her for another.

"We can get one on Thanksgiving too, if you want. I know you probably think it's lame, but I want to look back at these in like 50 years with you."

Santana had been snuggled close to Finn for the picture, her cheek against his arm. But her eyes shift to him yet again, and she frowns faintly as he mentions looking back in fifty years.

"You really think we're gonna be together that long?"

Finn looked at her and nodded a few times, a little scared that she didn't. It made him wonder what she thought about their relationship and how she felt about him.

"Yeah…I mean, yeah. Do you not believe we can or something?" He asked, her frown causing his own face to fall.

Santana is still frowning slightly, considering this. "I don't know. I mean that's a long time. We'll be ancient and ugly. It's thinking ahead a lot."

She isn't sure why the assumption they'll be together in fifty years bothers her, but it does. It seems like a lot to expect.

Finn's arm moves from around her and he sets his to his sides, just looking down at the ground. It makes him think that maybe she is only with him because of the baby and because he is all she has out here.

"Yeah." He says standing up to get a water from the kitchen.

Santana's eyes roll up to the ceiling, and she exhales as Finn gets up, a little irritated. She can tell that he's hurt, and it's frustrating her; it's like every time she implies they aren't brought together by fate for all eternity, he gets upset. But how can she KNOW that?

"We're nineteen," she points out, calling out to him from the living room. "We can't even legally drink yet!"

Finn shakes his head as he takes a long pull from his water. "How would you like it if I always acted like we have an expiration date…or like I wasn't sure about us or anything. It's really not an easy thing to really deal with or respond to, Santana." He tells her, hating that he literally has to feel bad for getting upset when he does.

"Well, what am I supposed to say? That I'm gonna marry you? That we're meant to be? I don't know that, Finn. Yeah, I mean it's good now but how do I know it will be after she's born? How do I know it will be two years or two minutes from now, let alone fifty years? I don't, Finn! I've never had any relationship even last a year, let alone fifty, and I don't want to set us up for failure now acting like it's a sure thing!"

It seems so simple to Santana. By acting as though everything will be good and right and long term, it seems like it will hurt so much more if and when it does fail.

"You should have some confidence in us, Santana. You can't go into this scared and making me feel like any day you might decide that this isn't for you anymore. That's not what loves about and I get it, you have had bad past relationships, but you can't use that against yourself and let it cloud ours." Finn said shaking his head, she didn't understand how it made him feel and it almost seems like she never will if this is how their relationship is going to always be like.

"The only failure you're setting us up for is your own. We're having a baby and live together, that's a whole lot than most couples who don't act like in a minute they could be over with. Is that really how you want our daughter to see us as a couple?" He asked, just shaking his head slightly and drinking more of his water.

Santana's mouth opens, then closes at the mention of their daughter. This isn't something she's even thought about. She thinks of her own mother and father, how she had always worried, growing up, that they would divorce, that they didn't love each other…that they had only married because of her. That she had somehow trapped them into their own marriage. That their marriage was not their choice but her fault.

She doesn't want Alexandra to feel that way at all; just the thought of it makes her throat choke up. But Finn is right…she is scared. She's in the same situation her mother probably was, at an even younger age…what if she ends up unhappy?

Finn doesn't know what to do, of course he can tell she is upset right now, but so is he. He doesn't like feeling like he has to tip toe around their relationship and think that at any time, she would just pull the plug on them because she's scared and doesn't know what she wants with him. They have a daughter on the way and he wants nothing more to be a family, secure in their relationship and he doesn't have to be afraid of what he says about their future.

"I just…hope one day, I can be enough that you can see a future with me, not just as our daughters dad, but really with me." He said with a soft tone and a nod of his head before going to their bedroom.

Santana lets him go, still thinking deeply about what's been said. It's another five minutes of self struggling before she follows him into the bedroom, standing in the doorway. She doesn't say anything for some time, then she speaks softly, hesitantly.

"I…I want to."

Finn lays down on their bed, his hands crossed over his chest as he looks up at the ceiling for a bit. He can hear her come in, but doesn't turn his head until she starts to talk and lets out a long breath.

"Want to what?" He asks softly, not exactly sure what she means.

Santana takes another hesitant step forward, sitting on the bed. She doesn't touch him, but she sits close, exhaling.

"I want to…just believe stuff, and not…I want our daughter to never feel bad about us," she said quietly. "I want to just trust and not be scared. But it's hard."

Finn nods a bit and sits up next to her, his hand moving gently to rest against the small of her back.

"You should know that I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to leave you after a fight, I might step into another room, but that's just to calm down. If things get bad, we'll work it out, we'll talk it out and do what we have to. I'm not one to give up and neither are you, so you don't have to be afraid of this and being the couple we deserve to be."

Santana has never heard anyone say this before…but then, she's never had someone be really committed to her before. The guys she had dated before Brittany had barely committed to her for the time it took to have sex a few times, and Brittany had gone after others any time Santana put them on a break or wavered in her security of their relationship. No one had ever looked at her and genuinely wanted to be with her forever, or believed they could be.

She feels her lips curve into a small, hesitant smile as Finn reassures her, and she reaches for his hand.

Finn slips his hand into hers and laces their fingers together before pulling her wrist up to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss against her skin. He can tell she's still nervous and scared with that smile, but at least it's a step and she's not questioning what he's promising.

"You want to watch a movie and just lay around together?" He asked, tilting his head towards the pillows.

Santana nods, squeezing Finn's hand. Scooting back against him, she sneakily reaches for the remote, then, after a few seconds, wordlessly hands it to him- a huge concession for her.

Finn sits back against the pillows. separating his legs so she can fit between them and lay back against him. His arms stayed around her, waiting to see what she'll put on….but then she hands him the remote and his eyes almost fall out of his head. "How about ABC family's Christmas stuff?" He asked, letting her know he still wanted to pick something she'd like even if he was in control.

Santana shrugs. "You want to watch it, whatever. I can take sap in small doses."

Santana shrugs. "You want to watch it, whatever. I can take sap in small doses."

"I hope Alexandra likes them, I don't know what I would do if she wasn't a Christmas fan like I am." He whispered out before kissing the back of her neck.

"She's quiet right now," Santana told him, giving a faint shiver and smiling as he kissed her. "Not moving or anything. Maybe she's asleep."


	27. Chapter 27

It had been a very nice, relaxing Thanksgiving for Santana. She had visited with her mother, Finn's mother, Burt, Kurt, Quinn, and Quinn's mother, sharing a meal with them all, and it had been surprisingly stress free.

Sure, there had been a few awkward moments with Kurt, what with Santana's hurt towards his avoidance of her and his own discomfort in figuring out how to re-relate to her, now that Rachel was so obviously standing in between them. But in the end, Santana had figured out pretty fast, without much fumbling of words and shuffling of feet going on first, how to cut to the chase.

"You kinda suck, but you're about to feed me, and ET here is really big on food lately," she told him bluntly, putting one hand to her stomach. "So I think I'm gonna give you a pass. Give me a hug and a lot of food, refrain from talking about fashion and Broadway and anything Rachel Berry, and I might let that one slide."

Kurt had hugged her with a still-awkward but also relieved smile, exclaiming to her that she was "glowing" and how "adorable" her "baby bump" was. Santana had tolerated this until he tried to touch it, then pushed him away with something close to a growl.

"Ok that is MORE than enough sappy shit for two minutes!"

Santana had hugged Quinn tightly, accepting it with considerable more grace and tolerance when the blonde had lightly rubbed her back for a few seconds, a move that was surprisingly tender and uncharacteristic of Quinn and had meant that much more to Santana because of it. She had received equally welcome gestures of affection from the adults present as well, and then all had dimmed to her in comparison to the feast that the Hummels and her mother had co prepared. The evening had passed in pleasant continued conversation and of course, because Kurt had insisted, a brief group sing-along that Santana had groaned and bitched about but secretly enjoyed.

That evening she had stayed at her parents' home, and Finn had at his, allowing them some individual alone time with their families. Santana had felt like a little girl again in some ways, sitting by the fireplace with her mother as her mother played with her hair, braiding and stroking her hand through it as they talked, but in other ways she had felt that her mother was beginning to acknowledge her for the first time as a woman, as someone approaching her own level. Maribel Lopez had shared with her stories of Santana's childhood and how she and her father had handled her during various difficult stages, how she had gotten past her own struggles as a woman and a mother, and had made sure to let her know that she would help Santana however she needed, however vast the distance between them might be in miles. Santana had very much appreciated this time with her mother, and even more so that her father had made the effort to speak with her and tell her good night each night before he would go to sleep.

Santana had loved this time alone with her family, being, as was generally unusual, the only focus of their attention- but even as she had savored this, it had dawned on her that this was the last time it would be the case. When Alexandra was born, she would never again be alone with her parents, she would never again be the "little girl" who was their first and only focus. She would never really have the luxury of being anyone's full attention and concern, and that was the way it should be. She was leaving her childhood behind for good, to begin the process of providing for another person's, and it was somewhat bittersweet to her to comprehend.

She had been thinking this when Finn dropped by to pick her up for the evening. Her mother was working that evening, as was her father, and so they had arranged for the two of them to take a walk around the neighborhood after dinner together, looking for Christmas lights on the homes outside. Santana was quiet for a time as she took Finn's hand, stepping out into the cool night air, before she looked over at him, speaking softly into the stillness all about them.

"We're really not kids anymore."

Finn was so happy to be back in Lima with Santana. This holiday was all about family and there was no hiding that both of them missed theirs a lot. Carol was so excited that him and Santana were coming, she went all out for Thanksgiving, having every item of food possible and making sure it was really special and memorable. Burt was filled with joy every time someone mentioned Alexandra and Santana's pregnancy. He loved getting to know her more and feeling as if he was going to be grandfather any day now. Santana was still only six months, but everyone made it a point to let them know it will go by quickly.

It made him so happy to see Kurt and Santana getting along and felt like it was a step in the right direction. He knows Santana misses him and would want to have him as a friend up in NYC, but Kurt hurt her and that'll take a while to patch completely up. But Alexandra will probably help with that as well since Kurt is already talking about spoiling her and everything he wants to buy her.

It was hard to spend the night without Santana since he was so used to it and he always sleeps better with her in his arms, but he knows she needed some alone time with her mom and respected that. It was weird to be back in his old room, his mom cooking him breakfast and feeling like he was in highschool again. Things would be changing soon and him and Santana will be doing all of this for their little girl, planning the best holiday's for her and everyone will be traveling to them to see their perfect daughter. This time next year, everything in their lives will be so much better and brighter, but that's not to say this year wasn't amazing.

Finn wanted to get out and take in all of Lima before they have to leave again. This time of year was always so nice and made you appreciate the small town features that allowed you to walk up and down the streets and take in all the houses lit up. In New York, it's hard to see things like this unless you go into the city and those can get really crowded and that's not good for how far along Santana is. The last thing he wants is anyone to bump into her, so this walk was the perfect way to start the Christmas season.

As she stepped outside, he held her close and smiled as he kissed her cheek. He could tell she was a little quiet and nodded as soon as he heard her words.

"Not when we're having one of our own, but that doesn't mean our lives are over, just changing." He said honestly with a shrug and half grin before starting down the street with her. "But we're still our parents kids, just a little more mature."

Santana nods a little, still rather solemn in demeanor as she holds Finn's hand. Her face is soft, however, and she stays close to him as much for warmth as because of her mood, her shoulder touching his as they walk. She turns her head from side to side, taking in all the decorations of the homes around them with a half smile, remembering other holidays in the years past, when she was a little girl and had done the same. It was usually her mother who would take her out for a drive, pointing out all the lights for her, but sometimes she had walked alone with Brittany too when they were older.

"One day we'll take Alexandra out like this...she'll probably complain about being cold and want to be carried and have a runny nose, but then she's gonna look back and remember it kinda like we do now."

Finn laughed and rubbed his thumb against the back of her hand. He wore gloves since his mom told him to and a jacket that was super warm, just in case Santana needed it or wanted to be zipped up with him. Just thinking about their daughter and doing this all next year had his smile stretching from ear to ear, even with his red cheeks.

"We're going to have to come home for the Holiday's with her or find a town near us up in New York that we can walk around in and not feel so crowded, she'd probably yet at us for that too." He joked as his eyes took in all the lights and character figures people had blown up in their front yard and some on top of their roofs. "I hope she loves Christmas as much as I do, I want to make memories and make it always as fun and special like I remember when I was a kid for her. You know, letters from the elves saying they're checking up on her and...yeah, just make it special so she'll want to come home to us just like we do with our parents when she's older."

Santana is not wearing gloves, mostly because she had recently painted her nails and didn't want them to smear. Now she tries to lose her hands inside Finn's gloves as much as possible, not wanting to admit they're cold. She smiles as Finn describes his future hopes for their daughter, even as she smirks at the clashing color schemes of the pink and red lights on the house they were passing.

"Your mom did that? Tell me some Christmas stories about you...I bet you were the lame gullible kid that believed in Santa until you were twelve."

Looking down at their hands, he can see she's trying to slip her hands as much as possible into his gloves which isn't hard considering his hands are almost 3 sizes bigger than her's. He adjusts his hand so all of hers can fit warmly without saying a word and laughs with a few nods of his head.

"My mom always went all out. She would leave letters and treats from the elves, always would take me to all the Christmas celebrations and light shows around here. I just have always loved Christmas and never wanted to stop believing no matter what anyone said...stories huh? Well when I was little, I would wake up at like 4 am and my mom would never complain. I'd always leave this special food for the reindeer and my mom would go out there and put glitter around it to make it seem like they really ate it, there wasn't anything she wouldn't do to make sure my Christmas was the best."

Hands snugly enclosed in Finn's, Santana slows her steps, listening to him. She smirks, snickering, but she actually finds his story to be rather sweet. The smirk becomes a smile shortly after as she remembers her own childhood Christmases.

"I couldn't ever leave a whole plate of cookies for Santa. I would keep sneaking bites and then I'd hide all the ones with bites missing out of them under a couple of whole ones."

Finn couldn't help but laugh as he could totally imagine her doing that. It was hard to leave cookies untouched especially when you're so hyped up and excited for Christmas.

"My mom would make sure I did it like right before bed thinking that would help, but then I'd have to put them up high on the chimney ledge so that I couldn't go stealing them...even though by the time I was like 10, I could totally reach but I was too scared to get coal if I did."

Santana snickered again, giving his hand a slight squeeze.

"I remember one time I totally freaked out because Mami had had the fireplace going the night before and I was scared that it might be too hot for Santa and burn him up. I remember making her put glasses of water by the fireplace so he could use them to put himself out if he needed."

Finn raised his eyebrows up and down and smiled at her real big. "Look at you, trying to stay on the nice list so you didn't get any coal." He teased before moving his free hand to brush over her stomach. "You're always going to be on the nice list, right Alexandra?" the boy asked, waiting to see if she had any reaction to it. "Imagine next Christmas...her first Christmas, I wonder if she'll go crazy with the unwrapping or not get it yet."

"Hey, I was genuinely concerned about the man's well being!" Santana protested, before letting a smirk come over her lips, admitting, "And I was also totally upset if my toys got burned too, of course." She curled her arm through Finn's a little more closely, thinking of the next Christmas to come. "It will be way better...I'll be skinny again and Alexandra will be probably just about to walk, at least crawling around. We better keep the lights up high so she can't bite them."

Finn narrowed his eyes playfully. "There it is, I knew you were worried about your gifts too," he teased before kissing the top of her head as she drew herself in closer.

A few people said hello as they passed their house and he did the same before admiring more of the lights. Lima was always awesome in having them up as soon as the Turkey is done cooking.

"You always look amazing, San. You're right...we're going to have to make sure all the ornaments are up high too. You have to see the one my mom got us for this year. It's a pregnant couple with our names on it and Alexandra's name too. It's pretty awesome,she had it made at a craft show."

Santana smiled, feeling warm, safe, and protected as Finn kept her close to him. She wouldn't admit that- it wasn't something she could put in words even to herself- but she loves this feeling of being so close and near to him. She nods back when she knows the people, ignores them when she doesn't, and lets Finn steer the way for them, occasionally pointing out an especially interesting scene outside the homes. Still thinking about next year's Christmas, she looks over at him.

"Do you think we should get her a present this year?"

It was really nice to walk like this, as a family and as a couple. He loved holding her close and in his arms and being able to show everyone they pass that this is his girl. This is the town they grew up in and there was something really special about being here with her and making this memory together and thinking about the future with their little girl. His dimples show even with the pink in his cheeks at her question and he immediately nods.

"How about when we get each other stuff, one of our gifts to each other is something for her. This way it's still sort of a surprise and exciting for us and we can tell her what it is."

It dawns on Santana as they walk that this is actually very strange. Even a few months ago she wouldn't have imagined she would walk around her hometown with Finn Hudson, pregnant with his child, considering herself to be his girl, where anyone can see, and not think of it as weird or surreal at all. She laughs to herself, shaking her head, then glances up at him, nodding at his suggestion.

"Sounds like a plan...sooooo did you also think every single plane in the sky was Rudolph?"

Finn was happy it didn't seem like Santana was pulling away or hesitant about all of this with him. A week or so ago, he was afraid that she was constantly questioning everything about them and always hesitant about their relationship, but after their talk, it seems to have changed a lot and he couldn't be happier. He laughs at her question and nods his head with his tongue popping out some.

"You know, I wasn't that crazy about Rudolph. All the movies with Tim Allen and the non animated ones rarely have him in it, so of course I loved him, but I was more so trying to plot a way to get up to the North pole."

"Oh god I gotta hear this one," Santana laughed, shaking her head. "Did this involve guns and acts of terrorism or was this boring and peaceful?"

Finn just shook his head. "No terrorism, just trying to steal a helicopter, looking up flights to sneak onto...wait maybe that is pretty bad, but I also would try and wait up for Santa to scare him and sneak into his sleigh, but I would always pass out by midnight. I tired the snow globe and wishing on it, tried writing letters to the North Pole to ask for a map...pretty much everything and anything a kid can do to try, I did."

Santana burst out laughing, hanging onto Finn's arm heavily and snorting against him as she envisions all of this. "And I thought it was bad that I tried to blackmail Santa..."

Finn sighed heavily and jokingly, just hanging his head for emphasis. "Did you ever see The Santa Claus? The one with Tim Allen with the little boy? It's my favorite and I always thought it would happen where I would scare Santa off the roof and get to put on the suit and become him."

Santana nods, rolling her eyes. "Tim Allen sucks. I liked the Grinch...I totally wanted to be his partner. I'd take everyone's presents and keep them all for me and if Santa came calling I could point the finger at him because I'm just a little girl. Lucy had the right idea. I wanted to make everyone come to me to solve their problems too except I thought they should be indoors because it gets cold in the snow, and I'd upgrade the charge from five cents to five dollars." She was referencing the Peanuts character but assumed Finn knew this.

Finn looks at her with his eyebrows furrowed. "Tim Allen does not suck...that movie is awesome. I love the Grinch too,but it just boggles my mind how they live in a snowflake." He really never got that party and wondered what they did when it wasn't Christmas time in Whooville. With another laugh, he knew she meant the Charlie Brown movie, he wasn't a huge fan but definitely saw it a few times. "I have a feeling you'd pull the football away from me too if I was trying to kick it." He joked, tapping his shoulder into hers slightly.

"Oh totally," Santana confirmed. She stopped when she reaches the end of the street, standing and simply looking around herself, a feeling of content and peacefulness settling warmly in her chest. She looks up at Finn, one hand slipping out of his to touch her stomach as she says quietly, "I really loved Christmas when I was little. My parents were there and my abuela, and sometimes cousins would come over, and it was just...it was a good day. Everything seemed like magic...no one even argued."

Finn sets his arms around her as they stand, they're loose as his hands settle on the small of her back and he looks into her eyes with a warm grin.

"We're going to make sure it's the same for Alexandra. With your parents, my parents, Quinn, Kurt and a few others, it'll be like that for her...and you too. That magic will always be there, it'll be a little different for us, but her little face in the morning when she opens her presents and how excited she gets...that'll be the most awesome thing in the world to see."

"She wont' be able to open them next year yet," Santana points out, but she's still smiling, imagining this. "She won't even know what's going on. She'll probably want to play with the wrapping paper instead of the toys."

Finn laughs and tilts his head side to side. "Still, everyone will want to get her gifts and we get to bring her to see Santa for the first time...and she'll probably cry for the picture. But you get to pick out Christmas outfits for her, we can watch all the movies and read her all the books. It'll be special and just the start of all the magic that's to come."

"I kicked Santa in the shins when I was three," Santana grinned, remembering this. "I told him he was a big fat red man and he couldn't get me. Then Mami told me I wouldn't get any presents if I was nice to him, so I hugged him and told him he was pretty and nice." She snickered, eyes glinting with amusement. "I wonder if she'll bite the guy."

His eyes grow wide and he can actually imagine this. "I was kind of starstruck my first time...but I could totally see you kicking him and then being nice just to get presents. But you told Santa he was pretty?" He asked with a quirk of his eyebrow before bringing one hand back around to set on her stomach. "You won't bite him, right? I mean..the first year, you'll barely have any teeth and probably will just scream and cry...but no biting allowed. You don't want any coal in your stocking."

"She will too get presents...like you're gonna convince everyone to hold out on her just because of a little biting," Santana argues, shaking her head. "She can bite if she wants to, gums shouldn't hurt that much." She laughs, amused at the mental image of a toothless baby chomping down on an older white man dressed as Santa.

"Hey, you can get presents and still some coal in your stocking!" Finn said, mainly kidding. There's no way he'd ever give his daughter that, but knew some kids who actually did get some and it scarred them for life. "She is not biting Santa!"

His eyes turn back down to her stomach and he talks as stern as possible, but still with a smile. "I know you'll be teething next year around the time you meet him, but I promise after we will get you something for that. Just try not to cry too loud for your picture, cause you'll yell at us for it years later for getting it printed."

Santana smiled, rubbing her hand over her stomach. Even talking about the baby crying, even a year from now, bothers her, and she looks up at Finn again. "What if I can't figure out how to make her stop crying?"

Finn rubbed his lips together before leaning in to rub his nose against hers. "You will, you're her mom. You'll know before I do what she needs, when and how. You will always know how and sometimes it'll just take a hug or a kiss, but we'll know and sometimes it make take some time, but she'll calm down and be right back to herself."

Santana nods slightly, hoping this is the case. She can just see herself rocking her baby for hours on end unable to figure out how to calm her down; it's one of her most frequent fears.

"She'll probably like you better. The soft touch."

His head shakes as he looks down at her stomach then back up to her. "You have a soft touch and a sensitive side that she'll know about just like I do, she'll love us both the same."

"Nope," Santana says decisively, shaking her head. "No one loves anyone the same. I don't love my parents the same. They're different, how can you?"

Finn shrugs his shoulders. "Alright, maybe not the same...but she's not going to love me more. She'll love us for different reasons but not one more than the other. You're her mom and I'm her dad and it'll be different how we are with her, but together we're going to love her so much and yeah."

Santana stops walking, standing to regard the closest set of lights silently, one arm around Finn's waist. She looks up at him and says quietly after a few moments, "Finn? You're going to be a really good dad."

Finn can't help when his dimples show as he looks at her and licks over his lips. "Thanks, San. You're going to be a really good mom. We're going to be a good team." He whispered out before leaning in to kiss her as it start snowing

Santana tilted her head up to kiss him back, burrowing herself closer to him against the snow's cold. But despite the snow she feels warm from head to toe, secure in his arms and his reassurance of their future to come.


	28. Chapter 28

Finn tried his best to sneakily get everything ready upstairs on the top of their place. Thankfully it was flat and had a pull down stairs from the deck out back so it was super safe and easily accessible. With it being the Holiday season and Santana so far along in her pregnancy, he wanted to plan a date that would be safe and also sort of romantic. So he got a bunch of blankets, a few strands of Christmas lights, some pillows, Christmas cookies and made some hot chocolate to bring up with them. It was December first so they're going to be lighting the huge tree at Rockafeller center along with a big show of carols and dancers. Their place had the perfect view and it was a lot more cozy than trying to get down and around the big crowd.

After doing one last glace over, he headed back inside to find Santana and approached her with a huge smile.

"Put on your jacket, I want to show you something."

Santana had been getting more tired and achy lately, now that she is seven months along, and Alexandra has been active, frequently waking her up in the middle of the night with her kicking and lying on her bladder so she has to pee. She would never admit it, but she's glad Finn talked her into quitting her job at the diner before she got this far along. She couldn't imagine having to wake up early and stand on her feet all day or night for her shifts.

She had paid little attention to Finn when he suddenly got mysteriously busy yet absent, figuring he had some gift he was tinkering with, and when he comes to her with a sunny smile, she squints at him, suspicious.

"Okayyyy…"

She gets one of his jackets instead of her own; although they are much too long and the sleeves are comically huge for her, they are big enough that she can easily zip them over her stomach.

Finn bites down on his bottom lip and tries to keep his grin to minimum. He could tell by her look that she knew something was up, he just hoped she'd like it and be up for hanging out on the roof.

She always looked so sexy in his clothes and he couldn't help but take her in with his eyes before slipping his hand into hers. "I thought we were due for a couple date nights before the baby gets here." He explained as he helped her to the steps and stood behind her to make sure she was safe as she walked up them.

His heart was beating sort of fast with nerves as they reached the top and he let out a little breath. "I have pillows and blankets to make sure you're comfortable, thought we could watch the tree lighting. Make our own memories here, too."

Santana wanted to tell Finn not to hover, but in truth, she really did probably need him to stand near to make sure she wouldn't slip or trip and hurt herself or the baby before she could catch herself. She let him help her with minimal eye rolling, growing progressively curious about just what it was on the ROOF of all places he wanted to show her something.

"Pretty sure I've seen tall places before if that's what you're after," she muttered to him, but when they reached the top and she saw the cozy set up he had made, she swallowed, smiling softly. She doesn't want to say aloud how sweet she thinks this is, but she squeezes his hand.

"You're gonna keep me warm, right?"

Finn smiles down at her and nods with his dimples showing. "Yeah, of course. I made some hot chocolate for us and put it in a thermos to keep it warm too." He pointed out, showing her where it was set by the blankets on the ground. It made him feel really good to see that she didn't hate this or wasn't turning the date down. He could tell her silence meant way more than words and that meant the world to him.

His arms wrapped around her and pressed a kiss to her cheek before leading her more into the blankets. "Let me know what position you want to sit in and which is the most comfortable for you and the baby." The boy whispered to her as he looked out to check when the lights were starting. "I also brought you up some cookies just in case someone got hungry." Finn said rubbing his hand against her stomach.

Hot chocolate, cookies, and cuddles…he couldn't possibly be talking more her language. Santana smiled at him warmly, stretching up her neck to kiss him before gesturing for him to sit. She leaned back against his chest, her back supported by him, in between his legs, and arranged his arms around her.

"I'm always hungry if you haven't noticed. Hand them over."

Looking up over the view, she tilted her head back against the side of Finn's, still smiling. "It's so pretty."

It always felt ten times better when she was the one kissing him first. She never failed to cause butterflies to start flapping all over his stomach and his heart to beat faster and slower at the same time. He always feels that huge spark with her, even with the gentlest kisses and that warmed him up more than these blankets or hot chocolate ever could.

His arms wrapped around her with a closed mouth grin and he was able to stay in place and still reach for the cookies. "You want some hot chocolate with those cookies?I promise it's just at the right temperature, babe."

He turned his eyes up to watch the tree start to shine and you could hear the music perfectly along with it. Bringing a blanket around them, he kissed her neck softly before looking back in front of them. He could see her smile out of the corner of his eye which only caused his to grow even bigger.

"It is, I'm happy we have the best view of it and don't even have to leave home for it."

Santana shivered as Finn kissed her neck, but despite the gesture, she felt warm all over. She burrowed back even more closely against him, feeling utterly warm and safe and cared for in a way that seemed so right, yet so incredible all at once. Who else had ever gone to such effort to show her a good time? Who else had ever tried so hard and been so patient to show love for her?

It dawned on her then that she hasn't yet said she loves him…not really. Not without a disclaimer in front of it. She swallowed, thinking of this, eyes on the lights and scene below, and tries to work herself up to it.

Finn kept his hands settled against her stomach, his thumbs brushing against her sides as he took in everything around them. He can't help but think about next year and how they'll be up here with Alexandra, bundling her up and trying to keep her still to watch the lighting of the tree with them. Or maybe Santana will want to take her to see it in person instead, but regardless he knows for a fact that Santana is his forever and if he has to spend that long convincing her of that, he will.

His eyes practically beamed as bright as the lights as they started to blink and the star's shine grew even stronger. "I can't wait till Alexandra's here and able to do all of this with us. We're going to have to do something for New Years too, watch the ball drop from our window and our tv. Now that is going to be amazing to do with you."

Santana nods, her own eyes nearly as bright as the lights they are watching with her current happy thoughts and feelings. "Yeah…yeah….it's gonna be awesome. She'll probably squirm all around and want down and howl because we won't let her, and scream because people are making too much noise, and not shut up until I give her my boob. It's gonna be great."

Except that she genuinely means what she's saying in the moment; there is no sarcasm to her words.

Finn chuckled a bit as he raised his eyebrows. "You know, she's going to take your boobs away from me for like a year. I bet she'll smack me if I even try to go anywhere near them. Even when we're cuddling, she'll probably have your Mexican third eye and know from her crib and start crying." He joked as he could tell she was serious about what she was saying.

"You know, maybe we should do her first year seeing the tree light right here. This way if need be, we can watch from our living room window and don't have to worry about a ton of people around her." The boy said honestly, thinking an infant would be hard to take to big events in New York City.

Santana nods, agreeing. "Yeah. Because if someone bumps my kid and she cries, I'm gonna take them down, and she doesn't need me in jail."

She frowned as a sudden thought occurred to her, lifting her head to look at Finn. "She's gonna not let us have sex!"

Finn shakes his head with wide eyes. "No, we don't need that happening at all. I don't want anyone getting close to our baby or you having to go to jail." He said honestly, not even wanting to think about either of the two ever happening.

His lips purse a bit before he leans in to kiss hers. "We will find ways to. She has to pass out at some point for naps and once she's a couple months old, we can do date nights or something so we can have alone time for a few hours."

Santana kisses Finn back, frowning slightly. Then she burst out laughing. Covering one face with her hands, she shook her head, highly amused.

"Oh jesus…six months ago you never could have convinced me I'd be upset that I MAYBE couldn't have sex with Finn Hudson!"

Finn's eyebrow raises as she starts laughing and he has no idea what is so funny. His cheeks blush a bit as he hears her words and glares at her playfully.

"Hey, you don't have to say it like that. I know all the places to touch you to drive you crazy."

"Yeah and that's what's hysterical," Santana giggles, poking his side. "Come, it's hilarious! Who'd think!"

Finn smiles and shrugs his shoulders. "I always thought you were like, the most gorgeous girl ever…just that I never had a real chance."

"You didn't, for a long time," She shrugged blunt about this. "But things change…obviously." She looked down at her stomach, touching it. "I think…I guess…I wouldn't change it."

Finn chuckled a bit as he watched her eyes and rubbed her side softly. "I'm just glad I finally got a chance and know that I'm going to make it last." He whispered back before smiling with his mouth closed. "Good, cause I know things are only going to get even better once she's here."

Santana looked out across the rooftop, lying back contently against him and sipping from her hot chocolate. After a few peaceful minute she chuckles. "If everyone else in Glee was here, they would demand a duet."

Finn makes sure the blankets are around them perfectly and pops a cookie in his mouth while they continue to watch the tree and carolers. As he hears what Santana says, he lets out a laugh and nods his head. "You're right, we also need to brush up on our singing soon for Alexandra. She'll probably demand duets more than Glee club did."

Santana rolls her eyes, her hand still touching her stomach as she takes a cookie too. Looking down at herself, she starts to sing softly, her voice throaty and rich. "What child is this who laid to rest on Mary's lap is sleeping?"

Finn smiles softly as he listens to her sing. His lips press to her cheek and then down her neck and jaw. "She's going to want you to sing to her every night."

Santana's voice goes slightly unsteady when Finn kisses her, and she sucks in her breath before continuing to sing in a lower tone, more of a murmur. She arches her neck, almost whispering the rest of the verse before replying to Finn, "I will."

Finn feels the words fall from her throat against his lips as they stay attached to her neck. She always was an amazing singer and he knows Alexandra is going to love it. "She might get your voice too and grow up to be a superstar."

Santana smiles, thinking of this. She remembers dancing and singing in her chirpy chipmunk voice as a little girl and how sure she had been that she was amazing, regardless of what her abuela said to the contrary. She hopes her own child will never doubt herself.

Her smile slips slightly as she looks back at Finn, remembering. She herself doesn't feel quite grown up yet…and she still isn't sure what she wants to do or be.

"I still don't know what I want," she admits quietly. "With my life. I don't know anymore."

Finn can see the change in her face and moves one hand up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. He keeps his hand softly by her place and brushes his knuckles softly against her jawline.

"I'll help you figure it out, I know you want to be more than just a mom and you deserve to be. So whatever I have to do to help you, I will." He promisedwith a smile.

Santana meets his eyes, seeing his sincerity. Finn is nothing if not sincere, something she had once rolled her eyes at, but now appreciates. She nods, giving him a small smile in return.

"Okay."

88

Santana was now nearly seven months pregnant, and starting to get very bored, very restless, and very anxious to get the baby out of her. She tried to power through with her usual activities and exercise but was often exhausted, achy, and disgusted with herself for it by each day's end. She hated when she was left alone in the apartment but she hated worse when she had to drag along with Finn to work. Although she sort of liked doing his ads and the business aspects of his job for him, she didn't want people to look at her and judge her, which she was convinced they were doing, even if they rarely actually saw her.

She wanted to make her own money on her own terms, and she wanted out of the house. It wasn't long before inspiration struck.

Shopping at the mall with Finn a few weeks ago, her eyes had lingered on the Santa in its center. Easiest job in the world…sitting on her ass, listening to kids babble, and being given cookies and milk behind the scenes. Her mind had started to turn its wheels, and before she knew it, she had found herself heading back to speak to the mall manager.

She had arrived fully in costume, hating that she had had to shell out cash for a Santa suit before actually making money, but she figured it would be worth it. She also figured they would be more likely to hire a pregnant girl if they didn't know said pregnant girl was pregnant and figured it was just a pillow. She had given her best performance, declaring that she was less threatening and definitely less likely to cop a feel than the average Santa man, and her name, Santana, clearly meant she was destined for this. It hadn't taken much convincing for them to hire her part time, and she had been thrilled with her own genius.

Problem would be hiding this from Finn. Somehow she doubted he'd be amused.

Finn knew that it wasn't easy for Santana staying at home all day and waiting around with uncomfortable pregnancy pains. As much as he wished he could take off and stay at home with her all the time, with a baby on the way, he needed to put in as much hours as he could before she got here. Thankfully, he'll be able to take a little leave once Alexandra is here to help Santana, but that still didn't make it hard to leave her in the morning.

The customers were always really great this time of year and would tip him for the holiday's with cash which he made sure to save to use for some of the presents he planned on getting his girls.

After closing up the shop, he headed home but didn't find Santana. He figured she had gone out shopping, so he decided to do the same. It's never too early, right? He got back into his truck and headed towards the closest mall even though he knew it would be packed, he also knew it had a lot of Santana's favorite stores.

Finding a spot wasn't easy, but he didn't have to walk too far and warmed up as soon as he stepped into the craziness of the mall. People were all over the place and the line for Santa was the longest he has ever seen. He decided to get a soft pretzel first on the other side of the Christmas set up and almost choked on what he had in his mouth as he turned around to see who was in the Santa seat.

"Santana…what are you doing?" The boy called out as he stepped towards the exit of 'Santa's Village' and ignored everyone looking at him. Was he seeing things? Would Santana really be doing this so pregnant…and who would hire and let her do so?

Santana had been in her element. Sure, it was difficult to hold some of the bigger and heavier kids on her lap, and she was already getting tired, only three days into his arrangement. The screaming babies were making her uncomfortable as well. But she had discovered that she could calm them pretty easily by singing in their ear, most of the time, and only one kid had made a comment so far about her being a girl or not really Santa. She was rather enjoying herself, congratulating herself on her awesomeness…until she heard someone call her name.

She ignored it at first, thinking someone had simply misspoke and meant to say Santa. But when she sees Finn suddenly standing in front of her, her eyes widen, and she almost chokes. Smiling down at the kid in her lap quickly, she tries to ignore him, explaining to the kid, "This one's too big to sit on my lap and he's jealous. Go get your candy cane!"

Finn couldn't believe his eyes. Seeing her with all these kids on her lap would normally be cute,but she's pregnant and due soon, she shouldn't be putting this stress on her body or risking catching something. His eyes blinked a few times over still trying to process this as she tried to just pass him off and didn't even acknowledge him. It let him know she knew she was doing something wrong but didn't care.

"Santana, I don't know if you forgot, but you're pregnant." He says shaking his head slightly and looking at all the kids in line. "You can't put your body at risk like this and who would allow someone who is almost 7 months pregnant to be Santa?" The boy asked, turning around to talk to those who take the photos and run this whole thing.

"It's Santa, not Santana," Santana said through her teeth, trying to give a pleasant smile, but her red cheeks are not due to makeup anymore nor being jolly. She tries to keep ignoring Finn, gesturing for another child to come forward, but Finn is going on, and she can't keep pretending that she doesn't hear him. Especially when he turns to the photo guy, who is blinking at her as if he's looking at her for the first time.

"She's pregnant?"

"I'm FAT, I'm Santa Claus!" Santana protests, patting her stomach as though in proof. In fact she has put a small pillow beneath the jacket as well, because even her pregnancy stomach is small enough to not totally fill it. "It's a pillow!"

Finn just shook his head and tried to stay as calm as possible, but seriously this was a bit insane. He would never think he'd have to worry about her running off and playing Santa. She didn't mention it to him once or even let him know that she would be gone for what seems would be the whole night with how many kids are here.

"She's pregnant. I'm her boyfriend and had no idea she was doing this." He explained, looking back at her an narrowing his eyes some, wondering why she would risk something happening to the baby. If she didn't tell them here, how would they know to do something if she was to get hurt or…worst. "She's almost 8 months and shouldn't be putting all this stress on her body." The boy continued, looking at her but talking to the photographer.

"I am not almost eight months, I'm only a week under seven!" Santana said indignantly before she thought this through- meaning she had now admitted she was pregnant, period. Several children and many more mothers are now looking at her accusingly, and the photographer is blinking rapidly, his mouth open. Her face red now, Santana stands a little awkwardly, coming towards them and hissing at Finn under her breath. "You can't do this, you can't tell me what to do or tell other people what to do!" To the photographer she adds, "And you can't fire me when I'm doing what you hired me to do!"

Finn tried not to roll his eyes and bit down hard on his jaw. He was mad, she would kill him if he did anything that would put him at risk of harm. After he ended up in the hospital after a work accident, he made sure to be careful to never put her through that scare ever again. "When it puts our baby at risk, yes I can speak up and say something." He said looking down at her, his eyes hurt and confused. "You didn't even tell him you're pregnant. What if something happened or a kid jumped into your lap and hit the baby too hard or you got up and fell? He would have no idea what to do or who to call." Finn said, gesturing his hand towards the line. "Your body hurts you, yet you're going to let all these kids risk putting more strain on it and injuring Alexandra?"

"No one jumped in my lap!" Santana argued, although this wasn't totally the truth. Several kids had leaned back hard, squirmed around, or clambered up awkwardly, and many had been heavy. "I don't fall, when have I fallen? And my body doesn't hurt me! Alexandra is fine!"

More untruths and she knows it. Finn's the one massaging her every night while she gripes and complains about it, after all. But she's not wanting to concede his point, at least not out in public where everyone can hear. Face still red, she pulls away, starting to head back towards the chair.

Finn can't believe she's actually trying to fight him on this. They're kids and don't even know she's pregnant, so they're sure as hell not going to be careful. Not to mention, screaming babies and kids that don't want to be any where near 'Santa' are going to go flying all over the place. "Your body hurts all the time so why would you risk anything happening to her? I don't get it." He could tell she was lying and that really hurt him.

As she walks back to the seat, he turns towards the photographer. "You're really going to let a pregnant woman play Santa?" He asked, turning towards Santana again and just looking at her, not believing she would actually put herself and their daughter through all of this. "Hope it's worth it and you better pray nothing happens to her." He spat out before walking away.

The photographer is having second, third, and fourth thoughts about this, especially with Finn's last threat. Clearing his throat, he beckons Santana, then on second thought walks over to her.

"Right, uh, Ms. Lopez, here's the thing. You gave false impressions when I hired you, and I ain't about to get sued by your enormously tall boyfriend there if you end up going into labor 'cause some brat kneed you in the stomach. How about you pick up your check for the week and head off before I have to ask security to help you head off."

"You have to be kidding me," Santana is enraged, gesturing madly. "I'm Santa! No one can fire Santa!"

But the guy is serious and when his hand reaches for his cell phone, she thinks better of it. She doesn't want a scene, not because she's opposed to a scene, but because the cops actually could overpower her, and that would be humiliating. Red-faced, cursing under her breath, she throws the Santana hat and beard down and stalks off. By the time she reaches her car and drives home she is slightly calmer but still upset, and very much dreading seeing Finn. She REALLY doesn't want to hear what he has to say…especially if he keeps talking about the baby. Especially because he's right.

Finn got out of the mall as fast as he could. He was angry and sort of really hurt that she would lie to him and didn't see where he was coming from. She was so upset and concerned when he got hurt at work…and here she is putting herself at risk for something happening to her or the baby.

It was hard to keep himself from freaking out as he clenched the steering wheel and put a window down for some air as he drove home. It's his job to protect her and the baby, but when she won't let him, what is he supposed to do? He can't control her and that's not what he wants to do, but all of this really doesn't make any sense to him.

Once he was home, he got changed and made himself some food. He has no idea what Santana's going to do or if she'll even realize what she's risking with that job she now has. But he can't force her to care or see how her lies make him feel like crap.

Turning on the tv, he ate some chicken fingers and tried to zone out from everything so his thoughts about what could happen to his daughter didn't drive him nuts.

When Santana walks through the door, she tries to move past Finn where maybe he won't stop her. She keeps her face down, not wanting him to see her expression, but she's starving, so she has to head towards the kitchen too, which means moving right past him.

Finn hears Santana coming in, but doesn't say a word. He already said something and it meant nothing to her, she went right back to working and playing Santa. Clearly it doesn't matter to her what he thinks or feels about it, so why say anything? He keeps quiet and continues to eat his chicken with occasional movements to bring his glass of soda to his lips.

It took about two minutes before Santana couldn't stand the silence anymore. Scowling towards Finn, she blurts, "They fired me and it's all your fault!"

Finn huffs a bitter laugh out of his nose and shakes his head. "No. It's your fault for being a liar." He spoke, still not even looking at her and keeping his eyes focused on his plate.

"I didn't lie to you!" Santana tries, putting her hands on her hips. "I didn't lie to them either! I just didn't MENTION being pregnant."

"Whatever, fine, you hid things. In my book it's lying, but you really don't care what I have to say anyways." He responded harshly, his jaw flexing once again with his words.

"Oh stop being like that!" Santana snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. "Nothing happened to anyone. I was bored! I can't do anything, it's like I'm crippled!"

Finn finally looked at her with narrowed eyes. "Right, so if I got another job or did something that put myself in danger and you found out by walking by, you wouldn't be pissed at me at all? " His let out a heavy scuff through his nose,not even waiting for her to answer. "After I got hurt at work, I made sure to not go under the cars because you told me to. You know you could have gotten hurt or worst, Alexandra could with all those kids jumping and moving around against you. I'm allowed to be mad when you put our daughter at risk when you're 'bored.' "

Santana's scowl deepened, but she had to admit to herself that Finn was right. She was silent for another minute, trying to think of something to say so she would look right, but nothing comes to mind.

"I'm really bored though! It's like I'm in prison!"

Finn shrugged his shoulders softly. "I get it, but doing things that could hurt you or Alexandra isn't the way to fix it. You could have come to me and we could have figured something out, you could come down and help at the shop or…I don't know, Santana. But it kind of sucks that you didn't say anything and hid something from me."

Santana doesn't know what she's supposed to say to that; again, he's right. She just keeps scowling, then mutters more to herself than to him.

"Nothing happened. Let's just drop it, nothing happened so it's fine. I'll just be bored next time."

Finn just stood up and shook his head. Of course she wanted to drop it since he was the one that's upset. He rinses off his plate before heading downstairs in the basement to crash on the couch and have some space to cool down.

It takes Santana approximately ten minutes of having space to herself before her mood swings from irritated, prideful, and embarrassed to regretful and somewhat ashamed. The quiet all around her is so extensive it seems to echo through the house, and several times she walks past the basement and has to fight her urge to prove to herself that Finn is still down there.

The more time passes, the more anxious she starts to feel. What if Finn is so mad at her he'll never share a bed with her again? What if he doesn't want to be with her anymore? What if he thinks she's a bad mother? What if she IS a bad mother? What if he will want to leave her and have Alexandra to himself?

It's this array of worries that finally leads her to awkwardly descend the basement stairs, calling his name

Finn didn't know what to think. Santana seemed to just push aside everything even with knowing how upset he was about it and that hurt. He knows arguing isn't good for her and the baby, so that's why he had to remove himself so that it didn't get heated. It worried him that she wouldn't want to tell him about what she was doing and hide something like this from him when it put their baby in danger. He understands the being bored aspect and that it isn't easy for her being pregnant, but if he was to ever keep something form her, she'd kill him.

It was hard to get comfortable and he fixed his legs a few different ways to try to. The TV was on low, mainly for background noise as he stared up at the ceiling and went through the thoughts he had in his head and what he was feeling.

Once he heard his name, he let out a long breath and licked over his dry lips. "Yeah?" He responded, not moving yet from where he was laying.

Santana can hear in Finn's voice that he isn't pleased with her still. Licking her lips, she continues her descent down the stairs, then slowly makes her way to the couch. Standing watching him for a few seconds, she finally comes forward and tries to arrange herself on his lap.

Finn sat up and swallowed thickly as she began to crawl into his lap. He set his hand against the small of her back to make sure she was safe before biting on the inside of his cheek and looking at her with low eyes, still not saying anything because he was still too hurt to talk.

Santana mirrors his expression unconsciously, biting the inside of her own cheek as she looks back at him. She lowers her eyes, then tries to tuck her head against his shoulder so she won't have to look at him.

"I'm sorry. Okay?"

Finn feels his Adam's Apple fall down his throat heavily as he hears her words. He was happy to hear them, but it didn't make everything all better. It still hurt that she would hide things from him like this.

"Sorry for what, San" He asked lowly, barely reaching a whispering tone.

Santana sighed, hating that he was making her say it. She still doesn't look at him as she mumbles, "The Santa thing. And not saying anything."

"It just kind of sucked to see you putting yourself in danger and feeling like you didn't care that it hurt me." Finn explained with a shrug of his shoulders. "I get that you're bored, but hiding things from me hurts."

Santana is quiet for some time, still avoiding his eyes. She hunches her shoulders slightly, pressing back against him as she mumbles, "I just…everyone looks at me and all they see is a pregnant girl, not Santana Lopez. Everyone wants to touch my stomach and talk about the baby and treat me like I'm made of glass and I'm tired of it. I mean I want her and everything but I'm not just about her. I'm me. I want to be me."

"I don't see you as that way at all.' Finn said honestly, shaking his head a bit as he did so. "That's why I plan dates and stuff, that's why I get upset about things like this. I wasn't treating you like you were made of glass, but I know you've been in pain and that all those kids could have hurt the baby and you. I'm supposed to protect you and can't do that if you hide things from me or don't hear me out." He gets where she's coming from, but he's not 'everyone'.

Santana is quiet again, thinking this over. She knows Finn doesn't overprotect her, but the fact that she has to be protected at all bothers her. She mumbles towards her lap, "I don't want to need protection."

Finn rubs his lips together and lets out a long breath through his nose. "I'm your boyfriend, Santana. We're having a baby, I want to protect you. Both of you. That's who I am and can't change that."

"I know…I just don't like having to be," she said a little more loudly. Taking a breath, finally looking up at him, she repeated, "I'm used to taking care of myself."

Finn looked at her and really didn't know what to say. They've been together for a while and he gets that she's independent, it's not like he's trying to change her. But he can't go changing himself in this aspect either. "I've sort of been this way with you for like…the whole time we've been together and even when you first got pregnant, I was this guy. "

"I know," Santana said quietly, nodding. "That's cool…it's not you. I'm just so tired of being pregnant and not being able to do anything." She sighs, looking up at him again. "I just want to be able to do everything again."

Hearing her say these things sort of scared Finn. What are these things she wants to do once the baby is here, what if some of those things don't include him? "I'm sure a lot of pregnant women feel this way, it's normal and before we know it, she will be here and things are going to change all over again."

"I know…it's just…it's really annoying." She shifts on his lap, trying to get more comfortable. "My back hurts and my legs hurt and my feet hurt and I get tired and I'm hungry and hot all the time and always have to pee, and I fall easier and I can't fit in my normal clothes and I can't do all the stuff I used to do and everyone looks at me different. I just want her to hurry up."

Finn finally ran his hand up and down her back and the other moved to tilt her head up. His eyes fell into hers as he licked over his lips. "You're still Santana Lopez to me, my super sexy and beautiful girlfriend. That's how I look at you and see you every single day." He whispered out before kissing her softly.

Santana kissed him back, her body relaxing against his. Her hand cups the back of his neck, and she sighs into the kiss. When she finally draws back, she mumbles, "How do you do that?"

Finn smiles as she pulls away and runs his hand against the inside of her thigh. "Do what?" He asked with his dimples showing and his eyes trying to look innocent.

"Make me…I don't know. Settle," she murmurs. Her muscles twitch in response to his hand against her thigh, and she covers it with her own, pressing it slightly harder against her.

Finn raised his eyebrows as his fingers brushed under hers and against her thigh. "I hope I'm more than just settling." He whispered out before leaning in to kiss her neck hotly.

Santana groaned softly, her thigh pressing unconsciously into his hand. She closed her eyes, tilting her head back to allow him access to her neck.

"I meant…settle down…calm down…"

"I just..know you, more than you even know." He told her softly with his nose brushing against the underside of her jaw.

Santana gasped, squirming in Finn's lap, and grasped for his thigh to further brace herself. She can barely manage to ask, "Know what…?"

"I know you better than you even realize." He whispered out as he moved his hand up higher and and kissed his way to her lips,

Santana smiles widely, her nails digging into his leg as she gasps out, "What do you know though…tell me…"

The feel of her nails caused a small whimper to escape from his nose. "Well for starters, I know all the places to touch you and kiss you to drive you wild." He whispered out as his hand brushed against her core.

"Be more specific," Santana murmurs, trapping his hand between her legs. She presses herself into it, already excited even fully clothed.

"I know when you need touches here." He started with his fingers brushing against her folds over her pants before bringing his other hand up to her heart. "And when you need touches here." Finn whispered out before kissing her with a smirk. "And sometimes, when you need both touches at the same time."

Santana is completely relaxed back into him, and she reaches to cover the hand over her heart, squeezing his fingers hard. She is still wet, but calming down a little. "More…say more…"

Finn breathed out a chuckle and kissed up and down the side of her neck. "I can't give away all my secrets, but I can keep touching." He whispered out teasingly before rubbing his thick fingers against her a bit harder. "But I mean, if you really to hear some more things I know about you, I guess I could tell you a couple more things."

Santana shivers, pressing even closer into him, and takes one hand, rubbing his hand harder against her. She nuzzles her head into his cheek, mumbling, "Yeah…tell me…"

"I know you worry about things more than you let anyone realize or catch on to. But I do and see it….and I'll always be there to make you feel better about anything you doubt." He whispered out into her ear lowly, his hand still working against her.

Santana knows this is true, and is surprised Finn knows too. She starts to protest, but then just stays quiet, her next words intended for his hand as much as for his words. "More…more…"

His fingers start to really push against her center as he grips onto her pants with the other to slowly bring them down off her hips. "I know you're going to be an amazing mom no matter what worst case scenarios you think up and I know in the back of your heart and head, you know that too because you love her so much already. "

Santana pushes herself against his hand, her breathing heavy. She is enjoying hearing his words, knowing what he thinks of her, and she takes the hand between her legs and guides it, pushing it harder, faster against her.

Finn smirks against her neck as he kisses up and down it hotly, swirling his tongue over her sweet skin. His hand slips into her pants to rub against her wetness and tease against her clit. "I also know you really like when I touch you."

She definitely does. She's already aroused enough at this point that it doesn't take much more than his direct contact against her skin for Santana to be close to coming. She tilts her head back, giving Finn access as soft panting noises escape her throat.

Finn kisses up and down the base of her neck and against her throat, feeling the vibrations against his lips as he slowly slips two fingers inside of her. His thumb brushes against her clit at the same time, wanting to bring her as much pleasure as possible right now.

Santana is definitely breathing fast now, her chest rising and falling. At the touch of his thumb, she sucks her breath in, feeling the intensity of her pleasure spike, and it only takes another minute before she releases. Leaning back into him, one arm wrapped around his neck to keep herself from falling, she continues to almost pant, swallowing hard.

"I guess you're not mad at me…"


	29. Chapter 29

It had been a lovely Christmas. Santana had loved every gift Finn had given her, especially her bling "Mom" necklace and her shoes, and although she had snickered and rolled her eyes at the little baby onesie and tutu designed like a football pattern, she had oohed and ahhed over the little baby outfits reading "Mommy's little princess" and "daddy's little girl" in glitter and sequins. Her baby was going to have style, no pastels and bunnies for their daughter, and she could hardly wait to see her in it.

Finn had seemed to like his gifts too; she had taken time to choose several jokey "dad" shirts as well as some more meaningful gifts. And when they had called first his parents, than hers, she had glowed with happiness to see them and hear that they had genuinely liked the gifts she had sent. Sure, she had gotten a little weepy after- damn pregnancy hormones- but she knew that with the baby due in early February, she would be no doubt seeing her mother and probably her father too soon. Until then, she would be okay to skype her mother and talk to her every day if she wanted to.

The day had been pretty long, but not busy, seeing as they had decided to have Christmas day alone together, just the two of them- their first. Halfway through the day, regardless of the laidback nature of it, Santana had found herself feeling tired and achy, with cramps low in her abdomen, almost like a period. She had shrugged it off as Alexandra readjusting inside her, or maybe something she ate, carrying about her business as though she didn't feel it. When her lower back started to ache, this too she ignored; she had had plenty of aches, pains, and cramps since her pregnancy had begun, after all. Early evening she had decided to lie down early for bed, still not feeling very well, and she had curled up in an electric blanket, waiting for Finn to join her. She had been unable to sleep, however, despite her tiredness; the cramping didn't seem to be fading, even with rest and heat, but rather to be getting steadily more intense. Bothered, she had called for Finn to come hold her, hoping that with his arms around her, his lips brushing her hair or forehead occasionally, she would be able to relax enough to drift off.

But she couldn't. She was starting to feel something weird in her stomach, something she had never felt before…a strange tightening, like a fist was squeezing it hard. She had tried to ignore this, even as she became anxious, worrying that something was wrong, or maybe she was sick. She didn't feel nauseous though, and it didn't feel like indigestion or heartburn or anything else. It was painful in a way she had never encountered before, though not yet very intense, and she gripped Finn tightly, beginning to be too frightened by the possibility to speak it out loud. But when she felt liquid begin to dampen her underwear and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't due to anything like arousal or even her own urine, Santana's fears really began to take shape.

"Finn," she gasped, horrified. "Finn…I think I'm going into labor…"

She tried to remember what she was supposed to do. Lie on her side? What side? Should she draw her knees up to her chest, or should she stretch her legs all the way out to make her stomach longer? Should she eat or drink something to make it stop, or should she not be doing anything at all? And the most concerning question of all…what did this mean? What had she done wrong?

She was only 32 weeks along, just over seven months. She wasn't ready for labor yet…but more importantly, Alexandra wasn't. Her baby girl was not big enough or strong enough, not yet, and what if she wasn't going to be able to make it through? What if after all this time, all this effort and anticipation, she would never really have her at all?

When her abdomen tightened again, and she continued to feel fluid leaking between her legs, Santana felt her throat choke, and tears began to seep out of her eyes. She clutched Finn tightly, her voice hoarse, almost begging as she repeated herself.

"I think I'm in labor…Finn, it's too early! Make it stop, make her stop!"

Finn was startled by Santana's grip but more so, the tone of her voice. He knew she hadn't been feeling well and he was hoping that it was just pregnancy pains and cramps like she has had before. It was hard to massage her stomach with how she was holding it, so he stuck to her lower back and sides, trying to help and calm her down. Could this be a scare? They talked about these in all the books, but right now he couldn't really remember what it said to do. All he wanted to do is get his girls to the hospital to get everything checked out.

"San…we're going to have to get you to the hospital. They can make it stop and I need to make sure you're both okay," He whispered to her softly, not wanting to scare her anymore or even talk about labor.

She was only 32 weeks, so they had to be able to do something to help Santana and Alexandra with all this pain and delay things, right? Crap…he has no idea,they didn't prepare for her to go early or anything. Their doctor never mentioned the chance nor their moms. This is something they have to deal with and figure out all on their own.

"It's okay, it'll all be okay, I promise. We'll…we'll go to the hospital and make sure it's okay and see what's going on. It might just be…I don't know, something that's normal for pregnant ladies. But we gotta go to make sure you don't go into real labor."

He couldn't help but ramble and fumble on his words a bit as he was scared to death, but had to hide it from Santana. His thumbs moved to brush away some of her tears and he kissed her forehead softly.

"I'm going to make sure it's all going to be okay," Finn promised with a sniffle, choking back his own emotions as he moved to pack some things in a bag for both of them and helped her up out of bed. "I'll call your doctor in the car, we just need to get you there and figure this all out, babe."

Santana gripped Finn tightly as her stomach squeezed again- and then she realized with some shock that these must be contractions. She had been having these for some time now and trying to ignore them…didn't that mean the baby was coming? How long had she been letting it go on?! What if that meant the baby was going to be here too fast, before they could stop it? What if it would be her fault if Alexandra was too early, too little?

"I should have said something earlier," she said with a sob, clinching her teeth as another contraction struck. "I should have said something, what if it's too late?"

"No, no, babe. You had no idea, I had no idea. We couldn't know something was happening…and we don't know exactly what yet," Finn spoke lowly, his hand brushing through her hair before shaking his head. "Don't think that way, I promised everything will be okay and I mean it." He whispered a bit shakily, trying not to think about if it wasn't.

His arms wrapped around her body, practically carrying her to his truck. He kept brushing his lips to her cheek, reminding her to breath deep as he got her in carefully and placed the bag down in the back. They hadn't packed a hospital bag yet, but he grabbed a lot of things of Santana's just in case they had to stay the night.

"Squeeze my hand, do whatever you need, San. I promise we will be there in a few minutes at the most." Finn slipped his hand into hers as he started out into the street, trying to keep at a safe, fast speed.

Santana tries to listen to what he says, but inwardly she is completely freaking out. The pain isn't horrible right now, but she is physically uncomfortable for sure, and emotionally, she is a wreck. It doesn't matter what he's telling her; she is sure that if she had said something the second she noticed this, it could have already been stopped and Alexandra would be safe. She tries to keep taking deep breaths but she is having a hard time because she is still crying, and her sniffles and occasional sobs get in the way of this. She grips Finn's hand tightly, her other hand on her stomach, and she starts talking to Alexandra aloud.

"Stop…go back to sleep. It's not time, you have to stop it. Settle back down and go to sleep, please…"

Finn swallows hard as he hears her talking to their daughter. He hopes and prays she listens. Maybe she's moving around and got herself in the wrong position that feels like labor? It's hard to figure out what this could be when the last thing he wants is their daughter to be born before she's ready.

His fingers laced between hers as he waited to turn into the Hospital and got his phone out to call her doctor. He knows it's too soon to call and worry their moms because they'd be out here as quickly as they could no matter what, but maybe Santana needs that Maybe he does too?

"After the nurses tell us what's going on, I can call your mom and my mom, okay? Unless you want me to as soon as we get back there?" The boy asked shakily as he found a spot in the ER parking lot and raced around to get the bag and her, thankful someone was coming out with a wheelchair to help.

Santana shakes her head after a hesitation. It's true that she does want her mother right now, now that he's mentioned it, desperately. But even as frantic as she feels, she doesn't want her to worry if they can manage to stop her labor. When she sees the nurse approaching with a wheelchair, it doesn't even cross her mind to protest that she can walk. She lets Finn help her into it, reaching again for his hand and squeezing hard as another contraction hits.

"Finn…" she says again, the tone panicked, even as the nurse wheels her through the ER doors. "Finn, Finn!"

She doesn't know why she's saying his name exactly, except it's the only word that comes to mind.

His hand moves to take hers, realizing how scared she is by the tone in her voice. If he could talk right now, it would probably sound the exact same. He kept up with the wheelchair to make sure he was by her side every step of the way and never let go of her. It was evident how scared he is with how white his face was right now, but the nurse was trying to calm them both down with her soft voice as she got out the gown for Santana to change into and started some monitors.

"It'll be okay," Finn whispered as he moved to help her as best as he could with her clothes, holding onto her as she got changed.

He finally called her doctor once she was settled back against the pillows and the nurse moved a bit faster around her, another coming in to help. The doctor on call said he'd alert hers and hopefully they'll get whatever is going on figured out right away.

"They're just going to do some test first, babe, " He assured her, taking her hand once he put down his phone and leaned in to be as close as he could to keep her somewhat calm. This was so scary and he needed to do whatever he could to help her til they could figure out whats going on.

Santana is trying to calm down, realizing that being so upset and scared can't be good for the baby and probably not for keeping herself from advancing labor either. She gulps and tries to breathe, nails digging into Finn's hand. Her eyes are open wide, not wanting to miss anything the doctors or nurses might do now, and she asks them every question that occurs to her, wanting to know everything possible in the moment. After several minutes of trying to calm down she starts to cross herself, then her stomach a bit awkwardly. Although her religious views are loose at best, she was raised Catholic and she's covering all bases.

"Do you still pray to grilled Cheesus…?"

At the moment it's a serious question. She really will take any chances she can find.

Her question caught him completely off guard and he couldn't help but raise his eyebrows some and blink his eyes a few times over. Maybe he should start praying right now, their baby and her might need some god to watch over them.

"I don't…or well, I haven't. But I'll say some prayers if I need to, or heck I'll say them so that I don't need to," Finn whispered as he kissed her wrist and looked at the vital signs and charts starting to print out. It was hard to get a read on what the nurses reactions were because they were moving so quick and calling in other people.

"I'll do whatever it takes." He barely made out past his lips as he moved to hold her.

The nurse is instructing Santana to lie on her left side, helping her to do so. She gives her several glasses of water to drink, explaining that dehydration can bring on labor faster, and then she checks her cervix. Although Santana cannot tell the results by her expression, she explains to her, "I'm going to hook you up with an IV, Ms. Lopez, containing magnesium sulfate. This may help stop the birth, it seems from the state of your cervix that your baby is impatient to come out of you. This may make you nauseous, especially with the water you just drank, so you need to be sure to continue drinking water we give you. The nausea will fade quickly as we continue to give you the magnesium sulfate. We are also giving you corticosteroid in a second IV to attempt to accelerate the baby's lung and brain maturity, because from what it appears, she's going to be born within 24 hours. We will try to delay that as long as possible and give her as much of this medication as we can to help her grow, because I'm judging that based on the size of your abdomen and your weight she is somewhere between 3.5 and 4 pounds."

Santana bit her lip at this statement, nodding and trying again to keep from crying. Less than four pounds…that was tiny. What weighed four pounds? Even the smallest weights were usually five…

It didn't take long for the magnesium sulfate to take effect and she started to vomit into the tray they provided for her, shaking, gasping. It was difficult for her to make herself keep drinking, given her nausea, but for Alexandra she made herself try.

It was hard to know exactly what the nurse was saying, but he understood what an IV is and held Santana's hand tight as they put the needle into her arm. He knew that it was going to help both of his girls, but it still wasn't easy to watch, especially since he knew it would soon make her sick. Finn hoped if he rubbed her back and sides, it would help with the nausea, but that didn't seem to be the case at all. No matter what either of them did, it still made her sick so he held her hair and tried not to think about how tiny their daughter is going to be. They really think she's going to be born like, today or tomorrow?

He tried his best not to freak out and continued to help Santana by holding her hair and helping her with drinking the water. From what the nurse was saying, they really think Alexandra is coming and they can't do anything to stop it, just make it better.

"Your doing so good, babe," Finn whispered out to her, trying to give her some encouragement as his voice was shaky and scared, but he tried to be as strong as she is. "Our baby is a Lopez and a Hudson, she's so strong, so tough." He continued as he rubbed her lower back and looked at the nurse, trying to get her to explain more about what's going on.

"I'm gonna call our mom's, okay?" The boy let out in a raspy tone as he got out his phone, knowing Santana really needed hers, Especially if their daughter is officially on her way, no matter how soon it is, they need their family here.

Santana tries to hold it together, for Alexandra, for Finn, but she is terrified. Even as she tries to focus on breathing, on doing what the nurse is telling her, she is struggling, constantly teary, and she can feel the contractions becoming more frequent. The IVs in her arms pinch with her contractions and she is already starting to sweat a little around her temples. She reaches for Finn's hand again, not wanting him to let go of her for a moment when he goes to call her moms, and makes a motion for him to hand her the phone once she can tell he's on the phone with her mother.

Once the phone is in her hand and she hears her mother's voice, anxiously asking her if she is all right, how she is doing, Santana can't even try to hold back her tears any longer. She bursts out crying, clutching the phone to her face almost in a cradle.

"Mami…Mami, I'm not ready. I'm not ready…she's not ready, I'm not ready! I'm scared…Mami, please, I'm scared…"

"Shhh…shhh, my ninita, shh, my baby, it is okay. It is going to be okay, you and the bebe, you are okay. Calmarse, nina, calmarse. Shhh."

She spoke to her softly for a few minutes, assuring her that she was coming, that Santana and Alexandra would both be all right, that the doctors knew what they were doing and how to help. She spoke to her until Santana's sobbing had calmed to quieter occasional sniffs, and then she asked to speak to Finn.

"I love you, carina, so much. I will be here soon."

When Santana finally gave the phone up to Finn, Maribel's words to him are brief.

"Do the best you can to keep her calm, that is so very important now. Stroke her hair, try to make her laugh…tell her stories. No..sing to her, Finn. Ever since she was a little girl, she is with the music…sing to her. I will be here soon."

Mrs. Lopez's voice calms him slightly and he knows he really wants to call his, but he also knew that Santana needed her mom way more than anything else right now. He quickly handed the phone out crying and held her close, listening with his eyes closed and starting to say those prayers he promised that he would.

It was hard to find his voice when the phone was being handed over, but he did his best as he tried to soothe Santana at the same time. Maribel definitely had the best idea and he thanked her for it, letting her know she could call or text him at any time and he'll keep his phone right here to update her and get in touch once she gets here.

He had to call his mom first before anything else, so he kissed Santana's cheek as he did so and ran his hand against her side as he told her Mrs. Lopez will fill her in more and to just get here and he'll text her soon. His main priority was Santana and Alexandra and he knew he had to do just what Maribel said.

After tucking his phone into his pocket, he climbed more into the bed and wrapped his arms around Santana, holding her into his chest as he kissed the top of her head softly.

"I got sunshine…on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I got the month of May," Finn began with a sniffle, singing the first song he ever had to Alexandra and her during her pregnancy. He knew they needed a distraction and he hoped this song was enough to think about how strong their daughter really is and no matter what, their girl will be okay and make things better.

Santana leans back into Finn, resting her head against his shoulder. She grips his hands hard as she tries to focus on his voice, the words of his song. As the nurse continues to monitor her vital signs, giving her water occasionally, she continues to ask her questions anxiously, wanting to know how long it's going to be, how long they can hold it off. On one hand she doesn't want to be in this anxiety and pain for so long; on the other hand she wants to hold off having Alexandra as long as possible.

When the nurse informs her they're going to try to stretch it out for as long as they can, maybe even 24 hours, to give time for the cortisteroids in the IV to affect Alexandra as much as they can, Santana almost whimpers, but nods. She squeezes Finn's hands hard and prays her mother will arrive soon.

Finn doesn't understand how they can prolong it for 24 hours and can't for like, 24 days but he tries not to ask too many questions. The last thing he wants is to get Santana all worked up and her body language and tone already lets him know how scared and upset she is already. He hopes his singing can help her some, at least to get some rest before she has to deliver Alexandra.

His lips brush to her cheek as he interlaces their fingers. "Your mom and mine are going to be on the first flight here, it'll only be a few hours at most," He whispered to her lowly, still laying in the bed with her. "I still promise you everything will be okay. I'm going to make sure of it,San."

It seems to Santana an eternity before her mother arrives. It is just under three hours, but during this time her contractions seem to be getting more frequent and more painful, lasting longer as well. She is squeezing Finn's arms hard, whimpering, begging him to make it stop over and over when her mother comes into the room, Carol on her heels.

Maribel has only eyes for her daughter, ignoring the doctor leaning over her IV as she comes to her side, reaching out to embrace her. Santana reaches up with a near panicky grasping, once more sobbing loudly as she calls out to her.

"Mami…Mami…"

She sounds like a young child, and her mother responds to her like she is one. Holding her the best she can manage for a few moments, so she is sandwiched between her and Finn, she rocks her, stroking back her sweaty hair, kissing her face.

"Shh, shh, I am here, mija, I am here. I am here and I will not leave, Finn will not leave, Carol will not leave. We are here."


	30. Chapter 30

It had taken nearly 36 hours of labor before her daughter was born.

The doctors had tried to delay her from giving birth for as long as possible, wanting to give the baby as much time as they could to grow, develop, and strengthen before she forced her way into the world. They had continued to give Santana several medications to try to slow her and help develop her rapidly, explaining to her with each one given what the side effects would be and what it was supposed to help the baby do. So far they had given her medication to try to prevent cerebral palsy- a possibility that had never occurred to Santana before and sent her into a five minute crying jag to imagine- to try to increase her muscle mass, and to try to accelerate her brain and lung maturity. They had managed to buy the 24 hours that they had hoped for plus another several, and Santana was beyond exhausted. She had vomited once again with one of the medications and was constantly thirsty and feeling shaky, constantly in pain. She couldn't seem to remember to breathe on her own without bordering on hyperventilating, that much more because of her anxiety for Alexandra and her fear.

If it wasn't for Finn and her mother, she couldn't have done it. Carol was there and helpful too, of course, getting for Santana whatever anyone asked her to, calling her encouragement to her, but she seemed to understand that she was best serving her by staying back and simply remaining a supportive presence. It was her mother and Finn who were in the thick of it, holding her and rubbing her back, sides and arms, stroking back her sweaty hair, tying it out of her face and wiping down her face, neck, and arms with cold washcloths. It was they who kissed her and let her almost crush the bones of their hands, and it was they who took turns as needed, to temporarily relieve the other, rocking her and singing to her, telling her over and over how strong she was, how strong Alexandra would be, that this horrible day would end and her beautiful daughter would be born.

By the last few hours Santana was hoarse from screaming and crying, and she had cycled through raging at Finn, to sobbing brokenly that she couldn't do this, she couldn't go through with it, to an exhausted, weakened determination to pull through. And finally the hours had come with her final pushes, and her stubborn, overly eager daughter had finally made her entrance into the world.

Although Santana was exhausted, trembling all over as she felt her daughter slip out of her and into the world, she tried to sit up, voice cracking badly as she stretched out her hands, wanting to see her, wanting to hold her. For a few moments she was terrified when she did not hear her daughter cry. Did this mean that she couldn't? Was she that bad off, that she couldn't even cry?

When she heard Alexandra's first cry, weak, more like a kitten's meow than an infant's indignant wail, Santana had started to cry herself. She had sank back against her pillows and wept partly in exhaustion, partly in relief, and partly in joy. Her baby could cry, even if it didn't sound like most baby's…she could make herself heard.

She was not allowed to hold her baby at first. Alexandra was scored a 6 out of 10 on the infant APGAR ranking, with some of her scores lowered for coloring, pulse, and weakened flexion of her muscles in response to stimulus. But she was breathing on her own, her lungs were developed enough to cry, if not strongly, and she was alive. She was alive, and that meant that there was at least a chance she would grow up healthy and strong.

Later, when Santana had the ability to comprehend it, she listened to the doctors explain to her that Alexandra, with her lack of hair or significant body fat, was unable to stay warm on her own and would require some time in the NICU unit in an incubator until she could gain weight and strength. She would understand that Alexandra needed some assistance in feeding until her mouth suction ability had improved and she had gained some weight. At exactly four pounds and half an ounce, she was on the upper end weight-wise of infants born at her level of prematurity, and this was encouraging. The doctors expected that with their care of her, there would be a very low chance of lasting physical or emotional problems, and this too was good to hear.

But on those first few hours as they took her baby away from her, barely giving her much time to look at her and lightly touch her skin, Santana only knew that she was terrified. She knew with just those first looks how much she loved her, how she would give anything, even her own life to insure that Alexandra would be healthy, and when they took her away, leaving her with only Finn, her mother, and Carol to try to soothe her into a fitful sleep, she felt like her heart was breaking.

It was the sound of her daughter's name, repeated to herself over and over, that finally gave her some sort of peace to let go. Alexandra Marisol Christina Hudson…her daughter, her beautiful little girl. It was a name of strength, as Finn had said before, a name that was their daughter's alone, but also derived from all those who came before her, all those who would love her and care for her all her life. It was a name befitting of her, and it was thinking of her daughter's name and its origins that finally put Santana to rest.

88

It was the first time that Santana had gotten to hold her daughter since her birth, the following day after. She had rested as much as she could manage, with her mother leaving her to sleep with Carol in their apartment, Finn staying with her overnight. Still, even with Finn squished into the hospital bed with her, holding her, she had been anxious and restless, wanting to get up and move about and most of all, see and hold her daughter for the first time.

She was exhausted, though, and even after she awakened, she felt as though she could barely move. She had taken quite some time to fully come awake and had picked at the food and drinks that had been provided for her, despite the nurse's urging her to replenish herself. She couldn't eat when she was so worried over her daughter. She had barely smiled when her mother came to see her, bringing her flowers and a bear for Alexandra. Her focus had remained her baby, only.

It terrified her to think that Alexandra might not know she was her mother, that she might be cold or lonely or scared in the NICU with no one there who loved her. She was afraid that her daughter would forget her or think she didn't want her. Finn's suggestion to record her heartbeat and put it near her incubator eased her mind a little, and his statement that they would remain in the NICU as long as they could, every day, and interact with their baby as much as possible did too. But what really helped was his arrangement for her to hold Alexandra for the first time.

At first Santana was afraid she wouldn't know how to do it, or that she would somehow hurt her daughter. But when she was wheeled into the NICU room and helped onto the recliner, carefully handed her swaddled daughter, and Alexandra was laid on her chest for the first time, another blanket placed over them both, she had felt almost like she couldn't breathe with the feelings of love and amazement pressing against her heart. With tears in her eyes, Santana stared down at the faint weight on her chest, realizing that this was the weight of another person, the weight of a person she had brought into the world. A person who would grow into a little girl and then a woman, a person she would always be connected to for the rest of her life. A person she loved more than she ever could have imagined possible.

She held her daughter gently, one hand lightly cradling her swaddled head, even as tears burned in her eyes. Looking up at Finn, she breathed, "She's ours…"

Finn knew it was going to be beyond hard to get through these next couple of weeks that they're not able to bring their daughter home. He was so excited to become a dad, to have their little family and it kills him to know that even though she's in this world, she has to stay in the NICU because she's not strong enough and too little to do everything on her own like most babies. But he also knows he has to be strong for both of his girls and do whatever it takes to help Alexandra build up her immune system, muscles and weight. He googled everything he could about premature babies, what helps, how to bond and what they can do as parents to help her. It's hard when the doctors and nurses are the ones in charge of her, but they're going to have to learn to trust in them and follow instructions.

Thankfully the one nurse was letting Santana come down to spend some quality time with their daughter and he almost cried again once he saw their little girl in her arms.

"Our perfect little girl," He whispered,his hand reaching over to to rub against her tiny back slightly before leaning in to kiss Santana's forehead.

Looking down into their daughters eyes, he watched her little breaths move pass her lips and her eyelashes flutter a bit.

"Look, see she knows it's you. She knows it's her mom with the way she's moving her eyes," he whispered into Santana's ear softly as he watched their daughter curl into her.

Santana leaned her head against Finn where he was bent over them, wanting him part of this moment too. She cradled Alexandra gently, marveling how light her weight was against her chest, almost like nothing at all. She kissed the top of Alexandra's head, barely more than brushing her lips for fear she would hurt her or cause her to stir.

"You should rub her back," she whispered to Finn. "Just with your fingers. Touch her, let her know you're here."

Alexandra is quiet for now, seeming intent and content to be held. Finn moved his hand where Santana told him to and started to gently rub his fingers up and down Alexandra's back. He leaned in to kiss her little cheek, just letting his lips graze so that he didn't startle her. She mainly slept and they said that's normal, babies need sleep to grow and fully develop.

"Hi baby girl, it's me, your dad," he finally whispered out, taking in a deep breath through his nose as he kept moving his fingers against her softly. "You're the prettiest little girl ever and so many people love you already, " Finn continued talking to her, hoping she recognized his voice.

Alexandra is still sleeping, but her eyelashes blink a little, without opening her eyes. Her mouth opens and closes, as though she is rooting, and Santana smiles, wishing she could actually breast feed her. She just barely touches the baby's nose, never taking her eyes off her.

"I can't believe this. I mean she's a person."

His eyes never leave Alexandra's little face and can't help but continue to take in every thing about her. She looks just like Santana and even her little yawns and facial movements look identical to when Santana does the same.

"She's our daughter, our baby," He whispers with the side of his finger gently moving against her little cheek.

Santana covers her hand with his, adjusting the blanket to make sure she will be warm. She hums softly under her breath, her head tilted down to Alexandra's ear.

"Baby ballerina, always hiding in the…" she stops, not remembering the words, and skips ahead. "Grow tall sugarcane, eat that soil and drink that rain…" Looking up at Finn, she says softly, "I didn't know I could feel this much about anything. This is…it's so much."

Finn listens to her sing with a smile, he doesn't know the song but it seems like Alexandra really likes it from the way her lips move. Their daughter looked so tiny even against Santana, he can only imagine what she'll look like when he gets to hold her again in his arms.

"I know, it's like, she's been here for a day and already has your whole heart. I keep thinking about when she'll smile for the first time and her first words. It's crazy how this little girl is already our entire world."

"She doesn't even have any hair or anything…she still looks like my ET," Santana mumbles. She very lightly tapped Alexandra's fingers. "Look…those are like, dots."

Finn kisses her temple and smiles. "She'll always be your ET," he tells her, meaning the nickname, before looking down at her hands. "Look at her tiny little hand compared to mine."

He puts his hand next to Alexandra's, her hand barely even the size of half his pinkie. Santana grinned, reaching to tap her palm.

"God…you could literally hold her in one hand."

She strokes her palm again, and Alexandra's hand flexes, just barely. Then her eyes slit open, and she scrunches up her face, starting to make mewling noises that are not quite cries, but close. Santana looks at Finn quickly, uncertain.

"What do I do?"

Finn watched their daughter move a bit and start to make a few noises. He can't explain how hard it is to see your little girl cry, even if it's for just the simplest things.

"Maybe we should change her diaper and then see if she needs to be fed. Maybe she just wants to be changed before you two can cuddle more?" he suggested, kissing Alexandra's head before moving to get Santana the diapers and a new little pair of pajamas their moms bought. The pajamas were preemie size and fuzzy, a pale lavender in color, with feet.

Santana is afraid to let go of her grip on Alexandra and looks up at Finn. "Here…can you take her?"

Finn was a little nervous, but he nodded as he leaned down to pick her up. She weighed less than a football in his hands and looked so tiny against him.

"Let's change her together," he said. Slowly he begins walking towards one of the changing tables to do so, going very slowly and carefully so he could keep her protected and safe. Santana gets up with some difficulty and goes to stand behind him, hovering, nervous.

"Um okay…so…which way does it go?" She picks the diaper up and examines it. 'It looks so big on her."

The nurse showed them last night that they're going to have to roll it a little at the top, so he shows her after he uses the wipes carefully so that she didn't get a rash.

"The nurse said to flip the tops down, roll it a little at the top so it's snug around her. You were still out of it from giving birth, but I'm pretty sure this is the way she said to do it.." he said as he pulled the sides over to strap it together then leaned down and kissed Alexandra's little cheek. "You're doing so good, baby girl."

Alexandra is definitely crying now as they take down her blanket and clothes to undress her. Even with her hat on her head she is probably cold, and she bawls in her tiny mewing cry and moves her legs and arms in small jerky movements, uncontrolled. Santana doesn't do a lot of helping, more hovering back behind Finn watching and frowning anxiously.

"Finn…I hate this. She's crying. Make her stop!"

Finn flinched a little as their daughter started to cry. He knew this must be weird for her, so he tried to go a little quicker with getting her changed.

"I know it sucks, but this is really her first time getting really changed. I'm going as fast as I can but want to make sure it's on right so we don't have to do it again," He tells her softly as he leans in to rub his nose against Alexandra's. "Daddy's hurrying, I promise and then you can cuddle with your mommy."

Thankfully, the pajamas had a zipper so he didn't have to worry about buttons and he slipped on the matching hat before kissing her again.

"Much better, right angel baby," Finn said before looking over his shoulder at Santana. "You want me to carry her back or do you wanna do it?"

"You do it," Santana tells him, still somewhat upset from having watched her cry. "I don't want to drop her." She walks back, glancing frequently to make sure the baby isn't crying, and situates herself back on the chair. "I HATE that."

Finn nods and carefully picks up their daughter, holding her against his chest and watching her little face as he takes one step at a time. She seemed to calm down right away once she's dressed and being held, and it made him feel really good that he was able to do that with his touch and warming her up.

"But think on the bright side, she's like all other babies who hate getting changed and her lungs are getting stronger with that cry of hers," He said with a little shrug as he places the baby back down into her arms and gets one of her little blankets. "And you get to make it all better now for her."

"Oh…that's true," Santana realized.

She gets Alexandra settled again, rubbing her fingertips lightly over her back. The baby lies against her, her head on her chest, and she smiles, her eyes soft. Getting another blanket, Finn sets it around Santana's legs and gets her some pillows to put along her sides to make it more comfortable for her and safe as well.

"I'm going to turn this one light down to dim so you can both get some sleep. I'll watch to make sure nothing happens," He promised before leaning in to kiss her forehead than Alexandra's.

"Sleep? But… I can't sleep," she protests, not sure exactly why- she just feels like around Alexandra, she shouldn't. "I'm with her!"

"Alright, if you don't want to sleep, I understand. I just thought you were tired and you said you wanted to, but you don't have to," The boy said with a smile as he sat back down and watched over them both.

Santana is tired. Sooooo tired…but she doesn't want to sleep. She lies back with Alexandra, her hand on her back, and tries to fight her eyes getting heavy. Finn moves his hand to run against Santana's hair and the other moves again Alexandra's back softly, hoping both of his girls can get some rest. Santana's eyes slide towards shut again even as she struggles to keep them open. She tries to tell him to stop, but although her lips move, no sound emerges.

Finn smiles slightly, watching as Santana was starting to get some much needed rest with their daughter in her arms. It really was the cutest sight and he hopes they can stay like this for a while. It doesn't take much longer for Santana to drift off. She dozes, Alexandra securely in her arms, lulled to sleep as well by her father's stroking hand and her mother's heartbeat against hers.


	31. Chapter 31

It had been several days since Alexandra's birth, and Santana had spent every second that she could manage to in the NICU with her and with Finn. She didn't want to leave for even a few minutes, let alone for the hours that she sometimes had to. Sure, the staff there was good about letting her stay with her daughter, letting her hold her and tend to her the best that she could given Alexandra's condition, and it was true too that for a premature baby, Alexandra was very healthy. She was strong, despite her tiny size, and the nurses and doctors had all assured Santana that she was developing well and responding well to their care of her. They had assured her too that there would likely be no permanent harm or effects on her due to being premature, that she would simply likely continue to be small for a time and somewhat delayed with reaching milestones.

Santana heard all of this, and she guessed she believed it mentally, but a part of her could not fully accept this. How did they really know this was true not just in general for babies, but for her very own baby? How did they know that she was going to be okay when the hospital wasn't there anymore to back her up caring for her? How was she going to be able to take her home and care for her, just her and Finn?

She wanted this more than anything, and yet, although she wouldn't share it with Finn or anyone else, she was also afraid of that inevitable thought. She already loved Alexandra with all her heart; she couldn't imagine not wanting her and wanting to be with her. But having the safety nets pulled out from her was scary. What if she did something to mess her up?

It wasn't likely to happen. Finn was good with their daughter, and both their mothers were eager to help. There would always be someone with Alexandra and watching her at all times. Still, irrational as the fear might be, it was there, and for now Santana was fairly content to let Alexandra remain at the hospital. Still, even so she worried. What if her baby forgot her, those brief times that she went home to sleep and shower and eat? What if her baby was lonely or scared and cried for her and those stupid nurses didn't even know that she wanted her mother? What if something horrible happened to her and she wasn't there with her?

Sometimes her anxiety for Alexandra when she had to be apart from her was so bad that she got teary, and she needed Finn or her mother to hold her and reassure her until she could sleep. Her mother had explained to her one evening, while rocking her like Santana herself was practically a baby, that just because she had given birth didn't mean that the hormones flooding her body had gone, and in fact, now that she was full of milk for Alexandra and oxytocin from having birthed her, she might for a time feel even more emotional and overwhelmed than before. Sometimes it felt to her like the world was amazing and her life was almost perfect; her baby was beautiful and amazing and she loved her more than anything, and she felt closer to and more in need of Finn than she ever had before. But sometimes it seemed to her that nothing would ever be right and it was all her own fault. Whatever everyone else said, she had done something to make Alexandra early; she had damaged and harmed her daughter, or at least that was how she felt.

But most of the time, she could be with Alexandra, and Finn and their mothers were too. She could hold her and feed her and stroke her tiny limbs, kiss her little face and head and sing to her. She could tell her over and over how much she loved her, how much she wanted her to come home, and she made sure this happened.

Alexandra was making progress; she was eating a little more, had gained a couple of ounces, and she didn't need help breathing at night anymore. She still was too easily cold, her skin thin and fragile, and she did need help feeding, but she was starting to grow a little. She responded to touch and to her parents' and grandmothers' voices, and she was definitely making her needs known with her crying. Santana thought that her voice was getting a little louder and stronger too; she definitely let her know it if she was too long in changing her or if she didn't like a certain noise or touch. She knew mentally that Alexandra was getting better, that she was okay; she thought she could feel for herself how much her daughter loved and wanted her, when she held her. Still, sometimes it was hard to see her with tubes in her nose and IVs in her tiny arms, to watch her scrunch up and cry when she had to be changed.

She loved her daughter so much, and it seemed impossible to her that anyone else wouldn't love her too.

88

The stress of Alexandra being born premature and needing to stay in the NICU was getting to everyone. It was hard not to take their daughter home and have to leave her every night in the care of nurses. They were great with her and she definitely was improving, but Finn just wished they had more options with staying at the Hospital or taking her home with help.

Their moms have been great and helping with everything, but you could feel in the air the worry about when Alexandra could come home and how everyone had different feelings and fears over it all. Santana's emotions were all over the place, rightfully so and Finn tried to be strong for everyone, but had his occasional emotional breakdowns. It's hard to see your little girl with so many tubes and wires, hear her cry and not always be able to cuddle and hold her.

Thankfully, Kurt and Quinn were coming to bring some normalcy. Everyone wants to show their baby off when it's first born and now, they can finally do that with a few others besides their moms. Alexandra was strong enough to be out of her incubator a little longer than at first and he knew Santana loved that and how she got to hold her all the time in her designated chair.

It was a full week before Santana would approve for Kurt and Quinn to come see Alexandra in NICU. She made them wash their hands within her view several times, and she still was apprehensive about letting them approach Alexandra, even though she was the one holding her. Still, as she sat in the recliner, holding Alexandra so they could view her face, she couldn't help but smile, proud of Alexandra to present to them.

"Look at her. Isn't she amazing? Isn't she completely gorgeous? She's the best damn baby in the world and I made her." Giving Quinn a little smirk, she added, "No offense but she totally beats out yours."

Quinn smirked back at her, rolling her eyes, but her face was soft, and her tone had no bite as she responded, "Screw you, Santana….oh, wait, Finn already did that. I think we can all live with that horror though if it results in beautiful little things like this one." She leaned forward to kiss Santana's temple in greeting before squatting to eye level with Alexandra, her smile becoming a broad grin.

"Oh wow…you aren't kidding. Good job on this one, San…"

Finn walked back in from getting a few waters just in time to see Quinn and Kurt arriving. He greeted them both with hugs and smiled as their little girl twitched her tiny arms to make her presence more known. Totally Santana like.

Kurt started to explain all the gifts he had gotten his niece and Finn thanked him as he handed around the bottles of water and opened one up for Santana to have some. He made sure to wash his hands again before kissing the top of his daughter's head.

"She's pretty amazing already, huh?" He spoke up to Kurt and Quinn with a proud grin and his hand moved to rub against Santana's back. "Both of my girls are."

Santana barely takes time to smile up at Finn after he rubs her back before her eyes move back down to Alexandra. The baby is awake for a change, her eyes round, and she seems to be looking at her visitors with utter absorption as they stand near her, looking down at her. Protective, Santana reminds them again to wash their hands even as she informs them, "You can't hold her. Not this time. You're too germy."

Quinn rolls her eyes at her but doesn't contest this, keeping a slight distance as she remains knelt in front of the recliner, her eyes warm, her smile gently aimed at Alexandra. Kurt too doesn't push, his eyes almost as round as the baby's as he coos at her.

"Oh, she is just the most precious thing. She's so tiny! Look at those little hands!"

"And she's a genius baby, she already knows music," Santana informed her; she is convinced of this. "She cries when Finn sings shit songs and she's quiet when I sing the good ones."

Finn can't help but chuckle at Kurt's facial reaction to being referred to as 'germy'. He could tell he wants to say something with how he opens his mouth, but quickly shuts it and abides to Santana's rules.

"Once we get our little angel baby home, we'll have a little party so you guys and everyone else gets the chance to hold her," he explained, wanting to give Alexandra the most amazing and perfect welcoming home party. As Santana had been raised Catholic, they planned to have a christening for her soon after she was okayed to come home for good.

"Her little hand is the size of half my pinkie," Finn said, showing them both with his dimples popping in. His eyes darted at Santana with a quirked eyebrow before he leaned down to kiss Alexandra's tiny forehead. "I don't sing bad songs, I just try a few out to see what her preferences are."

"You should start having her listen to classical and show tunes right away, babies' brains are really stimulated by that at her age. She would really benefit and might even develop perfect pitch," Kurt said with enthusiasm even as Santana rolled her eyes good naturedly at him.

"Kurt, I ain't about to have a sparkly showbaby like you want, born with glitter emanating out her pores. Let's just get her home first."

"Oh, I bet you're already counting down the days for that," Quinn says to Santana, smiling towards her. Since she has been banned from touching Alexandra, she reaches out to lay a hand on Santana's arm close to the baby instead. "Or are you too much of a mom now to know how to party?"

"I can party! Just, everyone has to be quiet so she won't scream," Santana informs her, not seeming to realize until Quinn and Kurt both smirk, then laugh, how this sounds. "What? Parties can be quiet…maybe."

Rolling her eyes at Finn, she orders, "Show them. She totally cries at KISS and Journey but she loves Lady Gaga and Katy Perry."

Finn laughs as Santana brings up everyone being quiet at a party. Yeah, like that would ever happen. Thankfully their daughter is getting used to the hustle and bustle around her in the NICU and probably won't be phased when they have a party at their house.

"She is pretty good at sleeping and just hanging out like me, so I have a feeling she'll just sleep the whole party and not even pay attention to anyone," He joked before his eyes narrowed at Santana.

"That's because that's all you listened to when you were pregnant. I have to slowly introduce her to some older songs," he said shaking his head before kissing Alexandra's little hand and letting her hold onto his finger. "One day you won't be able to deny Journey songs, right baby girl?"

"Oh yeah right, she'll want to be the center of attention. She'll smile at people when they look at her and scream if they turn away," Santana smiles too, gently rubbing the back of her hand over Alexandra's cheek. "She's gonna know how to act at a party…and she can scream, can't you, baby?"

As though to defy her mother's words, Alexandra yawned, closing her eyes and curling up with jerky motions against Santana's chest. Santana smiled, her hand splaying over her back. Finn couldn't help but chuckle as Alexandra brushed off what Santana was saying and moved right into her to go back to sleep. They said it was key for her development and she grows when she's sleeping, so not to worry when most of her time was spent resting. She'd be doing the same in Santana's stomach which she technically was supposed to still be for another couple of weeks.

"Her back is the size of my hand. It's crazy," Santana whispered, rubbing her fingertips over her back.

"She looks like you," Kurt tells her softly, smiling, before changing it to a smirk. "But she carries it better."

Everyone laughs at Kurt's comment, but Finn can't help but just keep looking at his little girl in awe. She was so perfect and it amazed him every single day to see her little movements and breaths. But Santana scowls at him, kicking at him with a foot but missing since she doesn't want to jar Alexandra.

"You know your ass is gonna be kicked for that when a baby isn't in my way."

"Her eyes are so tiny but they still are as big and perfect as Santana's," He shared even though they were closed, you could see her little eyelashes moving as she got comfortable.

"How can her eyes be big AND tiny?" Kurt asked, but Quinn gave him a little shove, rolling her eyes at him.

"Shush, you." Looking back at Finn, she smiled at him warmly, reaching out to squeeze his arm. "Good job. We all knew she would be, but she's gorgeous."

Looking down at Santana, she smoothed a hand lightly over her shoulder. "I'm sure Finn's breathing down your neck about it too, but are you sleeping and eating right? Babies can sense if their mothers are stressed out and sick, you know, and it slows down their growth and makes them unhappy. Make sure you're taking care of yourself."

"I'm fine," Santana rolled her eyes, exhaling, but secretly she enjoyed the fact that her friend was checking in with her. Relaxing while holding Alexandra, she listened to her friends talking in soft voices, and the noise gradually lulled her to sleep. When she awakes about twenty minutes later from her doze, it is to hands patting her shoulder, to lips on her forehead, and when she opens her eyes, blinking groggily, Kurt and Quinn smile at her.

"We'll see you all soon. Go back to sleep if you need."

She does sleep for a few more minutes, until a nurse comes and tells her it's time for Alexandra's feeding. She assists with this, letting Finn take her when she needed to use the bathroom or eat, and by the time visiting hours are up, she is still sleepy, and upset because Alexandra had cried when they left.

"She's too little to stay there alone," she mumbled to Finn, leaning into him as they walked out to their car to head home. "She wanted me to stay."

Finn thanked both Quinn and Kurt for coming, way too in awe with his daughter to pay that close of attention to what they're saying. He is concerned about how Santana's feeling emotionally and how much sleep she isn't getting, so he was happy to see she could get some rest with Alexandra.

Once the nurse comes in, Finn feels his heart drop and knows that it wouldn't be long til they have to go. He cherishes every moment Alexandra is in his arms, as he feeds her and changes her for bed before helping Santana out of her chair.

No goodbye is ever easy, they all kill him and leave a hole in his heart to have go home without their baby. Her little cries are still heard as they walked out of the nursery and he was already counting the hours til they could be here tomorrow.

His arms wrap around Santana as they walk slowly out of the hospital. He could only nod his head at first as he got choked up and whispers out "I know." A few seconds later, he finally finds his voice and holds her a bit tighter. "Soon though, babe. Soon, she'll be home with us and in our arms at night."

When she is upset, especially over leaving Alexandra, Santana gets especially clingy with Finn, and she finds herself pressing into him, not wanting to detach from him even to get into the car. She takes his hand again as soon as he is seated in the driver's seat and holds it tightly, her throat still choked up as he drives. She leans her head against his shoulder, trying not to think anymore about Alexandra's scrunched little face or her jerky waving fist as she made her demands for her parents to return to her known. She had thought that she could at least get her to be sleeping so she wouldn't know they had left, but as soon as she lay her back in the incubator, even with the heartbeat recording and the incubator's warmth, Alexandra had known the difference between her mother's body and the mere simulation of it. She had woke back up wailing as soon as she registered the difference, and it had killed Santana to walk out the door, leaving her for the nurse to soothe.

It is amazing to Santana that her daughter seems to want her above all others. Even though she was young and didn't feel like she knew what she was doing, even though she felt completely inadequate to do the job of caring for her like she needed and deserved, Alexandra didn't seem to know this or care. She only knew that Santana was her mother, that Santana loved her with everything she had, and she wanted to be with her.

At least Santana hoped she knew that. Finn said she did, and her own mother; her mother had assured her over and over that Santana herself, as an infant, had also noisily voiced her preferences and demands, and had made it clear from the start how much she preferred her mother's attention solely focused on her. On difficult days since Alexandra's birth, Maribel had held Santana's head to her shoulder, tenderly cradling it with one hand, cupping in between her shoulder blades with her other, and described to her how she had held her in exactly the same position as a baby, how she had always known that Santana knew the difference of whom was her mother by the way she would go still and nestle in against her once Maribel held her the way she preferred. And even as she spoke to her as an adult now, Santana had felt herself relaxing against her exactly as Maribel had described, a sense of calm and comfort coming over her. Maybe it was really true that mothers always were the place to go to feel safe, regardless of how old you were. She hoped that would always be true of Alexandra and her.

As they pulled into their apartment complex, Santana pays no attention to the cars in the parking lot or to anything around her. It's not until they reach their door and she sees two women already sitting in front of it, arms wrapped around their knees, apparently waiting for them to arrive, that it dawns on her that something is all wrong. Something times two, because one thing she wasn't at all prepared to deal with now was the fact that Finn's ex girlfriend and her own were sitting outside their apartment, obviously waiting for them.

Santana's grip tightens on Finn's hand as she looks between them, taking in Brittany's blank expression and Rachel's determined one, Rachel's jutted jaw and Brittany's short skirt, riding up her thigh even in January. She looked at them both and could only come up with one sentence of greeting.

"What the FUCK are you doing here?!"


	32. Chapter 32

Finn was exhausted. Most nights he barely gets any sleep with worrying about both of his girls, having to work and run the business and also want to get to the hospital as quickly as he can. It's all weighing really heavily on his shoulders and his mom is starting to get concerned, but he has to be the man and strong for his family. They need him to work, to be there to support them both, he needs to help Santana through all of this because he knows its so hard on her not to bring their daughter home and have to leave her in the NICU every night.

Maybe he should talk more about it all to Santana, be more open and express how much it's killing him too, but he doesn't want her to see him as too weak or like he can't be her rock right now because he knows she needs one. From the way she holds onto him at night to how she needs reassurance about Alexandra, Santana is still super emotional and he can't add more to it. So for now, he is just going to keep armor on and stay strong. Soon their daughter will be home and everything will be the way it should and is supposed to.

His eyes feel like bowling balls as he helps Santana inside with his hand in hers. He just wants to eat and go to sleep so that tomorrow can come and they can be back with their angel baby, but it seems like life and their pasts want to throw them a curve ball. Both their exes, sitting out on their door step like they are welcome. Like they have every right to be present.

It's sort of the last thing he can handle right now and the way his eyes dart and his shoulders move show that. After everything they're going through, everything he's feeling and having to worry about their daughter every night, they have to deal with this. Just great.

His hand tightens in Santana's as he shakes his head at the two women in front of them. When will they ever learn, especially Brittany, that they're not welcomed here. He can't handle her trying to steal Santana back when she is feeling so emotionally all over the place and her hormones are still crazy from the pregnancy.

"You're not welcomed here. Neither of you," he added, looking at them both with angry eyes and his heartbeat starting to race.

It was hard to keep himself from boiling up as he tries to calm himself down with a few deep breaths. Why would they bother them at a time when they're dealing with their daughter being premature and still needing nurses care 24/7?

"If you two are ganging up to try and pull something just stop. Stop now. We have bigger and more important things going on in our lives right now with our daughter."

"We're not in a gang," Brittany deadpanned, blinking up at Finn. Santana didn't fail to notice that she had not yet stood up, allowing further view of her long, muscular legs. In fact, she shifted just enough so her skirt rode further up her thigh. "I don't approve of violence or bullying of any kind, remember? But Lord Tubbington is. I'm very concerned about him, and I do think that if Santana would talk to him with me, show her support, then she could be the person to keep him from derailing his entire life into a whirlwind of sex and crime and drugs."

Santana just blinked at Brittany, entirely too exhausted to even try to make sense of a sentence that she once would have smiled at indulgently, not requiring it to. Her eyes are hot and scratchy, her chest feels compressed in her chest, and her legs feel heavy and slightly shaky, as though they may not hold up all of her weight. She leans more heavily into Finn, as though by burying herself further under his arm, she can keep from having to deal with this situation, putting himself in between her and the other girls. This would not have been her primary response under ordinary circumstances, but it's late and she's physically and emotionally worn out.

And then Rachel was off and running, her own words requiring mental gymnastics to keep up with as well.

"Finn, we are certainly not ganging up on you in any sense of that phrase, and I do not like the implication that Brittany and I would try in any way to bully or harm you or Santana. I do find it highly ironic that you would imply such a thing, considering Santana's own past as a rather verbally and sometimes physically aggressive bully, and even you, yourself, were not always so kind to those you considered beneath you, before sophomore year-"

"Rachel…stop it. Just get out of our way, let us into our own damn house, and STOP talking," Santana said wearily, but Rachel barely seemed to hear her. Standing down, her head swiveling back and forth between Santana and Finn, she continued undaunted.

"We merely have been communicating via text and Facebook messages as well as a few short phone calls, and we have both determined that as we have seen the pictures of your child on Facebook, we merely wanted to tell you in person, as we were not sure how we would be received should we message or call, that we would like to speak with you both. There are several topics to cover-"

"There are NO topics to cover because there is nothing to say!" Santana burst out with, feeling a stronger flare of anger kindle itself in her chest then at Rachel's nerve. She pulled slightly apart from Finn, her spine straightening out, a spark coming into her eyes as she faced the other girl squarely. "You said all that ever needed to be said when you told Finn he wasn't a man and broke it off with him, and when you kicked me out of your damn apartment not once, but twice, because I had the gall to actually be a good friend and TELL you that your man was a fucking gigolo, literally, and then because I got pregnant! You're the girl that kicks pregnant people out of your house for sleeping with the guy YOU didn't even want, and YOU-" she pointed at Brittany then, her finger shaking- "you're the girl that MARRIES people without telling me, then comes slinking back to me the second you figure out I might be happy with someone else! Where in there do you figure that you have the right to sit out on our doorstep, whether we want you there or not, waiting for us to come back from the HOSPITAL, from our BABY, to FORCE us to listen to you?! No, we don't have time for this shit!"

"Santana, stop being mean," Brittany said softly then, her lip sticking out in a slight pout, and she slowly got to her feet, reaching out to her. Santana jerked back, and Brittany stood her ground, tilting her head towards her sadly.

"I was very, very sorry to hear about your little baby being a tiny fairy too special for our human world. She is gorgeous but clearly in need of some sparkling pixie dust to perk her up and make her grow to human size. I tried to order some on ebay for her but a sniper stole it from me. I guess that's okay though because men with guns need pixie dust too."

"Yes, we were very, very saddened to hear the unfortunate news of your baby's early entrance into the world and her subsequent deficiencies in development," Rachel nodded earnestly. "Although she is quite lovely, and her name is sufficiently dramatic enough for me to put my own star-stamped approval upon, I did of course wish for less dramatic circumstances of birth. You know, Santana, I did some research, and premature labor can be caused by a mother smoking or drinking in the early stages of pregnancy. Was this something you participated in, because that would have certainly had a lesser chance of this occurring had you not done so."

Santana's mouth opened, then closed, as she stared at her, stricken by her words. Her mind combed back desperately as she tried to remember…HAD she drank or smoked while pregnant, before she knew that she was? Was that possibly the reason that Alexandra was struggling now? Had it really been her fault? Staring at Rachel, she gripped Finn's arm tightly, nails digging into his skin as a lump rose to her throat and she struggled to keep back sudden tears.

Seeming oblivious to Santana's sudden emotion, or maybe simply wanting to appear as such, Rachel turned to Finn, focusing all of her attention now on him. "I can see that you are still rather angry with me, Finn, but I wanted to let you know that due to the circumstances of your child's birth I believe you have been received enough punishment for your actions, and I am fully prepared to forgive you both."

Looking at Santana, he saw her eyes on Brittany and immediately sighed to himself. Moments like this makes him wonder if she's just settling with him or sometime wishes she was with Brittany instead. It really sucks to catch Santana's eyes on her exes legs and that sort of just add's fuel to his fire. "What part of you're not welcome here do you not understand, Brittany?" He spat out wondering how dumb this girl could really be. Last time she was here, she was trying to take Santana away and to try and do so with Alexandra in the hospital and the two of them practically living there as well, is the lowest of the low.

"Are you seriously that damn selfish to be worried about your cat and Santana talking to him right now when our daughter is still hooked up to wires and tubes in the NICU?" He asked, clenching his free fist and struggling to hold back his emotions now. It was a long day, they all are and this was the last way he'd ever want to end it.

He was actually considering calling the cops at this point when Rachel started to go on and on. They were on private property and definitely unwanted right now, that has to go against a few laws, right?

As Rachel started to ramble, all he could do was roll his eyes. He didn't mean gang up on them in a physical sense, they were both after something. They were teaming up to come here to attack him and Santana in another kind of way. Once she started to bring up the past and tried to put Santana down, he snapped and pointed at her.

"Don't. Don't you dare. You are the most selfish person in the world and you being here right now proves it. I don't want to receive any messages from either of you so get the hint and deal with it."

With his hand rubbing up and down Santana's back softly, he let her snap on Rachel and stood tall by her side. When she yelled at Brittany, his shoulders fell a bit. She said might be happy, nothing about loving Finn and he thought maybe this was the moment he'd get to have with her telling the blonde off even more, express how much Finn means to her and something about their relationship, even for Rachel to get the hint, but she didn't.

This was all way too much to handle. Brittany was reaching out for Santana and Rachel was still talking and he honestly felt like he was about to have a break down. With everything that they have had to deal with, go through and feel emotionally, this was seriously the worst possible thing to add onto it all. It made him doubt himself internally, he wants that moment where Santana can declare her love for Finn like the girl she used to be in high school, fight more for what is hers and go Lima Heights on people over her man. Even with how mean she was supposedly being towards Brittany, she still wasn't telling her how it is and that killed him.

His eyes closed for a few seconds as he just blocked everything out. The world was spinning around him and he just pictured his daughters little face to keep him from going completely crazy and kicking over something or someone. Nothing that Rachel or Brittany said mattered and he darted his eyes at them harshly before looking back at Rachel once she asked about Santana drinking or smoking.

"I swear Rachel, if you don't shut up right now, I will find a way to do it for you. Santana is an amazing mom and was the same while pregnant, she took care of her, she did everything right so if you so much as even think that again, you will regret it."

Venom was practically rushing through his veins as he held Santana closer. Even if he was feeling down about things with her now, there was no way he wasn't going to defend her. That's what you do when you love people.

"Punishment? You think my daughter being born early is a punishment?" A bitter laugh escaped his nose as he shook his head at her over and over. "The only thing I'm sorry for is ever once being with such a terrible person. You are the worst human being I have ever met, you're selfish and this is why you never have friends or any one that wants to stay with you. I am not sorry, I am happy with my life, I love my daughter, Santana and know our future is going to be amazing I'm sorry that I wasted time with someone who just made me worst. You being here right now when our daughter is in the NICU shows how disgusting you are and Alexandra will never know either of you two. You don't deserve to meet her or ever get to see how perfect she is," He rambled off as he pointed at them both. "Now leave before I call the cops and they make sure you never come back themselves."

"Well, yes," Brittany said in reply to Finn's rhetorical question, blinking at him. "A life of drugs and crime and sex is no joke, Finn, it's very serious and Lord Tubbington is much too special to let himself be corrupted in such a manner. If it was only sex I could understand and support his addiction, but I would hate to see him end up in jail. Or worse, in the mafia. They recruit felines, you know. And he trusts Santana. Sometimes he listens to her better than me, and as his owner I must take every chance I can to keep him healthy and safe."

Her eyes steady on Santana's, she says, "Santana, please, you love Lord Tubbington almost as much as I do. Please don't let him lose himself in a life of squalor and hedonistic thrills."

Santana has never loved the cat, as a matter of fact; she has barely tolerated him for Brittany's sake, and sometimes she had had to resist a strong urge to give him a good kick when Brittany's back was turned, when he would give her one of his standard creepy stares or lick his chops while eyeing her legs. But she can't even begin to focus on even Brittany now, let alone the cat who isn't even there with them. She is trying to soak up what Finn is saying in defense of her to Rachel, the feel of his arm tightly around her, his supportive, comforting hand rubbing her back, trying to force back the tears standing urgently behind her eyes.

She is still wracking her brain to think if there's any possibility that she had smoked or drank while pregnant. She had been working in the strip club, around people who were smoking and drinking. Could that have impacted Alexandra? She had been working at a diner on her feet as well. And then there had been the Santana Claus incident. Finn was wrong, she hadn't done everything right, everything perfectly, so what if Rachel was right?

She has zoned out in her distress so she barely notices the words Brittany is now trying to say, the looks on Rachel's face as she continues to ramble on. But she does hear Finn's voice, raised with barely controlled fury in defense of her. Finn's voice, telling Rachel that he loves Alexandra, that he loves their life, that he loves her. Finn's voice, telling her about their future together and how amazing it will be. Finn's voice, telling her to go, all the while keeping his arm tight around her, and it is Finn's voice that draws her back into the present, straightening up her spine and helping her push back her tears.

Santana's head comes up then, and she looks Rachel straight in the eyes as she addresses her, a new strength to her voice. "The only reason I'm not gonna go all Lima Heights on your right now is my baby girl needs her mami to come see her in a few hours and that ain't gonna happen if I gotta go to jail. I want you out of my sight, off my doorway, and out of my life. And I mean now."

She hadn't addressed Brittany yet, and the other girl seemed to take this as a positive sign. Looking at Santana without blinking, she said to her, "Sanny…I want you to know that I'm going to love your fairy baby, even if she never does become a human, and I love you. I love you most of all."

Once, this would have melted Santana. Once, this would have been the important words she heard, the only ones that mattered. But all she could think of then was Finn's arm still supporting her, Finn's words in defense of her. Finn, with her almost every moment of her labor, Finn waking up with her in the middle of the night, holding back her hair every time she vomited during pregnancy and buying her whatever she wanted or needed, soothing her when she was sick or upset or afraid. Finn, his eyes glowing as he held their daughter, Finn reassuring her every time she became discouraged or dispirited. It was Finn who had been there through it all, Finn who was by her side even now, and as she looked Brittany straight in the eyes, her words were intent, meaningful, and sincere.

"I love Finn."

She watched Brittany flinch, her eyes fill with a mixture of resentment and grief, and she felt nothing. Staring back at her, she said in measured tones, "If you loved me, even as a friend, you would never do this to me. I want you to leave, Brittany. I want you to leave, and I don't want to see you. I don't want you to see my daughter. This is my life now, and you can't accept it, so I won't have you trying to mess it up. Trying to mess me up. I love Finn, and I want you to leave."

She didn't wait for them to go. She pushed past them, dragging Finn after her, and unlocked the door, simply going inside. Once Finn had entered after her, she locked the door behind her, then, letting out a slow breath, turned to him. Without another word she came forward and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. With her words muffled into him, she whispered the words she had told Brittany now to him alone.

"I love you."


	33. Chapter 33

It's been just over three weeks, and the day has finally come. After such a prolonged period of waiting and worrying, an endless flow of shed tears and voiced fears, and the unspoken terror that maybe, just maybe it would never happen at all, the time Finn and Santana had been anxiously awaiting had finally occurred. Alexandra had been cleared to come home for good, and they finally, finally would be able to settle together as a real family at last.

She had been making slow but steady progress from day one, spending longer and longer periods of time without needing assistance breathing as her lungs matured, and she had gained nearly two full pounds, putting her at five pounds 15 ounces. She was still tiny, of course, but she was becoming more alert, staying awake for longer stretches of time, and Santana was positive, whatever anyone else might say, that she recognized both her and Finn, and anyone could tell that she preferred them to anyone else. Alexandra had never been shy about making her needs and preferences heard, and she was able like any other baby to make herself understood with her crying.

So far Santana had learned that her daughter liked noise around her to fall asleep to rather than silence, which had prompted Finn to buy a white noise machine for her to fall asleep to. They were going to keep her bassinet in their bedroom by their own bed until she was older- and until she was big enough and strong enough that Santana wouldn't feel too anxious to let her out of her immediate sight range. Santana had also learned that Alexandra too loved singing, and rocking with a specific rhythm- too fast would make her overstimulated and afraid, and too slow would make her bored and fretful. She preferred Santana's jazz and pop songs to Finn's rock and roll and country, and she preferred a close cuddle with chest to chest contact rather than being cradled in the crook of arms, held on her back. She was often hungry but turned her face away from the bottle or breast when she was tired, and she stared intently at anything that was bright in color or glittery. She hated to have her diaper change or be exposed even briefly to bright lights or to cold, and she screamed every time she was changed and was difficult to soothe for a few minutes even after she had been redressed and warmly rewrapped, as though she needed to continue to voice her indignation for some time. She always settled down when her back was rubbed, and she could sleep motionlessly for hours for as long as someone was willing to hold her. And if she wasn't ready for someone to put her down, she would howl until another person came to replace them or to stroke her back until she slept once more.

These were all things that Santana had learned about her daughter over the past three weeks, and yet there was so much more she didn't know, so much that remained a mystery that she sometimes felt nearly paralyzed with the realization of how little she was certain of. Within her tiny little girl was a whole person with a whole life ahead of her, a person who could do or be absolutely anyone, and the responsibility of helping to care for her until she could become that person was immense.

It was not something she would ever have to do on her own, of course. Her mother had visited Alexandra in the hospital nearly every day and they had often stayed with Santana's parents or with Finn's overnight afterward rather than make the long drive back to their own home. Both Carol and Maribel would be coming after the first weekend to visit and stay with them, helping them out with Alexandra. Santana had assured by the team at NICU that she could call with questions and they had made sure she had had all her own questions of caring for Alexandra answered before her discharge from the hospital, and she knew that Quinn, Kurt, and their other friends were only a phone call away. They were going to be supported and have more help than they would probably ever need.

Even so, it didn't keep Santana from worrying. Parenting Alexandra in a hospital, where a trained professional could step in at any moment and take over for her, if something were to go wrong, had somehow seemed a little safer than being on her own, with her own baby in her own home. There was so much she could do wrong, so much that she could forget or overdo.

And yet as she held her bundled, dozing daughter against her chest, checking to make sure her little pink hat was snuggly settled over her head, Santana could not stop from grinning, could not make her stomach's nervous, excited fluttering settle down. She leaned her chin against Finn's shoulder from behind as he finished signing the paperwork to check Alexandra out of the hospital, smiling down again at her daughter's full printed name on the forms. Alexandra Marisol Christina Hudson. A strong name for a strong little girl, named for all the strong people of her blood.

As Finn turned to smile at her, wrapping his arm around her and giving her a little squeeze, Santana leaned further into him, letting her eyes shut briefly as her hand rubbed up and down Alexandra's narrow back, her fingertips barely ghosting over its surface. Finn kissed her forehead, then the top of his daughter's hat as he spoke to her gently.

"You ready, Tana?"

Was she ready? Ready for everything about to come her way, everything that the few steps that would carry her out the door would entail? Was she ready to be a woman in charge of not just her life, but that of another, a woman with a purpose and a plan rather than a girl with an iffy dream? Was she ready to seek out her future, whatever that meant now, to go forward with intensity into the life she was meant to have? Was she ready for being a serious girlfriend of not just a man, but a man she loved, a man who had held her up and supported her, encouraged her and loved her through some of the most difficult times of her life, a man who had given her some of her times of greatest joy as well as her deepest pains? Was she ready to commit full on to a new life, a new way of living, with all the pleasure and pain it would bring?

Was she ready to be a parent…to be the mother of Alexandra Marisol Christina Hudson, whatever it was that this would mean?

There was so much she didn't know, so much she would never know or be sure of, at least any time soon. Was she ready? Santana could not have said. But she knew that she wanted to be, and she knew that she would put everything she had into trying.

She smiled back at Finn, nuzzling her cheek against the side of his arm, as she took a step away from the front desk, towards the hospital lobby doors. "Let's go, Finn. Let's go home."

And as they walked out together, Finn's arm protectively around her shoulders, her daughter cradled against her chest, Santana became aware of Alexandra stirring against her, her little head turning briefly to the side. Looking down at her, she saw that the baby's eyes were open wide, that she was staring with intensity as her parents walked forward, as though taking in absolutely everything there was to see around her. As though she too knew the implications of this moment, and she wanted to take it all in, to make it a permanent part of herself.

Santana's smile broadened, and she dropped a kiss on her daughter's head, a strong feeling of love for her swelling up in her chest nearly to the point of pain. She knew that in just a few minutes, they would have to buckle Alexandra into a carseat for the first time and begin the long drive back home to New York City. She knew Alexandra would doubtless scream and cry, that she would spend the majority of the drive leaning into the backseat, trying to rub her little limbs, make sure the visor to block her from the sun was over her carseat, and sing to her to soothe her agitation at this new stimulus. She knew that by the time Alexandra got home, she would probably be so worked up that she would have to rock her and sing to her for hours just to get her to settle, that she was going to be waking up most of the night to feed her and change her and check on her and calm her own nerves that everything was going to be all right. She knew that in the morning she would be exhausted and crabby, that she would snap at Finn and maybe they would fight, maybe there would be tears from herself as well as the baby, and maybe she would feel utter despair at whether she would be able to do this, day after day after day.

But for right now, she felt only joy, joy and a sense of pride and satisfaction she had once not thought herself capable of. And as she settled into the driver's seat, reaching for the hand of the man she knew now without a doubt that she loved, Santana felt satisfied that somehow, they would do this. Together.

end


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